Adventure Time is a batshit-insane cartoon series which airs on Cartoon Network, pandering to queers, Social Justice Wankers, and autistic 13-year-olds around the globe. The show is about an egotistical faggot named Finn, his shape-shifting talking pedo dog, Jake, and their quest to ruin everything good about living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and that's why if you're parents are cool or you've finally turned 18 and can buy mature games, most people will quickly give this show the finger and go out and buy Fallout 3, New Vegas or Fallout 4. Shit, if you really think about it, this show is a bigger rip off of the classic Don Johnson movie, A Boy And His Dog than Fallout. Let's compare, Both are set in an apocalyptic world. Both main characters have a talking dog as a best friend. Both main characters have the same quest in life, to get laid. If Pedoton Ward is ripping off A Boy And His Dog I wish he'd already get to the end where Don Johnson had sex with the girl and realizing he doesn't want a Princess and all the trappings that come with her, he kills her to save the life of his dog by feeding her to him because Don Johnson's character would rather live a life of adventure with his dog than be held down by broken societal rules.
The show is essentially the same thing as any other Cartoon Network series that has existed since the mid-2000s: an absolute shit-heap with a cancerous fandom consisting of the most fucked up people in existence; the same closeted manchildren who obsessively waste away watching these cartoons with hopes that doing so will either make them hip unique snowflakes, revive their precious 90's cartoons (ironic considering that Adventure Time forces moar auto-tune on the viewers than the average mainstream hip-hop dumbshit who has their own VEVO channel on JewTube) or scenefags who think that they will relate to Marceline because she's all emotional and edgy and all that stupid shit.
Adventure Time was developed by Pendleton Ward and Frederator Studios (creators of another cartoon where pedos and fags make up most of the cast), which explains why most of the show is about said pedophiles and fags on acid.
Despite most of the episodes consisting of acid trips misnamed as adventures, Adventure Time does manage to contain a coherent plot, meaning that it has cliffhanger endings at season finales to give viewers the sense that "important" stuff happens despite nothing having been accomplished in the first three fucking seasons.
In the end of Season 2, Princess Bubblegum gets frozen, shattered, and returned to life as a 13 year old loli due to the doctors not having enough gum to work with, as to how this kingdom was to believe that having no means to heal its ruler was a good idea is most likely due to the brain-damage caused by the radiation of the Atomic Bombs. Later, she gets unlolified by absorbing parts of her subjects.
In the end of Season 3, Finn goes emo because teh princess doesn't want dick, causing Jake to find him another bitch. At least 100 princesses later, he picks the psychotic one made of fire to pair up with his friend and they end up kissing rocks. Oh yeah, and the bad guy's a snail now.
Some time during the production of Season 4 Pedoton Ward was becoming aware that parents that were fans of Apocolypse Genre Movies were starting to connect Adventure Time with the Classic 70s film A Boy And His Dog. Many of the episodes focusing on Finn and Jake were canned to open up more interesting characters like Marceline and The Ice King. All that happens in season 4 is Finn and Jake play a Yu-Gi-Oh style card game That won a Golden Reel Award. Finn's failings with flame princess. The focusing on smaller characters and The Lich starts a quest using Finn's hero book to destroy the world.
As this new style was criticaly raved, it is now the new show formula.
Because a lot of the episode from season 4 were canned, they were brought in for Season 5. Season 5 has the most episodes of any season with 52. Highlights include James Baxter the Horse being introduced. Finn's Fire Crotch, Flame Princess girlfriend breaks up with him because he's a dick. Finn realizes his Daddy is alive and starts acting like a 16 year old girl walking the streets because her daddy dont love her. Finn and Jake continue to appose the Lich. This season earned 2 emmy nominations and much critical acclaim so the new writing formula is now cannon.
Season 6 Not a lot happens in this season but because of the notice it received from a better writing style, the show received 2 emmys for the episodes Jake the Brick and Walnuts and Rain while the show received a Peabody award. The writers felt that it was probably time to play Hemmingway this season because nothing really happens. Finn listens to the cure and cuts himself because his daddy doesn't love him and because he's finally realized that he will die alone because of how bad he gucked up with Flame Princess. Sugar-Tits, Princess Bubblegum is ousted by the The King Of OOO and Finn and Jake fight a Godzilla version of Gunther.
Season 7 Two episodes won emmys, Stakes Part 8 The Bad Clouds and Bad Jubies, Bad Jubies also won an Annie Award. This is the Bubblegum - Marceline season as most episodes revolve around them. Marceline/Bubble Gum shippers love this season because it's heavily insinuated that PBG and Marceline are Scissor Sisters. Candy-Assed bitch Bubblegum tries to live a life not having people she can tell what to do and Marceline whines and cries about how hard it is to be a vampire that is cursed to SUCK the color red to live. Must be hard for Marceline, all those people she killed sucking the red out of their ketchup packets.
Season 8 Fern Finn is introduced and Finn, Jake and Bemo set out to find Finn's mommy.
Pendleton Ward's perception of "good character design" is completely fucking warped. When designing the characters for his shitty Cartoon series, he threw all morals out the window and made all the characters color-coded with no personality whatsoever, with the foreknowledge that everyone who was going to watch Adventure Time would have the intellectual quotient of a shit-taco.
A 13-year-old boy as a main character? Ward must've busted his balls coming up with such an original Mary Sue concept that has Finn The Human portrayed more times as a female in story than a male whether it be as Fiona in one of the Ice King's Rule 63 fanfics or as Shoko, Finn's past life, Japanese, Lolita, schoolgirl version of himself that makes ends meet by selling herself to rich businessmen as the Last Japper On Earth à la Mikasa from Attack on Titan.
Shoko: Finn's Japanese Lolita past life that was only added to the story so the creaters could fake depth and pretend that the whole story was planned out in advance by having a character the echoes Finn. Such echoes include that both Finn and Shoko lose their right arm, serve the candy-assed bitch Princess Bubble Gum, were abandoned and know little about their parents and both have an animal companion that is an incarnation of Jake The Dog.
Fern Finn: Sticking to Pedoton Ward's Power Rangers colour code of character development, because Fern Finn is an incarnation of Finn that tends to do evil things because he is either confused or because someone is secretly manipulating him, like the Shoko character, his colour code is a forest green. Mostly introduced into the show to satisfy incestuous, homosexual shippers that want Finn fucking someone more his age. Serves no real purpose.
A shape-shifting, shit talking dog who is Finn's only friend as well as his closest life-long partner. Being a torpid, pedo-voiced, manchild furry tub of shit, he's also the embodiment of the show's fanbase with the height of their depth being topics consisting of, If Jake Was Bender, How Would Bender Have Handeled X? The only cool thing about Jake is in The Ice King's Rule 63 fanfics Jake, or rather Cake, is voiced by Diane Amos or the nice black lady that does the Pine-Sol commercials. Surprisingly, she's the only person whose voice sounds like a natural fit for these gender swapped characters.
And then there's this cunt who takes the expression Candy-Assed Bitch to a whole new level. Sugar-tits here is the bipolar ADHD suger-high autocrat of a land of "Ooo"; a name that really sounds like something you would make when hallucinating or watching firworks. She keeps Finn friend-zoned so he can save her ass whenever shit happens. She pissed off every fan to ever watch the show when she gave up being a 13 year old girl and the chance to pull at Finn's Pee Pee to take back her kingdom. You think it's impossible for her to be any bigger of a cunt? Think again. In a North Korean style Coup D'etat, grab for power she refused to accept the results of a fair election that she agreed to and threw out the King of Ooo, who was the people's choice to rule them Just Because she changed the rules and said Princesses don't need to get elected. In the Ice King's rule 63 stories she becomes the Bubblegum Prince: a pink, royal, douchebag that can only be described as a 1980s Yuppie, coke head commodities trader that is screwing his daughter because his wife got fat. The lulziest theory we've heard, with regards to the creation of Princess BubbleGum is that a Call-Girl was giving a scientist a blow job, with gum in her mouth. At the exact second the big bomb hit the Scientist came in the Call-Girl's mouth. In a Stan Lee style character creation, the radiation mutated the gum, seman and the whore's own DNA creating Princess BubbleGum.
Gumbald: Princess BubbleGum's evil uncle that is only evil in the SJW sense in that he has embraced Capitalism and Social Darwinism over Sugar Tit's, (PBG's), archaic choice of an Autocracy where she has all the say. Stealing from Arthurian Myth, Pedoton reintroduced both Fern Finn and Gumbald during Finn's 17th birthday party in a story that was literaly lifted from Sir Wayne's Green Knight saga - going so far as copying scene for scene when the Green Knight's head is cut off and he just puts it back on minus the little game of Soccer where all the Knights kick it around Arthur's great hall for a bit of fun.
If you thought the sparkling wasn't badass enough, vampires suck red now and have more daddy issues than your average bar hooker. Mostly in the show to serve as the experienced, older girl who will most likely take Finn's virginity. So far Marceline is the first and only girl Finn has seen naked. Finn would later describe it to Jake as Transcendent and Marceline would later admit to a jealous Princess Bubblegum that she only did it for the lulz. Once Marceline's Bitch mode had been activated, she went straight for Bubblegum's throat by admitting she would have sat on Finn's Face if she thought he was ready for it or, at least, had a decent idea of what he needed to do. Her Rule 63 character Marshall-Lee has made it his reason for living to pop Fiona's cherry or rather Finn's rule 63 character. Even someone as dense as the Ice King knows about and writes about Marceline's obsession with taking Finn's virginity in his rule 63 fanfics. Marceline has even added her own spin to the Ice King's stories with her male version Marshel Lee just seconds from penetrating an awe-struck and more than willing Fiona's pink. With Marshal Lee dripping from his tip and just milimeters from that first thrust where he can say he really knows Fiona they're interupted and Fiona makes the cliched, virgin's escape so she can re-think her fascination and desire for Marshal Lee. Some fans speculate that Marceline is obsessed with Finn's soul/spirt and hunts down all his incarnations, like Shoko, so she can be the one to corrupt him and steal his innocence because she has admitted to spying on him in his tree house, especially when he undresses and bathes. It's going to happen.
The old coot who wastes his life kidnapping and anally sodomizing princesses for generic-villain reasons and fantasizing with gender-swaps of prepubescent boys. In this LSD inspired world of Pendelton Ward's where the Ice King likes kidnapping princess so he has something to stick his dick in he has to be an old, senile, sick fuck because when the princesses in this world consist of a dog, a slimey self aware cum shot and a literal chick made out of breakfast foods, every ounce of crazy helps when you're stuck in a world where if you want to get laid, you can't be too picky. Sadly his backstory is more lulzy than the show as a whole. He generally acts like a basement-dwelling, love-shy manchild, so the majority of the fanbase identifies with him. The only thing even remotely cool about The Ice King is that his heart is voiced by George Takai and George isn't shy with the "Oh My" fanservice. The part that sucks is, because of George Takai playing The Ice King's heart, Fantards and Ice King/Finn shippers like to argue that this makes the Ice King gay because his heart is played by an openly gay actor. Ever since since season 5, when the creators decided that the Ice King needed depth and shouldn't be only known as the in-show Princess rapist, they've made him the in-show historian for when a connection to the past is needed because he is the oldest character in the show - having lived longer than Marceline and Sugar-Tits (Princess Bubblegum). The only character that might be older than him is Marceline's father but that is only if he was always a demon and didn't sell his soul, after killing his Mother like some soft in the head Ozzy fan thinking it'd make them an original.
A Korean unicorn-rainbow hybrid that is somehow Jake's canon love-interest. And if that wasn't retarded enough already, they somehow managed to mate and conceive offsprings. Most likely an Illegal Immigrant since she doesn't speak English and can only run around mumbling in clicks, whistles and grunts, ensuring that no one will ever be able to understand her. Much like that one Autobot that can fly, she only shows up when Princess Bubblegum needs a ride somewhere. She's only in the show to represent diversity because in Pedoton Ward's perfect world, after the big bomb exploded just over Harlem - there were no more black people but still needing people to maintain and build their I.T. hardware in the Kingdom of Ooo, Ward let the Koreans survive. Her rule 63 version, Lord Monochromicorn is just as boring as she is. Some fans have come up with an interesting argument about Lady Rainicorn's Rule 63 character flip. They have been saying that if boy is the opposite of girl then black is the opposite of Azn and why Princess Rainicorn went from a rainbow coloured unicorn to a one colored, BLACK unicorn. The argument goes that Azns are hard-working, self-starting, disciplened, intelligent people where blacks are, well, not. The fan argument goes further in saying that Pedoton Ward is making a statement because no one else has a colour shift. If he was committed to his rule 63 swap, they say, shouldn't Lord Chromicorn be some kind of magical stallion like Sleipnir in Norse Mythology or a winged horse like Pegasus in Greek Mythology because Unicorns are almost always girls?
Ward lives out his dream of being a BBW transvestite by voicing this fat fucking shemale. It's later revealed that she wants Finn to fuck her since he began as Ward's self insert. Fantards are prone to arguing that her "LUMPS" refer to Tits and ass and as a female character she is meant to have a rocking bod. Her alleged huge tits are the "LUMPS" she is named for. If there's any validity to that theory, would that mean her Rule 63 character Lumpy Space Prince has a 36 centimeter cock? Given her ridiculous, rampant behaviour displayed throughout most of the show, her initials may as well be changed to "LSD".
BMO is a fucking retard that was all that Finn and Jake could afford from their daily jobs. It's just a fucked up Game Boy slave that they have around their dope-ass tree house which reeks of bong water and piss. When Finn and Jake go on adventures or are out of the house, BMO likes to smoke up their stash and pretend that he's a Raymond Chandler, film noir style detective. In the Ice King's rule 63 fanfics, BMO is the only character that doesn't have a gender flipped character as he is considered sexless because he's a machine and, depending on the character speaking, BMO can be referred to as either a he or a she.
ITS FOR ADULTS OKAY?!
This piece of shit is probably the worst thing ever created by Pedoton Ward and his crew, because now every 40 year old pedo virgin that watches the show thinks it's the coolest thing ever done on TV, as it reminds them of their childhoods. YouTube is being filled to the brim with fan made videos because it strikes a chord with Adventure Time fantards, who want to be like The Ice King and be the last person on Earth with their very own, personal loli. It is reaching a new level of retardation because Adventure Time fans group it together with all the Simon/Ice King and Marceline references to argue that these shorts are proof that Adventure Time "has depth" and therefore should receive an Emmy. Adventure Time is also quite popular among people who wanna see cartoons fuck and because of this it has a dedicated following of people willing to speculate on which one might fuck the others. This is known as creepy autism and currently it has no cure known to modern science at this time.
Similar shitty shows
- The Fairly Oddparents
- Regular Show
- Steven Universe
- Gravity Falls
- Star vs. the Forces of Evil
- Rick and Morty
- The Adventures Of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
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|Featured article September 22 & 23, 2012|
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I masterbauted right after the Sandy Hook Shooting