Battlefield: Bad Company 2

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Destruction 2.0
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Battlefield: Bad Company 2, also known as Battlefailed: Run Around and Get Sniped Company 2 is a tactical FPS released by EA DICE in March 2010 as a big "Fuck You!" to Modern Warfare 2. Though it does have a single player mode, the main reason anyone gets Bad Company 2 is to go online and troll the fuck out of the opposing team. Or your own team. It doesn't really matter. It is available for PC, Xbox 360, and PS3. It is a pretty cool vidya game released this console generation, and generally anyone who tells you otherwise is a 13 year old Modern warfag trying to defend their game with the rabid tenacity of a 16 year old girl trying to defend the literary qualities of Twilight. Unlike Modern Warfare 2, Bad Company 2 was given dedicated servers which are likely to either crash for hours, lag the fuck out of you with random ping spikes, and worst of all giving you the pleasure of experiencing the worst hitboxes in gaming, because the game compensates for 100 milliseconds of latency, calculated by its speshul system. It's easily fixed by an .ini edit, set the ping to the ping you see in the browser, which is usually less than half the latency.(but who gives a shit) Every soldier also has tourettes syndrome as he uncontrollably yells "EAT THIS MOTHERFUCKER" every time he sees an opponent. (You can't hear your own character yelling this,but your enemies can)

Story

While most people don't notice because they are too busy playing conquest mode online, the game does in fact, have a story behind it. It's 3 minutes and 20 seconds into the future, and Russia is pwning the shit out of Europe, South America, Alaska, and Canada, and is knocking on America's door (since fiction is the only place where that would be possible). The game never really says why, though it's presumably because Bad Vlad got bored with raping and pillaging lesser nations.

The single-player game itself focuses on your squad, which is made up of a black person who is constantly 2 weeks from retirement, a CSIII graduate who is also the token Jew, a redneck, and you, and your attempts to find some kind of WWII-era Japanese Death Star. The plot is not so much a moving Shakespearean epic as it is a thinly-veiled excuse to have the player going around the world, busting into people's living rooms, putting 5.56 millimeters of lead into all of the occupants, and also blowing the shit out of South America. It also trolls Modern Warfare 2's shitty-ass story every chance it gets, which is always a plus. The idea of fighting Russians has never ever been done before.

TL;DR: A half-assed attempt to create a story was made, but fell on its face like a fat kid doing high jump.

Multiplayer

Bad Company 2's multiplayer can best be described as a fantastically-designed trolling engine. Every class is overpowered. Every vehicle is overpowered. Every weapon can be fitted with a sniper-scope and Magnum ammo. Death Cams let you ghost enemy player's positions to your squad. The WWII pistol can snipe enemies across the map. The Q/Select/Back-button called the "Socialize Command" activates a legitimate wall-hack. There is literally no end to the ways to can ruin kids' days online. Unlike Modern Warfare 2, this game is actually not broken and the average player IQ is actually above 70 (give or take). Players will often do two things: camp (mostly using the recon class), or use whore vehicles. And if you thought Modern Warfare 2 was bad for camping, wait till you play this piece of shit. Playing Bad Company 2 feels like taking a meat cleaver, cutting 90 or more notches in every part of the body, and taking a bath in saltwater, getting out of the bath, and being lit on fire. The Hit Detection is painful, the amount of asshole shit one can do is insane, the shotgun range was programmed by a crack addict. Every player in a server is a self serving asshole. Unless you're in a squad with friends that don't suck ass, everybody will ignore you. You know, just like IRL.

Your typical match tends to go as follows:

1) Spawn in, run 5 miles to your objective. Get sniped. 2) Spawn in on a teammate. Die two seconds later. 3) Spawn in at base. Get sniped from across the map. 4) Spawn near enemy camping spot. Try to plant C4 on the building in question. Get sniped as you finish setting your charges. 5) Spawn in, get run over by a tank. 6) REVIVED!!! Die two seconds later from a sniper. 7) Rage quit. 8) Get sniped after rage quitting. 9) Turn 360 off. Get sniped again. 10) Then turn your Xbox back on just to troll more f4ggots that bitch and moan at you for being a Me-DICK A short instructional video for noobs

Rush

This mode will put your squad's teamwork to the test... which they will most likely ALWAYS fail. The objective of Rush is to fill enemy crates with DragonForce cd's until they asplode, without the enemy noticing you NOBODY ACTUALLY DOES THAT. When you must defend these crates, and the enemy is activating them, your teammates will most likely stand as far from them as possible, shooting at it until it dies, because they are afraid disarming the crates might ruin their perfect kill/death ratio.

The people you find playing Rush are generally really gay, love cock and have absolutely no idea what team work is.

Rush is played with explosives, and not the manly kind that require you to arm it then defend like a squad until it blows (giggity) no, instead the acceptable action is to either relentlessly spam rockets at it from 2 bases away,tank snipe it, or plant C4 all over an ATV/Blackhawk and Jihad the fuck out of the M-Com. Gayest tactic evar as it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to stop the enemy team from teleporting to your M-Com and shitting out a dozen brix of C4, causing M-Com insta-death. Avoid Rush mode like the plague. Play Conquest like a real man and get spawn camped like the rest of us.

HOWEVER, in a recent patch C4 is no longer as effective against M-Coms. Not like it matters because fuckers will still try.

Not like using the C4 mattered anyways. Everyone just drops the building on the fucking thing.

Conquest

This mode is played by capturing a series of flags so the rest of your team can spawn on those flags, and then pushing the other team into their main spawn and pounding them into the dirt the moment their sorry asses hit "spawn now." On any map which has attack helicopters this game mode quickly turns into which-team-can-take-control-of-both-attack-helicopters-first mode, if the opposing team has both attack helicopters you may as well just quit then and there unless you want your precious K/D score to be raped, as the only things that have a hope in hell of shooting down an attack heli are AA guns or another attack heli and since the majority of AA guns are stationary they are always quickly destroyed, as such you will spend the match pitifully hiding in your teams spawn area as the dickhead in the AH-64 Apache and the twat in the Mi-28 Havoc take turns strafing your position, killing anyone in the open and destroying any vehicles/AA guns as soon as they spawn. However, sometimes these chopper whores are particularly stupid and end up losing because, like call of duty fags, they just forget about the rest of their team and/or the objective the capture any flags and act like a lone wolf, one man army.

If the opposing team is actually a threat and gives you a challenge, you will spend the entire game running around the god-damned map capturing bases because the moment you capture one you'll lose another. Because the opposing team is doing the same damned thing. Which should tell you that your team isn't doing a damn thing to help re-cap faster and/or help protect at least one fucking point somewhere. Instead they usually choose to find a random bush to go fap in, before running back to your base and plant C4 on your own vehicles to troll the shit out of you. Which is actually really fun. No it's not, shut up.

Squad Rush

This game mode is used mostly by those between the ages of 14 and 28. The players you'll find on this mode are typically trolls, people who take life too seriously, people take the game too seriously, or people who are bored of facebook. The average squad rush match tends to go something like this, Player 1: FUCK FUCK FUCK HOW THE FUCK DID HE KNIFE ME LIKE THAT HACKER! Player 2: There is no player 2 as it is squad rush and nobody actually plays this game mode. If in fact you do manage to find players in this game mode they'll be either a part of the clans 11B, DD, PrN, or GAY. Otherwise they are not players of value to the community and should therefore be team killed. Hell, team kill any of the previously mentioned players as lulz will ensue either by rage or a battle within the team. There is no real point to playing squad rush except getting knife kills, as the score by the end of the game is between 600 and 2200, nobody does anything but snipe, unless they have a mic. In that case they snipe anyways but while raging if you give away their position. When two of the aforementioned clans meet up if they are not rival players, nemesis' or whatever else they may refer to each other as they are using the game as a chatroom rather than actually playing Battlefield. The topics will range from what they did last night, personal private information of theirs which they only tell their closest of online friends because they have no irl friends or even at times opinions of the other players on each other. It creates massive amounts of lulz to make shit up, harass or insult the playing of these players. You will gain squad rush infamy and will be recognized amongst the squad rush players. This is also the best mode for hate mail. Any sort of knfing, spawn camping, glitching (blowing up objective B before A on cold war.) or hiding will get you hate mail.

The most common use for this mode is, however, battle knifing. In this game mode you take nothing but your knife and shove it as far as possible up the other teams assholes until their blood squirts out and creates a pool large enough to drink. In other words you each slash at eachother 800 times before finally someone gets lucky with battlefields terrible lag and knifing system that the blade actually kills them. That is extremely unlikely as all blades are made from air and don't actually do any damage to people or give you hit markers, which still, do no damage. When in a knife fight if you manage to knife more than one person at a time because you are't trying all your 1337 techniques and just regularly slashing at someone as they walk by you you'll be called a hacker. You'll also find the players who like to spin in circles abusing battlefields perfect servers, causing you to see them spinning in circles when really they're in the middle of stabbing you. Best thing to do against them is just back up and walk away. They'll either shoot you because they know you're too far for them to abuse it or they'll run away themselves because they can't play it properly. An example of what will happen is Ramdeholl: *Spinning in circles* N3i1c9k5: *watching backing up* Ramdeholl: *shoots N3i1c9k5 with saiga* N3i1c9k5: Why'd you shoot me you asked for a knife fight? Ramdeholl: Lol, accident sorry. *ragequit*

Onslaught

Onslaught mode is the biggest ripoff since Modern Warfare 2's Stimulus Package. Onslaught mode is $10, and what do you get for it? A single-flag Rush mode with enemy AI instead of real players. This DLC includes 0 new maps (hell, the file was 100 kb), 0 new weapons, 0 new classes/characters, 0 new vehicles, just an "enhanced"/co-op Squad Rush variant. You'll probably get more enjoyment from paying a 75 year old pedophile to allow him to let you suck him off. Consolefags world wide have never been more buttangered.

Remember that if you play this you are always a Recon and never an Engineer. Ever. NEVER EVER.

Why Bad Company 2 is fail

  • No new maps, ever. New maps have been announced. DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS The new maps they added were 3 old ones from the first game. Sweet maps, but still. The fuck.
  • No mod support, at all.(There is one mod currently sold as a game called "Medal of Honor" which steals ideas from Modern Warfare 2)
  • Shitty Optimization for the PC
  • You're always stuck on the losing team on the Xbox. Always. And forever.
  • Stat tracking doesn't work on the Xbox.
  • Unbalanced Recon class hitboxes the size of a turnip
  • It was made to compete with MW2, not Battlefield 2.
  • Maps are small as hell, except for MW2 fags who promptly complain that they are too big to score knife and random grenade kills.
  • Only 32 players at most. Because we need more fags like you to sit on a hill and pick off the enemy's family one by one while slowly jerking it to the sound of your little brother bleeding out.
  • The PC controls are shitty as hell as it is a console port.
  • No prone (because when i play games i want to lie down like a lazy shit covered panda bear in both worlds)
  • Bloom everywhere, can't see shit.
  • Humvees are incredibly useful as noob-guided, remotely-detonatable C4 delivery systems. They are useless for anything else.
  • Like in MW2, Assault rifles are more accurate then Sniper rifles.
  • COD fags will always bitch that their game is better.
  • If you get shot from around a corner the lag will cause you to die from bullets hitting the air.
  • Joining a game of squad rush means being team killed unless you have a knife fight.
  • Cod is better. GET OUT.

The Classes

Assault

Assault is the most versatile class, and is certainly the easiest to troll with. Every assault rifle comes with a 40MM Grenade launcher (aka N00b t00b Pr0 PiPE), and one of the first unlocks is an infinite-supply of ammo boxes. A common tactic is to camp behind a hill, throw down an ammo crate, and shell an enemy base with infinite grenades. One of the later unlocks is an An-94 that, with the right upgrades, can drop people from across the entire fucking map.

The Average Assault
  • Whores the AN-94.
  • Complains about the M60.
  • Kills you to get a med-kit.
  • Never gives any goddamn ammo!
  • Is deaf.

Engineer

The anti-vehicle class, and trolls. Engineers can equip rocket launchers, they can and will kill any infantry that gets in its way. Even if they're behind cover, the round can punch through walls and kill everyone on the other side. PROTIP: Equip the PP-2000 and the 4x optical sight.

The Average Engineer
  • Never repairs friendly vehicles.
  • Only uses their rockets against infantry and untraced choppers.
  • Can't hit a target with a rocket if it's five feet away and not moving.
  • Whores vehicles.
  • Is blind.

Medic

Medic's are the anus babies of Rambo and Jesus. Equiped with healing kits, defibrillators, and the M60 Light Machine Gun, meaning that they essentially glide across the battlefield healing and resurrecting their teammates, while laying down hundred's of rounds of fully-automatic rape. To hit a really high note on the lulz-o-meter, defibrillate an enemy - instant kill. It's not uncommon to find squads of 4 medics getting 100-0 W/L ratios because of their death machines, and defibrillator circle-jerking. (Usually, the only solution to this faggotry is Carl Gustav). You can use other machine guns as a Medic, but since the M60 is the most accurate and powerful gun in the game with the largest magazine capacity, noone ever does.

The Average Medic
  • Tortures teammates by reviving them in front of enemies so they die again 1 second later.
  • Uses the M60 and claims that the latest patch made it underpowered.
  • Teamkills with the defibrillator then revives you to kill you again.
  • Complains about players driving vehicles.
  • Is dumb.

Recon

The most hated class in the game, mainly because they wouldn't disarm a bomb if it were glued to their legs (not that they would care since then they would finally be able to go prone). It's been estimated that 93.8% of recons on your team do not understand the concept of elevation and wind-age, and a similar percentage does not understand the "spotting" system in Bad Company 2. Every recon on your team couldn't headshot the Statue of Liberty even if they were five feet away from her nose. Every recon on the enemy's team is Vasily Zaytsev. A fun and effective way of getting recons to actually do something is to select the assault class, equip an assault rifle and smoke grenades and then spam said smoke grenades into the ground directly in front of the reconfag and making sure that anywhere they move they will see nothing but a pea soup fog though their scope. Points scored for everytime they shoot/stab you (with team killing off) in frustration, bonus points if you receive hatemail.

The Average Recon
  • Camps so hard that their ghillie suits grow into the ground.
  • Doesn't understand English
  • Never uses their Motion Mines.
  • Provides a valuable service to the team by keeping his unlocked spotting scope pristine in a pretty velvet display case while the enemy is shelling the fuck out of you.
  • Is paraplegic.

The Weapons

  • M60 LMG

It's the best gun in the game. It's the most overrated gun in the entire game because everyone thinks it's an all powerful entity that controls the very fabric of time and space. What people like to forget is that since Medics are about the only class that use it, and given that every medic is dumb-fucking retarded, the M60 is a half machine, half panther prototype created by the government but serves no purpose since it's being wielded by a twelve-year old.

  • Knife

One of the few things DICE took from Call of Duty is the insta-kill Combat Knife, because for some reason, every game developer out there thinks a 6-inch blade can do more damage than a rifle bullet punching right through you at very high speeds. Except the knives in this game are actually made up of a portion of Wolverine's adamantium claw or some goofy shit, because they can be used to smash through doors and rip and tear chainlink fences like a goddamn lightsaber. Also, it takes a whole 2 seconds to actually stab a guy with this weapon. When using this weapon either it will somehow fail miserably by doing absolutely nothing or you will Commando rush through a barrage of enemy bullets and stab some motherfucker right in the eye.

The knife and it's commando pro Michael Jordan jump ability
  • 40mm Grenade Launcher

Since the dawn of time, the N00b t00b AKA the Pro Pipe has been one of the most rage inducing weapons in existence. The assault class normally starts with 2 rounds, meaning they should get at least 2 kills per spawn, assuming they don't suck. When you learn how to read the elevation scope, those rounds start flying halfway across the map, and if you can find a safe place to throw down an ammo box, you can shoot as long as you want. Later on, you get a bandolier upgrade giving you 4 shots before you have to reload. They can blow away walls, doors, and even armored vehicles if you keep at it. A surefire recipe to make other players RAGE.

  • Neostead 2000

This weapon along with all other Pump shotguns in the game are believed to be the biggest waste of tax payers money. However, all other shotguns fire bread crumbs and can't hit shit unless you are right beside the target. This weapon, however, is a goddamn sniper rifle. It can kill from ovar ninefowsand yards away, and will automatically aim for the head. For increased drama, equipped magnum and slugs, if you're a veteran, which turns the gun into a handheld mortar strike. Have fun sniping snipers at 300 meters away with your pump action shotgun. (lulz can be increased by being a SPECACT medic while doing this.)

  • Saiga 20K

A semi-automatic shotgun. Absorb that idea. It is one of the family of weapons that can be equipped by any class. Meaning you can get motion-sensored by a recon, then shot in the back. You can face an autohealing/rezzing medic, who will then shoot you in the face. You can face an assault who has infinite ammo for his shotgun, and will spray it around like Michael J. Fox at a urinal. And finally you can face an engineer, who if he misses, will just pull out a rocket launcher and blow you away. You can also use the USAS-12 which is practically identical to the Saiga except it reloads slightly slower, however with it you can just hold down the trigger and start screaming.

  • 9A-91

Useless weapon, unless you've played roughly 100 hours as engineer and understand advanced SMG mechanics. Does more damage than most of SMGs. Has quite smaller damage drop over distance, but due to it's Awesome accuracy it's rendered useless at a large distance. But wait, isn't the 9A-91 a carbine?

  • Carl Gustav

Rape incarnate, engineers will pack this with an extended rocket ammo and extra explosive damage, meaning they will have 6 8 rockets to blast into you. If you take cover you will die. If you run you will die. If you try to kill the engineer you will die. If you do anything else you will die. They also work with tracers, and although they aren't tankpwn, say goodnight if you are in a jeep or a chopper. One day EA decided that the M60 was overpowered and reduced its damage, turning it into a normal weapon. That day the CG became the most fucking overused weapon in the game (except for the 40mm n00b t00b PR0 PIPE), making engineers the strongest and the gayest class in the game for a while (until everyone found out that EA are trollin' and the M60 is still the strongest weapon in the game).

  • PP-2000

This gun has perhaps the most made up stats. Even though stats say that it has shit poor accuracy and low damage, you can still do major trolling by camping on the other side of the map and short-bursting enemies spotted by your teammates. Just like with Abakan. Unlike Abakan, this gun has shit damage, on the other hand - good ironsights, and since it eats ammo like a monster, it is crucial to keep either an Assault or ammo upgrade. Abakan and PP-2000 players get along very well.

  • M136 AT4

The "best" anti tank rocket in the game. Most players are too dumb to realize how it works. Unlike what the game tells you IT IS NOT HEAT SEAKING. When you aim with it you will see a bright red box. Point that to what you want to hit. Now this weapon probably has the biggest amount of retarded limitations of any gun in the game. If you get killed while its in midair it will vanish one second later. If you change weapons after shooting it, it will keep going straight however after flying for over one second, but after one second it will wait until its one meter from reaching an enemy vehicle it swerve at a 120° angle towards the sky. While you have the weapon equipped even if you aren't aim down sight it will still follow where you are looking. Basically forcing you to stand out in the open like a fucking whack-a-mole aiming for the vehicle you trying to hit.

  • Tracer Darts

Tracer Darts are the most decorative weapon ever to be invented; they hiss out a large blinking red dot that sticks to people and vehicles. It is a great device for communicating messages to your team mates like "give me some medicine/ammo you fucking homosexual", or "move out of the fucking way" or, "please stop fail-sniping AND MOVE". Normally they are supposed to be attached to vehicles, which then attract rockets if your team nates have trouble hitting a 10 foot wide vehicle. However, they can also be put onto people, and any hit of an enemy with it will give you 30 points (a kill gives you 50 points). Go assault, toss down an ammo crate, AND START DECORATING! Useless Snipers + Tracer Dot to the face = Win.

  • F2000 and AUG

Worst assault rifles in the game. Bursting with these can however be Win, if combined with 4X scope and magnum ammo. This combination can also be used to annoy the fuck out of recons on Heavy Metal.

  • SV98

BB Gun for snipers. Completely useless at long range, however at CQB it's potential is equal to a 1-hit no-scope rape machine. +5 Round insurance for missed shots.

  • M1911

An antique from World War 2, yet somehow surpasses almost every fucking "Modern" pistol by far in terms of power. Combine with Magnum Ammo to create a single-handed shotgun and a drop-less sniper rifle.

  • M9 and M93R

The joke weapons of the game. The M9's stats are identical to the MP-443 (the M9 is actually more powerful than the Grach, but still) however is shoots 28% slower and carries five less shots. With the M93R you won't be able to hit the broad side a tank if it were parked 10 meters from you if you life depended on it.

  • MP-443

It might not look like it from the picture, but the Grach is actually a powerful semi-automatic sniper rifle with a 17-round magazine.

  • MG3

Fully automatic railgun. Completely useless at close range. Used for short bursting everyone at mid-long range.

  • AN-94

A 2-shot burst Assault Rifle. Considered to be the best assault rifle in the game because it does the most damage and is very accurate. However it required the user to click fast and have to deal with one of the worst iron sights in the game unless they use one of the iron sight replacement specializations, meaning that this gun is pro shit by default and and it is the eighth deadly sin to even conceive of defiling it's pure rape laser essence by using anything other than a Red Dot Sight or an ACOG on it.

  • XM8 Series

Every class has one. Except the Recons but they don't do anything anyways. These guns are practically Bad Company 2's signature guns. They're win in singleplayer, but in multiplayer (AKA The Real Game) they all suck the gay right out of Liberace's anus except for the assault version, which will slap your shit all day, everyday, and make you like it.

  • VSS

A fully-automatic sniper rifle that only comes with 40 bullets. Expect every jackass who uses this thing to act like they're an assault class. Be sure to combine it with Magnum ammo to drop a guy in 4 shots. ALWAYS choose the extra ammo perk it because eats more ammo than Paris Hilton eats cock. Unlike other SMGs, it doesn't come with crosshairs.

  • Humvee

Now you too can be like the guys fighting in Afghanistan. The Humvee, with its cardboard armor, makes a very large target that can be 1-shotted by tanks and RPGs while its crew can be shot out of the vehicle by machine guns. Unlike in Battlefield 2, the gunner must keep his torso OUTSIDE the vehicle where he can be sniped out. The only redeeming factor is that it's faster than the quad. The only redeeming feature is that you can nigger-rig it with some C4 and proceed to troll the fuck out of tanks by ramming the thing up under them from behind, jumping out, and blowing the c4.

  • Abrams/T-90

The most whored vehicles in the game. Most drivers tend to drive away from friendly engineers when low on health. Drivers are rarely good with them, dont expect them to help in any way.

  • UH-60 Blackhawk

A shitty helicopter used only as a mobile spawn point. It is armed with 2 worthless miniguns that can't hit a guy even if he stands still 30 feet away. Unlike what previous idiots like to think the Blackhawk A.K.A rapecopter can't miss a fucking ant the gunner can't see himself. It will destroy everything in it's path. It is possible to go 50-60/0-3 in a round by using nothing but this rapecopter. It also leaves the crew members vulnerable to snipers. Be prepared to jump out as noob pilots tend to crash the helicopter 7 seconds after takeoff. Trolling can be done by flying off the map. This chopper is ironically the only thing useful for engineers, as they have the ability to weld up the helicopter while it is running and flying in mid-air. Massive lulz will ensue from the opposition. Note: This vehicle when used properly will get you hatemail telling you that you've used it improperly and practice will get you better at using it. These are just the snipers complaining about being niggered out of a job.

  • Mi-24 Hind

Slightly better than shitty Blackhawk and with it you can actually kill someone. It's pretty much a slow version of Havoc or Apache, but without rockets. Isla Inocentes is however the only map where you can express yourself with it, since on Atacama Desert Rush 3 seconds after take-off you'll get molested by an AA Gun.

  • Apache/Havoc

The best vehicles in the game. There is no way to counter these with anything other than an AA gun or another helicopter. The tracer darts are pretty useless against this aircraft.

  • UAV

An idea stolen from Modern Warfare 2 HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. It is armed with a laser designator and optional machine guns. Trolling the other team can be done by loading it up with C4 and flying into their M-Com station.

Notable Players/Groups/Clans etc. Notable fags that take the game too srsly.

  • Filthy Moga

God of the engineers. Every Engineer wants to be like Filthy. Has about 150k kills with UMP-45

  • der_Mati

Faggy booster, who paid for private ranked servers to have medic orgies and M-Com idling.

  • ThugLife

Spent all his gameplay time in knife/repair tool/defib servers.

Reconfag god. Probably obese, considering how much time he spent in bushes waiting for a victim.

  • -No Hack-

If you see this Clantag on someone on the other team, it's advisable to disconnect, because most likely you and your team will get molested by an aimbotter. Clan is infamous for selling hacks for 150 bucks each. And there are people who actually buy them.

  • [GER] clantag/[GER] in the name

Whenever you see this, you can be sure it's a recon player. Feel free to piss them off with whatever you got equipped. Calling them Nazis also works.

  • DethDealerz(Clantag [DD])

If you're playing on the PS3 and see anybody with this clan tag be sure to send them a message telling them how terrible their clan is. Lulz will ensue. If they [GAY] is on the other team be sure to message them good job as they are doing absolutely fucking nothing and making the DD members rage even harder. Also if playing against them be sure to knife them and say noob. Calling them hackers works just as well.

Trolling for Dummies

The following is a list of ways and techniques you can piss off your fellow BC2 players.

  • Place mines in front of unoccupied vehicles, get in, park over them, and get out. Wait in a bush and wait for ensuing lulz.
  • In Arica Harbour, recons like to think they are re-inventing the wheel by jumping from that rock onto the top of that tree at the far end of the map. Patience, young grasshopper; after he gets a kill or 2, some friends will join the party. Carl Gustav the neck of whoever is in the middle. RRRAAAAAAAGGGGEEEEEE!!!11one11!
  • Throw 2 or 3 bricks of C4 on a quad or a Hummer, and go Jihad on someone's ass.
  • If a member of your squad has been camping the same hill for 10 minutes with only 2 kills to show for it, shoot him in the face with a tracer. Anyone with a decent TV will see him as rudolph's nose, and he will see nothing but a giant red flashing light... until he dies and re-spawns has a time limit... unfortunately. No tracer? No worries; just equip your biggest/loudest gun, stand on his back, and empty all of your cartridges as quickly as possible aiming at everything and nothing. He will cry like a bairn for revealing his ZOMG SEKRIT!!!11one1! hiding place, and every enemy on the map will fall over themselves to spam grenades, RPGs, and lazors at the ruckus.
  • If you're playing Rush on any map where the objective is in a destructible building, go assault, equip a shotgun, extra explosive ammo, and extra explosive damage. Then throw down an ammo box, and wire the whole building with 6 C4 charges and blow it up. If done correctly the building will collapse after doing this two times. DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. Srsly, take example from this.
  • If you're a defender in Rush, go Recon, call a mortar strike on the enemy base, suicide, and repeat. Respawning is 4x faster than waiting for the cooldown to finish, and defenders get infinite respawns.
  • Tracer tag friendly vehicles. To make them shiny.
  • If you see an engineer leave his tank to repair it... Steal it! Or even better, attach several bricks of C4 to the opposite side, and detonate only after it has been fully repaired and the engineer is back in. If its a teammate blow it up before he get back in. Bonus points if it's a teammate.
  • If you ever see a squad of just recon players camping the same spot, go assault and spam 40MM smoke grenades.
  • When piloting a fully-loaded Black-hawk, leave the map.
  • Hit a friendly Black-hawk in the tail with the Carl Gustav. Though you can't kill it, the physics engine will make it take a nose-dive and crash. Call the pilot a noob.
  • C4 a chopper or a tank, and leave it in enemy territory.
  • Use the repair tool to get a head-shot.
  • Use the 40mm smoke grenades to get a kill.
  • Grenade occupied sniper towers.
  • Get two engineers to ride on the side seats on the black-hawk, and have them use the repair drill while riding in it. Especially effective on Isla Innocentes.
  • Shotgun slugs aren't affected by bullet drop. Snipe with them.
  • Additionally, on hardcore, shotguns are the only guns to keep their crosshair. Seriously, snipe with them.
  • Form a squad of 4 M60 Medics on a map with no vehicles.
  • Be low on ammo and look at someone with an Assault kit, and spam the spot button. Doesn't work. All assault players are deaf.
  • Equip the Vehicle Alt Weapon perk, and go on strafing runs in the UAV.
  • This one requires some teamwork. Place 6-18 bricks of c4 on an accomplice's UAV. Have them proceed to fly up to the fully loaded Blackhawk or M-Com of their choosing. Detonate.
  • Run a friendly or enemy helicopter into the ground with the UAV.
  • Be a recon and brag on your mike about your perfect sniping spot on top of a building. Once 10 other snipers arrive C4 the building and let Destruction 2.0 do the rest.
  • Shoot a teammate's AT mines and C4 when they lay it, causing it to explode and make them commit suicide
  • Equip the SSprn-2 (Faster sprint) and Sarm-2 (increased infantry armor) specs and run around knifing like a motherfucker. Guaranteed to cause lulz as fags will stare in disbelief as you absorb their bullets like a fucking sponge and just keep running.
  • Have the same loadout as the suggestion above, but instead of knifing spawn as an engineer and use the repair tool as your primary weapon.
  • A little more difficult, but instead of knifing or repair-tooling (called being a dentist trolololo), be a medic and use the shock paddles. It should be noted that shock paddles are effective at breaking down doors.
  • Sit in the enemy's main base as an assault class with C4. when vehicles spawn (Helicopters are the funniest, but MBTs and APCs work as well) make sure no one is looking and slap 2 charges on em. run and hide. when you hear the target vehicle (or all 3 or 4) start up and drive off, wait until they get about halfway to their destination, observing them on the minimap. then observe from a distance as the hapless armored vehicles erupt in a great ball of fire. be prepared, for this causes much butthurt among the enemy team and they will no-doubt come gunning for you. simply run away for about a minute then run straight back to where you were. If you don't think that temporarily running away actually works, then you have grossly underestimated the average patience of BC2 players.
  • Same as the method above, except get a friend or two to help you out. You effectively triple your firepower (aka spawncamping/trolling ability). No problem if one of you dies to a determined 13-year-old wielding a ump-45 SA CAUSE ITS THE BEST WEAPON IN THE GAEM A CENTTEMEATER XTRUH DAMMAGE!!!111ONE, you can simply spawn on your squadmate and resume the lullzing and C4ing. (note: this doesn't work if your team is full of idiots who can't control a decent amount of the flags, which unfortunately is 99% of the people who play this game.)
  • Attach C4 to a Quad or Hummer. Drive towards enemy base. Jump out, and it'll keep going. Blow that motherfucker up when it's next to a tank. Alternative: Park it next to the enemy tank spawn. Alternative Alternative: Shoot someone who's doing this, the explosion's going to be XBOX HUEG!!!
  • Destroy enemy tanks at the spawn, remembering where the exact point is. Plant C4 underneath them. Hide. Wait for tanks to respawn. Wait for someone to get in them. Win.
  • See that douchebag in the sniper tower who isn't getting any kills? Plant C4 on at least three of the legs. Detonate that shit. Instant Team Kill, even outside of hardcore.
  • Place all your C4 on the ground (preferably in a shallow river or bridge) and stand in the middle of the road on the other side of the C4, wait for a vehicle to come towards you and just before they get to you detonate. Guaranteed lulz.
  • On the map "Oasis", chopper whores like to camp the helipad for their rape machine, Park a tank on the helipad. (It won't spawn if the spawn area is occupied), then just sit back and watch the hate mail pour in. Guaranteed lulz
  • Alternatively, take the chopper, equip Vsmoke (For the tracers) and go on strafing runs with it. Be sure to memorize the AA gun locations so they have nothing to defend themselves with. Whenever you receive hatemail for this fairly cynical maneuver, be sure to claim that it's perfectly balanced.
  • Alternatively Alternatively, take the chopper, and sit in spawn. Giggle like a 13 year old boy as your butthurt teammates spam lazors, sperm wads and world trade centers at your shiny new chopper. Bonus points if you flip it 5 seconds after lifting off.
  • Play assault, equip the AN-94 with a 4x scope and magnum ammo, then just camp back and snipe people with your now assault rifle turned sniper. Did you run out of ammo? No worries! you're an assault, you have plenty! This combination has been known to cause epic amounts of butthurt.
  • Play hardcore as a medic, defibrillate a team mate, revive him. Rinse and repeat.
  • Equip an all kits weapon on the assault class (G3, M14, M1, Thompson) Then mosey on over to the enemy base, plant C4 on all the enemy vehicles, wait for them to all fill up. Profit
  • Go assault with C4 again, this time on a map with the blackhawk. (Isla innocentes, Valpraiso, Heavy Metal, Port Valdez) Sneak into the enemy base, plant C4 on the blackhawk, hide in the nearest bush, wait for the idiots to pile into it, let it fly over to the friendly base, and once you hear it start shooting, BLOW IT!!!!!!!!
  • Play hardcore, run over your team mates. (Do you really need a tutorial?)
  • Get a roadkill with the UAV
  • Set your clan tag to CP and either say you're the clan police and that the other guys clan name is illegal or say that it means child porn and that you'll send them some because you're running low on money. Because most Battlefield players appear to be annoying fucking moral fags they'll respond with butthurt over the fact that it's child porn and will either continue telling you about how much of a soulless cunt you are or rage quit the game.
  • Bad Company 2 Vietnam: Do the boat glitch, it allows you to get under the map where you're virtually invincible, and allows you to light up every poor motherfucker on the map because the geniuses at Dice thought it would be a good idea to half-ass the maps and not put in collision barriers to prevent this. here's an example
  • Pilot a blackhawk. don't take off. even if it fills up.

Vietnam

Currently being sold in Pre-Alpha stages. Every map has one side that will win 90% of the time. Hitbox detection is far worse than the original game.

It is quite historically accurate as you just run around and die for no apparent reason at all.

If you thought the maps were small before you will Shit Bricks when you realize in Vietnam you literally spawn within feet of each others bases ensuing a huge clusterfuck of arty and grenade spam.

This expansion adds only a few guns, two of which are extremely over powered the Flamethrower and Battlefield's version of the AWP the m40. In the end Vietnam is a shitty map pack for 15$ bucks, sound familiar? No. At least there's new acting (if you can call it that), guns (OP as they are) and Huey's.

Videos

Some Videos:

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Links

See Also

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