On May 29, 2009, four upstanding Scranton Police Officers were enjoying a round of manlove at the local Clarion Hotel when one of them thought it would be fun to huff poppers and drive around the north section of town looking for niggers to shoot.
After a few hours, our lovely protagonists came across a black woman on her front porch with a cardboard sign that read, "Help me commit suicide." Only too happy to oblige, the pigs shot her up like Isabella Valentine at a crack infested male-dominated KKK rally, giving her the exit out of life she always dreamed of.
8999 internets go to Brenda Williams for getting the police to do her dirty work for her! Nope, one shy. She had a knife. They had four guns. And she would never post her noodz on /b/ again.
The amazing facet of truth regarding this situation would be the lack of information released to the public by the SPD regarding this incident and any other lulz that may have perpetrated, since it's always a fun time when local pigs are granted the right to kill any citizen of this fine city.
Clearly, no one is safe.
- 1 OH NOES I SHOT VETERAN!!1
- 2 Shot Me In My Own [email protected]%#ing house
- 3 Shut Up, Matlock
- 4 Steve Corbett, Voice Of The Dead
- 5 The Truth (And Lulz) Behind The IRL Banhammer
- 6 Mr. Jarbola said Mr. Jarbola said Mr. Jarbola said
- 7 What Say You, Basement Dweller?
- 8 How To Get Away With Killing Innocent People
- 9 See Also
- 10 External Links
OH NOES I SHOT VETERAN!!1
—Deion Lewis on June 7, 2009, proving niggers have no education
Scranton police officers responded to a disturbance call last Thursday (srsly it was) in the north section of town. Upon entering the front of the property, one of the pigs noticed a nigger on the porch dancing to the newest Lady Gaga single, Cat Baker, in honor of fellow fake New Yorker Cheyenne Cherry. Deducing that this lady must be selling crack off her porch due to her skin color, the officers approached the nigger with the intention of sexing it up for some white fun time. However, the suspect didn't wish to share her alleged crack with freeloaders, so she ran for her life into her front door, at which time all four cops whipped out their guns and proceeded to make a nigger golf course for the children.
None of the neighbors who witnessed the tragedy actually heard any of the shots fired. After being interviewed by the Times Tribune one brave soul admitted that he overheard one of the officers commenting, "We can always say we did it for the lulz." Another witness incorrectly identified the shots as snare hits from the Lady Gaga single, which is why she so quickly dialed 911.
—Scranton Times thread poster, stating the obvious
Shot Me In My Own [email protected]%#ing house
Anonymous has discovered through many hours of rigorous investigation that the four officers shot Ms. Williams because she allegedly had brandished a knife. Now, no one on Earth knows why in the fuck this nigger was allowed to carry a knife, as it is common knowledge niggers are banned from carrying anything in their possession except Jenkem and shitty dimebags to sell for Tom Serson. Equally puzzling is the lack of initiative on the part of the police officers, who clearly were too much of a bunch of pussies to take down a 52-year old black lady without shooting her to death.
Another interesting fact is that Brenda was a retired Air Force veteran with a history of mental illness. Clearly she has fit the stereotype of an active member of the United States Military. Upon discovering this information, welfare officials should have sent her to the projects to live with the rest of the hood rats, but mistakes were made and four lucky nigger-hating cops had a wonderful time using her as a human target!
It's plain as day that the Scranton PD cooked this up for the lulz, since it serves no other purpose than to end up as gossip fodder on The View.
Shut Up, Matlock
Upon hearing the news that a black woman was shot in his city, Scranton PD Chief David Elliot who can be reached via telephone at (570) 348-4130 (Hey, it's public information!) went apeshit and snorted two tons of heroin to calm down. After he was able to squeeze out a few loads into Celine Dion's face, Elliot held a press conference where he informed the public that:
- the dead nigger was asking for it,
- they weren't releasing ANY INFORMATION about the shooting,
- the four officers involved were being placed on paid leave during the investigation,
- and finally; the officers did what they did for the lulz.
Steve Corbett, Voice Of The Dead
WILK-FM radio personality/all around liberal whiner Steve Corbett has taken it upon himself to dig up any and all lulz that has permeated the Northeastern Pennsylvania area since the advent of Christianity and Wendy's drive thru. Among the many articles available on his site (for example, disgraced Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella, who took it upon himself to build a kiddy slave land with all the juvenile delinquents showing up in his courtroom) there are three in particular that talk about Brenda's murder by four white cops.
You Want Answers? We Got Answers
On June 1st, 2009, Steve Corbett posted an article on his blog entitled, Police Shooting Sparks Many Questions. Since the Scranton PD wasn't talking due to being afraid of having themselves posted on Jew like Cheyenne Cherry, Anonymous decided to contact Chief Elliot to set up a meeting on IRC and get to the bottom of it once and for all.
[01:33] <eatmedsndope> So to get to the bottom of this [01:33] <eatmedsndope> We are going to ask you questions [01:33] <Daaveed> ok [01:34] <eatmedsndope> And we want the truth [01:34] <eatmedsndope> Nothing less [01:34] <Daaveed> i swear, just delete the article [01:34] <eatmedsndope> Not a chance n00b. Now here we go [01:35] <Daaveed> im scared [01:35] <eatmedsndope> You have right claim to be. Anonymous has no mercy [01:35] <eatmedsndope> #1 [01:36] <eatmedsndope> A vague article in the Scranton paper mentioned that Williams was “reportedly” wielding a knife when police opened fire. Is that true? [01:37] <Daaveed> yup, she was black so they did what they were trained 2 do [01:37] <eatmedsndope> What was that, kill niggers? [01:37] <Daaveed> of course, isn't that what all cops do [01:37] <eatmedsndope> Well played sir. [01:38] <eatmedsndope> How many bullets hit Williams? [01:39] <Daaveed> umm idk around 9000 [01:39] <eatmedsndope> LOL [01:39] <eatmedsndope> Okay, how many police officers fired? [01:40] <Daaveed> dude like all of them duh [01:40] <eatmedsndope> Were the officers white males? [01:40] <Daaveed> damn skippy, those overtime whores [01:40] <Daaveed> cant put our bitches out there [01:41] <Daaveed> needs my junk cleaned [01:41] <Daaveed> brb soup [01:40] <eatmedsndope> LOL WUT [01:45] <Daaveed> ok bk [01:45] <eatmedsndope> Srsly? [01:45] <eatmedsndope> What caused the four officers to come to Williams' apartment? [01:46] <Daaveed> she had aids and we hate aids [01:46] <eatmedsndope> lol [01:46] <eatmedsndope> Win [01:47] <eatmedsndope> Did she have a mental health counselor (due to reports of her mental illness) and were police notified of this prior to the shooting? [01:47] <Daaveed> hell no [01:47] <Daaveed> do they need a reason to shoot [01:47] <Daaveed> idk i dont' think so [01:48] <eatmedsndope> Why didn’t police just leave the apartment and call for mental health support? [01:48] <Daaveed> idk [01:48] <Daaveed> she was playing lady gaga [01:48] <Daaveed> that's a crime in itself [01:48] <eatmedsndope> Well at least we agree on something. [01:48] <eatmedsndope> Were any of Williams' family members contacted? [01:49] <Daaveed> we have to call ppl now? [01:49] <Daaveed> gee i thought that was girlvinyl's job [01:49] <eatmedsndope> Nope, even her vagina wouldn't touch that one. [01:49] <eatmedsndope> Aren't professional mental health workers better equipped to handle such situations? [01:50] <Daaveed> no [01:50] <eatmedsndope> Will residents in Scranton passively accept the third fatal police shooting in less than seven years? [01:51] <Daaveed> we can shoot them too, doesnt matter to me [01:51] <eatmedsndope> Will Scranton residents want to know more about the life and death of the smiling woman in the Air Force uniform? [01:51] <Daaveed> lol [01:51] <Daaveed> no [01:51] <Daaveed> fuck them [01:51] <Daaveed> i gots a myspace [01:52] <eatmedsndope> That's good. [01:52] <eatmedsndope> Should we just shrug and move on? [01:52] <Daaveed> good idea [01:52] <Daaveed> move on [01:53] <Daaveed> get the blacks and mexicans to move on 2 [01:53] <Daaveed> oh shit [01:53] <Daaveed> i g2g boyfriend home
Clearly we see an unrepentant police chief who's had his dick in dirty water already that needs a lesson on how to act a little more humble and a little less gay.
Even in death, Brenda Williams extended great dignity and power to those who found themselves in her presence. At eternal rest in her coffin in the sad hour before her funeral service, her face reflected a silent grace, offering quiet solace for those who stood before her to pay a final respect. Scranton police shot and killed Williams last week in her second-floor apartment after responding to a report of a disturbance. Details are sketchy while Pennsylvania State Police conduct an investigation. Williams wielded a knife, according to newspaper reports, although no police official has publicly confirmed that fact. What is confirmed is that Williams was a troubled woman who suffered from mental illness, a 52-year-old Air Force veteran who needed help. Instead, she found death at the hands of police. Standing before her coffin yesterday, I looked at the photograph of Williams that family had balanced against the soft casket satin. Wearing a big smile, Williams posed in her military uniform and seemed to have the world at her fingertips. Looking at her folded hands, I knew that her fingertips now remained still forever. No more would she tickle the keys of the alto saxophone she once played so well. No more would she hold her daughter who sat in the front row of the church during services with wet tears streaming down her cheeks. Now the city where Williams lived all her life will forever frame a tragedy that left her in a pool of blood that poured from her body when the gunfire stopped. Four Scranton police officers remain on paid leave until the investigation is finished. Williams is dead and gone. But the power of community that speaker after speaker stressed during her funeral remains. That power serves as a beacon that guides the search for truth for the many God-fearing family members and friends who now expect answers to the many unanswered questions that make Williams’ death all the harder to understand. Too many versions of what happened are circulating throughout the city. And there is no way to avoid pointing out the stark fact that four white men killed this black woman who might have lived if only the professionals on the scene had found another way. Second-guessing the cops will draw criticism. But unless we second-guess the cops this sad and violent act might happen again. PSP will hopefully second-guess every move the officers on the scene made. Unless that happens another mentally ill resident of this city might fall in a burst of bullets that with training might be avoided. Scranton police simply do not receive enough training to handle what cops call EDPs, emotionally disturbed persons. Standing in the rear of the church yesterday, I listened to a wise church elder and former pastor reassure the congregation that the truth will set us free. “If it doesn’t come out in the wash, it will come out in the rinse,” he said to laughter that broke the somber tension that filled the church. I sensed a growing confidence that will be necessary to take on the system that I expect to be less than forthcoming with the answers that are required for everyone to learn from what Williams’ brother called a “senseless” act. Yesterday, Williams’ lifeless body helped provide power to those who felt her spirit, a power that will be imperative for those who want to carry the torch of truth and shine it on every incident where police respond to a call for help. Death often nurtures the quest for social justice. Sometimes enemies become friends. Sometimes friends become enemies. In this case, the end must become the beginning as we ask ourselves over and over again, “Who speaks for Brenda Williams?” We must look ourselves in the mirror and ask if we truly care about each other and about the city we love. We must reflect on what went wrong last week. We must promise to do our best to help rather than hurt. Williams now dwells in what a pastor yesterday called “her mansion.” We must now ask ourselves what we plan to do about this sad and violent place that we call home. Life and death hang in the balance of our response. [[TL;DR]] '''Summary:''' Four cops killed an alleged /b/tard with a knife and got away with it. [[Whambulance|WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]]
The Truth (And Lulz) Behind The IRL Banhammer
Upon examing the evidence gathered by internet detectives, the following lulzy tidbits of information come to light regarding Brenda Williams' killing. We can't call it a murder because that would be libel, but hey, if the glove fits, right?
Killing Black Women Is Serious Business
For all Mensa-reject n00b hippies, we've taken the care of eliminating the TL;DR crap and getting down to serious business. The following are IRL quotes taken from an article written by Scranton Times Staff Writer Erin L. Nissley:
- On Wednesday, city Police Chief David Elliot released information about Brenda Williams' prior contact with Scranton police. The 52-year-old woman was shot and killed May 28 after police responded to her North Lincoln Avenue apartment, where she was allegedly brandishing a knife.
- A Scranton police officer involved in the fatal shooting had contact with her less than a week before she was killed, Chief Elliott said.
- Ms. Williams had made 17 calls to police in the last 11 years, starting with a call April 14, 1998, when she allegedly threatened to commit suicide.
- Chief Elliott refused to identify the officer who had contact with Ms. Williams prior to the shooting, nor would he comment on whether the prior contact played any part in how the officers responded to the May 28 call. Ms. Williams was reportedly wielding a knife when she was shot after four officers responded to her apartment for what Chief Elliott has described as a mental health check.
- Ms. Williams' brother, Myron B. Williams, said Wednesday that his sister made the calls out of concern for her daughter, however unfounded her fears. "The welfare of her child was of number one importance," he said. "That was first and foremost in her thinking." FUCKKK THE CHILD WAS THERE WHEN SHE WAS SHAWT!!! ULTIMATE PWN!!!'
- All four officers involved in the shooting have been placed on paid administrative leave.
Blacks Helped Jews Do WTC
The Times-Tribune's comment forums (convienently available at the end of each article) lit up with both butthurt Republicunts and pizza raping lulz defenders as the flame war ignited, blowing up like Hiroshima 2.0 in Israel. Everyone's pissed at the newspaper, the cops, the blacks and Jews.
Nothing is safe. IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!!!
I Was There, And I Don't Know What Happened
Adding moar to the lulz were new posters to the Scranton Times article mentioned above. These n00bz vehemently claimed to:
- have knowledge about the incident firsthand.
- have been at the crime scene when the incident took place.
Judge for yourselves, Anonymous.
—Dave, 06/11/09 - 9:30PM, who forgot where he lived
—Steven, 06/11/09 - 11:18PM, the only smart poster in this shitty thread
—Confused, 06/11/09 - 11:43PM, needs to get off the rock
—Santo, 06/12/09 - 3:28AM, proving mexicans should not have opinions
Some argue that Dave is actually one of the Scranton cops involved in this shooting posting, or a witness to the crime too chickenshit to come forward. Others say he's telling the absolute truth. As long as they did it for the lulz, does it really matter?
Mr. Jarbola said Mr. Jarbola said Mr. Jarbola said
On June 15, 2009, Lackawanna County DA Andy Jarbola announced to his scat brethren (and then after that, the city of Scranton) that the whole kit and caboodle was completely and totally for the lulz. In their version of leetspeak, this means the shooting was justified, or the cops were high on too much Jenkem and forgot to call the mental health professionals.
- She was shot multiple times the night of May 28 after officers responded to her North Lincoln Avenue apartment for a mental health check.
- Mr. Jarbola identified the four officers who were at the apartment as Cpl. Robert Stanek, a 16-year veteran who was the supervisor at the scene; Officer James Smith, an 11-year veteran who had had previous contact with Ms. Williams, and Officers Jason Knoch and Eric Jordan, who have been on the force for just over a year. Eric isn't apparently cool enough to have the word Officer next to his name, so that means he is the catcher and Jason is the pitcher. How cute!
- Mr. Jarbola said officers were preparing to cite Ms. Williams for disorderly conduct when she went to the kitchen of her apartment and returned with a knife, similar to a chef's knife, with an 8-inch blade.
- As she approached Officer Smith with the knife extended in front of her, police commanded her to drop the weapon, Mr. Jarbola said. When she did not, three officers opened fire, wounding her five times, Ms. Williams also was wounded by falling on the knife. ZOMG HOW DO I SHOT KNIFE
- Officers Smith and Knoch fired their weapons twice, and Cpl. Stanek fired his once, the DA said. This is another example of hearing "Mr. Jarbola said, Mr. Jarbola said, Mr. Jarbola said, Mr. Jarbola said.", enough to drive a /b/tard to lulzcide.
Some argue that DA Jarbola completed a very thorough investigation with the best intent of finding out the truth. Internet tough guys and girls who can uses computer in Scranton knew better and called bullshit on his faggotry.
The lollercoaster was on!
What Say You, Basement Dweller?
How To Get Away With Killing Innocent People
What have we learned, EDiots?
- Be abused as a child (bonus points for sexual!)
- Grow up with the need to act on this newly-found Godfag complex
- Enroll in the SPD police academy
- Shoot a nigger
- Put the pigs on paid leave
- Non-stop gay love
- Police Brutality
- The Beer Pong Massacre
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Cheyenne Cherry
- Official Times Tribune Article
- Moar lulz
- Investigation Continues In Shooting
- The family finds out 6/12/09 what the Scranton PD says happened but the public has to wait two weeks LOL WUT
- Bitch bitch, moan moan
- Scranton PD Official Site
- Brenda's Online Tribute
- Source of Copypasta
is part of a series on