Bomberman (Game)

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A Winner is You!


Before and after the desperate attempt at being edgy.
Screenshot of the 1993 SNES game "Super Bomberman".

Bomberman is a game where you play as a Muslim terrorist who magically shits out bombs for the purpose of blowing all sorts of shit up and rides on colorful kangaroo things with special powers. This game was invented by Jews for the purpose of training sand niggers to bomb the fuck out of everybody. It is often quoted as a precursor to every single Halo game, every single Gears of War game, and every single Mario game. It is also the basis of the Catholic religion and is revered as God.

How to Play

  1. Place a bomb where an enemy will be within the next 4 seconds.
  2. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!
  3. ????
  4. Profit!

Developement of the Bomberman Franchise

Bomberman started out like most Nintendo franchises, as a jihad trainer, which would soon evolve into THE EXACT SAME THING, but with sub-par graphics.

Unlike most Nintendo series, however, it further evolved into absolute crap with the release of Bomberman Act Zero. Rumor has it that the original name was Bombing An Hero, but a typo caused it to be another Bomberman game.

Later, they turned Bomberman into a complete cashgrabber, releasing Bomberman themed everything; Scrabble, padded underwear and Uno, just to name a few (it's worth pointing out that the Bomberman themed padded underwear's slogan is "in case of bomb droppings").

The Bomberman Games

  • Original Bomberman: As described above, you have to go through the levels and kill shit. It's an old game so there is no plot. The sequel attempted to add an actual plot to the game, where a nigger robs a bank, you get framed for it, and you have to blow shit up to escape prison, but it failed miserably as, gameplay-wise, it really was the exact same thing as the original.
  • Super Bomberman: The SNES series of Bomberman games, which all followed the same formula: at least 5 evil dudes come from outer space, you have to blow shit up and then you have to defeat their leader by blowing more shit up.
  • Bomberman 64: Bomberman enters the world of 3D and kills stuff. Aliens come to destroy Bomberman's planet, so he embarks on an epic adventure to stop them with the help of some flying nigger. The game is modestly good, featuring five story-mode worlds with a mediocre boss battle at the end of each. Each boss runs around you at 100 mph, so the only way to win is to stand in the middle and spam bombs in all directions until you finally knock the bastard out and throw him off the stage. The game mechanics coincidentally developed a hilarious multiplayer game (provided you actually ever had more than one friend) that allowed you to catch incoming bombs, throw other players off edges and do pretty much anything related to throwing, kicking, and bouncing.
  • Bomberman Generations: Bomberman goes on a gay adventure on the Gaycube with some Pokémon to stop some newfags with beards from taking the world's drugs. His fuck buddy, Max, an emofag Transformer, went missing on the planet Tentacle Rape, but actually just went searching for some lolis without telling Bomberman so he could keep it for his greedy ass. He collects some retarded Pokémon things and battles them to get MOAR Pokémon things in order to raep them. Sounds like a rollicking good time already!
  • Bomberman Tournament: Bomberman goes on yet another gay adventure on the Gay Boy Advance. It has a single player mode, where Bomberman travels across a large world, invades 4 bases, defeats each of their bosses one by one and collects Karabons to fight in Karabon battles to help him on his adventure. This is only done because some twat called Max disappeared because he didn't want to make BrainBomber, the Leader of the reason why Bomberman's here in the fucking first place; a sammich. When Bomberman finally finds Max, after 10 pointless hours of the same fucking gameplay and piss-weak enemies, he's under BrainBomber's control and Bomberman has to defeat him. Pissed off that Max failed, he tries to anally rape Bomberman himself, but fails. Then somehow, everything's fucking fine, even though the whole world is invaded by weird creatures.

The multiplayer mode is the same as the original Bomberman, but with the new game's graphics. AND FISHING!

  1. Go to a place
  2. Get a Pokémon
  3. Ride that Pokémon
  4. Bomb shit
  5. Make new bombs
  6. Kill a boss
  7. WTC a giant engine
  8. Repeat Steps 1-7

Fun Fact: Did you know this game was based off teh anime that Bomberman haz? :3

Bomberman battling Pennywise.
  • Bomberman: Act Zero: After the new generation of consoles was released, the Bomberman developers saw another chance at getting easy money, this time on the Xbox 360. They quickly sought out to create the game and two hours later, their masterpiece was complete! Essentially, it's exactly the same as the original Bomberman, but with ever-so-slightly improved graphics, and a brand spankin' new $60 price tag. Yep, that's right; sixty dollars to play the same fucking stage 100 times with only ONE LIFE. That, and the multiplayer is online only and will make you want to kill yourself. Some argue that Bomberman 64 is at least 100 times better and, for once, they're right.
  • Pocket Bomberman: A Game Boy Color game that lets you play Bomberman while in a car and when your dad is driving you to Wal-Mart to buy some dildos. This game was only bought by adults, who then used it to bribe their future molestation victims.

See Also

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