God-Emperor of Blackkind
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- Were you looking for the Adult Swim show Black Jesus? Wait 2 weeks until it's canceled and you won't care anymore.
Barack Jesus✡ (/b'rɑːk jee:zuhs/), the immortal God-Emperor of Blackkind, is the first reptilian president and the leading idol of the liberal world and consumerist media. Also known by the names Barack "Barry" Soetero Obama, Black Hussein Osama, and Black Blair, he is the first White (like 40% black, 59% white, 1% Jew, 100% Satan), 3/5th final president of the Jewnited States of Americunts and Primo Finesse Pimp of the land. As of Last Thursday, El Presidente owns the body of every American Citizen, fulfilling his manifest destiny of being King of Pimps and Lord of Lords. Nancy Pelosi is his Bottom Bitch. Obama works a second job as a stripper in order to pay off the national debt, even though it's only 8 dollars. If you disagree with even the slightest thing he does, even if El Dumbo did it as well, you're obviously a racist.
Obama owes George W. Bush a session of hardcore buttfuck fun due the fact that if people learned how congress worked, and stopped blaming Bush for everything, the country would never have elected an unknown Indonesian-Muslim nigger whose greatest contributions was picking cotton and secretly keeping his gay sex (p.s. He went to Lake Forest Middle as a niglet, figures) "on the down low".
This epic win for the lurkers of the Internet (not to be confused with the NORP infested tubes of the Internet) came after an entirely TL;DR harblfest from 2006 to 2008 and dubbed Survivor: Murka, a reality TV election contest where he outwitted, outpwnt and outlived the rivals from both his own Democratic party, the GOP and a on YouTube who claimed he sold Obama crack and gave him a hummer in the back of a Hummer.
Most of all however, Obamunists and butthurt Republicunt bawfags can thank a brave civil rights pioneer named George Dubya Bush who spent 8 long years tirelessly campaigning on behalf of the junior Senator from the most politically corrupt state in the Union and laying the groundwork for an elitist, abortion-loving, black Moslem with
no birth certificate an obvious shoop to prove his US citizenship and his anti-American, political simpleton, wife to get elected in the world's most racist country. No mean feat given that Obama came packing a Socialist agenda of "personal responsibility", "shared sacrifice", and "hard work" to a people perfectly happy with their time-tested value system of being lazy, fat, greedy cheats, and who couldn't care less about the next guy. In his spare time he can be found forcing Catholic women to abort their own unborn children at gunpoint because that's what democrats do.
A Master of Black Arts
Obammessiah won the 2008 election using several clever tactics. These include:
- Faptastic rhetoric
His "Hope and Change" message left many leftards wet and hard. Hope and Change implied that the "status quo" (which any lefty worth his/her salt HATES) was broken and simply bad. Obama implied that he WAS Superman, Jesus, Muhammad and Marx all rolled into one, neat little chocolate package.
- De-regulated donations
Ironically, despite the fact that he
LOVESpretends to love government regulation over Wall Street, there was an alarmingly small amount of regulation on the Obama online donations list. On this list include many odd entries including Micky Mouse, "Cousin Osama" and Adolph Hitler residing in "Number 1 Reichstag, Berlin".
- He's black
See: White guilt.
The Media simply got a massive hard-on for Black Jesus. All of the old media outlets (except Fox News, of course) like CNN (Clinton News NetworKKK), CBS, ABC, and (most notably) MSNBC became 24-7 Obama info-mercials. The ad breaks simply provided a moment for the anchors to fap. The printed word (New York Times, Boston Globe, LA Times, TIME, etc.) simply became printed porn for Obama-ites and otherwise sensible people that had been sucked into the cascade of bullshit.
Despite all of this, John "Old Fuck" McCain and his hoe Sarah Palin were by no means out of the race... until the economy went tits-up. Once this happened, Obama was able to use all of his strengths listed above to secure his landslide victory. In order to fulfill the prophecy of the Elders of Zion, Obama commissioned a secret organization known as the Church of Scientology, in order to brainwash the citizens of 'Merica into giving up all their hard earned (welfare) Jewgold so that they can learn a story even crazier than the Bible. Obama uses the billions of moneys collected to fund his fetish for white wemmin.
"Change" into a negro!
And so the lord, your God, looked upon unholy Bush and proclaimed "BEGONE SATAN, for in this man is christ. And the power of the holy spirit lifted the devil out of him and made his pimping hand strong. And with this, Bush's skin turned black, his hair fell out revealing the scalp of the king of the negros, and all trace of any work ethic had left this once misguided man. -Blacks 5:21-24
"Change" into a Muslim
—"barack" on Muslims, noticing a common theme here?
—Mitch Hedberg foretold of the Black Jesus coming to power
On January 20th, 2009, Barack became the first negrito president to not be assassinated at his inauguration, much to the dismay of bookmakers and two million punters gathered in DC with money riding on a headshot because he was wearing a bulletproof suit. He also made history by not really becoming president until the following day's re-edit, after the oath of office was accidentally trolled by W's boy Chief Justice John Roberts of the Supreme Court during the official swearing-in.
Meanwhile, Bush and his Darth Cheney were dispatched from office and sent packing for exile in Texas and Tatooine to a chorus of "Booooo"s (and cheers from the MSNBC media tent) to a severe tongue-lashing from the incoming n00b, who condemned everything BushCo had done for America over its 8 years in power.
Black historians noted that America came a way vis-a-vis race relations because had Obama been the Commander In Chief that turned the country into a laughing stock with an 8 year legacy of EPIC FAIL at home and abroad. The mob would have been two million angry crackers with torches and nooses and his final destination would have been hanging from a tree in the National Mall on the end of a rope.
Some people are enticed by this prospect taking place in the next four years of even moar epic fail. What will a bankrupted cracker mob do to Nobel Peace Prize Winrar Black Jesus when his Chamberlain-like policies result in an mushroom cloud upon The New York Times building?
First 100 Days
BHO didn't waste any time delivering on the change he had promised to bring to Washington. Within two weeks he had alienated both the right with his orders to close Gitmo and allow 9/11 bombers to become part of Wreckonomics and the left with many of his cabinet appointments, his vow to continue extraordinary renditions (because WE DO NOT TORTURE! we just send them places that do) and get the troops on the first flight home from Iraq (with an indefinite lay-over in Afghanistan).
He angered most of the people who voted for him by announcing he would sell China the parts of America they don't already own and give the billions to the Jewish who helped Armenians bring the global economy to its knees by providing them unlimited amounts of credit to go with their food stamps and welfare.
He spent a great deal of time trying to provide an anal stimulus package that would provide substantial investment for alternative energy, causing great butthurt to climate-change deniers & economically-sound Republicans who knew it for what it truly was (and still is): big-government spending that will usher in a new era of socialism in America. Obama tried persuading the American sheeple by spinning it as vital for national security and economic recovery before going into the usual tree-hugging BS. This was passed by the Senate and will work as follows:
- Taxing for the purpose of forced mind rape.
- Introduce a carbon crap-and-trade system. Which overcredits everybody allowing for it to make no difference for at least three decades, by which time the system will be eliminated anyway.
- Increase investment in failed, backwards technologies like nuclear energy and glue coated butt plugs with spikes full of splinters.
—President Obama addressing the 111th United States Congress.
|Black Jesus is literally about to become The Final Boss of the Internet.|
The old media blows blackie every day, and only few have the balls to tell us the tr00th about what's really going on in Washington. We only know that Black Jesus Hussein Obama has failed at everything.
- He passed a trillion-dollar "federal relief" package based on the idea of Keynesian economics. Obama allegedly gave all trillion dollars equally to different states to create jobs, but the only indication of this is the fact that there is now construction on every major and minor highway in America. FYI, that's more than Bush spent in his entire eight-year reign.
- He failed at closing Gitmo because they lacked funding. Then everyone freaked out and stopped talking about it when the old media finally caught wind about sekrit briefings the leaders of Congress had about what happens at Gitmo.
- Lol'd openly at the prospect of legalizing marijuana or amending existing laws that send people to prison for years and labels them felons.
- Supported Bush administration's view on the treasonous Valerie Plame scandal.
- Socializing the healthcare system, which is going over really well with Republicunts. The biggest resistance comes the Tea party movement. Yes, a community organizer got schooled by a "grass roots" organization with corporate media sponsorship. LULZ
Britain- A Special Mention
Obama also has pulled off a remarkable feat in pissing off one of the few countries that can stand Americunts. Despite Britain being filled with mentally retarded tea-drinking sheepfappers, they have feelings too. Like all niggers who wouldn't take no shit, he's pissed off at the Brits because they owned the area where his ancestors would perform tribal dance shit. Plus, his father was a Kenyan which meant that they pwned him. Therefore, when he got into the White House, he got rid of the Churchill bust to make sure everyone knew he meant srs bsnss. Nigger probably took it to Cash Converters or some other shit. He then went and said that the BP oil spill was all Britain's fault despite the workers at the rig, the federal regulators, the company that made the piping shit and half of BP itself being owned by Americans.
ZOMG Nobel Prize for Chemistry
Another defining cultural moment in Obama's political process came when he received the Nobel Peace Prize for Chemistry and outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. The technical conditions of his award were intended to recognize his commitment to nuclear disarmament, and his multi lateral diplomatic approach, which is championed as being very internationally sensitive and cooperative.
Simultaneously the administration is increasing the number of nuclear weapons produced in the United States, and continuing to directly fund nuclear proliferation capacity in US colonies like Israel. During a major conference of nations held by the Obama administration regarding the need to protect against nuclear terrorism, several middle eastern countries were not invited or permitted to attend.
The war effort in the Af-Pak region has also accelerated since 2008 past anything the previous AOIC (Administration Of Illuminati Control) could have hoped for. The Obama Administration made official announcements, pledging that the number of nuclear weapons in the United States arsenal would be reduced by 35 percent by year 2020. Even if you believed this line, it would still just mean that in a decade the US would have 3500 nukes instead of 5000, which still translates into several dozen extinction events. Wow, what a peaceful gesture indeed.
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—Erick Erickson, of RedState.com forgetting about Mandela, Coffee Anon and other Nigger Terrorists
Importing the Obola Virus
Seeing how keeping the country in The Great Depression [II|Electric Boogaloo], Obummer decided that what the country really needed was a good 5-cent disease that kills in less than a month, and ties up 60-70 healthcare workers PER PATIENT.
Tim Geithner was a Wall Street bigwig who is awesome at evading taxes and becoming Secretary of the Treasury. When Geithner was announced to be Black Jesus' pick for Treasury Secretary, Wall Street made it very clear that he had made the right choice. Geithner is best known for smoking a lot of pot, saying the word "fuck" all the time, skateboarding, tree-hugging and being a hipster.
Tim Geithner received a cumstorm when, during his confirmation hearings, it was discovered he owed $34,000 in late taxes. People told him to withdraw his name, but he was too high to understand them. But hey, what's an extra $34,000 between taxpayers and gov't officials?
—Tim Geithner, giving a ringing endorsement.
Geithner payed his back taxes and paid off Chris Dodd and Lindsey Graham and ended up as the Treasury secretary. When he isn't getting high with young folks at Morrissey concerts, he can be found ruining the American economy and having no fucking idea what he is doing. Refer to the South Park episode on the banks and bailouts. The Treasury chart is pretty much how they work irl, too.
Rahm Emanuel is Obama's fucking insane Chief of Bullshit (Head of Staff). His middle name is Israel and the only Jesus he believes in is Black. He only has one middle finger and he is known for sticking it so far up the ass of dissenters that he can tell them what they had for breakfast. Rahm is most notable for saying the word "fuck" on the Senate floor many times (much to the excitement of the CSPAN censors) and IRL trolling the Republican party, including sending a pollster a dead fish and stabbing papers with the names of Republicans on them. His closest friends are Jospeh Stalin, Yasser Arafat, Ayn Rand and Meir Kahane.
—Rahm Emanuel, on religion.
—Rahm Emanuel, on rape.
Dr. Peter Orszag
Dr. Peter Orszag is a blogger who Black Jesus put in charge of the budget and finances for America. He, of course, is a Jew who likes the word "fuck." He also worked with Rahm Emanuel in the Clinton Administration. He is loved by neocons, Republicans and tr00 Americunts such as Lou Dobbs for his deep love for cock and his tendency to quote Toby Keith lyrics every chance he gets. He is also a notable eco terrorist, having authored an entire book on how to save the trees while growing our economy.
—Dr. Peter Orszag, on liberalism.
—Dr. Peter Orszag, on Oprah's snatch.
It is obvious to you by now that Black Jesus is partial to hipsters with an affinity for pot and partying hard. This has never been more apparent than in his barely legal speech writer, Jon Favreau. He is known for taking advantage of all the perks of working for the President, such as dating White House aides and interns as well as supermodels, living in a rich and gay part of town and spending all day in Starbucks Facebook-stalking and writing speeches. He is known for doing whatever the fuck he wants and for noone giving a shit about it. He also frequents high stakes XBox Live LAN parties at the State Department and is famous for owning them in Rock Band battles.
—Barrack Obama to Mel Gibson in the film Lethal Weapon.
Niggachrist is a man of the people, obviously a typical American. After graduating from a crash course on Islamic Values from an Indonesian Medrassa he furthered his studies under the wing of ugly Jew and prominent Socialist, Saul Alinsky. The wholesome all-American combo of Jihad, Communism and Jewish Materialism, tarnished with East African pedigree proved very popular to the American Public allowing him to get all his nuts in a roll to make the New Socialist Man:
- Put sanctions on every country for the benefit of the US, which is similar to balancing a cinder block on a toothpick
- Promote a culture of Promiscuity and ignorance of preventive birth control methods
- Impregnate single women
- Provide free and mandatory abortions (
this is a bad thing how?what's a condom?)
- Use the parts of the aborted fetuses to assemble a new race of Superhuman Liberal Babies for glory
A rich and beautiful person's response to President Obama's actions
Dear President Obama:
You are the thirteenth President under whom I have lived and unlike Any of the others, you truly scare me.
You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America ' Crowd and deliver this message abroad.
You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly Capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves.
You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose That lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of Living in the world.
You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics Against certain banks and corporations.
You scare me because your own political party shrinks from Challenging you on your wild and irresponsible spending proposals.
You scare me because you will not openly listen to or even consider Opposing points of view from intelligent people.
You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaugh's, Hannitys, O'Reillys and Becks who offer opposing, Conservative points of view.
Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will Probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years.
Last Thursday, Obongo became the first president ever to openly endorse gay marriage, officially making Obama the antichrist in the views of every insane fundie and closeted Republican across the United States. Shortly after Joe Biden said gays should be able to get married on MSNBC on Sunday, May 6th, 2012, Obongo had to change his position on gay marriage entirely, or risk being upstaged by his honky vice president on a political issue.
Ever since, the entire political sphere was lit on fire.
Back in 1990, in a small, quiet town near Harvard Law school, occurred the rape and subsequent murder of a young, white woman. After the police investigated the crime, they quickly narrowed the list of suspects down to two men. One was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, Caucasian man who was an upstanding citizen. The other was a half-breed Negro who engaged in unamerican activities. It didn't take long for the police to clear the good name of the first man. With overwhelming evidence they arrested Barack Obama. Mysteriously, all the evidence disappeared and Obama was a free man. Now, years later, Obama is trying to frame an innocent man for his past crimes and people are asking: Why he doesn't take responsibility for what he has done?
Assassination of US Citizens
B-rack Hussain Osama Bin Biden has authorized the CIA to murder US citizens if they are suspected, not verified terrorists. Again here even more here eventually he found a war exception here, so it's ok to do this and finally argued that it was secret here.
—George Bush, the guy who thought it was ok to waterboard.
—Every sane human, aspie, and furry, on Earth
|Galería del Jesús Negro||About missing Pics|
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|Featured article November 7 & 8, 2012|
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