Bruce McMahan

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A picture of the lovely couple. Not pictured: The matching pair of dildos wedged in their respective assholes

Rich old white guy who has 5 ex-wives (now 6 if you count his daughter lol) and numerous other sexual conquests contacted by previously unknown daughter who was given away for adoption by one of his many ex mistresses. Obviously, the logical thing to do would be to use his money and influence to seduce and fuck said daughter (complete with creepy pseudo-wedding ceremony) AFTER making her take a paternity test to confirm biological relationship. Much incestuous sickfuckery occurs, including the purchase of a matching pair of dildos, complete with receipts which will end up as evidence in court.

Where It All Began

Fathers lock up your daughters! No wait...

Some rich white people are known for their excesses: fast cars that can break the sound barrier, numerous luxury properties in exotic locals where people with less than a six+ figure annual income are turned away at gunpoint, eating all their meals off the naked belly of a barely-legal hooker, etc. Of course, when it comes to excesses of a sexual nature, things can get a little weird (i.e. 80% of the Republican Party). Brucie was one such man. He made his billionaire fortune in Jew and played philanthropist while fucking himself through a string of ex-wives and mistresses. One such mistress became pregnant from Brucie's repeated semen deposits but ended up giving up her baby girl for adoption because she was a retarded vapid cunt who didn't think to cash in on some billionaire child support. Eventually, the baby girl she gave up, now a 21-year old blond hottie named Linda, found her way back to her retarded cunt of a mother, and from what little could Linda decipher from her mother's drunken ramblings, learned that billionaire Brucie was her biological father.

Where It All Went Wrong

No one knows what exactly happened when Linda first met Brucie. What we do know was that he did make her take a paternity test, the results of which were 99.997% positive that he was her biological father. What we also know is that Brucie wanted to ram his withered 59 year-old penis into his smoking hot 21 year-old blond daughter's pussy. Apparently, the little detail of Linda being his biological daughter was not enough to stem this desire. From her court testimony, it would be revealed that Brucie literally spared no expenses in orchestrating the elaborate seduction which would be known as Operation: Fuck my Daughter, whose sole purpose was to allow him to make repeated deposits of paternal DNA into Linda's baby incubator, from the seemingly innocent bedroom viewing of Braveheart that led to some inappropriate groping to the purchase of a matching pair of vibrators which were mutually used between the two.

Operation: Fuck My Daughter - Phase I

Eventually, daddy's little girl/fucktoy falls in love with someone else: some schmuck named Sargent Schutt who wasn't a creepy, balding, geriatric daughter fucker. Brucie was saddened, but undaunted, since he was still getting that pussy (and vibrator play) right up until her wedding day. However, once the (real) wedding vows were exchanged between Linda and her actual husband, she cut off Brucie access to her pussy. Brucie didn't take this too well and immediately began to plan a new plan of seduction that would allow him to put his penis back into his daughter's cum receptacle. Brucie's first task in Operation: Fuck my Daughter was to name her as CEO of his investment firm. However, Linda was still not giving it up for daddy. When she announced in 2002 that she was actually planning to start a family with her husband, Brucie went nuts. He fired her from his company in a fit of butthurt and Linda packed up everything and moved to Mississippi with her husband, seemingly away from the incestuous clutches of her father forever. If only...

Operation: Fuck My Daughter - Phase II

Some years later, Linda gets sick due to some genetic condition which caused her body to self destruct or some shit. Brucie, who was no stranger to this condition since he was the one who gave it to her, valiantly offered to get her the best all-expense-paid medical treatment possible with absolutely no strings attached. Little did Linda know, that Brucie's generosity was in actuality, step 9000 of Operation: Fuck my Daughter. Loaded up on drugs and confined to bed, Brucie conveniently moved her convalescence to his own luxury condo in Miami's exclusive Fisher Island. Linda insisted that any relationship they have be a "normal father-daughter type." To bad she didn't realize what Brucie's definition of normal was...

Note to self: Do not let ex-wife find photos of daddy-daughter wedding

Brucie wasted no time getting his withered old cock into Linda's chemo-soaked cunt, and by April 2004, they were fucking again. By then, Brucie was determined to keep Linda all to himself and began taking steps to remove poor Mr. Schutt from the picture entirely. During a business trip to London, Brucie arranged to have a bizzare private father-daughter wedding ceremony at the famous Westminster Abbey where the kings and queens of England were crowned. Vows were said, rings were exchanged, and Linda became the de facto wife of her father, Bruce McMahan on June 2004. Brucie's first order of post incestuous-marriage business was to cut Linda's current husband out of everything he has given, or was planning to give to Linda (cum included). To his credit, Mr. Schutt signed the resulting postnup like a champ, but by then, he probably suspected that something unnatural was going on between Linda and her father and wanted to get the fuck away it all before ending up ass-raped by one of their resulting inbred hillbilly spawn in a forest a la Deliverance.

How It All Fell Apart

I may have forgot to mention that all this time, Brucie himself was legally married to some Ukrainian bartender named Elena, whom he met on a cruise ship a few years back. That's okay. Apparently, so did he. But in 2005, Brucie finally remembers and files for divorce like a good little soon-to-be ex-husband-who-is-also fucking-his-own-daughter. Elena, being not quite as stupid as the other bitches that Brucie has fucked throughout his years, already suspected something unnatural was going on between him and Linda, and had amassed considerable evidence for the imminent divorce proceedings, including emails and pictures of the 2004 incest-themed wedding in London. Brucie, seeing how something like chronic incest can ruin a man of considerable wealth and influence, tried to get Linda to sign a sworn statement disavowing any sort of sexual relationship with her father. For reasons unknown, Linda refused. No one knows why. Maybe her daddy-cumdumpster was finally full. Or maybe she realized that all the money and gifts her father showered on her was propagating a sick and dysfunctional relationship that should never have existed. Either way, after refusing, Linda also cut Brucie's access to her pussy, this time for good.

The daddy-cumdumpster testifying that her daddy-cumdumpster is indeed filled to capacity

At this point, Brucie was literally up shit creek without an incest-loving paddle. Ex-wife #5 has enough embarrassing evidence to force the most generous of divorce settlements, and his access to daughter-pussy was gone. So what would be the logical thing to do? Sue everyone, from his daughter, ex-wife #5, to his daughter's ex-husband, ex-husband's father, and so on. Linda, being her father's daughter, counter-sued, along with her ex-husband Schutt, who obtained a rather juicy piece of evidence in the form of a heavily-used vibrator lifted from his ex-wife's luggage after a trip to Brucie's Fisher Island sex shack. Yeah, the one from the matching pair originally purchased by Brucie to pleasure/be pleasured by his daughter. Mr. Schutt even had traces of vaginal lining and semen found on the vibrator tested for DNA, the results of which matching both Linda and Brucie respectively. At this point, Linda was only too happy to voluntarily provide a cheek swab sample to confirm the results. At the end of the day, the entire sordid affair is entered into court record, along with exhibit D1-LD-0: a heavily used purple/black dildo with vibrating attachments, sold as a color-matched pair in many fine adult novelty establishments across this great nation.

Download the video of her testimony (if uploaded to youtube, is automatically taken down)

Video of her describing her sexual encounter with her father IN LONDON

Aftermath And Why We Should Care

Some time later, Brucie begins to realize the gravity of the situation and uses his money and lawyers to remove all references of his incestuous affair from real life and teh internets. His first order of business was tosue a bunch of publishers and newspaper editors to retract their stories on the trial and managed to get his wiki page deleted using overwhelming legal force. Even to this day, Brucie and his army of lawyers continues to troll the internets for any references to Bruce McMahan, Daughter, Linda Schutt and incest. However, like all epic stories of lulz and fail, we cannot let these events fall into obscurity, especially at the hands of the original douchebag perpetrator himself. Also, at one point during his daddy-daughter relationship, Brucie was a partner for Bear-Stearns, which means due to their collapse and subsequent bailout, our tax money was used by Brucie to finance his little incestuous escapades. Are you not outraged?!?! Will ED take a stand?

The entire story for teh curious


This is the intel we have so far on McMahan family

Companies He Owns/Runs
Centaur Funds Group -
McMahan Securities Co. L.P. -
The Argent Center at Fisher Island -

Companies Ran/Owned/Operated By His Children

Alison McMahan
Homunculus Productions, LLC -

Jeff McMahan
Argent Financial Group LLP -

See also

External links

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