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He's already told her once!

This user of POE News is a lower middle class white male with a good command of the English language. Victim that he is of MFGWPO, or Married the First Girl Who Put Out, it is no coincidence that "Alek" has based his regressionist personal agenda on Persecutionist principles, which is to say, he thinks the Internet is crawling with high school jocks. He is a member of the Debate Reform Party, and is highly regarded as an "innings eater," once posting 265 times in a single day. The frequency and intensity with which he posts increases dramatically when he is on a huge gay jag about dorks' rights.


While some believe he cares too much about such forum justice and winning every perceived internet challenge, there are rumors of a bomb attached to Alektorophobic that is set to go off if he does not respond to every post that has ever been addressed to him.

Alek's very serious about this.

Fucking Lame

Popularly known as "Comedy Cromwell," Alektorophobic often acts as a dorks' advocate, and is strongly opposed to all lulz obtained from bashing of Dorks, Canadorks, The Ahriman Brothers, Hornytoad and all other dipshits. While reading an Alektorophobic post, it is not uncommon to imagine Bruce Willis sneaking up behind him with a fucking huge greasy cast-iron skillet, primed to take revenge for the rape of his preteen daughter. He hates fun, and rants about the immorality of those who appreciate funny movies, premarital and/or non-monogamous sex, hallucinogens, marijuana, alcohol, fashion, sports, literature, taunting dorks, and laughing at faggots.

Dragon Shirts

Alek wears dragon shirts from Target and claims that people admire them aloud. His wife is fat and unbelievably dull, and they are poor as fuck. He spends most of his free time playing FPSes with Canadorks, when he is not busy trying to logically argue his wife into blowing him, but she wants to know when he will have saved enough to fit the dent he punched in her hood while trying to make a point.

Fashion is often a hot topic on PoeN

He is a fat Aryan with FAS eyes. If he ever has a son, that kid will get his face punched in for the three hundred second time ever on the day he graduates grade school. Alektorophobic will blame the school for failing to engage his son in logical debate and trying to twist and modify his son's metaphors.

Entertainment Value

Fucking close together eyes!

Screaming at Alektorophobic results in some of the funniest posts on POE News, as a rule. He makes shockingly retarded metaphors and declares semantic victory at least three times every business day. As a bonus, Alektorophobic has the DRP behind him. The set of his posts and replies to his [posts] has a lulz rate that ranks in the top 20 on P-N.

Alektorphobic Is Totally Kicking Back and Laughing At You

[Alektorphobic is "Totally kicking back and laughing at you".]