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Japan in Japanese (日本語版)

Typical Japanese TV show
Japanese Used-Panty Vending Machine
Picture of the Typical Japanese citizen
Is that a fake hand?

Despietto being-u destroyed-o ova za yeahs by Gojeela ando a variechy ovu azza gigancheeku monsutazzu no ga, Japan hazu always-u heroicarry rijjin fromu za ashes-u desu. Itto izu carrentoree za main so-sue ovu scene-goo-zoo like-a shibari, hentai, anime, ando cheeny ree-torru sellu-hone-zoo nado. Nationalu sportsu: Kancho ando ponchy pullingu desu POKEMON.

In keepingu wissu za carruchwallu torradition ovu cheeny, tiny scene-goo-zoo, za people-u ovu Japan ah berry sumallu desu. Zey ah oh-so absory-utoree adohbarroo ando no matta whatto kind ovu GODZILLA deessu-gassu-cheengu pone zey calm-u oppu wissu no ga, zey wheel-u sucheeru be owah precioussu reetorru lyssu-cake-oozoo desue.

Like-a ozza she-chee-zenzoo ovu Asia, Japanesu men have a-smallu penisazu ando Japanesu ooman have a-died-o brownu heyyah, have a-bangsu sommu chen inchee in rengsu cabba-ingu zeyyah pho-heddozoo (whicchee zey oruso use-u tsu chenticollu lape-u zemmuserru-boozoo), ando ah completoly sabbumissive-u tsu ho-why-toe men mo, eebun zoh allu Japanesu ah lay-shisto againsto evulee ozza race-u (includingu ozza Asiansu) no ga no desu. Za ornery ooman hwoo ah notto totarry submissive-u ah za terrifying-u Ganguro garruzoo desu KAWAII!!!

Pedophiria izzu notto ornery accepted-o in sony poolaystation Japan to, but oso highry mandatory mo. Socka 110 possento ovu Japanesu men wah pedophiruzu desu. Regarry za age-u ovu consento in Japan no naka knee izzu sacheen no ga, butto mitsubishi you-gee-alley Japanesu garroozoo ruse zeyyah baginichy atto za ripe-u oldo age-u ovu za 2ndo tore-eye-mesutorru afutah honda concepootion desu. The ugly ones survive until about 13, which is when they suddenly become attractive to Japanese men and tentacle monsters. This, in addition to the fact that the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, means that Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. Scat fetish is also popular. It is traditional for Japanese men to nose-bleed when sexually aroused, a tradition they had tried to export outside Japan through Anime. The reason Japanese people have such messed up fetishes is because normal porn is pretty much illegal. Actual sex has to be censored, and you can't see certain parts of the genitalia for both sexes.

There are more than 10,000 7-11 locations in Japan. The Japaneses really like Slurpees! Unfortunately the Japanese work 12-16 hour shifts and their businesses open at 9am and close at 5pm, so they can't buy any.

Adaptable and self-effacing, a Japanese will blend into almost any environment.

In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products. Mexicans have also migrated en mass to Japan and can often be seen doubling as sex dummies in vomitous kinky pornography, that strangely includes the Mexican's favorite accessory, leaf blowers, in ways you don't want to know about--that even Japanese porn stars find unpalatable.

The businesses of Japan, unlike the rest of the world work for market share instead of profit. (This tactic is pretty much like Microsoft.) This is why prices are so high in Japan. But teenage girls are able to overcome this because they sell their used panties and sweat, which grown ass perverted men and teenage boys purchase through vending machines.

The Japanese car industry is reportedly growing rapidly due to their Car Elf technology. They have actually genetically engineered small elf-like creatures that power their cars. Therefore, the cars do not need gas, but only the semen that is created daily by the ritual bukkakes preformed before the car is entered.

Back in the day, when a person was disgraced, or otherwise deemed it time to die, they would kill themselves via ritual seppuku. Truly a man's death in which a person would grab the blade of his japanese sword (katana) by the blade, then slice his belly horizontally and pull out his own guts, and when the pain was finally too much, his defeater-in-battle or friend (pending the situation) would decapitate the person. And for the truly manly, some would wrap paper around the sword to purposefully make it less sharp. In contemporary times, Seppuku has gone the way of the dodo, and has been repraced with Chuoside.

In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories.

Little Known Fact: Little Red Riding Hood was Japanese!


Kancho is a Japanese term, which when taken in context in Azrael's stories of man-boy-love translates to "enema." He fears returning to the USA because of all his fans waiting to kancho his ass. Only he and his ex know what The Octopus is, and he ain't telling. He also admits on his blog that he spends most of the time at his job asleep. Kancho is a sex move that gets the Japanese off because stimulating the erogonous zone that gay men enjoy.


  1. Clasp hands together
  2. Extend index fingers so they are pointing outward
  3. Ram up someone's ass
  4. Sniff your fingers

The "game" was featured on the popular Anime Naruto, helping to spread its popularity. There is even an arcade game based on it, in which players are rated on how hard they can jam the finger-shaped controller into the prosthetic ass.


Every cosplayer ever

The purest form of faggotry.

Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even (especially?) the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth.

Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangalion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.

Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internet to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible stuff). Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.

The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (irony) or committing suicide after arriving in Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."

Japanese Language

Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Super Metroid fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game, which is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons.


See also