Anonymous Playbook

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FactCat.png Fact Cat says:
This playbook was originally written by Sethdood of New York City's Project Chanology. SAUCE: http://web.archive.org/web/20081029052125/http://forums.whyweprotest.net/7-general-discussion/anonymous-playbook-12112/


I have written up a compilation of my favorite anonymous plays, which have been either executed or spoken of by myself and the other NYC anons. Here, I present it to you for your potential use. Please feel free to add plays, eventually we'll have a wiki page with the best of.

This is for all those times when a group of anons see a stress test table and want to enturbulate it, or when they are near an org and want to troll, but don't have any ideas.

Don't bother talking to me about getting arrested, or spreading a bad image. This is anonymous, suck my fuckin balls. PETA throws fuckin red paint on expensive fur coats, free Tibet activists climb fucking bridges. Anonymous, the well behaved group of the bunch, LOLno. None of this will get you in jail. Some of it might get you arrested, or fined, but you will not serve time for any of this. So, inb4 baw.

This playbook is being expanded rapidly. I would love for anons to throw in new plays, so that the final version of the playbook is HUGE.

The format will be: first in caps the title of the play, underneath will be the amount of anons required for the play, followed by the description, followed by (in most cases) an illustration.

Plays

Reverse Clown Car

10 - 30 Anons

This is something we did in NYC and had much success. The idea is to get a large group of unmarked anons into the org. Set up about half a block away from the entrance, and send one anon into the org asking for a personality test every 30 – 40 seconds. Within minutes, there is a massive group of anons standing in the lobby, the people at the front desk are very unhappy. While inside, anons are urged to bother the staffers with retarded questions ("what's this button do?") and whine loudly about going needing the bathroom. Once the group is too sizable they will likely kick everyone out, at which time it would be appropriate to sing them a rickroll while taking forever to leave. You *must* have enough anons so that they don't have enough staff to give you all personality tests, or you might be there for a while.

File:Reverseclowncar.jpg

Spoiler Fight

2+ Anons

This is play that is useful in any situation where you have information people don't want to hear. The anons participating get in to a light pushing match and loud argument, where they take turns shouting both random and relevant "spoilers" at each other. Confrontations, even when farcical, will always take the center of attention in any situation. If more than 2 anons are present you can break up in to several groups of two to spread the love further.

Xenu Driveby

Solo Mission

An anon rents a car, or if brave just uses his own car for this play. This play should be done during the day while there is public and preclears in the org. The anon drives up to the org and pulls over or double parks in the front, and blairs a recording of the space opera (story of xenu) in its entirety. There are recordings of LRon telling the tale, so getting an LRon version would do the most damage. If made to move by police or for any reason, drive back an hour later and do it again.

Xenudriveby.jpg

Tableroll

Any, more than one

This is a very standard play which I'm sure has been used all over the place. Get a group of anons, find a local stress test table, surround it, and rickroll it. Simple but effective, we've seen many potential scilons chased away by this. There is a better version of this play, in which the group of anons walks around the table in circles, see below.

Click the image to open in full size.

Unbelieveable Horse

Two in costume, one filming

Anonymous rents a two person horse costume and attempts to enter the org. They purposefully get themselves stuck in the front doors, and keep screaming "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!" After a minute of being angry and getting yelled at by scilons, the people both just start yelling about how scientology is a killer cult into the open doors of the org for all to hear. This one will be really funny with revolving doors.

File:Unbelieveablehorse.jpg

Grand Surrender Ceremony

4+ Anons

This one requires a few anons who have instruments, and for one anon to have an old star trek type Halloween costume. Any sci fi costume will do. The musical anons play a marching band type song as they walk up the block to the org. They stop in front, arranged on both sides of the door, and blow a series of rehearsed notes. The sci dressed anon stands in between them in front of the doors, waiting for them to come out. When they do, he says "THE 456TH MARCABIAN FLEET PRESENTS THOSE OF HUBBARD FROM TEEGEACK WITH FORMAL TERMS OF SURRENDER." Then hand the scilons an outrageously offensive terms of surrender sheet, the last 30 pages of which are all tax forms. The terms should be something like "David Miscavige must suck the farts out of Xenus ass after releasing him" and "The church has to publicly apologize for all it's misdeeds: misleading the public, being wrong about everything, and giving their OTs cancer on the freewinds."

We did this one in NYC, sans the marching band. They were very very upset.

File:Grandsurrenderceremony.jpg

Xenu's Revenge

1 anon in sea org costume, 1 anon in Xenu costume, 4+ anons in GF mask

This is best used on a stress test table. Send the Xenu running in front of the table, followed by the anon in the Sea Org costume. The Sea Org anon stops, yells at the scylons to help him/her catch Xenu, as he has escaped. The Sea org then runs after Xenu until they are both out of sight. 3 minutes later, the Sea Org costume anon runs back past the table in a panic, being chased by Xenu and a handful of anons in GF masks. Catch it on film, upload to youtube.

Xenusrevenge.jpg

Wolf in Wolf's Clothing

any amount

This is a play we've been putting into motion for a little while. You've all seen the standard red Dianetics shirts that every sci wears while handing out fliers or working at a stress test table in a public place. We have a cafepress, which we will be sharing soon, which we are putting an almost identical version of that shit up for sale on. Anons get that shirt and find these scis, and then stand next to them, appearing to be with them. Then, troll their recruitment and book sales by saying things like "JOIN OUR CULT!" "FORGET YOUR STUPID WRONG RELIGION, SCIENTOLOGY IS RIGHT!" and "Fear the galactic overlord Xenu! Buy Dianetics!". Also suggested are great things like "Come on, join us, when was the last time you were brainwashed?!" and "We need all of your money to fix our broken boat!". It's a no brainer and you can do it as long as they're there.

File:Wolfinwolfsclothing.jpg

An Hero

namefagged anon + legion

And by legion I mean this should be done during a major raid. When the Co$ reveals to an anon that they have been namefagged, the local anon should pull out all the stops to namefag the Co$ member who broke the news to that anon. We have done this in NYC with the person who namefagged me. Then, get as many anons as possible to buy a printed shirt the namefagged anon's name on it. During the raid, when the namefagger sci is seen, all anons call the name of that sci, wave to the sci, tell the sci they love him/her. Make the crowd go wild. This forces that sci to sit out, as they almost always turtle in the org when they are namefagged. Then, call the org 100 times asking to speak to that sci, or asking why everyone is calling out for that sci.

<no pic needed>

Operation Slickpubes

One anon not old enough to be tried as an adult, and one filming. And pubes.

This idea has been discussed amongst us for a long long time. The subject is to be coated in a think coat of vasoline from the waist up. Have a handful of anons all trim their pubes and pool them together to form this thick bush of pubes. Affix the pubes to the subject by sticking them in a vasoline, and make sure that you cover the whole torso and arms. The subject is to then run into the Org. Once inside, this anon (aka Agent Pubit) should just run at full speed while screaming about body thetans. The scis will try to catch and restrain Agent Pubit, which he/she will be able to slide out of, leaving the scis with a handful of pubes stuck by vasoline. After a few minutes, and some scis have pube covered hands, Agent Pubit runs out of the org to safety.

File:Operationslickpubes.jpg

Agent Pubeit

See Agent Pubeit for a successful example.

Chase the Gimp

3 Anons (Inc. 1 filming)

Sort of similar to Operation Slickpubes, the three Anons must be dressed in full S&M wear including gag balls, gimp masks and leather straps. They gain entry to the Org and run around from room too room, making a full circle of each room in the Org. Try and get as many scis chasing you as possible, making loud grunting and moaning noises as you run. If caught, make wierd, loud sexually pleasured sounds as the sci holds onto you so it looks very gay. There should always be a third anon, also as a gimp, holding a camcorder aloft and recording the antics and running at the back of the group. Extra kudos if you can hire an actual Dominatrix to chase the gimp anons as well.

File:Anongimp.png

Sit 'N Shit

One very brave anon

This one, as simple as it is, will likely never get done. An anon takes laxatives a half an hour before going into the org to take a stress test, in shorts. While in the middle of the stress test, in the auditing room, he must make sure to take a long time with each question. When the time is right, the anon must scream "OH SHIT! IT'S HAPPENING!" and then push and force the wave of liquid hot shit out all over the place. After getting the chair or couch, he must get up and spread it to the rug. The anon should apologize and quickly leave, leaving a trail of droplets and clumps of ass shit all the way out the door. Have anons waiting around the corner with clean clothes. This would best be done with a personal recorder in pocket so that it can be uploaded and laughed at.

Sitnshit.jpg

Live Show Raid

6+ Anons

This is a big play that takes balls. Get tickets to a taping of a live show, such as the Daily Show, Real Time, Good Morning America, anything. Make sure all the anons are seated separately. Break the anons up into two groups. During the taping, one member of the first group yells "SCIENTOLOGY WHAT?!" and the first group responds with "SCIENTOLOGY KILLS!" and they begin an anti sci chant, any will do. They will get kicked out. About 5 min later, the second group repeats the process. Simple, effective, lulzy.

<no pic>

Crawlby

10+ anons

All anons get on their hands and knees about 50 feet from the org's front door, on the same sidewalk. Then they crawl forward at an amazingly slow pace while chanting, in single file. Slow down in front of the doors, block em for the time being cuz fuck them, but keep moving forward so it's not illegal. Have someone across the street taping it, because chances are they will open the door to try to hurt someone otherwise. The crawling will confuse them immensely.

Crawlby.jpg

Mexican Hat Dance

5+ Anons

This one will be hard to pull off in anything other than a major city. You can of course substitute Mexicans for any ethnic street performer.

Find the street performers and offer them 50 bucks to relocate to the front of the org for a few minutes. If you can get them to move there, all the anons should hide behind parked cars and other structures. As the street performers play, scis will come out of the building to ask wtf is going on. Before they can interrupt the music, all the anons hop out of their hiding places and dance around them while singing rickroll lyrics over whatever tune the band is playing. Eventually the scis will deter the band unless you instruct them to keep playing no matter what. Make sure to catch this on video.

File:Mexicanhatdance.jpg

Special Delivery

a U-Haul, legion

I came buckets when I saw this pulled off during a Philly raid. Plan is simple, rent a U-Haul and pack it full of anons with signs and banners. Drive it up right in front of the org while honking the horn and making a ruckus. Driver and passenger get out and throw the back open, anons swarm out like its a win filled clown car. This would be amazing as a flash raid on a non-publicized date and time.

<no pic>

Superhero Conflict

Two anons in superhero/villain costumes.

This is another one I doubt I'll ever see done, but it would be the funniest thing I've ever heard of. Get an anon in, say, a Batman costume and another in a Spiderman costume. Have the Batman approach a stress test table and take a stress test. He should explain to the scis that he's wearing the costume for work or something believable. During the stress test, the Spiderman should walk by. The Batman should lock eyes with the Spiderman and say "Hold on...I have to take care of something..." The Spiderman then runs up to the table and slams a deck of Magic The Gathering onto it, and the Batman does the same, maybe taking an already drawn hand out of his utility belt. They then battle in Magic, on the sci table, until the sci gets the cops who ask them both to leave. Have an anon videotape from a distance.

Superheroconflict.jpg

Hump Train

A sizable group

You've heard the song "People all over the world, form a love train". Well, this is the Hump Train. Place anons in single file like a conga line in front of an org or stress test table. Thrust forward in a humping conga while singing "Xenu all over the world, SCIENTOLOGY KILLS, form a hump train, hump train" over and over again, while circling the org doors or the stress test table.

File:Humptrain.jpg

Operation Merry-Go-Round

4+ anons

This one will only work on an Org with revolving doors. Send your anons revolving through the doors but not going in, but when on the inside of the org for that brief moment, screaming an anti-sci slogan. This can be done with a huge chain of anons rotating in and out. This can be kept going for a few minutes and is quite enturbulating. Another spectacle which would be great to film for youtube.

Operationmerrygoround.jpg

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LOL TECH:

DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera

SCILONS:

L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta

NOTORIOUS SPs:

AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit

ENTURBULULZ:

PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan