Abstruse

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The first photo of abstruse as a drunken slut, in 2000.
Abstruse's favourite self-portrait, January 2006.
Abstruse's boobs, as posted on her myspace and No Affiliation.
Abstruse's boobs, posted on No Affiliation with the claim they were advertising the Frederick's of Hollywood bra they're in.

Abstruse is a troll known for her TMI posts on Purple PJs and No Affiliation. Her exploits include discussing accidents with feces, telling people about SteveUberAlles's need to send her nekkid pix of himself, and coining the term Bitter Withered Old Cunt Syndrome. Sadly, Abstruse is chronically unfunny, and if it weren't for her innate ability to piss people off, it is doubtful that she would have ever found a niche on the internets. She is often a total cunt to her friends for no reason, and as such, her only friends are girls who are too dumb to tell that she is incapable of forming healthy relationships with other people. This is evidenced by the fact that she married an unattractive 30-something man who still lived with his parents until last Thursday, when he moved in with hers.

History

Abstruse was the main target of Dirty Martine's Dirty Laundry Post on PJs (though officially sharing the honour with yael and drac). It may be said that she is partly responsible for the downfall of mankind, since that is how emo 16 year old girls the world over felt when the forum was shut down.

At the very least, treatment of Martine is the cause of the aforementioned's development of centipede filled vagina: abstruse (along with yael & drac) had previously run a rebel board and site that often caricatured Martine. The pair's apparent hatred of each other led everyone to believe that abstruse was behind every rebel board created in reaction to dissatisfaction with PJs. Actually, only cherryroar and LDV were of abstruse origin.

In any case, she appeared on Cybergrrlz at least 100 years ago, and has been the most combative member ever since, even though she has avoided the banhammer.

Sometimes seen as benevolent, and most of the time as a nasty bitch, it is impossible for her to exist one week without flaming. This behaviour has seen drac label her "deliberately contentious", and Victor_M as a "snake-in-the-grass". She led the original movement, along with drac, to label Victor_M a pervert, and was partly successful. Abstruse is at least somewhat responsible for most of the ED entries relating to Purple PJs and its members, and gets true joy of out of disgusting people with tales of bad sex and bodily functions - both of her own, and others.

Her more famous recent exploits include tearing Cheer_is_back a new asshole on No Affiliation for no apparent reason, engaging in warfare with D2a0r0i5a on No Affiliation for no apparent reason, and referring to Emilyjo's interests as trash on No Affiliation for no apparent reason. She usually at least outwardly wins the arguments, even if they are completely irrational, due to her Svengali-like qualities and ability to create legions of rabid followers. Despite the loyal following of many of these fangirls (Gab, SteveUberAlles, and Emilyjo, to name a few), she often turns against them and uses their secrets or evident stupidity to generate lulz.

She has been on the internets for at least 100 years, having started her first website in 1999. There have been many incarnations since (forums, blogs, el-jays, zines), and to date she keeps a personal server, LiveJournal, MySpace, and facebook, all of them shit.

Private life

Little is known about abstruse in her natural habitat. She appears to have studied approximately 1300 different majors in college, at one point becoming a masochist and writing a thesis on Dostoyevsky, though it is entirely possible that this is all fabrication, since she is prone to exaggeration, and at other points, hypochondria.

She admits she has been anorexic, a hipster, a cutter and a fatty, but right now her main focus is drawing attention to her gargantuan breasts. It is unclear whether her obsession with her breasts has spilled into real life, though there are reports of her appearing in pornography of varying degrees, since she was a 16 year old girl, even though she is a feminist, and until last Thursday, was also a rabid man-hater.

It is also evident that she has suffered from mental illness and smug cuntism at different points in time, the most obvious diagnosis being OMG BORDERLINE, though Gab claims she is bipolar or psychotic. She writes poetry with the word cunt in it repeatedly, swears like a sailor, and espouses the sober life. Sobriety has become something of a self-righteous necessity for abstruse, as she is an admitted drunk junkie.

Her best friend is perpetually suicidal, and abstruse often complains about having had to save her life on five separate occasions, since she usually realizes after each heroic act, that her life was not worth saving.

These days she claims to be in a graduate creative writing program, and has long since given up claiming to be a lesbian after she married a male foreigner she hadn't seen in five years. Her rapid re-courtship with the foreigner, and subsequent marriage three months later, has seen many question her sanity. Gab has said it is "impossible to be married to abstruse without being whipped," while others (SteveUberAlles, D2a0r0i5a, Emilyjo, Raspy) have merely suggested their marriage will fail. This suggestion made her butthurt, and she blogged about it.


Habits

At any given time you might find abstruse:

  • Showing people her breasts
  • Blogging about her sex life
  • Repenting from lesbianism
  • Flaming the lesbian community on livejournal
  • Creating weird graphics on stupid_free
  • Bitching about SteveUberAlles with Emilyjo
  • Seeking revenge against people who bitch about her
  • Creating controversial and frighteningly graphic descriptions of sexual misfires in the bad_sex community on livejournal
  • Complaining about Bill Hunter
  • Eating pringles
  • Being pretentious and self-righteous in what she thinks is an ironic fashion, but is actually, well, not
  • Alternating between emo self-deprecation and complete narcissism
  • Getting butthurt over slanging matches with D2a0r0i5a on No Affiliation
  • Being simultaneously TMI and TL;DR

Recent activity

After expressing a desire to be "nice" and not indulge her mean-streak any longer, abstruse found herself creating the sand-filled vagina entry on ED. Her long history of hypochondria, medical woe, and obsession with Wikipedia made it easy for her to give descriptions of the illness. Abstruse also found herself editing several other articles on ED, but most of her edits have been made of fail, as is much of her writing.

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