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Abunchofnumbers, better known as abackofpanthers, pantherback, or backpanther, is a Something Awful goon who serves as a walking, talking showcase of what happens when you act without thinking. His life is a veritable gallery of bad decisions.

The tattoo

No scarring etc, I shaved the rest of my back minus the tattoo, the top hair did grow back a lot quicker though. Uh my neck looks kind of funny, but aside from that enjoy.


—abackofpanthers, displaying a remarkable lack of shame

The design is a poor copy of a fundraiser t-shirt from the Shambala Big Cat preserve in Acton, CA.

The motorcycles

He asked the Something Awful automotive subforum for advice on a bike, and received numerous recommendations that he start with a low-powered, newbie-orieted model. He ignored everyone and bought a bike way too advanced for him, then proceeded to crash three times. After each crash, they advised him on a better bike for someone of his experience level, but pantherback did the exact opposite and got a larger bike each time.

The accident

lady pulled in front of me and i swerved but didnt make it. i was thrown 58 feet and hit the top of a light pole and bounced to the side and hit a second pole and then fell face first into the ground


—abunchofnumbers, October 11, 2008 source

i was doing 40 in a 45 becaus i saw the lady and impact is estimated to be at 40mph. it didnt matter what bike i was on, i could have been jay lenos jet emgine superbike and things would have been the same, nowhere to swerve and nowhere to go is always a lose in any vehicle. i was a new and inexperienced rider with ~11 months experience, the only way to cure that is to do it.

chalk this one up to bad luck and let it rest.


—abunchofnumbers, October 12, 2008 source

The aftermath

my injury list is a mile long, but the highlights are: broken femur (2 places) arm (15 places and amputated), clavicle left side (half removed), back, neck, jaw, ribs, ruptured spleen, both lungs punctured in multiple places and collapsed, shredded subclavicular artery, nerves to left arm torn out of my spine, massive skin tear and part of my quadricept muscle torn out, massive swelling and blood loss, cumulating with me dying on the operating table and getting open heart massage and defribulated.

backpanther is unharmed and unchanged.


—abunchofnumbers, October 11, 2008 source

came home yesterday, stuck in a wheelchair since i cant use crutches so my options are limited for what i can do right now

lawsuit in proccess


—abunchofnumbers, October 11, 2008 source

The investment

The insurance settlement was for more than $900,000 (USD). Eager to turn his life around, abunchofnumbers posted a thread in the business and finance subforum asking for advice on investments. He received a lot of good advice about mutual funds and other good ways to make money off a significant lump sum, he ignored all of it in favor of buying a shitload of San Diego real estate. That's right: he invested almost a million dollars in California real estate in late 2008.

And he bought a Lamborghini.

A manual-transmission Lamborghini.

the solstice may be great car wise but it is very gay looking and pontiac doesn't have the same zing to it as saying "I drive a lamborghini"



When people ask you if Lamborghinis cost an arm and a leg you can nonchalantly tell them, "no, just an arm."




File:Abunchofnumbers later.jpg
Your body is repulsive.
Hello my name is Greg and I recently lost my arm at the shoulder in a motorcycle accident. I was wondering what you use for resistance in the isometric exercises? I am currently using resistance bands but I think I will outgrow them soon.


—abunchofnumbers, November 21, 2008 source

Online Posting

2009/08/28 - Lost posting privileges on Something Awful for 100,000 hours due to Mod sass, retardation, horrible trolling, etc. source