Ashida Kim

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Ashida Kim is a Weeaboo and a wannabe Ninja who runs a black belt diploma mill while living home with his mommy. His fail-riddled web site also contains his $10,000 challenge to kick his ass that he totally pussied out on, and his shit list of people whose asses he is too weak to kick.



Ashida Kim, Pole Smoker
Ashida Kim with his most special student and bestest buddy.
Ashida Kim's hottest-selling free book and nipples.
His yearly income! IT'S UNDER 9000!!!

Sekret Identity Crisis

Ashida Kim is a made-up name; "Ashida" is probably a Japanese name, but "Kim" is definitely Korean. Even the average anime dork could do better, if only by stealing names from their favorite videos.

His real name is Radford W. Davis, and you can't get much whiter than that. His frat-boy, mayonnaise-chomping whiteness has not stopped him from writing a bunch of books about ninja stuff. Amazon is on his shit list, so the books are presumably not selling all that well. He is also out to get Wikipedia and Paladin-Press, but is too wimpy to get his followers to go after them old-school ninja style. (As if they fucking could.) Instead, he calls for a boycott on them, as if any of his fans have money.

Speaking of...

Ashida Kim, Food Stamp Ninja

In the course of a recent lawsuit against him, Radford had to tell the court that he lives with his mommy, has no job, makes less than $300 a month, owes $600 a month, and owns nothing but a half-share of a 1991 Ford pickup truck. Ashida has recently admitted to lying to the Court of his assets. Apparently he had an Atari 2600, an old Atari game of E.T. as well as a half pack of Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum. Due to his deception, The Court confiscated his Atari 2600 as well as the E.T. Game and the Half Pack of Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum. He had to swear to this by the Ninjer Gods, so it has to be true. I guess the fake martial artist racket isn't paying much these days.

Ashida Kim, Rock Star

In an attempt to suck even more, Kimmy has put up a wannabe rock video showing off his mad skillz. He waves his hands around, transforms into a fucking tengu or something, turns invisible using absolutely no special effects at all (honest!), and fights a series of nobodies. When this video was first linked here, he ran in circles, yanking at his nipples and howling, and then had embedding disabled.

Ashida Kim, Porn Star

Kim once worked as a bouncer at an African brothel and still couldn't get laid. However, his ghost writer was happy to make up a book about what Kim wishes he had done, using transcripts from 70's porno flicks and random cereal box copy. A film script of the book is available should any disgraced Bollywood director wish to film two hours of Kim's withered, pustule riddled ass and nads plunging repeatedly into some skank's greenly steaming, mephitic slimehole.

Kim wants to be a movie star so badly that he is proud to be an uncredited extra in shitty movies of yesteryear. He likes to play the part of an invisible ninja, which makes his flaccid penis, tattooed in tactical black with his name in gold, tremble fitfully as it tries to erect itself.

Ashida Kim, First Level Magic User

In this demonstration of Ninja magic, Kim does his Bill Gates impersonation, displays his adorable little toe sox, and then lifts his legs into the air(struggling to do that even) as a doughy assistant listlessly doodles a hula hoop around his scrawny ass. Kim then plays with his balls for about two minutes.Its a small miracle anyone ever believed he was a real ninja.

Ashida Kim, Martial Artist of the Future

Kim has taken the final step into insanity with his book on twenty-first-century combat. Where do we fucking start? That it's already the twenty-first century? That light saber fights are teh st00pid? That he put up a video of himself fighting with a swamp-tard cripple who can't even move away from the wall at his back because his fucking legs don't work? That the "alien horn spear" looks gayer than a two-headed dildo? After this video, Ashida was beaten like a Two Dollar whore by his Mom for not returning the light sabers to the Community Day Care where he stays at while his Mom works at the local Bar.

Watch them duel over which of them has eaten the most roadkill:

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

Exposure And Retreat

After experiencing much butthurt at the hands of Bullshido.net, a site that exposes martial arts frauds, Ashida painted his ass white and ran with the antelope. He may occasionally be found sodomizing prairie dogs in Wyoming and running away from fights with ten-year-old girls. He has recently been spotted at the "ManHole" Mens Club, allowing patrons to Teabag and Anal Fist him. His reason for this is Quote "To Forgive Such Transgressions Will Bring Me Closer To My Ninjer Gods". He excuses this by claiming that it is contrary to ninja ethics to hurt your enemy. Seriously

Address and phone number of Ashida Kim/Radford W Davis: 1010 Ave W Nw, Winter Haven, FL 33881 Phone: 863-293-6975

GrandMaster Ashida's wørds

Weaboo squint + $30 flea-market "katana" + MS Paint Brush-Script font "autograph" = teh WIN!!!ichi
Mommy did a great job on the embroidery and merit badges, too!
Order yours to-day!!!
Kimasutra or, how to score before your mother comes downstairs.
Sadly, not a troll shoop.


   
 
You lot have been THREATENING me with an "expose" for years...Not one of you is worthy to kiss my foot.
 

 
 

   
 
Any who think I am not for real are welcome to come and get a lesson in etiquette, fisticuffs included.
 

 
 

On Masaaki Hatsumi, an actual Japanese martial-arts master:


   
 
I have never met [him]... he is much like myself... his boys never invited me...I will not speak against him...'Thou shalt not speak ill of a fellow Black Belt'.
 

 
 

   
 
My Sensei's name...was Shendai. What difference does it make? The Ninja have a saying, "Train yourself and be your own master."
 

 
 

QFA by his devoted fans:

   
 
Can I come live with you and do chores, in exchange for free room, board, and training, like in the Shaolin days?
 

 
 

His answer:

   
 
...Parents used to essentially 'sell' their children to the artisans to learn a trade and get an education...we are now working on the Ninja Temple in the hope of one day being able to host this sort of live-in program...
 

 
 

—teh Master on his hopes to sc0re underage weaboo buttsecks ASSAP.

Are you butthurt? Do you need a personal army to recify your unflattering wiki article?
Start a DoJo!
Fanboi FAQ:

   
 
Will you send me on a mission?
 

 
 

His reply:


   
 
See the Shit List.
 

 
 

Ashida Kim Is Dead

Some argue that Ashida Kim was killed by the mysterious White Ninja, the only ninja whiter than Radford himself. The following video has been cited in support of this claim:

A Final Warning

If you edit this article to say anything bad about Kim, she -- uh, he will add you to the dreaded shit list. Fear him!

See Also

External Links

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Ashida Kim is related to a series on AZNS.

[Domo ArigatoHerrow]

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