Bonzi Buddy

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Bonzi Buddy was a Web 1.0 application by BONZI software that installed a talking purple monkey onto your desktop akin to Microsoft's Officer Assistant. Only instead of actually improving one's online experience as it's creators claimed it would, Bonzi Buddy just installed an assload of spyware and spammed the same crappy jokes all day.

Lies. All lies.


Bonzi Buddy is Spyware

While the thought of giving your computer a personality with Bonzi Buddy seems like a pretty cool idea at first glance, the coolness goes right out the window when it installs six new search bars on your browser without asking. Not only did the purple monkey effectively rape your computer with its arsenal of spyware, but none of its tools actually functioned. Simple tasks like searching your computer or sending an email through Bonzi Buddy would take forever and none of the jokes or facts that crapped out of his mouth were either funny or interesting. The makers of the monkey claimed that all of Bonzi Buddy's shortcomings were due to the fact that the free version had limited functionality and that users needed to buy the full version to get the program that actually worked. Though it's more likely that Bonzi Buddy sucked due to all of the programs extra baggage.

It should also be noted that Bonzi Buddy was straight up impossible to remove from your computer once installed, which meant you were pretty much stuck with the fucker until he started getting picked up by anti-spyware programs.

Did I mention that Bonzi Buddy is spyware?

Bonzi Buddy In His Own Words

The Death of Bonzi Buddy

After it became glaringly apparent that Bonzi Buddy was in fact spyware, several prominent publications and websites put out scathing reviews of the monkey, including but not limited to PCWorld, BusinessWeek, Consumer Reports, Trend Micro and Symantec. BONZI software attempted to refute these claims but couldn't get their own browsers to open due to all the spyware that Bonzi Buddy had installed. Thus, after nearly 7 years, two lawsuits (including one that cost BONZI $75,000), and countless disappointed users, Bonzi Buddy was discontinued.


On Feburary 1, 2014, Vinesauce fag "exinthevatican" posted a video of himself destroying a Windows XP computer. During this Godawful stream, the purple ape was downloaded and caused the misery 10x that of receiving anal sex from a bull.


Some people actually have the audacity to make severely autistic web-series based around the purple ape, as demonstrated in BonziAdventure. Utilizes watermarked stock photos snatched from Google Images, background music from Banjo Kazooie, and conveys a completely original storyline that reeks of assburgers. The fucktard responsible for making this, YouTube Favicon.png KatzenGaming, is just another unfunny, lonely virgin fag spreading cancer-inducing videos such as MLG montages, and a variety of Forced Memes across the Tubes. BonziAdventure only had one episode, and is believed to have been discontinued.


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Bonzi Buddy
is part of a series on Web 1.0


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