Brenton Tarrant

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2019. Just when everyone thought the year would be shit and lackluster, A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS!!!! (+2 others!) Master Chief Brenton Harrison Tarrant, a.k.a the Kiwi Kebab Killer, is a heroic IRL JC Denton Aussie troll who took it upon himself to remove the Mooslem filth from a country whose existence was questionable at best. Fictitious or not, all experts agreed that New Zealand was the last place on earth to find Muzzlims. Before going on his rampage, Brenton posted his manifesto to 8chan and 4chan; there, he namedropped famous Swedish neon-nazi PewDiePie and Norwegian WoW aficionado Anders Behring Breivik as inspirations. This resulted in massive amounts of lulz and butthurt from the lamestream media who took his massive shitpost of a manifesto at face value, including the ever-trustworthy (((CNN))).

Like every other white devil before and after him, Brenton lacked originality and elected to lazily cover the same ground as ISIS by gunning down unarmed civilians in a house of worship. Perhaps counterintuitively, he believed that this would somehow influence the gun laws in an entirely different country and culminate in a civil war that would end with his ascension to the coveted role of king of the white pplz (though the title has already been claimed by Breivheart). While the lucrative Kebab Removal business is considered to be a well-respected trade, this koala molester shamed the profession by defacing his guns with autistic white nationalist slogans, the names of some dead European cunts, and memes staler than the rice cakes in your grandma's cupboard. Leave it to an Australian to shitpost this hard in real life.

Remember lads, subscribe to PewDiePie.


——Brenton Tarrant, minutes before topping the Oceanic leaderboard.

His Manifesto

Combine Dylann Storm Roof's and Anders Behring Breivik's incoherent ramblings about race, Elliot Rodger's emotional overreactions to seeing people he dislikes, a healthy helping of the Unabomber's neo-luddism, and a generous amount of Charles Manson's delusions of starting a race war (though this is true for nearly every mass shooter who thinks they'll start a revolution), and you will get Tarrant's gay fucking manifesto, but with over 9000% more memes.

In his typo-laden 80-page manifesto filled with old memes and faggish poetry (some of it is his own), Tarrant lays out his worldview and goal, which boils down to him seeing a bunch of niggers one time and getting so angry that he drove off in a huff while crying and concluding that an Australian gym trainer who shoots up a mosque in New Zealand would start a race war in America. Originally, the manifesto was much longer but Brenton rewrote The Great Replacement and turned it into giant shitpost, because that would totally get his political beliefs across. In between trolling the normie media and inexplicable lapses in intelligibility, Brenton explains his grand scheme which essentially is to make American liberals repeal the Second Amendment, followed by a civil war that will divide the country by race. This will all end with with the revival of the white race, all thanks to him.

The reality is that New Zealand, which already had tight gun laws, took this opportunity to tighten them even more while planning to show their tolerance by increasing third world immigration. Meanwhile, just like every other spree killer with a manifesto about how his actions will change the world, Brenton will spend the rest of his life in jail, watching as nothing happens and society forgets him. This is hardly a punishment since New Zealand prisons are quite comfortable. In any case, Brenton is Australian so the majority of his ancestors were probably career criminals used to life behind bars.

Brenton Visits Mosque

Poetic justice: it takes a baldie to catch a baldie.
The first Strayan to win. Good on ya, m8!
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Aftermath at Linwood

Teh media as accurate as always

Before going on his shooting spree, Brenton posted a thread on 8chan to share his manifesto and photos and set up his GoPro livestream. All suited up, he advises his audience to "subscribe to PewDiePie." The stream follows him driving to his destination, the Masjid Al Noor by Hagley Park, the only large mosque in town that was Archive today-ico.png previously suspected Archive today-ico.png of generating Archive today-ico.png violent radicals, all while playing "Remove Kebab", Arthur Brown's "Fire", a Fallschirmjäger bass remix, and the Initial D theme song "Gas". Thankfully, because it was Friday in a heavily Muslim-infested part of town, traffic was light and he arrived quickly, so we are spared his top ten anime songs playlist and favorite YTPMVs. He goes down a narrow driveway and nearly gets stuck trying to turn around, calling his mistake "some Austin Powers shit"; so much for careful planning.

With the British Grenadiers (a song people have been dying to for the past 3 centuries) blasting out of his sound system, our protagonist grabs his AR-15 and semi-auto shotgun that's smeared with retarded /pol/ slogans and calmly makes his way towards the front entrance. The bystanders pay no attention to what they assume is a fellow jihadi returning from Syria. After his brother greets him at the door, Brenton starts off stylishly with some shotgun blasts into the crowd before switching to his trusty assault rifle. After emptying all of his mags into the piles of bodies and having nothing left to do, he stands bewildered then walks back outside to grab another AR-15. He strolls in again and skewers the resting kebabs for a few minutes (ensuring they don't use their Mohammedan powers to turn undead).

Brenton walks out yet AGAIN to shoot a woman who was napping on the sidewalk. He stares at a jerrycan of gasoline and contemplates burning the place down, but for some reason mumbles "there's not enough time," despite continuing to meander for another minute. He leaves some guns in the driveway, gets in his car, and takes off, turning the dead woman into a halal speed bump in the process. He nervously drives north on Deans Avenue with several loaded guns beside him. He brakes, shoots out his window at some passersby, frantically turns a couple of corners, runs out of service, and the stream ends.

After streaming, Brenton visits the Linwood Islamic Centre and removes an additional seven kebabs for dessert. According to the old media, a mudslime threw a credit card machine at our protagonist who got spooked, presumably under the assumption that it was a bomb (because let's be honest, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary), and runs away in panic. En route to his 'bonus objective', a mosque in Ashburton, he was rammed off-road and finally busted by the pigs 20 minutes after he fired his first shot.


Meme Review

Graded Score
Kill Count:
(49 injured) - Second deadliest mass shooting in the civilized (non-American/warzone) world.
Could've killed far more mudslimes; pussied out due to a thrown card machine.
Plays Remove Kebab, baits media, fucks with Candace Owens, and a million other memes; the first post-ironic shooter.
NZ peacefags horrified, as are Mudslimes the world over. TABLES TURNED MUTHAFUCKAS!!!1!!
Overall excellence in style, planning, copycats, and butthurt.
Total Score: 141/100 (S++)
Ausfags are even better at mass shooting than Burgers, proving shitpost supremacy once and for all.
See full ranking

Generated Lulz


The Blame Game



List of Kebabs Removed

The Christchurch Mixtape

The Slammer Years

Known Aliases


See Also

External Links

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Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

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