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Binkers: God cat of /x/. Son of Longcat.

Binkers is a cat whose birthday was presented with a "leaned preheated oven special gift from a couch leaned to preheated oven".

Original Story

The original post.
The omniscient Binkers.

"I'm a 45 year old male, and I live alone. Well, not completely alone, I have a cat named Binkers. I was sitting on my couch reading Jitterbug Perfume, drinking my favorite scotch Laphroaig, and Binkers cam up next to me and sat on my lap. I was crushed because the day before was Binkers' birthday and I had forgotten to make him a cake. With age, comes mental fog I suppose. I was at work late so I didn't have time to bake, so today I had decided to make him something special. He was on my lap, so still sitting on the couch I leaned and pulled my special out of the preheated oven to return to my seat and present what was leaned over and grabbed from my preheated oven to present. Binkers look at me and smiled a smile that encouraged enough space to accept my preheated oven special from my seat leaned from the oven. Binkers was now smiling. "My leaned preheated oven special gift from a couch leaned to preheated oven," Binkers knew all along."

Interpretations (Copypasta)

Theory #1

The author of this text, a 45 year old male, lives alone except for his cat called Binkers. He was sitting on the couch reading some sort of magazine drinking scotch when his cat sat down on his lap. The man then remembered his cat's birthday, which was yesterday. This was probably due to his old age. The reason he did not have time to bake was because of him being at work the day before. The cat was on his lap, therefore he was unable to stand up and walk over to the preheated oven to get his special gift for the cat. Therefore he reached over to the oven from where he sat. The cat smiled and seemingly moved away slightly, so that the man could place the gift next to him. Then the man comes to realize that the cat seemingly knew about the gift all along.

The weird thing is that he calls the gift "My preheated oven special gift from a couch leaned over to preheated oven". He therefore calls the thing both by what it is, and how he got it. Therefore the thing is "the gift for my cat which I got by reaching towards the oven from my couch."

So...he calls the thing by not just what it is but by how he procured it; its change of state along the time dimension. Is this to give us an idea of how Binkers perceives the thing, as he already knew of the thing and how it state would change before seeing it? The strange expression is to give us a glimpse to a mind that transcends time, and since ours are limited, it is hard to grab hold of the words and make clear sense of them.

tl;dr Binkers transcends time.

Theory #2

Binkers was the food.

Theory #3

45 year old man is Binkers.

Theory #4

Binkers and the old man were computer simulations, which explains the shitty sentence structure.

The Original Thread

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Binkers thread.png
The original thread. (Click image to view thread if not shown above entirely.)

Notable Quotes

Between shadow and light, thought and forethought, past and future, alpha and omega, there sits omniscient Binkers.


This story changed my life.


I don't think there was a man. Binkers made this up, all along.


I am totally naming my next cat Binkers.


God cat of /x/. Son of Longcat.




But...who was oven?


There is no limit to this omnipotent, omniscient and beautiful god. We wholeheartedly welcome you - Binkers!


is part of a series on
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