Basketball

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Why do black people like basketball? Because it involves running, shooting and stealing... the ball.
 

 
 

—The sport in a nutshell

Basketball (aka Nigger Ballet Academy) is something between bulletball and soccer - awesome at times, but homosexual in general. While it is technically the second most famous sport on the planet, nobody really likes basketball, except for niggers and poor people. Additionally, basketball sometimes allows money-hungry sports team owners to make good worthwhile money out of the worthless apes doing what they do best, aka, stealing. One notable exception is Larry Bird, who invented the slam dunk.

Contents

Ancient history

Basketball was ejaculated by some faggot Canadian who fled to America sometime around 1910. This obviously not being tragic enough, the sport actually became famous. A couple of decades and there is the fucking NBA. There's not much history to basketball, actually; the only thing worth mention is that basketball players in the 80s wore these retarded shorts that were gay beyond faggotry. PROTIP: Mention that a Canadian invented basketball to a American nigra for extreme butthurt and lulz.

How do I shot ball

The basketball general rules aren't that complicated either, because if they were, how the fuck would niggers play it? Anyway, you steal the ball and you shoot into the basket. Congratulations - you are now eligible to join the NBA. Also, you have to dribble the ball, can't step out of the court and you can't show a nigger wassup - the last regulation is obviously the hardest for the ballers to stand.

However even if you follow these rules, the local referees have the last call - which is wrong 99% of the time. Just watch this:

Local playas

It is a fact that every single basketball player worth/not worth shit is in the NBA. The National Basketball Association is called the best basketball league there is; however, it's just a big mantrain of niggers. Here are some notable "superstars":

  • Magic Johnson - known to all basketball fans as TEH SECOND BEST BASKETBALL PLAYAR OF ALL TIME!!11!!. However, he has AIDS because he was receiving anal and giving blow to his basketball teammates.
  • Michael Jordan - the mascot for basketball, also rich as fuck. He is frequently called the best basketball player there ever was; little do these retards know that he sucks cock throughout all games.
  • Lebron James - he was supposed to be the next Jordan, but how is he any good if he HASN'T WON AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP? He also likes to eat his fingernails. Sick fuck.
  • Kobe Bryant - at least this one managed to win the trophy. 5 times. Also mastered the way of crying his way out of rape charges.
  • Larry Bird - ancient player, white ginger.
  • Gilbert Arenas - got B& from the NBA for a while for attempting to cap a fellow nigga.

Basketball for the virgins

Since almost every person on the internet is so fat, he is permanently inable to move, many great video game designers such as EA Sports took time to create basketball video games for such sad basketball fans described above. Sadly, every single one of these basketball franchises failed miserably. Also, you can create a 7.2 nigger pedophile-looking nigger in NBA Live.

Lulzy events and mentions

Om nom nom, bitch (lol Canada)

A sport isn't a sport if it doesn't have any retarded misunderstandings, epic fails and overall memorable moments and/or things, either popularized by 4chan's /sp/ board or simply being bad enough to become memes without no actual effort.

Vince Carter

While not an event, /vc/ shot into memedom with the help of /sp/. There are no actual reasons why Vince Carter is seen as such a funny thing, it's just that he sucks. He was known for his hardcore slam dunks, but now when he's in the Orlando Magic, Dwight Howard stole his spotlight as the key slammer, so he went back to the worthless and attention-unworthy self that he truly is.

Buzzerbeating

Last seconds of the game. Your team is losing by one point. You get the ball. You shoot, and as you hear the stupid "BRRRZZZ" sound, the ball hits the basket, thus earning the win for your team. What you just scored was a buzzer-beater, also known as a "clutch shot". A buzzerbeater occurs in almost every game of basketball, yet it is still considered awesome, because, well, it can make one team cry and the other team celebrate in a matter of seconds. What's not to like?

Anyway, over the history of basketball, there were several buzzerbeaters that were not only awesome, but also fucking hardcore. One was known as "The Shot" - Michael Jordan made it against the Cavaliers, won the game and also won the series. It was actually nothing much, except that Jordan, when shooting the ball, did a retarded jump and thus gained insane hang-time, and thus staying in the air for over 9000 seconds.

Havlicek stole the ball!

"Havlicek stole the ball" is a quote that was blurted out by some fat and stupid broadcaster in a game of Boston Celtics fighting the Philadelphia 76ers. Yes, it is not a meme, but it's probably the earliest example IRL of all caps; what's not to like?


   
 
And Havlicek steals it! Over to Sam Jones. Havlicek stole the ball! It's all over! It's allll over! Johnny Havlicek is being mobbed by the fans! It's allll over! Johnny Havlicek stole the ball!
 

 
 

—Johnny Most, obviously excited about the win.

Game 7

A "Game 7" is played in a first-to-4-wins Playoff series, wherein the two teams are tied (in this situation, both are at 3 wins) and the said Game 7 is a deciding match where the "winner wins everything". Of course the deciding match can be Game 5, Game 3 or Game Over 9000, depending on the number of wins needed, but since in the NBA you need four wins, Game 7 is the most widely known term because NBA is serious business. A game like this happens quite often, however it still is probably the highest peak of drama there can be in basketball, hence the young basketball enthusiasts saying things like "OMG this game is so tense i'm going to crap my shit".

The latest Game 7 to happen is the Lakers vs. Celtics match in the NBA Finals, and since a 3-3 series in the finals is hardcore, everybody expected to see a pissholdingly suspenseful match, but what everybody saw was the Lakers ass-breaking penis inside Boston's pink asshole. But seriously, going so far only to lose in such a close series should be heartbreaking.

Raptor devours cheerleader

A raptor devoured a cheerleader. Yes. Needless to say, bitch got what she deserved - why the fuck wasn't she in the kitchen, making raptornip?

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2011 NBA Lockout

As of now, the NBA is going overseas to pit its' top atheletes against the best of beyond America. This, as expected, is making all Americunts get in a big rage in between their 3:00 PM naps and 4:30 PM snack breaks. Of course, this isn't as bad as the MLB lockout, where the US gets destroyed by crazy, obsessed Asians.

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