American Family Association

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The closet-case faggot who started it
The self-loathing faggot who continues it

The American Family Association (AFA) is a christfag charity group dedicated to enslaving us all to outdated, antiquated, retarded ideals, the relevance of which expired over 100 years ago. The AFA is anti-killing fetuses, anti-pornography, anti-gay, anti-marriage of fags, anti-fun and quite obviously anti-lulz. Those who support these ideals must be boycotted and presumably stoned in the town square, which would be admittedly lulzy. These christfags are why we can't have nice things. With their 140 million dollar untaxed income, they choose to annoy fags instead of putting some homeless in homes or food in the bellies of the impoverished.

Perpetrating Stupidity

The AFA organizes boycotts and petition-writing, its primary tools of war against the heretics. They also own over 9000 radio stations across the United States, which they obviously intend to use as centers to scan our thoughts for naughty bits for re-education after the takeover. Actually, the number is closer to 200, but either way, it's still too fucking many.

They commonly target U.S. companies for supporting violence in video games and movies, pornography, pro-choice positions, and anything related to inserting one's genitals into any orifice of a person of the same sex. They often approach sponsors of television shows and petition them to withdraw their funding for the shows' heretical messages.

The success of their boycotts has been mixed, with such wins as getting a shitty convenience store to stop carrying the two tamest out of the forty pornographic magazines that it offers, as well as sponsors yanking their money from naughty programming.

Uh, Success...?

  • 1986: After a two-year boycott, 7-Eleven stops selling Playboy and Penthouse to the disparagement of 13 year old boys who thought Playboy and Penthouse were actually considered "porn".
  • 1989: Boycotted Waldenbooks for the same reason. Waldenbooks caves despite forgetting that Christians don't know how to read.
  • 1989: Persuaded several sponsors to drop Saturday Night Live, as if anyone watched it in the first place.
  • 1989: Deemed Madonna's Like a Prayer to be heretical just because she's lusting after some black person dressed up like the Christfag of all Christfags.
  • 1993: Purchased several full-page ads to protest a highly sexual and violent episode of NYPD Blue, never once stopping to fucking think that they probably just brought in more viewers. "Fuck me! I didn't know that fat guy was going to sodomize that skinny guy while beating a hooker! I gotta get home!"
  • 1996: Started a boycott against Walt Disney for giving benefits to members of same-sex domestic partnerships amongst their employees. The boycott lasted 9 years and went absolutely fucking nowhere, because it's Disney, who sold their souls to Satan decades ago and presumably just laughed hysterically from their pile of Jew skulls and Jew golds.
  • 2003 - present: Nothing worth mentioning, frankly. They protested some groups buying ad space in fag magazines but no one gives a shit about that except them.

Christfags in Politics

Bad news: in 2006, the first Muslim was elected to the Americunt Congress, and thus was sworn in on the Koran instead of the Bible. The ensuing Action Alert from the AFA called this into question and demanded its membership to submit requests to Congress to create a law requiring people be sworn in only on the Bible. The AFA fears that we will all eventually take our values from the Koran as opposed to the Bible, because apparently incest and misogyny are all right.

They were also loud and annoying over the invitation of a director of interfaith relations from a Hindu temple by Senate majority leader Harry Reid to pray in Congress. Before you know it, the entire country will be punished like New Orleans under Katrina for invoking a different invisible man for guidance and wisdom.

God Hates Niggers

In a move of extraordinary understanding and kindness, the AFA released a video shortly after the Virginia Tech massacre titled, The Day They Kicked God out of the Schools. This video informed the viewer that God spoke to a student and told him that the reason students were murdered was because God and prayer have been purged from schools. Also, all of the violence in media, music, movies, fucking while not married and abortions were to blame.

Curiously, the AFA attributes the slaughter of these people to their wrathful God and not Satan. It's safe to assume that if you're doing it for God, killing kids is all right provided they are out of the womb. But god damn it, murdering kids who can't even do the fucking dishes is pure, unforgivable sin.

The War Against Dykes and Fags

The AFA is on to the homosexual agenda in the United States. Before you know it, there won't be a single God-fearing Christfag to have two minutes of missionary-style sex before falling asleep while his wife lies beside him, unfulfilled. Before you know it, we'll all be trying to fuck other fags and dykes. Society as we know it will crumble to shit.

We view these kinds of clubs as an advancement of the homosexual cause.


—Tim Wildmon - on tolerance of mixed homo and heterosexual societies in schools

You have to watch out for children's programs today as well because they'll slip it in there as well.


—Tim Wildmon - wait, slip what in where now?

The AFA also tries to boycott Mcdonalds for its support of gay pride parades:

Furry is for Christians too!

Thanks to the helpful leadership of the AFA, Christian dads won't miss the following hilarious scene, which is highlighted in red text on the AFA website They thoughtfully provide the clip in its own little window for your viewing pleasure, just as ED would!

File an FCC complaint! FOX network shows bestiality!!!

FOX network exposes children and families to explicit, sickening scenes.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! This description and video of Sunday night's American Dad program contains offensive material. If you do not want to be offended, close this window now. FCC COMPLAINT FORM BELOW

Roger has an injured arm, and tells Stan he must care for their racehorse.

ROGER: "You're gonna have to do the horse chores...You have to brush the horse's coat and mane, water and feed it, then give it a full release. You know, give it a happy photo finish. Take the glue out of the factory. Spank his front butt. Grant him a bone loan!"

Later, Stan strokes the horse's side.

STAN: "Here we go. Just do me a favor and let me know when you're about know."

Stan bends down beneath the horse.

Stan is shown with fluid spraying in his face, implying that the horse has ejaculated on Stan. The camera pulls back to reveal that Stan is washing himself off with a hose.


Hypocrisy and Hate

The AFA's website was blocked by the program CyberPatrol as being a site of intolerance. The internet was shocked to learn that someone actually uses CyberPatrol. The AFA responded that their freedom of speech was being violated, which is odd considering that CyberPatrol isn't a government entity and the freedom of speech provision has more to do with government imposition than private imposition. Ironically, the AFA complains about having their freedom and rights stripped away when that's exactly what they want for those who don't share their values.

They've also sponsored full-page ads in major newspapers that propagandize against fags without being particularly funny. Moderate Christfags have stated that these closet cases were overlooking some very important points in the Bible about the dignity and respect of all life. Little do they realize that tolerance and understanding are simply no way to control their sheep in order to line their coffers with more Jew golds.

The AFA fully support the idea that the Jews are behind all the obscenity and violence in media and movies today. They seem to have jumped on the bandwagon with the former "Satanic innuendo in metal music" line of thinking, except that their perspective is much more kosher.

We look upon Wildmon's efforts as the greatest frontal assault on intellectual freedom this country has ever faced.


—Former NBC president Brandon Tartikoff, being a total kike

AFA Statement of Faith - Copypasta from Page

Fuck a whole lot of helping the homeless.

1. We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God. But only the parts that we want to press and believe in. Fuck all that tolerance, turn-the-other-cheek bullshit. God didn't really mean that.

2. We believe that there is one God, eternally existent in three persons: Karl Rove, W and Mudkipz.

3. We believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of the Father, and in His personal return in power and glory. We also believe in that whole period of about 18 years that's of his life unaccounted for. We're pretty confident that Jesus wasn't off pile-driving the Disciples but we can't be completely sure. Also, being a bunch of uneducated hicks, we do not realize that the whole virgin birth thing is actually a translation error, and that Mary was really just a young woman.

4. We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful people, regeneration by the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential. However, we seem to have forgotten that everyone is a dirty fucking sinner according to the Bible, which is why Jesus was slaughtered for our benefit.

5. We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life. The Holy Spirit is currently lodged deep within Tim Wildmon in the form of Donald Wildmon. This is why we are so anti-faggot.

6. We believe in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost; they that are saved unto the resurrection of life and they that are lost unto the resurrection of damnation. You better damned well think like us or you're going to have spend all your time in the fiery place of brimstone, pain, and anal with no reach-around...Mississippi.

7. We believe in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. So long as they aren't faggots, dykes or any sort of brown people. Seriously. Fuck those people.


Ad supported by the American Family Association.

See Also

Featured article February 1, 2010
Preceded by
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American Family Association Succeeded by
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