Josh Duggar

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I have been the biggest hypocrite ever.


—Josh Duh-ggar, revealing no new information

Giving his little sister a finger job for a TLC publicity photo.

Josh Duggar, (a.k.a Child Buggar) is a pedo-billy and the oldest son from the sensationalist doc-flop, 19 Kids and Counting, which focuses on the life of the redneck Duggar family, charming people who think there isn't something quite right with condoms and gay people tolerant in comparison. It's basically Westboro Baptist church-goers wrapped up in Little House on the Prairie sweetness. A lollercoaster summit was reached recently when it was discovered that the redneck oldest sibling with 9 sisters (who were all homeschooled) was a kiddy-fiddler and molesting his 7- and 8-year-old sisters, all of which was reported in the aptly titled publication, 'In Touch Weekly'. Not only that, he was outed in the Ashley Madison hacked and forced to confess all the things Satan made him do.

The Duggar Family

The Duggars before they really got down to business

The Duggars started out as a man and woman that loved each other very much. They used birth control in the beginning of their marriage, until they decided to have kids. Josh popped out in 1988 and Michelle went back on the birth control but God intervened and she got pregnant again. Like a fucking idiot she still took her birth control pills and had a miscarriage spontaneous abortion. She then blamed the miscarriage on the birth control pills (duh you idiot). Thus she and Jim Bob (really that's his fucking name) dun decided to no longer use birth control but to screw like crazy (missionary position only with the lights off) and let God decide how many children they should have.

Using the Bible in lieu of the Kama Sutra (it being too dirty for their god loving sensibilities), as their religion requires that they have to have one child every time they have sex. They are expected to have Allowing for 9 months per pregnancy, they will be finishing up sometime in the year 12,000,000 (note: these numbers are based on the King James Bible; the Vulgate of St. Jerome will have them finishing up later as it is a much racier book).

They love children enough to have had 19 of them so far, and they hope to be blessed with over 9000 Duglits.

Michelle's uterus now looks like a shriveled pear. The 19th baby was born three months premature in 2009 and weighed only 1 lb, just like Jesus wanted. Despite criticism to stop having children for fuck's sake, they said they still would have more if God wanted it. But no more children have popped out so it seems as though Michelle has gone through the change, which is a fucking miracle considering nothing else has changed with this woman since 1988. Or else Jim Bob can't get it up no more.

It's how Jesus would do his hair

The parents were homeschooled by Christian wingnuts like the children, and as such only know one letter of the alphabet. Due to this all the children’s names begin with “J”, including the nauseating "Jinger." The exception to this is their second baby, who was born eight months premature after Satan fisted Michelle and ripped it out. They named that one Caleb for some reason and Michelle probably secretly keeps it in a jar somewhere and sings it Bible songs.

The Duggars are "Independent Baptists" and they have all kinds of healthy modesty rules that will surely not screw their children up sexually. The girls must wear long skirts or dresses at all times, and must wear long hair. They are not allowed to wear clothes purchased in the Satan Section, that includes shorts and tank tops. Boys and girls are only allowed to "side hug" because they it seems they might start fucking each other if they give a real hug. They are only allowed to watch certain shows and movies and you just know they have every single piece of shit thing Kirk Cameron has ever been in.

The teenagers are not allowed to date but instead go through bullshit "chaperoned courtship" where they are allowed to speak to each other in the presence of a chaperone. The Duggars apparently do not believe in going to college either, especially for the girls who need to be married off a week after they turn 18 and pregnant by the next weekend. A couple is also not allowed to kiss until their wedding day, which has resulted in vomit-inducing scenes of Jim Bob and Michelle demonstrating how to kiss for their children.

It is unclear what exactly the father does for a living but some argue that he pimps out his children and wife instead of working 16 hours a day like the Calvinist he claims to be.

Eventually they made so much money off the show that they were able to build a big giant weird house. It was built after Josh's sinful interest in vagina was uncovered, so naturally, all the girls sleep in one big room at one end of the house and all the boys sleep in another room at the other end of the house. Yes, room, singular. Why do they have such an arrangement, you ask?

Early interest in "family research"

We must protect traditional marriage!

Back in 2002 while Josh was 13 going on 14, he got a whiff of something intriguing and decided to do some research into what it was. He went into his sisters' room late at night while they were sleeping to molest get data on their female breasts and vaginas, and also did breast research outside the home. The specimens he researched were 11-year-old Jill, 10-year-old Jessa, 9-year-old Jinger and 4-year-old Joy.

Eventually one of them, most likely Jessa (the only attractive Duggar) told her parents that Josh was diddling her sinful area at night while he thought she was asleep. Josh's equally dimwitted father Jim Bob dun goofed when he later said that "Josh was disciplined at home" but didn't specify what for, or when, which potentially could mean some more lullz are yet to come, unlike the children. They also prayed for Josh, which is a really effective way to deal with sexual predators.

As could be expected, Josh could not keep Satanic temptations of the flesh out of his horny little brain and in 2003, when he was 14 going on 15, he was up to his old research. This time he did some non-family research when his sister's had a sleepover. His sisters snitched on him again and Jim Bob, being a homeschooled idiot who could not buy a clue, figured the best place to get help was at church. Most likely they prayed long and loudly for Josh to be cured of his evil ways. Josh was sent away to Arkansas to some non-credential "rehab" run by a hick, where Josh did construction as therapy because Jesus was a carpenter. Nobody did any kind of therapy for his traumatized sisters because their only job is to make babies anyway.

The reason these historic revelations are now only coming to light is that the police upon uncovering the dox relating to the goings-on under the Buggar-roof, had to spend the best part of a decade trying to work out which of the other 18 children Josh had been Saveloy-Savile-ing - as he had quite a few available within his sister-harem.


TLC removed the documentary from circulation to prevent the world five rednecks from the Bible Belt who watch re-runs of it from also finding out that TLC are Jews who make white trash famous, instead of doing what most normal people do and reporting them to child services in the first place - because obviously they want to keep getting trailer folk on TV, y'all!

Family Research Council

Josh Duggar moved to Washington, D.C. to work for the "Family Research Council," whose mission is to do no research but try to convince everyone of to adopt their beliefs. despite the allegations made about him to the Oprah show - thus cancelling an appearance, which takes the meaning behind 'Family Research' to a whole different level of cluster fuck.

Upon the allegations going public and being seen by an audience wider than the pedo-belt in Arkansas, the FRC decided to cover their asses too, and fired him.

Of course, Oprah is equally to blame for not referring the family to Chris Hanson.

Ashley Madison Expose

The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country, in my heart I had allowed Satan to build a fortress that no one knew about.


—Josh Duggar, on Satan & Sons Construction, Inc.

Fucking children wasn't enough for poor Josh, neither was knocking up his dumb bitch wife, so he went sought pussy elsewhere. But when they got haxxored, everyone was free to see that even if you give your husband 20 children, he will go out looking for other pussy, because yours is as wide open as a fucking cornfield.

Josh Duggar Ashley Madison Exposed.png

See Also

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