Anthony McLeod Kennedy is an 83,000,000-year-old fossilized dinosaur and former member of the Jewnited States' Supreme Court who is notable for being the last member of SCROTUS nominated for the position by Ronald Reagan and for being the decisive swing vote in the many of the court's decisions for over three decades. On June 27, 2018, Kennedy announced his intentions to retire from the supreme court and liberal Twitter quickly began to lose their collective shit over the utterly terrifying prospect that President Donald J. Trump would be given the opportunity to choose his second Supreme Court Justice since taking office.
Despite the fact that Justice Kennedy was responsible for many of the Democunts' major supreme court victories over the past 30 motherfucking years—including dyke and faggot marriage and letting schools and businesses discriminate against smart Azns so Shaneequa can get ahead in life—it didn't take long for the oh-so-tolerant lefties to start wishing death upon the feeble 81-year-old man who just wanted to quietly die alone outside of public view and free from the retarded political bullshit that he had spent his entire waste of a life surrounded by.
After about two whole days of autistic screeching, the media finally realized that wishing death upon an octogenerian and mindlessly spamming the word "fuck" over and over again wasn't actually accomplishing anything and instead began shitting out retarded conspiracy theories that alleged that Anthony Kennedy's son, Justin Kennedy, was involved in laundering Russian Mafia money for Donald Trump – because, as we all know, getting so buttmad over a man's retirement that you start dragging his family members through the mud is always a good look.
The Kennedy Salt Mines
Skipping the first stage of grief, the fine citizens of Twitter began to exhibit immense levels of irrational anger over the news of Justice Kennedy's retirement. Much of this rage was released in the form of wishing a horrible death upon the retiring justice and bitching about how Kennnedy was a horrible Supreme Court Justice who never did anything for them and always sucked.
The Liberal Plan to Keep Kennedy
After experiencing the first two stages of grief all at once, the retards on Twitter and the Fake News Mainstream Media decided to skip the bargaining stage and replace it with malicious conspiracy theories and outright libel as they learned that Anthony Kennedy's son, Justin Kennedy, had loaned Donald Trump a billion dollars. While this may sound somewhat suspicious if you're a complete dumbfuck sheep who still actually believes the shit that the media tried to shove down your throat, the conspiracy claims all fall apart when you realize that Justin Kennedy is a fucking banker and giving out loans to rich New York businessmen is part of his fucking job.
- Brett Kavanaugh - The worthy successor that President Trump has nominated for Kennedy's seat.
- Bernie Goetz - Kennedy's long-lost son.
- Supreme Court
- Diversity Russian Roulette
- Gay Marriage
- Affirmative Action
Perfectly Reasonable Reactions
- - Hard-hitting journalism.
- - Even more hard-hitting journalism.
- - The Butthurt of Ian Millhiser
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