3GI Industries

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Doing it for the lulz money.
A more suitable logo for 3GI.

3GI Industries, more appropriately titled "Five Guys, A Girl, And A Video Game," is a crew of young misfits from Milwaukee, Wisconsin that are famous for their real life Super Smash Tournament video series.

Contents

Poseurs

3GI began its career when the crew were all just teenagers who wanted so badly to be like the guys in Jackass. They impulsively began filming themselves doing a myriad of ridiculous stunts and public trolling while wearing costumes and using props, firecrackers, and other explosive devices.

Some of this idiocracy included dressing up as JFK while going through fast food drive-thrus and pretending to get shot after their food was handed to them, dressing up as an astronaut and walking slowly on the beach like they were on the moon, dressing up like a devil and hanging out around a church, and mixing firecrackers with bicycles and skateboards.

This compilation would ultimately be edited, compiled, and packaged as the Welcome To American DVD.

Teenagers + explosives = PROFIT


With the satisfaction they found in this video and the many other skits and stunts before it, they put all of their tiny, adolescent brains together and came up with an idea that would shoot them straight into the hideous, tore-back vagina that was internet fame.

Real Life Super Smash Bros. Tournament

Them cosplay skillz.

The gang realized they had one main thing in common: they all liked video games, and they were all willing to humiliate and hurt themselves for attention and recognition. So they banded together and created the real life Super Smash Tournament.

This was not an original idea as it had been done a few times already, but they were willing to take it to the extreme by making realistic costumes, replicas of items from the game, and of course using firecrackers and explosives to make it more lifelike. The plan worked, as they are currently the most famous Smash Tournament series ever, and anyone else doing it is ripping them off, even if their video was in fact posted before 3GI's was.

The best way to describe the series in a nutshell is a bunch of guys in their late teens and early 20's with ADHD and too much energy hitting each other with baseball bats and electric mosquito rackets, wrestling around with each other in the woods, and shooting each other with potato launchers and other things that go boom. Oh, and there's a girl off to the side somewhere too.

What started it all
Once is never enough
Third time's the charm?

Previous Video  |  Next Video


With their relatives and everyone they went to school with wanting to get in on the action, there are too many featured guests to give a shit about, so instead we'll only detail the major players of the game.

The Rat Pack

Fearless kangaroo leader.

Grant Duffrin

Grant diagnosed himself with Peter Pan Syndrome, and rightfully so. This anorexic manchild is responsible for bringing together the motley crew that makes up 3GI Industries. When he isn't rocking his biker cop mustache, he has an uncanny resemblance to some type of marsupial.

As the brains of the operation, Grant calls the shots, but also gets stuck doing all the work: making the costumes, spending hours upon hours on grueling editing sessions, taking the fall whenever the cops are called for reports of explosions, and paying for everyone's pizza every time they order out. But his name is still all over the credits and that's all that matters.

No one is sure just how much of Nintendo's dick Grant had to suck to become an official advertiser for them, but getting paid to dress up like Mario characters and act like a jackass in public is a pretty sweet deal.

Eric Nitschke

The pretty boy.

Eric's name and appearance scream total Deutschbag. This baby-faced, golden-haired boy was perfect for the role of Link in the Super Smash Tournaments, but not Grant enough to play him in the Link To The Future series, cus it's Grant's show and he's the star, bitch.

Eric's soft-spoken Euro-ass is always too stoned to utter a single coherent sentence during The 3GI Show, rendering him to stuttering and slurred gibberish that trails off at the end. Staying true to his Nazi roots, Eric posted a video of himself speaking terrible German for his language class. Must have been Intro To German, amirite?

Taylor Campbell

Too fat to actually fight in the tournaments, Taylor stands off to the side munching on potato chips as an extra and looks amazed whenever there's a loud noise or an explosion.

Judging from his role in The 3GI Show, he's the biggest burnout in the group. He brings entertainment to the show by sounding a little like Seth Rogen and laughing like a baboon at pretty much everything. This, combined with his long hair, chunky build, and hipster glasses, makes him a fat hippie stoner.

Taylor also has his own bit in 3GI called "Explore Milwaukee" where he dresses in an all-pink suit and black fedora and hits the town as the Puzzle Master, giving troll interviews to local residents while unrelated pictures of McDonald's hamburgers and random sound effects pop up on the screen. At least walking around town is getting him some much-needed exercise. Interestingly, his YouTube channel feed contains only a couple of Bowflex videos that he liked, most likely to "watch later."

Your average gaymer.

Kevin Gonring

Kevin is your average gamer guy with an average-sounding voice.

He really is just an average guy all around.

He plays an average role in both the tournament and on The 3GI Show.

He will likely live an average life and die an average death.



The avoider of ladies and showers.

Shaun Stacey

Shaun is a greasy stoner with a geeky voice who looks like he hasn't showered for days on end (pic related). This is most likely a result of endless nights wasted on gaming.

He had nothing interesting to offer to The 3GI Show and was most likely cut after the first episode for that very reason.

Oh, and he was Pichu in the second tournament.

Kayla Bruss

Gotis.png
Kayla Bruss = infected with GOTIS.
You can help by not giving her any attention.

Kayla isn't the only girl in the group just to keep it from being a sausage fest, she's the only girl in the group because she's the only girl that these nerds could ever get. Of course she's equally as nerdy, as well as a bit of a tomboy. This is still a fail for the guys though, because it's clear that no one is banging her on or off the set.

She-thing.

Kayla is cute enough to be the sexy librarian in a sexual fantasy, but not sexually experienced enough to make the fantasy come true. Too girly but not tomboyish enough to battle in the tournaments, she acts as the various Pokémon that emerge whenever a Pokéball item is thrown, attacking the field with smoke, firecrackers, and other projectiles.

Her voice appeared in only the first of The 3GI Show episodes, offering a unique female perspective where she talked about dicks, sang a song about dicks, and read a furry porn story called "Dogs As Lovers." She was obviously trying to send a desperate message to the boys around her, but they were all laughing too stonedly to notice. She was later cut from the show because bros before hoes, and then promptly rehired due to flatlining ratings.

Professor Jack

Game Gramps.

This old man showed up one day inquiring about the constant test explosions he heard going on in the neighborhood. Once the gang filled him in on the gig, he demanded to be a part of the action. The guys told him to fuck off, but after he threatened to report them for terrorist activities and shut their happy little project down, they reluctantly signed him on.

Old man Jack was given a pair of commentator headphones and a Professor Oak lab coat and was told to act funny like Eugene Levy in American Pie, but what he did instead was blandly point out the blatantly obvious and make occasional references to the family cat. They were wise to use him sparingly, and unfortunately for the Prof., they later sold out by featuring celebrity guest commentators in the third tournament, rendering him completely redundant.

Other Video Series

Suuure, it's just a costume...

3GI has made other video series that have received attention too, such as Link To The Future and their very own 3GI Show, but most of their subscribers only ride their cocks for Super Smash Tournament videos. Their fanboys even go so far as to comment "what about super smash guise?" on any new upload that isn't a Smash Tournament video.

3GI has since been basically likened to a group of monkeys that are ordered to perform for a group of hungry spectators at an online zoo for free. The only upside to this is the fact that they don't act like a bunch of Shane Dawsons and cry about people talking shit about them, and they actually interact with their audience and host free giveaways instead of being Jews and trying to hawk officially signed merchandise. DISREGARD THAT they recently monetized their videos.

Recently their fantards have been complaining that they don't like the new editing style of the latest tournament and they demand it be restored to its original ways or else. 3GI responded by mocking the comments with their own individual accounts and even made a video calling the crybabies crybabies and telling them to dislike the video and unsubscribe if you don't like it. So fuck you.

Shotacat.png
Half-naked teenage boys running around outdoors? America approves


More "Real-life" Faggotry

Previous Video  |  Next Video


Shout-out to ED, Where Real Gaymers Go for Research

Freak of nature SammyClassicSonicFan.

An EDiot discovered that Grant had mentioned Encyclopedia Dramatica during the 3rd episode of The 3GI Show. At the 2:36 mark, he says he did research on the wiki for none other than front page celebrity SammyClassicSonicFan.

Apparently he wanted to feature the ear-raping autistic boy as a guest commentator for the third tournament. This is comparable to Howard Stern bringing retards, midgets, crackheads, and drunks on his show in exchange for cheap laughs at their expense.

Unfortunately the lulz couldn't be had because Sammy's mom discovered his inbox and was not too happy about having a random group of men wanting to feature her special son in their violent video. His spot was filled by a less lulzy YouTube nobody.

Sickfuckery Exposed

It doesn't take an armchair psychiatrist or a Fact Cat to see through 3GI's innocent "virgin gamer" front they unsuccessfully attempt to put on. Being young men (and a tomboy) on the internet, 3GI's main source of views obviously comes from the diverse crowd of sexual deviants that frequent YouTube on a regular basis.

3GI's childlike wrestling matches are more clearly viewed as thinly-veiled gay porn, and it doesn't help their case when they constantly feature shirtless cut scenes or entertain various fetishes in their videos, such as wearing and throwing diapers at each other, pouring liquid that looks like feces on each others faces, and parading around town in animal costumes.

Quotes

   
 
Eric, when we get under the covers, I'm like an animal. I give hugs like they're going out of style. My dog found out the easy way.
 

 
 

—Grant Duffrin, leader of 3GI Industries.

   
 
I have a bathroom experience. I was probably 10 years old, and I was at my sister's soccer game, and I needed to you know, make the brown. I went to the porta-potty, and whatever it is, the pot that you poop in, was pretty full with poop and pees and chemicals. And then I had a very dense dump and the water splashed up into my anus and it burned really bad, and I couldn't really sit down for a while.
 

 
 

—Taylor Campbell, describing a typical fat guy experience.

   
 
Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks.
 

 
 

—Kayla Bruss, begging for cock on The 3GI Show.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

See Also

External Links

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3GI Industries is part of a series on

YouTube

Visit the YouTube Portal for complete coverage.

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3GI Industries is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article July 09 & 10, 2014
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