Benzos

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There are many exciting prescription drugs to abuse, so make sure to start early!

Benzos or benzodiazepines (also known as Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Ativan, and many more) are easily the most widely abused type of prescription drugs. Any doctor will give them to you if you so much as mention them or say hello (or that you have anxiety). But, if you're too much of a pussy to go outside, you can find always find them in your mom's medicine cabinet, just look for pills that end in "-pam" or "-am." Best way to take them is to stick them under your tongue and troll message boards. Anabelle Lotus died because her wildebeest of a mother popped Xanax throughout her pregnancy, along with all the booze, dope and jenkem that goes along with the juggalo lifestyle.

Also known as the "I did IT FOR THE LULZ!?" drugs, due to the fact they will cause you to lose inhibitions and memory much more efficiently than anything else and often lead to sex with whales (literally and figuratively), fits of emo, pwned 16 year old girls and five broken windows, small plastic toys stuck in your anal cavity, burnt drapes and an eviction notice.

Benzos are also easily obtainable from online Indian "pharmacies" AKA they don't need a prescription to ship them to you, this is also highly illegal but you probably won't get caught. The "generic pills" one may receive may or may not come stapled between two pieces of cardboard, wrapped in a ziplock bag, and have the name misspelled on the handwritten label. The pills are also crumbly, white, unmarked things that probably contain lead, but DAMN do they fuck you up.

Benzodiazepines have been the source of many lulz ever since junkies found out they get you really fucked up. The best part about benzos are they don't even get you fucked up in a good way, taking a benzo is basically like taking a pill that will cause you to act like a complete jackass who also happens to be retarded. The reason this drug is so lulzy is because the user doesn't even realize that they are acting out of the ordinary. Benzos have been the primary cause of over 9000 crashed vehicles. Once the high finally wears off the user will often wake up and find themselves locked up in a jail cell having no recollection of the stupid shit they did to get arrested. In the rare instance that the user does not end up getting arrested as a result of becoming temporarily retarded, the user will likely take more xanax until they go full retard and do end up getting arrested.

Withdrawal

The easiest way to cure benzodiazepine withdrawals is to either take more benzos or kill yourself, in fact if you are withdrawing you might not even need to kill yourself because benzo withdraws can do that for you. If you are actually serious about getting over benzo withdrawals you will have to taper the dosage to a safe amount and then deal with withdrawal symptoms for months. Seriously though, fuck that- it will be more fun to just pop some more pills and feel normal again. Always remember, you're not yourself when you're sober.

Rohypnol

...and he leaves a ring of mud around your pussy.

Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) AKA "roofies" is a great aid when doing a bit of raep -- that is, if you don't like the struggle (and who doesn't?). Makes any fugly fucktard irresistible to the opposite sex. Especially useful when attempting to get a nice tight 16 year old girl. Even though the age of consent in most states is 16, you still want to rape because science has proven it makes the cunt taste sweeter. Anyways, it's not considered rape if she's asleep, amirite? They never say no when they're asleep.

The trick with Rohypnol is to slip it in their drink without them noticing, or otherwise, if you're doing it wrong, they will set a couple big-nigs after you. You should first practice on your sister or mother. Gets extra points because they forget your face and can't report you to the cops but they will have recurring terrifying nightmares and half-memories to haunt them for years to come - epic win!

Xanax

Possibly, one of the best known and most abused benzo that is ridiculously available from any dealers or friends. If you're too stupid to know who to get them from or have few or no friends at all, just ask that clinically depressed drooly if you could have one. They come in various milligrams such as regular pills or into sections (bars). One pill or piece of it from a bar is enough to make you forget what you had for lunch and maybe where you left your iPod. The more you take, the stronger it works. After sobering up from Xanax, lulz ensues after realizing you lost your iPod which will result in making you want to become an hero. There is currently a large production of counterfeit xanax bars usually sourced from some Canadian pressing pills using a pill press, a binding agent, coloring, and alprazolam powder. Some counterfeits are around double the strength of a regular Xanax bar and cause many lulz because people mistake them for a pharmacy grade bar and get super fucking trashed. Other counterfeits have been cut with fentanyl and have caused people to fucking die. Shouts out to whoever pressed the fentanyl xanax bars, you have probably prevented some bartard from crashing his car into a daycare center and instead vomit and shit all over themselves while overdosing on fentanyl. Actually, a bartard crashing his car into a daycare center could be pretty lulzy.

Valium

If you're not a complete brain dead teen and know who the Rolling Stones are, you know what Valium is. It's the shit your mom takes when you throw a fit in the car on the way home from Wal-Mart after she refuses to get food from the pre-made food section because it's not buyable on food stamps. This one is a bit tricky to find on the streets but you can most likely find a bottle sitting next to a few empty beers on the couch that your mother is leaning against. Sorta breathing... Who cares? At least you got the Valium. Mission accomplished.

Klonopin

Kind of like Xanax but you normally take way too many and run around your neighborhood trying to bum pills and cigs even though you have cigs in your back pocket and more pills in the car. Also you think it's totally a great idea to talk to everyone about how fucked up you are. Although much like Xanax dosage wise, the only reason you take it is because that's all the doctor will give you because you look like a strung out drug addict every time he sees you.

Ativan

Who doesn't like Ativan except for the people that have to be force fed it during a fit of rage? Ativan is used almost always just for fits of rage/episodes that just can't quite be deemed psychotic.

For example (see Valium):

You are in the Wal-Mart with your benz'ed out mom, and you see a nice hot pound box of fried chicken and your fat ass is salivating all over your shirt for it. So, of course, your first instinct is to ask mommy to buy it for you, since you're too lazy to get a job. She says no because it doesn't come on foodstamps, and you throw yourself on the floor and have a huge screaming fit, right in the middle of the Wal-Mart, attracting the attention of all of the shoppers around you. She gets completely sick of your bullshit, pops a few more Valiums, buys a pack of shitty store-brand apple sauce, and hides some Ativan in there. She then gives it to you, but says it's your favorite name-brand apple sauce. You, being the fat fuck you are, eat it in one fat American sized gulp, and before you can call her out and say it was the generic store brand or even realize that it wasn't the name-brand and that your rage-fit was totally pointless, you become a drooling, submissive zombie. Just like your grandmother (also on Ativan), in a deep, restful sleep, just like the prematurely born baby your mother just had due to heavy Valium abuse. She happened to have that baby with her abusive drunkard of a husband, who has beaten and raped you ever since you were born. He also happens to be blacked out from all the Klonopin he took before his cheap whiskey binge. Once he wakes up, he'll also be in need of some Ativan too because he too is in the middle of a fit of rage, as his doctor just notified him that he can't get Ativan, Restoril, or any of the better benzos (see Klonopin), because he looks too strung out as it is. Benzos are quite useful, aren't they?

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Benzos

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