|Associative Thinking Key to Brainwashing Alex Jones Fans
Dr. Death, 2006
This man wants to kill everyone in your family using AIDS
The drama began when a well-known scientist, Dr. Pianka, gave a lecture at the Texas Academy of Science and made some off-hand remarks about how humans were destroying the planet and how likely it is a pandemic will wipe out a large portion of the population in the future. Investigative journalist and general fucktard Forrest Mims decided that these were the words of a mad scientist bent on wiping out the human population with an airborne virus, and Jones quickly caught on, calling Pianka "Dr. Death", the frontman for the elite's New World Order agenda of genocide.
In the time since, Dr. Pianka's received a number of death threats from various crusaders for justice.
Although in fairness, it should be noted that (a) Dr Pianka made sure the cameras were off before he gave his speech; (b) No-one in the audience laughed at any point; (c) In fact, after he'd finished giving his address, Pianka received a standing ovation and was mobbed at the podium by enthusiastic audience members; (d) Dr Pianka's demand that people stop threatening his family repeats exactly the same message as his speech and doesn't apologise; and (e) The FBI and Homeland Security took it seriously enough to launch an investigation (lol, no prosecution because Pinka made sure the cameras were off).
But since Alex Jones got his fat retarded hands on the whole business, no-one with any sense is interested any more, thus demonstrating that Alex Jones's endorsement is the kiss of death as far as credibility is concerned. Which raises the question: Is he being paid by the space lizards to ruin reasonable conspiracy theories with his bullshit tactics?
The NWO Illuminati 666
For every action, there is a reaction. That is the way the world works. For every fat, loathsome Libertarian lurking in his trailer-park "fallout shelter," rabidly ordering "survival seeds" from Jones' sponsors, there is an equally fat, community-college grad fag "ironically" listening to the radio show, incredulously gushing in pained exasperation at every single one of Alex's insane assertions.
As such, the only people who actually care enough to vocally and publicly oppose the bellicose Fuck, are knee-jerk Olbermann fans: the same people who thought it "progressive" to elect a nigger president, put a Jew in charge of the banks - and who are more than likely responsible for this very article.
Alex Jones is the definition of shit nobody cares about, and neither should you.
Alex Jones Does Satire
Obviously Alex Jones and his fans are a herd of lol-cows, but some are surprised to know that Jones actually thinks he can make people laugh INTENTIONALLY! He does this through the use of what he calls "satire", but which is obviously not satire and is just really weird and shows how fucked up in the head Jones really is. His "satire" consists of putting a towel on his head, putting on a high-pitched voice, sitting on a throne next to his butt boy and shrieking about the New World Order while he "interviews" himself. (Srsly, see video below).
While it is generally recognized that watching the Alex Jones show is one of the most lulzy things to do with your spare time, watching Jones attempt satire is weird and alienating. Jones' "satire" generates major degrees of fail and leaves the viewer feeling empty and devoid of vital force.
|CAUTION: Viewing Alex Jones "Satire" May Result in Listlessness, Depression and Shriveled Libido
The "Joker" Incident
The "Joker" incident is a well-known internets happening when Alex Jones finally lost his mind, put on make-up to look like the Joker from the second film in the Batman Dark Knight trilogy, and started raving like a maniac. This incident was so weird, even for Jones, that many people who regularly watch him for the lulz finally shook their head and turned off his Youtube channel permanently as they knew that Jones could never truly top this incident in terms of pure, in-your-face retardation.
|Some Claim that the "Joker" Incident is Proof that Jones is Just Doing It All for the Lulz
|Others Say That Jones Was Doing It to Get Off Sexually
Others, however, just claim that the "Joker" incident is simply proof that Alex Jones suffers from chronic brain disease and should be locked in a monkey cage with a bullhorn and hung up in Times Square for everyone who pleases to take a gander. Actually, this wouldn't be much different to the current freak-show that he airs on Youtube six days a week.
Alex Jones on the Pier Morgan
When Britfag Piers Morgan tried to have the US government take Jones' guns so that he could personally break into Jones' house and rape his wife and kids, Jones got mighty pissed off. So, he started an online petition to troll the fuck out of Morgan and get him deported. Some said that this was ironic because Jones claims to want smaller government and constitutional rights, but also seems to have wanted the US government to prevent Morgan from exercising free speech. Some even went so far as saying that this shows that Jones and his stupid cult are actually a bunch of fascist creeps in disguise. Nevertheless, Jones soon went on the Piers Morgan show to clear up the confusions. Lulz ensued.
|Alex Jones Sits Down to Calmly Debate Piers Morgan
(Actually, the original is just as lulzy and can be found here: "Jones Chimps Out Big Time on Piers Morgans' Show").
Fat retard gets pwnt on UK TV
TL;DW: 2014 Bilderberg conference held in Watford, Britain; Alex Jones turns up and shouts in his annoying gravelly voice; gets invited on crappy politics show; totally loses his shit on live TV and rants about how he has "blown wide open" the fact that the EU is a Nazi plot; is dismissed in one line delivered by UK's shittiest commentator ("We have an idiot on the programme!").
Although it should be noted that Jones's debating opponent on the show was David Aaronovitch, a broadsheet columnist who was the major cheerleader in Britain for the UK/US motive for invading Iraq until it became totally obvious that it was lies, at which point he started claiming it was old news and we should all move on. Which makes him a prominent anti-conspiracist who failed to notice one of the biggest IRL conspiracies in recent years and then tried to cover up his failure.
And the crowning glory of all this is that Alex Jones was sitting right beside an exposed Zionist propaganda merchant for the War on Terror ...
... and didn't even notice.
Trolling Alex Jones' Fanbase
- Show them this article.
- Tell them that the world as it is kind of sucks and a New World Order sounds dandy!
- Inform them that Alex Jones is actually a member of the Illuminati misdirecting them with fear into leading the lives of basement dwellers.
- Tell them you voted for Barack Hussein Obama because of his charming smile. Be sure to be wearing some sort of helmet.
- Add a link to Tin Foil Hat to the See Also section of his TOW article. When one of his fan boys reverts your edit, add it again. (The link isn't to the right place)
- Show them the Conspiracy Science articles debunking his movies.
- Inform them that Ron Paul
has had as much of a chance winning the election as a paper dog has chasing an asbestos cat through hell.
- Mock their beliefs by telling them that you're a member of the Illuminati or that Ron Paul is really a space lizard.
- Ask them why they don't get vaccinations or use anything containing fluoride.
- Inform them that JEWS DID WTC.
- Tell them that you think Glen Beck is really on the ball with his anti new world order stuff
- Post here.
- Tell them that Alex Jones is actually a shill for the Jews. People actually believe this.
- Inform them that it was actually the Jews who were behind 9/11
- Tell them Alex Jones is a false flag conspiracy theorists working for the Jews (some people actually believe this)
- Tell them the Rothchilds are not the reason for their virginity
- Tell them that Ron Paul spent years working for FEMA
- Tell them that the "Paul twins" (Ron and Rand) are part of a NWO clone program and that both are half-lizard
- Tell them that the Federal Reserve is a public body and then when they insist that its private ask them why they turn 100% of their profits over to the US Treasury/government every year -- after all, no private corporation would simply give 100% of their profits to the government!
- Tell them that Alex Jones is really Bill Hicks
- If Alex Jones is the lone whistle-blower on the planet who can expose this global megaconspiracy, then why don't the illuminati simply rub him out in a staged car-crash or have him gunned down in broad daylight by a communist patsy?
- If Alex Jones' documentaries and books are full of the vital critical information needed to stop the New World Order, why does he still charge money for them?
- How can a world-controlling organization be stopped by the very system of government it invented? ...oh wait. It CAN'T.
- If fire can't melt steel, then why did this happen?
- If heat can't make metal weaker, then why do blacksmiths put shit into fire before hitting it with a hammer?
- Also, isn't steel made by melting stuff?
- See if they can define Paleocon in their own words without using anything they learned from Alex Jones or Wikipedia, or see if they can use it in an accurate and non-sensationalistic manner.
- Ask them if they can explain why Jones stated the firefighters were involved in 9/11 on his radio show and web site, but when he was questioned about it later he denied he ever said anything like that.
- Ask them why Alex Jones sucks off homeopathy faggots hocking colloidal silver, if he cares so much for his country?
- If Bohemian Grove is a homosexual hang-out what was Alex Jones doing there in the first place?
- How much did you weigh before you got into conspiracy theories?
- Why does everyone seem to know everything about these "secret" societies?
- Why not move to an area with no government influence?
- Would Alex Jones push me?
- Does Alex Jones bathe in his mega-expensive filtered water as well as drink it, since fluoride can be absorbed through the skin?
- Does Alex Jones even bathe, or is he hosed down by psychiatric staff once a week?
One thing that Alex likes talking about a LOT is the idea of the TSA or the cops grabbing your genitals. We say he likes talking about it and he does -- like some weird fixation that he just cannot get away from -- but almost nothing makes him more angry than the idea of having his genitals grabbed, crushed, palpated or squeezed by an authority figure. What experience led to Jones' obsession with authority figures giving his widdle a fiddle, we may never know. But this much is clear: Jones HATES it when "THEY" grab his genitals, his wife's genitals or his children's genitals.
Of course, in order to counterattack the genital gropers of the "THEY" Jones has done quite a bit of research on genital groping techniques which we have compiled in this handy sixty second video compilation which you can use to ensure that your genitals are not squeezed. (Or, if you're a cop or a TSA agent in training you can use it as an instructional video or whatever).
|Genital Squeezing Techniques
Prank Calls With Alex Jones
Some geniuses on Youtube have realized that using an Alex Jones soundboard to prank phone call people is one of the lulziest acts imaginable. If anyone else out there feels like doing this we'd encourage them to use moar conspiracy theory rants about fluoride in the water. One particularly funny prank would be to cherry-pick some of Jones' craziest bits and call a psychiatrist and then post it on Youtube and put it on this ED page for others to lol at.
Prank Phone Calls With Alex Emerick Jones
Alex Jones' Jewish Connections
Fema Camps ain't cheap America !!!!1
- Alex Jones is married to a Jewish woman named Kelly Rebecca "Violet" Nichols, with whom he has three(3) Jewish children.
- Alex Jones and his Jewish wife and children all qualify for Israeli citizenship under Israel’s “Law of Return”.
- Alex Jones’ producer to whom he calls his "boss" is Jew Rob Jacobson. Alex once interviewed David Duke and thought Duke was going to bash blacks the whole episode and he no idea Duke only bashes Jews. Duke exposing Jews for over an hour on his show got Alex "Jew Wife" Jones upset and his Jew producer upset and so Jacobson even came on the air and argued with Duke and then lost. Then Jacobson first edited the 2 hour interview down to 17 minutes, and then later just removed it entirely. Alex now mentions David Duke from time to time with fear on his show calling him "the big bad wolf". David Duke Debates Alex Jones (8-18-15)
- Alex Jones is funded by at least thirty-four(34) Jewish sponsors and advertisers who financially support his radio show and websites.
- Alex Jones’ flagship radio station, KLBJ AM, in Austin, Texas, is owned by Emmis Communications, a media conglomerate based in Indianapolis, Indiana. The founder, chairman, president, and CEO of Emmis Communications is the Zionist Jew Jeffrey Smulyan.
- Alex Jones’ radio show is broadcast on Sirius XM Radio. The chairman of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Eddy Hartenstein. The CEO of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Mel Karmazin. The President of Sirius XM Radio is the Jew Scott Greenstein. Of the six(6) executive officers of Sirius XM Radio, five(5) are Jews.
- Alex Jones is the client of a Jewish attorney named Elizabeth Morgan who is also the attorney for Holly Lev Bronfman, the sister of Edgar Bronfman, Jr. Thus there are only two degrees of separation between Alex Jones and the Bronfman family, one of the wealthiest and most influential Jewish Zionist families in North America.
- Alex Jones’ employee Molly Maroney, the managing editor of Infowars Magazine, is a former intern of STRATFOR, a private intelligence agency based in Austin, Texas, which has been linked to the CIA and Mossad. The founder and CEO of STRATFOR is the Zionist Jew George Friedman. Thus there are only two degrees of separation between Alex Jones and STRATFOR.'
Alex Jones: “My Wife is Jewish and I Hate Nazis”
Alex Jones: “I Support the Jewish State of Israel”
Alex Jones: “Israel Could not Have Done 9/11?
Alex Jones’ Zionist Behavior
Alex Jones: “Anti-Zionists are Mentally Ill, Weak Minded Idiots”
Alex Jones’ Co-Host Jason Bermas: “Anti-Zionists Should Kill Themselves”
Alex Jones’ Y2K Bullshit
Alex Jones’ Scare Tactics on Y2K
Alex Jones Y2K – "the Russians are Attacking!"
Alex Jones gets removed from YouTube
Ricky under the name "Gary" calls up Inforwars and attempts to fuck with them after getting Jones removed from Jewtube.
Parking Lot Story
A source of lulz for the last three years, the Alex Jones' Parking Lot Story is infamous amongst Jones' cult followers, independent free-press, and Alex's detractors, alike.
While the reality of the story is up for debate, it is not unreasonable to assume that Alex - a loudmouth fuck who picks fights with relative strangers - started the fight, and then lost it, accordingly. (An example of his reasoning skills can be heard daily on his radio program, where he debates with callers who disagree.)
The story goes: Alex and company, including his father, Bob, were having dinner at some restaurant. At another table was a RL troll named Steve. Alex recognized the man's voice (as Steve routinely called various radio shows in the Austin area to prank them; favouring Alex's show.) Approaching the man, Alex began to curse at and threaten Steve. Alex, acting big, stated he was going to whip the troll's ass. Steve stepped up and double dawg dared him to step outside...
At first, Alex wavered. But, having a huge ego and a tough guy image to keep up, (and realizing that even if he lost the fight, he could always lie later-on,) Alex went outside to confront Steve.
In the parking lot, Alex was hesitant to fight, but Steve kept at him.
In true nigger fashion, Alex threatened to pull his piece on Steve, who RL trolled Alex even more by calling him a "pussy;" stating, to the extent, that "only pussies bring a gun to a fist-fight, you jarhead pussy."
Alex, according to eye-witness reports, ran to his truck, fumbling for his gun, which he apparently slipped into some pocket. Then, with a hand in that pocket, advanced on Steve - who, after a few steps backwards, triple-dawg dared Alex to, "shoot me already, you jarhead bitch." Then popped Alex in the face, dropping him like a faggot.
Alex cried for dad, ordering one of his dinner guests to, "Get Bob!!"
While Alex's cohort ran indoors to fetch daddy, Alex got back up and spat blood in Steve's face. Steve reacted accordingly, and punched Alex again, dropping him.
Long story short: Before fleeing the restaurant parking lot, Alex told Steve that he had powerful relatives in the FBI, and reported to them Steve's [now defunct] bookstore as a terrorist front, and Steve, as a pedo, with large cache of CP
The fed, in true Illuminati fashion, found Steve not guilty of anything.
Alex, remembering his revelation at dinner the night before, went on-air and claimed that he was jumped by 4-5 knife-wielding assailants (despite not receiving even one cut during his heroic struggle.) They hated freedom, loved to oppresses patriots, and wanted him dead. But, Alex told, he valiantly fought them off with only his bare fists, because he wasn't going to lay down - he wasn't afraid!
To this day, Alex fights to have this story removed from the Internets forever.
Alex Jones & #SandyLootCrew Trolls
While Superstorm Sandy ripped through the East Coast of the U.S. in October 2012; Alex Jones took the time to fall for the trolling of the Sandy Loot Crew
Alex Jones' Goregasms
If you watch Alex Jones very closely you'll soon notice that his job is actually to lock himself in his studio, turn on his multiple cameras and spend the next sixty minutes getting his rocks off. You see, Jones doesn't actually get off on the stuff that most people get off on. And no, he doesn't get off on furry pr0n either. Instead he gets off on talking about really sick shit. So, in a way Jones is a bit like the good people on Encyclopedia Dramatica except the difference is that Jones is crazy enough to concoct conspiracies about how he thinks his sick death fantasies will manifest themselves on the streets of amerikkka.
The other difference is that while a good, half-socialized EDiot will log into Encyclopedia Dramatica and hide behind a username while they mind-spunk all the sick shit they repress in day-to-day life onto the screen, Jones sits inside a studio and gets paid to goregasm out his mouth day-in day-out. So, Jones is actually sort of like a paid version of one of those rogue masturbators that you "accidentally" stumble upon on Chatroulette. And like the masturbators some of the thrill for Jones is the idea of being watched squeeze every last drop of happy-syrup out of his mental love-wand. So, next time you hear Jones go into gory detail about sick shit or death or being groped by the TSA or whatever, take a close look at his pants and see if anyone pops up to say hello.
Jones Getting Major Jollies Out of the Idea of "THEY" Murdering Your Family
Straightforward Selection of Alex Jones Conspiracy Goregasms
|Previous Quote | Next Quote|
Alex Jones shows his love for charlie sheen.
An Anon suspects that Alex Jones is part of the CIA:
Try to watch this one without cringing...
What it's all about.
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facebook fags going apeshit.
—Kimberly suspects Alex is part of the NWO.
—K-h exposes Alex Jones once and for all.
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