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In an attempt to appeal to the strategy gaming fanbase that did not want to play with furry creatures that had magic powers, Nintendo and Intelligent Systems got to work in developing a game that would appeal to this serious gaming market. This game is known as Advance Wars, a series of games widely known as Nintendo's failed attempt at creating a good turn-based strategy game.
- 1 Turn-based Strategies Have Never Felt So Good
- 2 Gather the Troops!
- 3 Choose Your Alter-Ego
- 4 Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
- 5 Trolling Advance Wars Veterans
- 6 Quotes
- 7 Rule 34
- 8 Gameplay Videos
- 9 See Also
- 10 External Links
Turn-based Strategies Have Never Felt So Good
The core of the gameplay is essentially four armies running around trying to defeat each other with various weapons of mass destruction, while a fifth army attempts to conquer the world, at which point the four previously mentioned armies must band together and defeat this fifth army, resulting in world peace, where the four armies can go back to killing each other off once again; lather, rinse, repeat. There are also several gameplay modes irrelevant to the main story.
Despite its content, it is commonly regarded as a children's game, mainly because of its weeaboo animé graphics, its vast array of characters each with different personalities, and its kid-friendly non-vulgar dialogue. Also, unlike its more realistic but not as popular counterpart, Fire Emblem, units lost in battle can easily be re-purchased wherever facilities are available.
As with anything that reaches this side of the Pacific ocean, this game received a heavy amount of censorship. The Red Star army was renamed to "Orange Star" because red stars in a children's video game obviously define some sort of communism and has a dire impact on the great American nation. Drake's outfit was heavily modified to resemble a sailor because a pirate in charge of a navy would not be logical to the typical American gamer. Olaf was edited to not look like Santa Claus, and Grit's cigarette was also removed. Smoking is bad for you, kids, but blowing the fuck out of people is A-OK.
Oddly enough, the game is highly popular on the hacking scene. Be it minor graphical enhancements, or all out modifications, many elite hackers often try their hand at changing some aspect of this game.
How Many Of These Games Are There?
Like most games that originate from Japan, this series has been needlessly milked with boring, lackluster sequels that follow the same basic formula.
The first game of the series is a complex piece of shit. In Campaign Mode, you fight off the power-hungry Olaf and his Blue Moon army from invading your (
Red Orange Star) territory while you march through Kanbei's Yellow Comet territory and invade them. At the same time, you ward off Eagle's Green Earth army because he blames you for having attacked his units. You eventually come across a clone of Andy (where you immediately realize that it was this clone who attacked Eagle) and, once dealing with him, Sturm himself. Upon completion of the campaign, you'll find that you have to play it all over again; no one has become unlocked for purchase because you either took too damn long to complete each mission, or you used the wrong CO to complete certain missions.
Another important note, you can't even play the Campaign mode until you complete all of the Field Training scenarios anyway, so this game is no real fun at all.
Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising
It's surprisingly accurate.
The second game in the series, this game is slightly more streamlined, and it's much easier to unlock extra COs. It continues the struggle against the evil forces of Sturm, only now he has a personal army to do his bidding. Unlike the previous game, where you only play as
Red Orange Star COs, you play as each CO of each army at least once, giving a more rounded feel of the game. You also face Sturm's henchmen at least 100 times before getting to Sturm himself. Hawke eventually betrays and kills him, running off with the rest of the misfits.
Advance Wars: Dual Strike
Dual Strike continues the epic saga against the Black Hole army, this time on the Nintendo DS (why it is still called "Advance Wars" at this point is widely unknown). Under a mysterious new commander, Black Hole seeks to drain the world of its energy solely for the lulz. Similar to the previous game, you fight with the COs of other armies as a group now dubbed the "Allied Nations" (more like "Allies", a la World War 2). This game added a new twist of gameplay; seeing as CO powers weren't already horribly broken enough, Intelligent Systems decided to add usage of two COs at once. This inevitably begat Tag Powers, allowing one to use two CO powers in one turn. The game also consists of "skills": rank-based abilities that could be given to COs for even more one-sided gameplay.
Also, the Andy clone is back.
- Drake + Olaf/Hawke: 4HP damage AND -50% fuel? Sign me up!
- Adder + Koal: +2 movement. Twice.
- Andy + Hawke: 7HP recovery. Best results if Hawke is used first.
- Sami + Sensei: OH MY GOD THERE'S INFANTRY EVERYWHERE
- Sami + Eagle: Capture the enemy HQ in 1 turn from your base. 'nuff said.
Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Gather the Troops!
Like any typical army simulation game, Advance Wars has a vast selection of units you can use to kick your opponent's overpowered ass.
- Infantry: Your basic cannon fodder. Expect to be swarmed by these when playing against a noob.
- Mechanized Infantry: Sandnigger with an RPG (Not the other kind you stupid fuck). Too slow to be useful. (except in small maps or with Sami's increased footing or Sensei for spamming for the lulz).
- Recon: Only useful during Fog-of-War gameplay. High-speed fodder otherwise.
- Tank: Basic tank unit. Bread and butter of your army.
- Medium Tank: Stronger tank unit. Makes regular tanks have penis envy. But slow as fuck and over shadowed by the Neotank.
- Neotank: Black Hole invention. A giant asshole on wheels. Somehow faster than the medium tank, despite the heavier armor. The allies are morons who don't share their plans with each other, so each nation has to unlock it by raiding different labs. Basically the best over all noob tank
- Megatank: Green Earth invention. 5 barreled monstrosity (Compensating for something?) that rapes everything, if you can get it close enough and keep it supplied. Somehow managed to only put one machine gun on it. At 28000G it is an excellent investment sir. The AI always suicides units on it to drain its ammo in one turn.
- Armoured Personal Carrier (APC): Intended to move Infantry/Mech around faster, but most players use them as decoys and blockers. Can somehow supply adjacent allied APCs fuel even if none of them have fuel defying the principle of mass-energy conservation principle.
- Artillery: Generic indirect firing unit. Observe the way it cumshots at enemies. Used with Infantry to camp.
- Rockets: Artillery on steroids. Guy standing close by with binoculars can somehow see through mountains or other visually impairing terrain like glass to spot targets. But rarely used due to how slow this shit is. In fog of war maps expect the enemy to have one in each forest.
- Anti-Air: Shoots planes down directly. Useful for raping infantry and mechs when not shot at first.
- Missiles: Shoots planes down from a distance with a high range of vision. At least it would if the planes didn't outmaneuver it and blow it to hell. Fucking expensive ground fodder. So no one uses this unless they're Girt.
- Piperunner: Black Hole invention. Useless as no one plays in levels with pipes anyway unless you are a fucking pot head.
- Lander: Because tanks don't work very well underwater and nothing is amphibious.
- Cruiser: Basic naval unit. These can also carry two copter units on board, but nobody knows that. Useful for killing those damned choppers and bombers for sea battles and combat submarines from you battleship.
- Battleship: The only unit in the game with a decent attack range.
- Carrier: A MOST EDUCATED GENTLEMEN's fursona.
- Submarine: Sea ninja.
- Black Boat: Black Hole invention. Repairs units for gold.
Cannot fly over pipes but somehow long range ordinance from artillery, rockets, battleships, etc. can fly over them.
- Fighter: Advance Wars did WTC. All pilots are mentally handicapped to only use missiles, preventing them from using a majority of a fighter plane's arsenal including machine guns and bombs. So their only useful for shiting bombers pants and fodder.
- Bomber: Advance Wars also did WW2. Basically useful for pwning expensive units and nuking Japan.
- Battle Copter: Wittmann's fursona. Cheap way of harassing ground units for fun, unless they have anti-air capabilities.
- Transport Copter: Because your Infantry can't fly. Airborne fodder. But more expensive.
- Stealth Plane: The unholy fusion of a Fighter, Bomber, and Submarine. It can attack air and ground units, AND hide itself in the sky. In other words, YOU GONNA GET RAEPED! Offset by the fact it uses shitloads of fuel when hiding. This bad ass is only useful when you're winning or Colin because it's expensive as fuck.
- Black Bomb: Black Hole invention. Blow shit up. An extremist Islamic/Muslim terrorists' pride and joy and answer to airborne infidels. When it gets shot down by a fucking fighter or stealth fighter because of its puny defense there goes your well spent 20,000G.
Black Hole Exclusives
Among the above units, there are also other field objects that Black Hole may use in battle in an attempt to cheat for victory that also defy science and the Geneva Convention, each of which can be destroyed with varied amounts of firepower. Nuclear weapons could have been used.
- Minicannon: Useless field cannon with pitiful range.
- Black Cannon: Useful field cannon with ungodly range.
- Factory: Massive building that creates units every 2 days with the help of slave labor and stolen property.
- Laser: Small laser cannon that literally SHOOP DA WOOPS everything in its path.
- Death Ray: Big fucking SHOOP DA WOOPER of a gun that fires a Big Fucking Laser every 7 days. Actually made obsolete by the cannon's higher frequency of firing despite slightly less damage.
- Oozium 238: Gelatinous parasitic slimy shit that eats other units. Can somehow devour aircraft but can also be pwned easily by infantry or mech spam.
- Black Crystal: Heals units 2 spaces away. Encourages Black Hole units to camp.
- Black Obelisk: Heals units 4 spaces away. Further encourages Black Hole units to camp.
- Grand Bolt: A huge fucking slime creature that breeds Oozium from asexual reproduction by fucking itself.
Choose Your Alter-Ego
RyoAndy: Known as the Ryu of Advance Wars; everyonePros uses him. Possesses no real abilities but is able to heal his units.
- Max: Your average muskleman. He has shit artillery making him useless when paired with Girt in Dual Strike
DominoSami: ZERG RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE CatherineNell: The most difficult playable character to obtain, as this usually involves beating Advance/Hard/Nightmare Mode Campaign with the highest rank possible. All her units are able to do is higher damage at random; supposedly known as "luck". Actually gets into massive orgies with her soldiers to "up" their mood and therefore firepower. EightHachi: Makes tourneyfags shit bricks. JohnJake: Typical wigger is a pretty cool guy. He wears massive headphones and doesn't afraid of anything.
- Rachel: Nell's sister. Special powers include bombing opponents' units at random.
A communist jew nation. Responsible for supplying Liquid Snake with the Hind D in Metal Gear Solid.
WhipOlaf: Santa Claus, with less presents and more snow. BillyGrit: Redneck with BOOM, HEADSHOT!!! Used by noobs to insure instant Winrar and camping. ColinJew: Does not have very powerful power attacks but he is awesome because when he fills up his Super Co Power he will get extreme many moneys; damn this guy is a pimpJew. He's also used by noobs with less experience because he makes you an instant Winrar.
- Jew: Bitch Caused the stock market crash in 2008. Protip: Don't use her she sucks. Unless for fapping.
Ancient weaboo army of Japan.
KikutiyoKanbei: Emperor of Yellow Comet. Strongest units EVER. Sucks off and caters to the obsequious, glorious, parasitic nation of Yellow Comet in the name of honor. Buts units are more expensive than Colin's entire army. AsukaSonja: She can see into your soul. Stereotype of nerdy Asian girl who gets hit on at school for the wrong reasons. YamamotoSensei: Same Zerg Rush; less KEKEKEKE. All he could do was "sunbathe" all day but was actually financially deprived as proven by Adder and went out of retirement to earn more money and shed more blood. Zerg Rushes infantry for fodder so less people would occupy valuable spaces on the beaches after the war ends. Helicopters and APCs have extra boost range/attack power making him more useful than Sami for CO captures and spamming. KouzouGrimm: Kanbei on steroids. Holds entire colonies of tapeworms in that obese abdomen of his from all that sushi and sashimi he cannot help scoffing down all the time. To bad one strike from a furry will pwn him.
- Eagle: Resident otherkin who has the magical ability to move twice in one turn. Though it takes forever and valuable time to actually use it.
MopDrake: Sea man. Summons a tsunami to wipe out half the fuel and rations of enemy forces to his direction to satisfy his petrol-sniffing urges and sustain his obesity. HannahJess: Spends too much time out of the kitchen. Tries to assert femininity by drivin' tanks. (Yet can be seen nowhere. Must've made a wrong turn)I SEE WHAT YOU DID THAR. Carries a giant pencil. BittmanJavier: Verbose thread. The not-so-egotistical version of Chris Jericho. Makes sure an Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus is with him at all times. With a tower shield or 4 his entire army turns into legions of Chuck Norris clones that even bombs can't penetrate and pwn just by walking over them. Though most maps don't have towers which makes him average. KongFlak: Unlike Andy, Max's clone wasn't very successful. Has the intelligence of a caveman. CatLash: Closet Furry. To compensate for her immense intelligence and skipping school for university as an engineer, her maturity remains at the level equivalent to a 4 year old child. SnakeAdder: Some argue that he compensates for his immensely small power bar. Was renamed to Adder so not to be confused with that hero we all know and love who is obviously more manly than Adder. Look at his fucking pasty face; he obviously applied too much of that face powder he stole from Lash. He also wears high-heels, that faggot.
- Hawke: No, he's Mexican, not black. Big difference. Lie. Cheat. Steal.
ChakkaJugger: Sockpuppet of Flak with larger power bar. Every second line from him is a reference to Windows. ZipoKoal: Sockpuppet of Adder that fights better on roads and spouts out random proverbs from that decorated porcelain cranium of his. CandleKindle: Claims to be a better inventor than Lash. Obsessed with her beauty and has a fetish for buildings. Makes the best come backs and is the most well-educated, arrogant and literate Black Hole CO of all time!. Hell BouzeSturm: Final boss of AW1 and AW2. A CO made of hacks and is a favourite of noobs as his units are ridiculously overpowered, possesses the strength of an angry God and can traverse harsh terrain as if nothing is there. Somewhat akin to the P90 of Call of Duty 4. When you somehow manage to push him back causes meteors to rain from the sky and pretty much destroys everything. There's a big fuck you in your face. Hell VoltVon-Bolt: Final boss of AW:DS. An old fart that controls the flow of electricity. Disables vehicles and somehow infantry by shutting down their nervous system, yet affected units are somehow not brain-dead and still live to counter-attack while immobile. 3D version of Von-Bolt
Advance Wars: Days of Ruin
Supposedly a "re-invention" of Advance Wars, Days of Ruin takes a darker spin on the traditional Advance Wars plot. Set in a post-apocolyptic era, a meteor strike (sound familiar?) has left the world in a chaotic state; toxic clouds cover the sky with darkness, food supplies dwindle, and sickness plagues the land. Everyone is pretty much dead, with the exception of the few survivors who will stop at absolutely nothing to survive. A small group of warriors fight to restore world peace amidst chaos, corruption, and turmoil. As would be expected with such a storyline, the entire happy-go-lucky cast of previous generations, as well as their respective armies, have been replaced with new characters, and two generic stereotypical warring countries -- one of the countries is split into two factions. The game is also full of plot-twists and spoilers, such as the 12th Battalion joining forces with the Lazurian Army to go against the New Rubinelle Army halfway through the storyline.
There's also a black guy for once. It's still racist though, because you can't play as him.
Who Are The New Guys?
New faces and factions appear in this post-apocalyptic war game, most of which can easily relate to their predecessor characters. Several of them die, and several are either unplayable, or you don't play as them at all.
EdWill: Average stereotypical "only survivor who joins the good guys" type guy. BrownBrenner: Troll's Remorse. Gets killed by a WTFBomb. RinLin: Advance Wars is Serious Business. CattleyaIsabella: Some girl that Will rescues early on. Knows too fucking much, and you don't even get to play as her in Campaign. Later on it's revealed she's a clone of Caulder. AtoryTasha: That's not funny, my brother died that way. TrakGage: Carries around a sniper rifle he doesn't use. CaryleForsythe: Has no CO power, but a massive command zone instead, whatever the fuck that means. ColeDavis: Don't bother. He's unplayable. DieterWaylon: HOLY SHIT HE SAYS "CRAP" IN AN E10+ GAME. SigismundoGreyfield: The mix of Hitler and Stalin. Aims to rule everything by eliminating all nations. Gets killed the most pitiful way. Cyrus: Clone of Caulder. He isn't even a CO (thus unplayable), and shouldn't be in this list in the first place. RoumiPenny: Loli? In my strategy games? Also a clone of Caulder. LisabethTabitha: You'd probably hit this. Another Caulder clone. BerisCaulder: Final boss of DoR. Commonly seen as the result of running Sturm through the Internet Hate Machine. Not only is he banned from online gameplay, but players are known to mutually agree not to play as him in multiplayer battles, simply because he is that powerful. Despite his power level, he dies in the end. DrakovThe Beast: Unplayable CO of the Raiders. Caulder kills him for the lulz.
- Fanatic: Christfag who worships an earthworm.
Despite everything else in the game being changed to some degree, the units in this game remain largely unchanged from their predecessors. Apart from some units being removed and/or otherwise tweaked in some fashion, new units have been added.
- Motorbike: Basic land unit on wheels. Though impeded by terrain, there is still a possibility of being swarmed by them.
- Flare: Fog of War battles can be fun again.
- Anti-Tank: Indirect-firing unit with direct-firing range.
- Rig: So the APC got renamed. Big fucking deal.
- Gunboat: Replaced the Black Boat. Ammunition: 1 Sea-Borne cannon fodder.
- Duster: Stealth plane at only 2 percent of its power level.
- Seaplane: Extremely useful unit hampered only by its tiny fuel tank.
Trolling Advance Wars Veterans
Despite how popular this game is, there are not very many methods available to troll its fanbase. An overused method would be to simply make speculation that Sturm is playable in either Dual Strike or Days of Ruin; hackers will flock to present coded evidence that this is not possible, and general fans will be sure to rage.
—Days of Ruin remains highly accepted among long-time players of the series.
—Tourneyfag senses tingling...
- Call of Duty
- Fire Emblem (A slightly better game. Still no Battletoads, though.)
- Zerg Rush
- Official Website
- Official Japanese Website
- Typical fansite
- Another fansite
- It has its own Wiki...
- And another wiki...
- VIDEO GAMES DO CAUSE VIOLENCE
- Some sort of online version.
- Another playable online version.
- This fansite is in French. Therefore, you can't read it.
- Character Synopses @ TV Tropes
- Advance Wars IRL
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