From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Evildoer Korea aka Best Korea is the opposite of Gay Korea and one of the greatest anti-American trolls of the last thirty years, managing to obtain nuclear weapons and a space program without anybody being strong enough to stop them. When US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright✡ returned from the country in the year 2000 she confirmed that Kim Jong-Il had at least one tiny missile that he had been repeatedly dipping into her Pu-Tang River.
In the Occupied Southern portion of Korea, businessmen belong to inescapable tribal syndicates. In their little private time they lament not being able to achieve an even higher standard of living in hopes of becoming White Americans by apotehosis through Gangnam Style consumerism. Their children play starcraft until they spontaneously develop Aspergers and become Hikikomori who will be unable to maintain them (or themselves) in old age. Link
In the People's Republic of Korea, North of the Occupied Zone, workers come home to a loyal and loving family after working productive hours to ensure their country's sovereignty and self sufficiency (Juche) and proceed to relax lighting up large blunts of mariuajana which they are able to plant or buy cheaply and legally, while waiting for their wives to cook a dinner for which they have a true, Dear Leader, to thank. Sticky Green
Which is the workers paradise after all?
Of Great Understanding the Might of Strong Will of Korer
Officially The Workers' Paradise, or Koryo for short, is by its own standards the best country in the World, and the only country where taxes are nonexistent. The official currency is the Marlboro 20 pack, so even if you don't smoke, you should take a lot of cigarettes to your carefree vacation.
The Capital, Pyongyang, has been ranked the Cleanest, Safest, most ordered City in Asia for the last 6 decades consecutively. Additionally it boast the lowest crime rate of the region, and homicides are almost nonexistent. Instead of the depressing, robotic, traffic lights you'd find in any other bustling metropolis, in the Capital of Paradise beautiful ladies wave colorful flags to direct traffic and every night the people vote to shut down electricity so as to reduce their carbon footprint, as well as appreciate the star-spangled sky. Healthcare, education and lifelong employment are rights ensured to all Koreans by their Dear Leader, whom they generally thank by building tall monuments to belittle foreigners with.
While Fucks News spreads the lie that Best Korea mistreats its own people, the World Health Organisation says its healthcare system is the envy of the developing world. As America's hospitals are only available to rich people it means that Best Korea has already surpassed the United States in this area.
Due to the combination of a Stable Government, NO Taxes, NO Crime, Healthcare benefits, Clean Cities, and Untouched Nature, but somehow chilly winters, A retirement magazine has ranked North Korea as the number 2 favorite expat destination, Cuba. And because North Korea has the most liberal cannabis laws in the World (less controlled a substance than ginseng), Big Buds Magazine and 87% of ED's Senate ranks it top.
Best Korea is immediately north of Good Korea and south of China, limits with Russia to the northeast, on the top half of a peninsula that is west of Japan. It has water on both sides, and is probably a convenient place for throwing things into China, or to Vladivostok. It may also have some good surf beaches and shit, but we can't say for sure because they haven't been letting whitey -- or much of anything, for that matter -- into the country. That includes food, information, or even decent TV programming, which leads for a pretty anti-lulzy lifestyle.
Not all in the PDRK is urban hype, to the Northeast stretches the pristine mountain range that gave celestial birth to the Dear Leader, and while the area is closed to any foreigner, journalist or not, due to its sacred Geography; the State informs us that in the region beautiful ski slopes abound where workers spend their paid vacations drinking hot chocolate at their chalet. The State also informs us that the pictures of what would look like Concentration Camps in that same area as seen from Google Earth are actually shopped, another Western lie, and that in fact those pictures are of a FEMA camp near Anchorage, Alaska. But not to worry, the Dear Leader wants to win our affection and is already planning the destruction of the FEMA Alaska KZs with his mighty Typo-Dong.
Millions of folks live in Best Korea, but none of them make Samsungs or Kias. The government is too busy being Bests, and the citizens are too busy starving to death or being shot in the head by government officials to be doing much of anything.
When the poor peasants do come out of their starving stupor, they often get together in small groups of seven and a half, usually with a small pack of kimchi, and try to cross the border into Gorea, but mostly end up getting caught by the border guards because they talk too loudly while eating kimchi, then get sent back to Best Korea for torture.
The North Korean government is very concerned with what the people of their country do after a hard days work for thier Dear Leader. That is why opium and marijuana are legal there, its like the Dear Leader giving them a pat on the back for a job well done. The North Koreans in their perfect country feel bad for the rest of the world because they cant enjoy a good opium session at the end of the day. The North Koreans appalled at the oppressive governments of the rest of the world started manufacturing methanphetamine, heroin, opium, and pills just to give away to other nations. Their generosity being so above that of other nation's that their hope was only wanting everyone to be as happy and carefree as the population of Best Korea. The other nations around North Korea not accustomed to such innate kindness demanded they pay money for their drugs, the Dear Leader not wanting to insult other country's customs graciously accepted their monies and buys himself new palaces for himself and all his people
Best Korea also makes Healthier North Koreans drill constantly for massive parades while the rest starve near unfarmed fields and abandoned factories, thus its the worlds biggest producer of parades.
Cunts also try to accuse Best Korea of being unable to feed their populace. However the DPRK is one of the few places in the world where the famines are not caused by social relations (as they are in some places where "famines" really amount to people not being able to afford to purchase food). On the contrary, their system of distribution (rationing) has actually limited the effects of food shortages according to the UN. A brief look at the history of food shortages show the root causes and smash the propaganda of idiots:
1990 - Growth in energy, industry and agriculture stops for the first time in DPRK history as the country's trading partners in the Socialist Bloc collapse. Imports of necessities like fertilizer and fuel cease. Economy screeches to a halt.
1995/1996 - Some of the worst floods in the history of the world occur in the DPRK. According to the UN: "Flooding of this magnitude had not been recorded in at least 70 years." More than a million tons of food lost, crops ruined. The flooding destroys coal mines and absolutely cripples hydroelectric power production (which is the major source of electricity) - more sources of energy gone. Combine this with the loss of fertilizer and fuel imports and industrialized agriculture becomes almost impossible. Between the floods in this period came some of the worst droughts in history, which also wreaked havoc on crops and hydroelectricity.
Now - Although food production nearly doubled between 1997 and 2007, a lot of that progress was destroyed by another huge series of floods in 2007 that was combined with the reductions of food donations from abroad that the country became reliant on. Also note that Best Korea got the short end of the stick in agriculture, since only 14% of its land is arable (compared to 19% in the south). These borders were imposed by Murka and it is their fault. Best Korea is a mountainous (80% of the country is covered in mountains) and a much colder place than Gay Korea, making it less hospitable to crops. Due to fuel shortages as a consequence of the Yankee embargo, Best Korea has had to deforest vast swathes of land to make new farmland, which ironically makes floods significantly worse.
Evil Korea was founded by Kim Il-Sung who was a fucking superhero. When he died people rushed out into the streets and wept, then when thousands of cranes descended from the sky to collect his soul, they witnessed this and allowed his soul to watch over them and guide them forever.
Kim Jong Ill
Now Kim Jong Il (an aging lesbian with a resemblance to Billy Jean King)
is WAS in charge. He frequently used his power to have Desperate Housewives DVDs imported to the country despite trade embargoes. Kim Jong Il's other pastimes included writing operas and ass-raping his male concubines.
Mr. Jong Il Kim was frequently in trouble with the UN while alive. The UN said that he was not allowed to import any more caviar, wine, and European chefs. He was also no longer allowed to import any more thirteen year old Chinese and Russian prostitutes. This was Japan's idea because they hate Best Korea. Mr. Kim is expected to starve to death without these basic supplies.
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Why wasn't Kim Il Jong taken out during his reign? Well if you live in Korea, deep down, you still love this guy and always will. From his kidnapping of a South Korean director in order to make Pulgasari (socialist giant monster furry porn)] to his kidnapping and brainwashing of Japs in a plan to make them zombie spies infilitrating their home country (instead of just using spies), the world delights in his plucky antics. Kim was a cartoon super villian brought to life and in doing so made the world just that little bit more magical. It was a treasure to see him pwn millions. watch the "Dear Leader video" to see him in all his mighty glory!
Simply put, Kim did everything for the lulz.
Oh and what happened to those Japs he kidnapped and sent to spy on Nippon? After they returned to Great Leader with the latest animu, they were welcomed with open arms. After years of international diplomacy, Kim gave in and agreed to send their ashes and those of Jap soldiers who fought on the side of South Korea during the Korean War back to their families.
Most of them.
Kim Jong-Il holding the World Ransom for 65 Trirron Dorrar
Butthurt from their World Cup loss, North Korea resumed their business as usual. And by that, it means extorting money from the Western World. In rememberance of the 60th Anniversary of the Korean War, Kim Jong-Il thought it is about time for America to pay up...with interest...say 65 trirron dorrar to start with? (See: Austin Powers; Dr. Evil) According to Wikipedia and the CIA, the world gross domestic product is only $61 Trillon and America has a GDP of about $14 Trillon. Upon hearing this demand, the world laughed at North Korea but the KCNA said they were serious.
Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong Il designated his youngest son Kim Jong Un to be Paradise's next leader after the cancer ate what was left of him and 8 thousand whooping cranes delivered him to Valhalla. Un or the Dear General as he's known, had just turned 25 and was busily demonstrating his Fireworks Enthusiasm at the time. Shortly afterward Kim Jong ILLness departed this life to enslave North Koreans in heaven. Un was immediately promoted to the rank of Kim Jong putting him in control of the entire country.
Kim Jong-Un wholeheartedly believes in carrying on his father's beloved legacy and inherited his small arsenal of nukes to aid him in this quest. He constantly threatens war with the USA over every slight insult. Some Conservative Extremists who can't understand Jesus' doctrine of peace, would point out that having a spoiled teenager who likes fireworks having total control upon a country armed with nukes might render the West Coast in deeper shit than it already is, but of course this is to be dismissed as the Right Wing Paranoia that it is.
Kim's hobbies include photoshopping images to pretend his army isn't totally tiny, hiding the fact that he can only afford one hovercraft. He also likes to say racist shit about Obama like calling him a "clown," a "dirty fellow," "does not even have the basic appearances of a human being," "a monkey in a tropical forest", and "a crossbreed with unclear blood" that "still has the figure of monkey while the human race has evolved through millions of years." His government has also said, "It would be perfect for Obama to live with a group of monkeys in the world's largest African natural zoo and lick the breadcrumbs thrown by spectators."
At one point Sony made a movie The Interview about assassinating him, an act which if someone made about assassinating the US, the USA would lose its shit like when JEWS DID WTC, and so he sent hackers to scare Sony.
Struggle With Clash Oppressing Bullet the Power of The Leader
Not to be confused with Good Korea (or Gorea for short), Best Korea is a founding member of the Axis of Evil and currently the United States's main acquisition target in east Asia. Best Korea is valuable in the United States' Manifest Destiny 21st century plan as it provides diversity to what would otherwise be an all-Muslim list of acquisition targets.
OK, Cuba isn't Muslim either, but it's really very small and most of the inhabitants already live in Florida. It's really just a rogue territory of the United States, anyway. Both Cuba and Best Korea are on the list of countries to spread democracy to.
On July 4, 2006, North Korea launched its taepodong ("tapered penis") missile, which immediately got pwned. The U.S. responded by taking North Korea off its MySpace friends list. Quoting an unnamed top-level official, "Man, not cool. I told him not to fire that shit, so why does he always gotta be such a drama whore?" In retaliation, the U.S. launched a giant fucking rocket into orbit, just to show who's boss.
On October 8, 2006 (in America time, not theirs), Best Korea reportedly conducted an underground nuclear test. Although the rest of the world had already unfriended Best Korea, China had not-but that changed in an instant. However, the poor saps in the UN fail to realize that Best Korea is a friends only country-meaning that, thanks to China, the world has probably pwned itself. Way to go, commie bastards.
On May 25, 2009, North Korea announced that it had conducted a second nuclear test prompting outrage from countries all across the globe. The announcement came just after geological sensors in South Korea detected an artificial tremor. South Korea at the time was mourning some old guy who died, and thus was even moar butthurt than usual. According to the Russian Defence Department, the blast yield of the second bomb was between 10 and 20 kilotons, comparable to the size of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of WWII with the added irony that Hiroshima is the closest Japanese City to North Korea's Nuclear Capable Missile launch sites. When asked for the rationale behind such a provocative gesture, Mr. Kim simply responded, "I did it for the lulz". Rumor has it that North Korea's Nuclear weapons testing is actually a highly advanced form of IRL trolling.
After the Japan shit bricks and South Korea went into RAGECON 2 the Kim decided to take the IRL trolling to another level after Obama and the [UN] filled his mail box with moar letters of condemnation, Crazy Kim decided to dig up the 56 year old Armistice that more or less ended the Korean War, and burned it in front of the world announcing "Do something about it, try and stop me, I'll set off one in Seoul or Tokyo because bitches dont know about my nukes" later added "We will wipe out one third of the Japanese population for the lulz".
This immediately caused the U.S. to go from DEFCON 4 straight to DEFCON 2, whilst the Pentagon started to take North Korea seriously as the glorious nation it is and draw up plans on having to deal with a third war, with Clinton and Obama saying they aren't to accept A north Korea with nukes. Meanwhile in Japan, the nips have gone into total rage mode and stated they want nukes too so they can just Nuke Pyongyang themselves instead of waiting around while the U.S. sits twiddling it's thumbs as Tokyo gets nuked. This is apparently preferable to relying on the U.S. who keep pussy footing around North Korea as the U.S. is all talk and no action. Whilst all this was going on, Crazy Kim started to set up another Taepo-Dong 2 to test just to spit in the the UN, Japan, and the US's faces, and should launch by June 10th if everything goes well and North Korea hasn't levelled Seoul yet.
New news, Japan intelligence has found that the Dear Leader is planning to top off his recent lulz-spree by launching a 4000 mile range missile at hawaii, 4500 miles away... on the FOURTH OF JULY. Everyone knows that nothing of value would be lost, but the idea of an attack on american soil is one that would cause the middle-class whores of the states collectively shit their pants. This is clearly an attempt to break the all time IRL Troll record, currently held by Hitler and his 1940's attempt to cure the world of it's severe case of jewdom.
Unity and Mind the People's Love of Heart
50 shells hit the island while most hit the water. the south then RAGED and fired 80 shells back.There have been 4 confirmed kills, 2 South Korean marines and 2 civilian casualties with 16 civilians wounded. 2 marines? No big deal that's only 100 minerals. Reports say that houses and mountains had caught fire.
After news got around about the incident The north Koreans replied that The south fired at them first. the UN and friends began to baw while the japs shit brix and began to prepare for any eventuality.
Experts at the academy of political drama predict MOAR drama to develop in the coming days but will gradually begin to die down until the north gets bored and decides to troll the south some more. They predict this will happen some time during June-July 2011.
Arrest of two American Journalists
In the recent arrest of two Nitedstates journalists (azns), Current TV journalists Laura Ling and Korean-American Euna Lee decided to really fuck shit up on planet earth after crossing the DMZ to paridiso North Korea. North Korea's government, which is on the fucking edge of the edge, just found their awesome alibi to kill the shit out of a few tens of thousands of people. Great Job!
Luckily for the young journalists, Bill Clinton had Yellow Fever and decided to take a private pleasure trip to North Korea with the objective of freeing them from their forced labor to give him a double dose of hot azn poontang. All Slick Willy had to do was grease up Kim Jong Il's TAEPO-DONG, and they were all back on Al Gore's jet fucking like bonobos before sundown.
The Korean War Almost Resumes (Again)
It seems that recently, North Korea might have been involved in the sinking of a South Korean ship, killing half of its over 100 crew members. South Korea says that they will punish North Korea for this incident, and North Korea says that if that happens, it will mean war.
Tensions are mounting and technically the Korean War never ended. Of course the South Korean army wouldn't be able to defend a sand castle, let alone all of South Korea, even though every citizen is required to serve for an amount of time. Eventually the US will have to intervene since there is still unfinished business in Korea.
Get ready to pack your shit out of the sand pit, asshole of the world Iraq, and come to the battlefield of North Korea, as that armistice is being thrown out the window. Who will win in this battle, will BEST KOREA's million man army topple the USA's armed forces, or will Yoosa wrestle North Korea into submission? See it next time on
Dragon Ball Z FUCKOO ZAT JAPANESU CURAPU!!!1111
World Festival of Youth
Glorious North Korea held the 13th World Festival of Youth, which is pretty much a way for commie countries to exploit their citizens and encourage propaganda. The 1989 festival in Pyongyang was the largest to date, featuring citizens from 177 nations and about two million North Korean citizens pretending to be westernized and awesome.
Good to know that if you ever run out of Kim Jong Il shades™, shitty asian toys, or deer statues, you can shop here to your heart's content!
Capitalist Pig Monkey Lies of Western Gangster Shame
How to troll North Korea: You can't, North Korea has no Internets (srsly,) unless you actually go there and try some IRL trolling, provided you don't get shot along the way. Ask them where to find Oldboy.
Actually, you can hack their site. If you can't, just troll them on their official site. They try to censor everything posted on their site so try hiding your troll by writing the real message vertically. It worked.
World Cup Defeat
On June 21, 2010, Portugal had pwnt North Korea 7:0 in their World Cup match, thus permabanning them from the competition.
The humiliation had caused great butthurt for Kim Jong Il, who declared Jihad upon Portugal,
and issued an order to behead all the north korean n00b players who made them the laughing stock of soccer fans worldwide. They were mostly Japanese and Good Korean players paid to play on the NK team. Even the people in the stands were paid actors from China.
The Korean Scrolls IV: America
Turns out that Oblivion must be popular. The government has released a propaganda video of burning soldiers and Obama, to the tune of everyone's favorite game by Bethesda. Pure trolling at work. lulz here
- That Kim Jong Il is fucking dead.
- That North Korea is actually run by Mr. Kim Il-sung, Jong-il's deceased father, and the entire country still worships him like a God. When Kim Jong-il has to sign off on legislature, he has to sign it as Kim Il-sung. Crazy ass gooks. In fact, some argue Kim Il-sung, who almost died due to his age and addiction to McDonalds was assassinated by his son, who succeeded the throne.
- That 95% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive? Ruh-Roh Kim.
- If a North Korean looks a foreigner in the eye, he/she will be kidnapped and totured for life. This has proven difficult with Chinese tourists, since all azns rook arike.
- Though torture may be widespread in North Korea, it's carried out only for the Lulz. Example: North Koreans have a hard time concentrating, so they build camps.
- North Koreans tell eachother "Dearest Leader Facts", since "Chuck Norris Facts" are banned.
- Kim totally got 38 under par and five hole-in-ones in his first evar game of golf. (Chance: 1 in 1,250,000)
- Kim is allegedly good at basketball. At 5'3", we can see why.
- Kim has a 10 inch cock, although he cannot see it when taking a piss
- The total ages of Kims four ex wives is less than 10 years old
- North Korea has no internets but somehow, Kim has a Facebook
- Kim once executed a defence chief with an anti-aircraft gun, for the LULZ of course.
North Korean Hackers
Great Leader Kim Il-Sung predicted in 1960 that the internet would become a battleground to fight the imperialist American pigs, and thus instituted the Mirim College, where tens of thousands of North Koreans are trained in the art of network infiltration to disrupt South Korean bloggers. It is an established fact that students of this school are incapable of operating a microwave despite being able to write code in Assembly. Because North Korea only has one block of IPv4 addresses (220.127.116.11 – 18.104.22.168), they connect through China who are more than happy to take the blame for all their mischief.
When amazingly well-trained high technology weilding fans of Kim Jog Un known as the Guardians of Peace or GoP heard that there was going to be a movie about Dear Leader they were happy... until they found out that movie was The Interview starring Seth Rogan. Instead of being majorly pissed that it was a Seth Rogan film (I mean, seriously- who watches that shit?) they instead got all butthurt that Dear Leader was being protrayed as Gasp! A NORMAL PERSON and not the god on earth he actually is! How Dare those horrible Americans besmirch the name of Dear Leader Jr by saying that he really does poop or pee and likes American pop music! On top of all of this audacity, the American swine even say how pathetic the North Korean armed forces are and that Dear Leader can be killed by bullets which is totally 100% American lies!
This resulted in the great 2014 Sony hacking that first leaked the film's contents, then tried to make Americans leak their pants by threatening 9/11 style terroist bombings on every movie theatre that dares to play The Interview. Of course everyone in the disgusting consumerist USA listens to the rattlings of a few people who can speak perfect Korean (and not so good English) and decided to never watch that film. Oh, wait- it was just Sony and a few scaredy cat Theatre chains like Regal and AMC that decided that they shouldn't see it. Even The president said that the movie shouldn't be pulled, but nobody listens to that guy am I right?
Anonymous threatened to pirate The Interview mercilessly. Random stupid Americans bawwed over not being able to watch the film they already bought tickets for. Most of the world Shrugged their shoulders and went on with their day. There was outrage: How dare they decide not to let stupid Americans pay money to see yet another poorly written comedy that's mostly dick, fart, and/or fat jokes especially when it has a very predictable plot, bad actors, and a really lame ending!
In the end the film was released on December 25th 2014 via Video on Demand across Youtube, Amazon, Xbox, and many other outlets. A few independent movie theatres decided to show The Interview even though Sony pulled the film, not beleiving that Glorious Best Korea could bomb every single one of them from Space! Well, the Americans were right. Everything was fine.
Final verdict? A 53% on Rotten Tomatoes for a "meh" movie and nothing actually blew up. How boring.
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North Korean Video
Quest for Korea
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- Kim Jong-un is a Derp
- The DPRK web portal (Naenara=My Country)
- Journey to Kimland
- A totally reasonable analysis of 20th century Korean history
- North Koreans are told that Kim Jong Il can control the weather! srsly
- A look at upper-class North Koreans in the North Korea TV Show: "The Elevator Girl"
- North Korean news agency provides lulz to the masses
- Live television streaming of the Korean Central News Agency - only available at certain times of the day
- A look at a middle-class North Korean family in the North Korean Drama: "Crimson Persimmon"
- OMG Kim Jong Il is on twitter!
- Official North Korea YouTube channel. Troll for the lulz.
- More shit on North Korea, project "Uncovered", etc...
- The Official Webpage of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK
- Official North Korea Tourism Site
- Yahoo! Answers: Is North Korea Best Korea?
- They even have their own forum!
- Pyongyang Racer, released December 2012
- Good Korea
- Time Magazine Polls
- Trolling IRL
- SEND JUSTIN BIEBER TO NORTH KOREA
- Google Earth: No-Dong Missile Test Site
- Some other people named Kim
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Best Korea is related to a series on AZNS.
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The Clown Prince Rises
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