Angry Birds

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Angry Birds 2.jpg
This particular angry bird is far more entertaining than the "game."

Angry Birds is a physics game in which one launches birds into their death using a giant slingshot facing to the right (because when people fire slingshots, they normally face it to the right). Like all games for mobile devices, Angry Birds is entirely luck-based and serves no use besides draining your battery while you wait for your AIDS test to get back. Naturally, it became popular among hipsters, MacFags, casual gamers, household mothers and other people with too much time on their hands. Has many spin-offs for some reason.

Plot

The story begins with green pigs who, like all normal swine, crave the fetus of dumbass birds that make their nests on the ground. The pigs come up with the idea to have their pig queen eat the eggs while the birds watch helplessly in horror, all the while being too retarded to realize how defensive birds are with their eggs when they're stolen. The birds amass an army of different species of birds recruited through their fanatical orgy sessions to die for the 3 bastard eggs the pigs stole in the opening cut-scene. The designers of Angry Birds decided that the birds should catapult themselves directly at the enemy compound (because it's not like birds can fly or anything). Eventually, the birds win, but the pigs don't die, even when they get blown the fuck up.

Gameplay

You have a slingshot and you have to kill the pigs with birds fired from said slingshot. However, this is too easy. The pigs had a shit-ton of wood, and thus built an ass-load of fortresses. However, the fact that the Angry Birds are actually BIRDS is useless due to the fact they have no wings. The specific bird types are:

  • Red: Works well for the first 0 levels until the game implements walls that can't be moved by this bird.
  • The Blues: A bird renowned for its uselessness, this bird, when launched, will samefag across the screen.
  • Chuck: It's high on meth and heroin. Flies fast when tapped.
  • Bomb: Similar to sandies, these birds suicide bomb the place and thus, actually CAN do shit.
  • Matilda: The Bomb Bird's retarded cousin, who drops useless turds instead of bombs.
  • Hal: An Australian bird that, surprise, can't do shit.
  • Terence: Fat piece of shit that gang rapes the pig fortress if you manage to launch him farther than two millimeters.
  • Bubbles: Gets bigger when you tap the screen. Pretty much just a pussified version of the Bomb bird.
  • Stella: Like any proper woman, the pink bird can't do anything physical for shit. Instead, bubbles come out of her and levitate things.

Trolling

There is no possible way to troll the game itself, for the game is a troll. It will present before you a seemingly impossible level, which will consume up to 10 minutes (and hopefully ONLY that much time). This is because there is always one freakin' immortal pig that will hide and then laugh at you when you fail. Once you finish your ragequit, you may consult the manual, but even the walkthrough doesn't stop you from failing and the pigs resume laughing at you. And here's where the creators struck gold, because of the amounts of fucktards that have access to a credit card, they decided to add an in-game purchase called the "Mighty Eagle" which allows you to skip a single level for the same price of the game itself.

You can, however, troll the Angry Birds forums, as they are usually filled with easily irritable children.

Angry birds 2

Same shit but with Moar RNG and made by a EA clone.Has a heart system in a “puzzle game”. Also a new bird, which is a woman, which of course is useless.

New bird

Silver: A woman bird, can divebomb the pigs for some reason. Worse version of terrance.

The MANY, MANY spin-offs

Angry birds Rio

Gey collaboration with the rio movie. There are two of them.


Angry birds Rio 2

Gey collaboration with the rio movie. There are two of them.


Angry birds Go

Mario kart rip-off.


Angry birds Transformers

A shoot ‘em up.


Angry birds Action

Actually fucking boring. Not even angry birds. Inspired by the movie.


Angry birds Star Wars I

Same shit but with ster warts.


Angry birds Star Wars II

Same shit but with ster warts.


Angry birds POP!

One of those bubble pop games. This is a puzzle game.


Angry birds Blast

Same as pop.


Angry birds Epic RPG

An angry birds RPG, because we needed that.


Angry birds Evolution

What is this? I can not tell.


Angry birds Match

Candy crush rip- off, with ripped off Yoshi’s cookie.


Angry birds Friends

HOLY SHIT FUCKING BALL STACKS YOU CAN FIGHT YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS!!!!


Angry birds Seasons

Copypasted from the first “game”, but now retextured.


Angry birds Space

Copypasted from the first “game”, but now retextured. And gravity.


Bad piggies

Build shit to steal shit.


The TV series

Yes, there are many series. You can buy them on dvd if you are to retarded to go to the TV button of one of their MANY apps.

The theme park

Luring in small children, and Jew golds.

Because raping millions of wallets with a shitty generic flash game didn't generate enough money, the shitty theme park is overpriced. For example, the angry birds website is now selling tickets costing a hundred times more than the actual game.

Merchandise

The rich company that shat out the game one day ran out of solid-gold dildos, and needing more jew gold, resorted to the ways of the Star Wars franchise. Angry Birds plush toys and T-shirts were born.

Because raping millions of wallets with a shitty generic flash game didn't generate enough money, the shitty merchandise is overpriced. For example, the angry birds website is now selling an eagle plush doll costing a hundred times more than the actual game.

2016 film

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The Angry Birds Movie official website in a nutshell.

In May 2016, the /v/irgins at Sony Pictures Imageworks decided to create a welfare program for unfunny SNL alumni in the form of a movie. It's obvious that Sony created this with the intention of raking in Jew Gold from inattentive 13-year-old autists. The film takes place in a land inhabited by birds. Red, the main character, is portrayed as a rejected, socially-awkward faggot who has trouble "fitting in". One day, Red and his two fuckbuddies, Chuck and Bomb, encounter a civilization of green, fat pigs who introduce themselves to the birds' island, only to fuck them over by stealing their eggs. The rest of the film consists of tasteless jokes, unfunny references, and boring 'action' sequences which you would have already seen in any other animated film produced from 2010 onward.

Characters

  • Red: Main character is a fucking loser who can't get laid. Happens to have two other friends who assist him in bombing the Pigs' kingdom.
  • Chuck: A yellow, triangular-shaped bird. He's the comedy-relief for the film, and fails hard at it.
  • Matilda: A white female bird. She likes flowers. A former angry bird who know tries to manage her and the other birds' anger. Like in the game, she can shoot giant exploding eggs from her anus any time she wants. Nice.
  • Leonard: The king of the Pigs. Stupid, fat, and greedy. Reminds you of someone else, doesn't it?

Anti Islam/refugee propaganda


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Gallery

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Videos

Angry Birds gameplay
Angry Birds did 9/11

See Also

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Angry Birds is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.


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Angry Birds is part of a series on

Furfaggotry

Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.