Bulgaria

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It's nearly impossible to find anything that isn't depressing to say about Bulgaria. However, according to www.bulgariatravel.org: "A picturesque small country called Bulgaria has existed for more than 13 centuries in Europe, linking East and West. Bulgaria remembers ancient civilizations and great people that wrote its turbulent history. Situated in Southeastern Europe, Bulgaria occupies the northeastern part of the Balkan Peninsula." This part of the Balkans is the dumping ground for a mess of assorted local tribal groups: Thracians, Romani, Macedonians, and of course the "Bulgars", who weren't even from the area originally.

File:Bulgarians-in-natural-habitat.jpg
Bulgarians in their natural habitat

The depressingly supine history of Bulgaria

  • Pre-45AD: Living peacefully north of black sea as Great Bulgaria, having tea and shit until the big spit up.
  • 45-632AD: The Romans conquer the Thracian people, enslaving 300,000 citizens. No further resistance until the fall of the Roman Empire.
  • 632-1014AD: The only real time Bulgaria exists as a country. Joined forces with the other (?) Slavic tribes, and produced a huge amount of hit points. Call it Bulgaria's manic phase. In 718AD they kill 22,000+ Arabs. In 917AD they kill tens of thousands of Greeks.
  • 1014-1396AD: The Empire strikes back. Byzantine Emperor Basil II ("the Bulgar-Slayer") (the gayest name any emperor has ever sported) blinds 15,000 Bulgarian prisoners taken in battle before releasing them. No resistance or any uprising of the Bulgarian population or nobility after the establishment of Byzantine rule.
  • 1396-1876AD: Muslims rape Christians in Bulgaria. The losing side, thought to number several thousand, are bound together and marched naked before the Sultan where a group of executioners proceeds to kill them, either by decapitation or by severing their limbs from their torsos. Result: No resistance to Ottoman rule for five centuries.
  • 1876-1878AD: The Turks massacre 15,000 Bulgarians yet again. Turks are really into assraeping corpses. Russia sees the chance to help Bulgaria out and make it her eternal bitch. Russia invades Bulgaria and ends the Ottoman rule.
  • 1914-1918AD: During World War I, Bulgaria finds itself fighting on the losing (German) side. The Bulgarian army suffers 300,000 casualties, including 100,000 killed, while being the most productive male prostitutes in the Balkans.
  • 1940-1945AD: After decades of ass-raping battles, Bulgaria sides with the Nazis. But they sell the krauts out and start nuking Nazi military shipments secretly. In early September, the Soviet Union declares war on Bulgaria and invades it, meeting no resistance. As usual.
  • 1945-1989AD: Communist, pwned by Russia. No resistance. The "grovellingly obsequious" dictator Zhivkov went so far as to offer his country's full formal annexation by the Soviet Union several times.[1] Russians repeatedly said no because they weren't willing to taint their gene pool.
  • 1957AD: Development of Golden Sands and Sunny Beach resorts begin. No resistance.
  • 1989AD-2010AD: Bulgaria holds multi-party elections and privatizes its economy, but economic difficulties and a tide of corruption leads over 800,000 Bulgarians, most of them qualified professionals, to emigrate in a "brain drain" from a country with not a great deal of brains to spare. All types of mafia takes over. No resistance.
  • 2010AD-present: Bulgaria is enslaved by the police and the government. No resistance, just like the previous 2000 years.
File:Bulgarian-women.jpg
Bulgarian women of high status

Depressing Bulgarian rankings

  • 39th most popular holiday destination
  • 26th largest zinc producer
  • 97th biggest oil producer
  • 3rd skinniest whores

Depressing Bulgarian facts

  • The average GDP is one third of that of Belgium.
  • There are 150,000 tractors and 10,000 combine harvesters.
  • Bulgaria does not have an embassy in Iceland.
  • Bulgaria has 500 soldiers serving in Afghanistan.
  • The northwestern part of Bulgaria, called Romania, is now officially the poorest in the EU.
  • In Bulgaria you can sleep with every girl you want if you have a BMW or 17 dollars
  • THERE ARE NO HOMOSEXUALS EXCEPT IN ONE BACK ALLEY IN FAKUTETA
  • It is "the melting pot of poverty and corruption"
EDiots generally recommend watching this disgusting video

Skinheads attacking a mosque

Depressing famous Bulgarians

An examination of the "List Of Famous Bulgarians" at Wikipedia[2] shows that there are no famous Bulgarians. Most of them are obscure even in Bulgaria. The general rules of Eurotrash apply to Bulgaria in spades, the men all want to fuck Lady Gaga and the women all want Lady Gaga to wipe her ass on their faces.

Examples include;

  • Sport. Georgi Georgiev - 2 World Titles for Sambo (2003, 2006). There are at least FIVE football players named "Georgi Georgiev", so take your choice you idiot
  • Hristo Stoichkov, baller
  • Veselin Topalov, chess champion
  • Valya Balkanska, renowned folksinger and scary old lady
  • John Vincent Atanasoff BUILT THE WORLD'S FIRST COMPUTER AND MADE THIS SHITHOLE WEBSITE POSSIBLE
  • Wombles character Great Uncle Bulgaria. He's more than 300 years old.
  • The most famous Bulgarian actress is called Rositsa Chorbadjiyska (you can't google her!!)
  • And there has never been a famous Miss Bulgaria.

Factions

There are various factions you can join - skinheads, commies, da pawliiz or the infamous group of the gypsies. Then you can do random attacks on everyone else, including Jehovah's witnesses.


Here we see fine specimens attacking the "witnesses"

File:Starvingbulgarianprostitute.jpg
Won't you help this poor starving Bulgarian prostitute and feed her some semen?

The Bulgarian language

Just as Esquimos have a large number of words for "snow", according to Google Translate Bulgarians have a large number of words for "depression".

Bulgarian.jpg

Depressing Eurovision

See Also

Suicide

Depressing External Links

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