Balkans

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The Balkans is a place synonymous with war and chaos. The tradition of Balkanization began with the Greeks who preferred tiny city-states who squabbled constantly to unity and the success it brings (lol). The only time the Balkans had a sense of stability was during the reign of the Ottoman Empire, but the dirty Turks made the mistake of not doing to the Greeks, Serbs, and Bulgarians what they did for the Armenians. Lord Byron and fellow Britfags then decided to help Greece gain independence because it was supposedly the pink-sparkly birthday of democracy, but they soon realized that the Greeks don't give a damn about democracy. For a country often associated with democracy, modern Greece spent most of its recent history as a monarchy and a military junta (and don't forget about the riots).

The name The Balkans came from a misplaced German, August Zeune, who attempted to study Geography and failed, defined it in 1808 to describe areas that were totally fucked up under Turkish Buttsex rule. So much that's broken in our modern world was invented by Faggy French (like, say, the creaky old term "Levant" for the Middle East) or Repressed German academics.

Today, the Balkans are made up of the following countries:

  • Greece – the most misunderstood country in the region. They are empire-cravers, not democrats. They would like nothing better than to recreate the Byzantine Empire and be the majority in control rather than a minority buttraped by Turks.
  • Albania – Misplaced Muslims whose main exports are armed rebellions and civil unrest. The chief importers of these Albanian products are its loving neighbors Serbia and Fyromia.
  • Serbia – Slavs kicked out of Russia. They are known for ethically cleansing Croats and Albanians.
  • Kosovo – The part of Serbia that told them to fuck themselves.
  • Fyromia – A country whose inhabitants claim to be descendants of ancient Macedonians, but they was really some Bulgarian-Serbian hybrids who moved in and kicked the real descendants of Alexander the Great back to Greek Macedonia, which then became true and proud Macedonia.
  • Bosnia – a bad mix of Muslims and Slavs
  • Bulgaria – more Slavs who got lost
  • Romania – more Slavs who think they are Romans
  • Montenegro – more Slavs and Albanians
This is a disambiguation page — we hope you feel less ambiguated.