Adventure Time

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Adventure Time is a cartoon about a boy named Finn, his talking dog, and their quest to ruin everything good about living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. It is essentially the same thing as its fellow shitty Cartoon Network series, Regular Show (furries, a useless protagonist overshadowed by his manchild sidekick, spawning a copious amount of gay porn, etc.) but where Regular Show is about lines of furfag stoners, Adventure Time is more about pedophiles and fags on acid. Most of its episodes can be summed up as "two furries fighting whatever the writers pulled out of their ass that week", and sometimes the above with shipping.

Adventure Time was developed by Pendleton Ward and Frederator Studios (creators of another cartoon where pedos and fags make up most of the cast), while Regular Show was developed by James Quintel, an artfag whose mediocre cartoons are the main source of Cartoon Network's death. Regardless of the two creators' differences, both cartoons' fanbases consist of the same closet manchildren who watch cartoons with hopes that doing so will either make them hip unique snowflakes, revive their precious 90's cartoons (ironic goals considering that Regular Show is boring as fuck and Adventure Time forces as much auto-tune on the viewers as the average modern musician) or scenefags who think that they will relate to Marceline because she's all emotional and shit ( Also they consist of the majority of the show's merchandise sales at Hot Topic).



What the fuck am I reading Finn.JPG

(00:51) @mrbraindead: this is not for kids

(00:51) @mrbraindead: this is the ren and stimpy for kids who are in MENSA


Despite most of the episodes consisting of acid trips misnamed as adventures, Adventure Time does manage contain a coherent plot, meaning that it has cliffhanger endings at season finales to give viewers the sense that stuff happens despite nothing having been accomplished for three mindfucking seasons, and counting.

In the end of Season 2, Princess Useless gets frozen, shattered, and returned to life as a loli due to the doctors not having enough gum to work with, as to how this kingdom was to believe that having no means to heal its ruler was a good idea is most likely due to the brain-damage caused by the radiation of the Atomic Bombs. Later, she gets unlolified by absorbing parts of her subjects.

In the end of Season 3, Finn goes emo because she doesn't want dick, causing Jake to find him another girl. Fifty billion princesses later, he picks the psychotic one made of fire to pair up with his friend (Good job, Jake. Go fuck yourself) and they end up kissing rocks. Oh yeah, and the bad guy's a snail now.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

This piece of shit is probably the worst thing ever created by Pedoton Ward and his crew, because now every 40 year old pedo virgin that watches the show thinks it's the coolest thing ever done on TV, as it reminds them of their childhoods. Youtube is being filled to the brim with fan made videos because it strikes a chord with Adventure Time's fan base, who want to be like The Ice King and be the last person on Earth with their very own, personal loli. It is reaching a new level of annoyance because Adventure Time fans group it together with all the Simon/Ice King and Marceline references to argue that these shorts are proof that Adventure Time has depth and therefore should receive an Emmy.

Ice King trys to lull Marceline to Sleep with some singing so he can "PLAY" with her


Finn.gif Jake.gif Princess Bubblegum.gif Marceline.gif Ice King.png Lumpy Space Princess.gif Lady Rainicorn.gif BMO.gif

Where Quintel for the most part recognizes the difference between "personality" and "traits", Ward throws that out the window and makes all the characters color-coded and have no personality whatsoever, well-knowing that everyone who watches Adventure Time has the intellectual quotient of a shit-taco.

  • Finn the Human: A little boy as a main character? Ward must've busted his balls coming up with such an original concept!
  • Jake the Dog: A shape-shifting talking dog who is Finn's friend as well as his adopted brother. Being a torpid, pedo-voiced, manchild furry tub of lard, he's also the embodiment of the show's fanbase.
  • Marceline: If you thought the sparkling wasn't badass enough, vampires suck red now and have more daddy issues than your average bar hooker.
  • Ice King: The old coot who wastes his life kidnapping princesses for generic-villain reasons and fantasizing with gender-swaps of teenage boys. Yet, sadly his back-story is more entertaining than the show as a whole. He generally acts like an unloved shut-in manchild, so the majority of the fanbase identifies with him.
  • Lady Rainicorn: A unicorn-rainbow hybrid that is somehow Jake's canon love-interest. And if that wasn't retarded enough already, they somehow managed to mate and conceive offsprings.
  • BMO: BMO is a fucking retard that will was all that Finn and Jake could afford from their daily jobs. It's just a fucked up gameboy slave that they have around their trashy tree house.
  • Earl of Lemongrab: A completely insane aspie lemon man created by Princess Bubblegum who later creates Ooo's equivalent to North Korea and later explodes because he hates Harp music.


See Adventure Time/Episode Guide


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Featured article September 22 & 23, 2012
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