Ace of Spades
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Ace of Spades is a shitty game enjoyed by CoD kiddies and 12 year old Mojang autists. It's using an old-ass engine called Voxlap coded by Ken SilverJew. However, It used to be home to an upstanding internet citizen by the name of Skarm. He waged long and lulzy war against the CoD kids, until their faggotry ultimately defeated him. R.I.P Skarm.
Did I mention that it's only for PC?
- 1 History
- 2 Jagex War
- 3 Gameplay
- 4 Everyone
- 5 Clans
- 6 How to Troll
- 7 Griefer Patrol(Dead)
- 8 Butthurt Drama
- 9 Psyspades(Now replaced by PieNipples or Pysnip)
- 10 The Cycle of Updates
- 11 Beta 0.58
- 12 The .60 Update
- 13 The .70 Update
- 14 The .75 Update
- 15 "What the hell is he doing?" Update
- 16 The Death of the Game
- 17 The Saviour?
- 18 Music
- 19 Gallery
- 20 See Also
- 21 External links
- IN THE BEGINNING, there was /v/, and it was glorious. Ace of Spades OC was created en mass daily. The game was amazing. There was no faggotry. (Besides Walter the furry fgt). It was paradise.
- But then came the ancient enemy, reddit. Bringing with it the AIDS.
- Reddit took the land and began spreading around the faggotry by buying up all the servers.
- One lone virgin beginning to sense the doom of the glorious game created a hacking/griefing client. The hacking client was used by ebaumers and redditors alike, and all was a giant ocean of piss.
- What originally was created to destroy reddit backfired, the entire game was shit. The great /v/irgins left, and with it, the OC.
- Reddit took over the land. The game turned to shit. The holy words of "NIGGER FUCK KIKE FAG" would now give you a banhammer by some fucking le athiest xDDDDD 15 year old hamplanet. All was desecrated.
- And then the final killer came, one that even reddit despised. The Mojang Autists. When Notch the King Jew was sitting on his pile of cash in his mosque, he came up with the idea to shit up another great game. So he tweeted about Ace of Spades. Immediately all of his shota boys jumped off his 1 inch microdick and began invading the game. Whereas reddit had brought the AIDS, Mojang brought the cancer.
- And now, if you ever venture into this desecrated landfill of a game, you will find nothing of its original glory. All you will find is a thousand autists littering the land, creeper statues like disgusting phalluses pointing upwards toward the demon Notch and his unholy kingdom of Mojang, further abominating a once holy place.
- And once again, Anon lost a piece of itself to the destructive cancer.
- And if that wasn't enough, the developer's studio has been absorbed by Jagex with some other studio, to make a spaceship game? Development has been suspended on AoS, but once it resumes, it will take AoS to a whole new level of faggotry.
The story began when Ben gave the game to Fagex, who of course fucked the game up since then. It reached the climax when Ben refused to give head to a system administrator, resulting to the destruction of his laptop(along with his 100 GB of pronz). Ben ragequitted and left Fagex to do all the work.
Bad News: They fucked up again.
Good News: There is no good news.
Well, because the community can't tolerate Jagex's bullshit, they rise up and a give the middle finger to the awesome gaming giant. So far, there is the brewing of a war. Many accounts will be banned, and many noobs will be scarred, but in order to achieve elimination of Jagex, something must be done. Here is an extract from Frosty's (Aka Frostified (Aka The Last Great Hero Of Ace Of Spades) post about Jagex. Shortly after creation, it was deleted and the thread was locked. Showing that Jagex didn't want anyone to ruin them, so they put a stranglehold onto Frosty's post. Here is the post: 
Here is Jagex's reply to the thread:
tl;dr version of her reply:
For now, Jagex has managed to start listening to the community and makes a classic update. To make things better, they also include paid DLCs and paid servers. They have a money whoring skank in their ranks: *COUGHCocoSmackdownCOUGH*
You'll log onto a server with a boring flat map or some stupid overly complex shit. Then you'll see a bunch of faggots in the chat talking about minecraft or That Guy With The Glasses. You'll hear XDDDDD over a thousand times and then you'll ragequit.
The objective is:
- Build creeper statues and suck the admins cock
Blue is known for their skills and being the team with the majority of B335T5. Green is known for just building shit while getting spawn-killed. but now in the new update, people can make their teams have colors other than blue and green.
— Everyones signature
Sometimes Always in Ace Of Spades people will come along and make one-time accounts just to submit a really shitty idea, like nerfing the already shitty rifle. Some would show up and submit a really shitty mod on the forums which that the cancer will provide a thumbs-up.
- DeathEnhanced, a furfag that got DDoSed by the kewl kids, also an attention whore.
- theGrandMaster, The fair admin that's helpful to the community.
- StackOverflow, flagrantly homosexual admin - Bcoolface's lover. You will get banned if you don't suck his dick and finger his anus.
- Cod kiddies, they made the game great.
- rambo, caused a lot of drama in the community, which that resulted in a B& hammer, also a nigger IRL.
- BR's, the real niggers of AoS. When joining a server, they'll spam the chatbox asking "ALGUEM BR" and PUTAAAAAA. The only reason they play this, is because their fathers working for the Cartel don't have enough $$$ for Golden Doody and it's expensive DLC, and AoS just looks like Call of Duty!
- PL's, same as above. Yell "KTO POLAK" all the time instead.
Typical clan thread:
— Some 12 year old
When some great man came up with the extremely original idea for Clans on AoS, hordes of 12 year olds believing they would make good leaders and have loads of similar people sucking up to them, Clans where made, every 10 minutes a new clan would be made on the forums requesting people put a tag infront of their names. All clans seem to do is deliver a buttload of useless drama for the community and organize a match, only to get PWNED by the IRC (Administration Team) every match.
- Kumrags: The largest clan on AoS. Filled with Communists and 13 year old boys. Generally known for their unnaturally small penises and fail trolling. The niggerest of all the Kumrags is Tyler.
- Renovators of Terror: One of the first clans on AoS, most of their members are known to be enthusiastic trolls. Their clan moral is to grief autistic structures with no use in the Battlefield, though this usually ends with them griefing everything in sight and building swastikas everywhere, until they are all bored, kicked or the server is shutdown. Its members are quite funny. They also have massive cocks. Except for Hitler.
- Hunterkillerz: Started by a delusional British kid called DeathEnhanced. He recently left the game in a response of too many trolls and school, leaving his clan to mman. The clan is mostly falling apart due to its members keen on starting new clans, And the people still in it being faggots. It died Last Thursday when the faggot DeathEnhanced dun goofed up the clan.
- ProSnipers: The only clan clan made by a 12 year old to be successful. It's leader is called Boom, an exKomrade, with extremely troubled spelling and grammar and relies on spell check to not get trolled at. Any noob walking by can join, the ProSnipers have their own language as they have coined words like "Captins," "Leutinant" and "Cornals". Cornals should become a meme. Their name is an oxymoron. The clan later died due to extreme measures of faggotry.
- Lumbrojacks: This clan may not exist anymore, but they were the best troll clan around. They tore down all the trees on various maps.
- USAB: A gay clan that was created by a furfag named USABxBOOYO, the clan is basically made up of bunch of faggy kids., and it's the only clan to have tied with the administration.
How to Troll
The developer made an anti-griefing feature where you can teamkill players that destroy blocks on their team's side. Therefore, all you have to do is place blocks in inconvenient places, or obnoxious colors. Then, kill the other player that breaks them.
Another great way to troll is to completely build around another player so that they cannot move. If you do this, the game glitches and the only solution is to become an hero with grenades.
Additionally, this game involves minor physics, in which a building collapses if all the blocks supporting it (the bottom layer) are destroyed.
Another lulzy way of trolling is delibrately get yourself killed by the same person about 6 or 7 times, then initiate a votekick accusing them of using a cheat to get easy kills. Watch as the person being accused gets incredibly butthurt and starts whining about how you votekicked them by saying "OMGWTFBBQ I DONT CHEAT!!!1! :(" In some cases, the victim of the votekick may get their team-mates to bitch at the player for vote-kicking the person. They may also votekick you but don't worry, most of their butt-buddies don't have the balls to vote for a votekick.
If you ever get kicked, just change your username, come back. Get kicked again, repeat. The odd of getting banned are low. The admins are too busy Fapping
Or, you could just be like rambo.
These faggots are the scum of the planet. Commonly while fapping to users such as Kaede-chan these awesome people allow NO FUN and come from games such as Minecraft and are stricken with autism. Not only do they spend all day protecting 2 block high structures (which is/are a swastika/creeper/their name), they constantly spam the chat like faggots with accusations of griefers gerfifi grefiere hackers penis hackers griefers because they are so butthurt and want someone to listen to their fag pleas. While too busy being valiant heroes, they also allow themselves to be raped by random people, an oxymoron that allows griefers to achieve maximum griefing efficiency. These faggots commonly portray these attributes:
- Circle jerk admins and moderators and surround themselves around these people because they are to weak to protect themselves.
- Have no life.
- Still live in their mothers basement with a PhD in block building.
- Use poor logic.
- LOL HE USD YOURE
- Think very highly of themselves.
- Browse the Ace of Spade forums constantly.
- Are faggots and hypocrites.
- Creating BUILD ONLY SERVERS, where if you shoot the gun, you are raged upon. Please kill people on these servers for the lulz.
And you can be 100% sure if they say:
Well known griefer patrol faggots:
- Chonny (call him Chonni).
- All of the Komrade Clan (these guys are know for being haxxors).
- These guys have a good server, however.
- Kaede-chan, master of the forums and protector of gameplay.
- Griefer Police.
Recently, one of the admins was demoted after an incident involving Hitler and a tranny. After Hitler told the tranny Kaede off for harassing him and his friends, the tranny went bawwing to the admins about sexual harrassment and got him banned. After hearing both sides of the story, other admin Lexsym (also known as Ryan Morris) removed the ban, causing Kaede to bitch even more until Lexsym's admin privileges were revoked. The tranny's actions pissed off many people, as Lexsym was one of the few cool admins.
Lexsym then created hax and spread them amoung several members of RoT, which caused massive butthurt in the forums about people complaining about hax and spam. Lexsym has BIG problems, like faking to be a girl, mostly to troll people. But at least he doesn't think he'll be a member of the opposite sex like Kaede.
Another drama appeared after rambo evaded StackOverflow's bans/mutes on the IRC, our hero wasn't slowed down as he has a dynamic IP address, StackOverflow was butthurt when rambo found his facebook, much Lulz was ensured. He was trolled by Hitler . He finally gave up and went back to eating watermelon, his apology speech can be found here.
Psyspades(Now replaced by PieNipples or Pysnip)
This is a common mod for AoS that incorporates handy features. These include:
- Map rollbacks to destroy that fort you spent and hour building, you fucking autist.
- A way to check your shitty kill streak.
- ZOMG!!!11 ARISTRIKES!11!!1
- A speedhacking detection feature that randomly and frequently will ban people on false accusations of going fast, even though they're just lagging. For Real.
- GOD MODE OMG. This feature is never abused by clanfags or admins. Not only will admins votekick you for complaining about them playing unfairly, they will also ban you again for cussing while cussing at you about your cussing TRUE STORY.
- A nifty and foolproof block indestructibility system.
- Features that support and promote "build only" servers.
- Zombie servers which let you rape ass as green (zombies) and suck as blue (humans).
- Map Roatation (for those with ADD).
- Squads, which let you spawn with "friends".
Server finders (like the one mentioned above) can tell you which server host which type of gameplay. For maximum trolling, do not go to psyspade servers, as you risk getting put on the global banlist.
But everyone uses these types of servers now because normal play sucks
The Cycle of Updates
Since the release of the SMG, bcoolface got famous of being the creator of AoS and is tripping balls 16 hours per day on coke, (the other 8 hours for pissing, vomiting, and occasionally programming) resulting in Valve Time, causing updates not featuring alot of terrible changes to take 4-12 months, with bcoolface putting infinite beta versions of the update on the IRC until he decides he has put enough pressure on the penises from the community. Considering the updates the community is much like /tv/. Whenever a changelog of a new update is released, the community usually gets a good erection, until he releases the beta versions of the update on the IRC, thats when a large part the community goes batshit insane. People make dozens of threads of why this and that is out of balance, tell everyone making CoD related suggestions in their threads to GTFO and people making threads in where they an hero. (And come back 2 months later). Only after another couple of months the final update is released. To troll everyone, support the developers choices ENTIRELY.
- 1. Put a changelog of the new update on the site (moar PROFIT when people start asking where the update is when you release the changelog)
- 2. After 2 months release beta versions of the update on IRC
- 3. Repeat step 2 several times
- 4. Once they start DDoS'ing your site, officially release the update
- 5. ???
- 6. PROFIT
After the developer decided to troll by saying .55 was out, he released .58. This introduced a new gun to the game. Now, along with the semi-auto rifle, the automatic grief gun there is a shotgun to grief even faster with. This new gun is full of rape.
In addition, this version adds the easier /votekick liek the psyspades had. For maximum trolling, claim someone is griefing and begin a vote, and everyone will blindly follow TRUE STORY. It also informs you of how many votekicks are left before you're kicked. Simply leave and come back.
The .60 Update
The creator decided to merge the shovel and pickaxe to make a the shovel (everyone's favorite tool) work like the pickaxe. There is also a shotgun which CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING unless you make like the japanese military and run into battle like a bitch (which usually ends with you dying in a humiliating manner).
The .70 Update
They added a lot of things, such as adding useful bullet tracers on the mini map. Using the shovel on players will generate Lulz. Headshots are now indicated in the kill feed so xXX[MLG]PROqu1kSK0PZXXx can show off their skills. They also had some good new features.
The .75 Update
In this update, you can sprint with the speed of a snail, join the spectator team to watch a guy for 3 hours to see if he is hacking, guns ejaculate bullet casings, the client has been made 2 megabytes lighter, the rifle accuracy has been fucked up with 1 pixel, causing massive drama in the forums. Now you have to wait less/longer, so that you can spawn the same time as your best friend, so you can build and pretend having sex without the risk or being spawncamped! Also a new way of building you can do by holding your right mouse button.
"What the hell is he doing?" Update
Jetpacks. Turrets. Rocket Launchers. This will not end well.
The Death of the Game
The creator of the game recently sold it to a larger company, and Ace of Spades is now being sold on Steam for $25. The new owners of the game, being the Jews that any business is, refused to sell the game back. For Valentine's Day 2013, the released the first paid-for DLC, a mafia skins set and maps, further taking away from this game it's WWI feel.
[And Shoot], a player run website, now offers the best version of the game for free. If you want to play the game as it should be, go here.
- AoS Homepage(dead)
- Global Banlist
- Some clusterfuck of shitty forums. I don't really know(dead)
- Just like Ace of Spades, but with the lack of originality in the name.
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