From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Angela Dorothea Merkel (* 17. Juli 1954) is the 8th Führerin und Reichskanzlerin of the Sausagepeople, a former Commie, germanys Hillary clinton and, as Nostradamus predicted at least 100 years ago, the great King of terror who will bring forth the Endtimes, the seven days of fire, and the rise of muslim cock all over europe.
Angela Merkel was found and brought up by feral communists in eastern germany, after hitlers reich was buttfucked in half by a massive soviet cock. After School, where she learned to praise St.Marx and eat with Hammer ans Sickel, Angie decided to study physics, and build nukes to blow up the filthy, capitalist pigs, but in 1989 Mikhail Gorbachev rage quitted the preparations for WWIII and germany was reunited again and ready to enjoy massive murican cock.
Rise to power
Back in the early 90ies Bundeskanzler Dr. Helmut Kohl of the CDU (colossal Dicks United) decided that he would need someone who could wipe his ass since, at this point in time, he was unable to reach it without help, so he hired Angela Merkel, who somehow stuck between his fat folds during a visit in the GDR, and gave her a couple of well payed jobs in the gouvernment as compensation, things like secretary for wimins and youth, and secretary for the environment. Later she took over the party, changed to her final form and became ruler of the land in 2005.
For what she will be remembered
In 2015 Angie decided to do the most sane thing possible and open the borders for 1,5 Million radical, agressive, pussy carving, uneducated, smelly Muslims from all over the planet, which made a few people considerably nervous, but fuck them they are nazis anyway.
—Angela Merkel giving a fuck
After Shit hit the fan and the muslims started doing what muslims do best: kill, maim, rape and complain, Merkel was stunned by the lack of cooperation by her fellow germans, and decided to act and tell everyone to shut the fuck up and hold still while the muzzies penetrate them. This policy could be summarized with the three words: "Wir schaffen das!" which means "Your resitance only makes my penis harder." in german. To pervent the stop of muslim invaders to germany, Merkel went to turkey, put on a head scarf and sucked erdogans cock, broke german law, and lied to the people, something she learned in the GDR except for the cock which was russian and had a Lenin tattoo. At the very moment the situation is speeding toward civil war and it is very likely that Angie will not be able to escape to Argentina like her idol, but be the first chancelor to end up hanging from a lantern next to a bunch of muslim rapists.