THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.
Bungie.net is the website for a rich community of faggots and a small dwelling community of furries. The website can be quite funny at times, and is also ripe trolling grounds. Trolling tactics must be unconventional, however.
- 1 The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions
- 2 IRC chat
- 3 Master Chief is a woman!
- 4 lolReach
- 5 The Flood
- 6 Forum Ninjas
- 7 Bungie.net Copypasta
- 8 See Also
- 9 External Links
The Halo 3 Forum and its Evolutions
Nobody goes there anymore. They moved their retardation to the Halo Reach forum instead. Just Dust and Semen
Halo: Reach Forum
A forum that is worse than H3F. Here Reacharound players complain about game breaking issues such as armor lock, grenade blast radius, bloom and the terrible maps in this game. Usually the target of hatred by the Flood. Bungie then proceeds to lock all topics insulting there game and ignore all the complaints. You can find the following in the reacharound forum:
- My Beta is not working, fix it Bungie!
- Armor lock suks!
- Bloom is to random. Fix it now.
- The BR is better than the DMR and vice versa.
- Armor lock suks!
- Trolls creating topics about colored weapons. lulz
- "I hate this game" threads.
- I got banned for boosting.
- Armor lock has no counter and should be nerfed.
- Black ops is better because Treyarch released a title update a few days after BO launched.
- Grenades are like mini-nukes now.
- Armor lock suks!
- i got banned for nothing!
- i got banned for boosting
- i got banned for playing the game
- i got banned for not playing the game!
Bungie has been ignoring all of the above complaints about their game to date. Their dream of only 7,777 people playing their game will soon come true.
It is the best trolling grounds on the site, but if you value sanity, do not enter. One of the best methods of trolling is to actually mention anything remotely related to Cock in Booty Tew in any way. For example, make a thread called "Colored Weapons" and talk about how you should be able to color your weapons. While this is one of the few legitimate ideas that fans have actually put out there, people will react as if you just hit a nun in the teeth with a puppy. Chances are the mods will ban you until forever for spam. Other trolling methods include "What's the best way to destroy my copy of halo?" or "I don't like the beta." For extra lulz, say it as civilized as possible, with no swear words or slang. This will make the massive freak out reactions even more gratifying. It gets even better if you get someone to agree with you, then even more people will begin to troll the post.
Bungie.net Community (the Septagon)
A cesspool of retardation and a hornets nest of mods, this forum is impossible to troll and has the most elitist members on the site. Do not venture forth into here unless you want an anal rape from the mods.
The webmaster himself lurks there.
Prominent poster(s) in the Septagon
Spartain Ken 15 - Bungie.net is Ken's life as he has nothing better to do than to think of highly ridiculous ways to "improve" bungie.net. Then he posts 10 paragraph topics about his ideas. Each topic ends up becoming a hot topic, not because people want to discuss the topic, but because everybody wants to let Spartain Ken know that he is an idiot. Such suggestions included adding a subscription for bungie.net, having a "ranked members only" only forum, nuking the flood forum, nuking the reach forum, nuking private groups. If you want to piss Ken off, just make an account named after him and suggest something ridiculously stupid in the septagon while he is banned and then he will rage in bungie.net's private groups. Ken got butthurt when he saw this section of the article. http://www.bungie.net/Forums/posts.aspx?postID=64820580&postRepeater1-p=5
Ken looked at Achronos in the eyes and said "I will do anything! ANYTHING, to please you." Achronos scratched his chin and looked down at Ken and said "Suck my dick and I'll make you my personal slave boy." "Yes master!" said Ken, and he unzipped Achronos' pants and pulled them down. Ken pulled down Achronos' underwear and placed the overlord's throbbing banhammer into his mouth and sucked. Achronos quivered with pleasure and said "Yes....suck it hard ken! My seed will give you ninja powers!" Ken sucked harder and harder. 2 hours later, Achronos yelled with a crazed fury as his banhammer exploded inside of Spartain Ken's mouth and all over his face. Ken eagerly swallowed Achronos' seed and licked his lips. He looked up at the overlord and said "Thank you master!"'' -Typical Spartain Ken behavior.
Some halofags created a bungie.net irc chat on irc.adelais.net. #bungienet . Make sure you don't do any of the following or you will be banned: Criticize any of the OPs, criticize Obama, voice an opinion, talk, idle, joining the channel, or exist at all.
Master Chief is a woman!
On December 13, 2010, a user called Zickson posted this thread in the Halo Reacharound forums. In the topic, Zickson suggests that there is no proof that Master Chief is a man, so he must be a woman. The post generated 8 pages of butthurt from the halo reach fanboys who were too stupid to recognize the obvious troll to ignore it. Some users went so far as to use evidence from the books in order to dispute Zickson.
On August 13, 2011, in the middle of the night, a group of trolls decided to spam the Reacharound forum with pages of nothing but the words: lolReach. While all of the fanboys were becoming butthurt, the Bungie mods were busy sleeping in their beds. This spamming went on for several hours before one forum mod, Duardo, signed on and saw that his prized forum had gone to hell, he subsequently b& most of the forum, even people who tried to stop the trolls. But, the mods didn't realize that Bungie's bans are easy as shit to get around and that most of the spammers already had alternate accounts waiting for them, in case a mod actually did stop them.
To say The Flood is like /b/ is like saying that dropping your eyeliner in the toilet is like the BP oil spill. Despite this, there are some arseholes on The Flood who believe this very thing, only to be tarred and feathered by the more internet-savvy members who have plenty of oil at their disposal for tarring and feathering. Pretty much hated by everyone else, due to their frequent raids, parodies, attacks, buttrapes of other games other than Skyrim, Halo, and Mass Effect.
In any case, the Flood boils down to these points:
- Fap Threads
- Jailbait Threads.
- Relationship threads
- The prohibition of pornography (not necessarily a good thing).
- It's even more retarded.
- The mods try to repress the stupidity, resulting in many bans.
- Rather lulzy threads
- ITS RENDERS FAULT!
The easiest way to troll the flood is to simply make a thread about any of the following: Politics, MW2 being good, religion, girls, being gay, saying rap is good, saying rock is good, music in general, porches, and anything else you can think of. It is supposedly "protected" by a group called "The Flood's Army". Mainly just sit on their asses.
Prominent posters in The Flood
- Naked Noob - Makes political threads to debate different topics, then flames anyone who doesn't agree with him.
- XII CIUTCH IIX - Faggot sissy boy who doesn't like meat.
- Gaara444 - A batshit insane, racist, xenophobic, conspiracy theorist. This guy honestly believes the government can hear his thoughts, and will constantly talk about how the Kennedy Assassination was a hoax. Chances are he's hides in his house all day and goes outside with a tinfoil hat.
- John Cena - A wannabe troll whose idea of "good trolling" is spamming obvious links to meatspin in as many threads as he can. A perfect example of trying too hard. real account is xXxdropshotterxXx
- King Dutchy - A notorious druggie.
- Shane Dawson - See John Cena for more of the same.
- SanghieliWarrior - Like to pretend he is a gay elite. A submissive gay elite.
- Daft Punk - WyldFyre's yiffy little bitch use to love Fluttershy to the point of declining real women, now has internet girlfriend.
- ChurchRagnarok- Some faggot brony who claims to be an EMT but really uses that as a cover to lure kids into his pedo van and rape them.
- Spartanelet M37 - A brony/furfag that writes My Little Pony porn fics and lives in a delusional world where he is a black pony, named Shadow Light, that has sex with with a main character from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, named Pinkie Pie, and has a child with her named, Cupcake.
- SPARTAN 32192- Essentially Bungie's #1 tool. He wastes his time sucking shit.
- TheZealEffect - A homophobic social conservative who no one likes. He's also a brony who can never get in any of his girl groups, and trys to get sympathy from it.
- kikashi hatake - The prime definition of a sheltered child. Was either raped by a pedophile as a boy or castrated in front of a large crowd as a teen... Probably both.
- Vien- A dick tickling faggot that pretends to be a gay elite. Spends his day fantasizing about cocks while drawing his stubby alien ones.
- Capiton Render- Often regarded as the biggest and most annoying faggot of the flood, constantly using stupid outdated memes in order to be lulzy, and always post links raep face, but in reality he's a massive cock sucking faggot. He's also the one responsible for trying make this page a personel "I'm E-Famous!!11!!" page due to his aforementioned faggotry.
- Decimator Omega (retard for short) - Thinks he is an intelligent game designer in training, doesn't realize he oozes homosexual fantasies from his stupid responses, he is more akin to a potato sucking retarded howler monkey screaming fanboi gay fantasies from atop a tree, ITS ALL RENDES FAULT!
- Felicia402- Attention Whore
- Camnator- A fatass that pretends to be a vegan body builder, is batshit crazy, thinks the government is out to get him and enslave everyone. Cries like a little bitch whenever is picture is posted and tries to play it off like he isn't the spineless, autistic, fatass that everyone knows he really is.
- Lonepaul - A half blind British fucktard that only bashes the US. He use to be incredibly obvious about it and after a series of humiliations he was finally banned. Like a fucking cockroach however he came back on an alt and continue to post shit until is ban expired. Once that happened he proceeded to pretend that he and his alt were two separate people due to the fact that the only person who could possibly agree with his previously mentioned fucktardedness was himself. Currently floats around after having abandoned his alt and now only passively hates the US.-Update, it is now confirmed he has pedophilia fantasies while having incestuous relations with his mother. He has an unusual fixation with sausages, even though he works in a fish and chips shop.
- WeededDragon - Master of puns, also fatass.
- Electrified Rose - Arguably Bungie.net's #1 fucktard. Has created many lulzworthy threads, that usually spiral into huge flamewars after the first post. His MO usually includes making a ridiculous post/claim, then insults your intelligence if you disagree with him or if you just post in his thread, then he will say "Muted and reported" and then message the moderators once you've beaten him in an argument.
- RC5908 - Liberal pansy who likes it up the ass 24/7.
- Gojira - Loser who pretends to be Godzilla on a video game forum because he has nothing better to do in his pathetic life.
- Zoid - Weeaboo who pretends to be a girl because he is just that much of a loner.
- SecondClass - Bungie.net's biggest attention whore. Thinks he's a good troll when in reality his "troll threads" couldn't be more obvious.
- deadlyfluffball/TheBreadSquid - Draws blurry and just all around shitty "drawings". Puts emoticons at the end of every sentence just for the sake of being a faggot.
- emmamas - Colossal dumbass who's posts never add anything to a thread's discussion.
- Ember - Obnoxious cunt and Homosuck fanboy. Regurgitates the same shitty Rose meme over and over again because he is too unoriginal to come up with anything new.
- Verbatim - This guy is mad 24/7, 365. The fucker is opposed to weed with every fiber of his being, and he's a Straight Edge. (Synonymous with "queer" and "faggot".)
- angry0ldgrandpa - A delusional Christian fuckwit who seriously believes World War III is happening. He believes every single word of the Bible and doesn't question anything in that book because he is too stupid to think on his own. He is most likely a sufferer of dementia.
- DarkestSeptagon - The Flood's personal slut.
Prominent B.next posters:
- MyNameIsCharlie - A hypocrite who doesn't stop talking about his retarded son or pothead wife, but will threaten anybody who brings up his precious baby.
- DeclinedA1 - Libertarian dick-tickling polititard. Genuinely believes that allowing big businesses to rule unopposed would result in the general welfare of the people - but it doesn't matter because he's a zitty, loner no-life who works in a fucking fast-food restaurant.
- Madman Mordo - An arrogant, misogynistic, victim-blamer who tries to play off occasions where his stupidity is revealed as "jimmy rustling", but everybody knows he only hates women because if he tried to rape them, he would be beaten the shit out of.
- Higher Ground - Carbon-copy of Fox News, only more insufferable. Literally the most self-entitled poster on the website, who contributes by never ceasing to complain about the lack of decent contribution. Also likes to sniff Oldfag Sparkles's ballsack.
- Oldfag Sparkles - A deranged, sociopathic, euphoric transhumanist who loves to argue with whoever disagrees with him even slightly and was banned for threatening to murder a classmate. Faps at every opportunity he gets to rustle some jimmies. Will probably be found circlejerking alongside the other British users or touching his testicles while reading Friedrich Nietzsche.
- Le Dustin - Almost definitely the most prolific alt-user on the site, yet always pins his bad reputation to Sociopaths United, because he's too much of a pussy to accept how pathetic his trolling is. Also sounds like a six-year-old girl.
- Mr Psychologist - A fucked up individual inspired to help others through psychology, probably as a result of how fucked up he is.
- Smiggles - A dirty whore who doesn't hesitate to post pictures of her, or her effeminate boyfriend, all over the website.
- IchEsseKinder - An utterly retarded conservative who wouldn't hesitate to stick his cock in Rush Limbaugh's plumbing. Never passes up an opportunity to post anything that will paint the Republicans in a good light.
- Edableshoe - A retard who was caught smoking pot and ruined his even more retarded dream of throwing away his life in order to teach music to autistic kids.
- TrussingDoor - A no-lifer who would autofellate himself over the thought of Bethesda Softworks; he tries to pass off as somebody with a decent social life, but all of the anti-depressants and anxiety medication must be making him hallucinate things in his mother's basement.
- Onion Beetle - An Irish boxer who has nothing better to do than to make alts and troll Fox News. Author of, 'This guys gets it' and the shitty sequel, 'This guy gets it 2.'
- Elegiac - Semi-closet bisexual who faps to autofelacio in his spare time.
- Yishae - On par with Camnator and PSU as far trolling goes, he's a fucking lunatic who spends his time on the forum obsessing over federal reserve conspiracy theories and liberal propaganda.
- Exploding Piglets - The only user on the site to have multiple main accounts, he spends most his time trolling #destiny or writing shitty stories no one has the time to read. He considers himself a 'dragon furry' or a 'scaly.'
Gallery of Floodian Culture
Forum Ninja's are what BNet calls it's moderators. The term does not sound gay, at all. These forum faggots or bungie worshippers or whatever you wanna call them have no life and believe Bungie is GOD. They happily swallow loads of Bungie's cum and regularly toss each other off in glee at the thought of another map pack. They ban for everything and anything that doesn't worship bungie and have a deep seeded hatred of trolls.
List of Forum Ninjas
- Urk - A bungie employee that writes the weekly updates (mind you the updates have never actually contained "updates" for Bungies games). His latest updates include gay interviews about noble map pack and other dumbass bull shit. He blindly worships Bungie and his forum posts are hard hitting pieces of literature such as "I Voted." which was his response to a poll topic titled "Do you think Reach needs a patch?" He also spends his times posting irrelevant pictures in threads. Since only bungie employees can post pictures, this is considered to be the greatest thing ever, turning the thread into an instant hot topic. His real name is Eric Osborne and he lives at 2304 S Pinebrook Ln.Seattle, WA 98198. If you have any complaints about how much halo sucks give him a call at
(206) 249-8907.The landlinde has been discontinued newfag. Extra points if you link him to this page!!!one!
Dazarobbo's bad day
Dazarobbo was having a horrible day. He just got laid off from his job and his girlfriend just kicked him out of her house when she heard the news. His relationship with her had been deteriorating ever since he became a moderaor on bungie.net. Instead of hammering her, he spent his time hammering noobs on the forums. He had nowhere to go and he had no internet. His family was about 777 miles away and he only had enough money and gas to get to 666 miles. Daza knew he had to find a place to stay. So he called his best friend, Bobcast. Daza explained the situation, about how he got fired from his job and kicked out by his girlfriend and that he just needed a place to stay. Bob listened patiently to Dazarobbo. When Daza was done talking he asked, "Do you think I could stay at your place for a couple of days? Until I find a job at least?" "Sure man, Recon Number 54, Foman, TU and I are going to be having a drinking party tonight. You could join us for a couple of days." Dazarobbo thanked him a lot for being such an awesome friend.
So Dazarobbo hitched a ride on a bus (his ex girlfriend owned the semi-truck since she was a trucker). 30 minutes later, he was at Bobcasts apartment and he knocked on the door. Bob opened the door up and welcomed dazarobbo in. "The other guys are inside playing halo reach, there are chips and salsa in the kitchen and beer in the fridge, help yourself dude. You will be staying in room upstairs on the left." he said. "Thanks man, I'm sorry to drop in on you like this." said Dazarobbo. "No problem man, I am a doctor. It is my duty to take care of people, especially my friends." Dazarobbo went upstairs to put his things in his room. Then he came back down and said hi to the others. "sup?" said True Underdog, "Hey -blam!- whats happnin?" said foman " Hey son? how are you doing?" said recon number, who took up a whole couch. "Just hanging out for a couple of days.
So he sat down to play some games with the other ninjas. When nightfall came, the drinking games started. Foman and Bobcast played against Dazarobbo and True underdog in a game of beer pong while Recon number ate 2 bags of chips and drank one of the kegs of beer. So the games went on and the ninjas got pretty drunk. Dazarobbo, who was staggering drunk, burst out crying all of a sudden. "yo whats wrong bro? *hiccup*" said foman. "Ever since I became a forum ninja, my life went downhill!I had so much fun banning people that I didn't pay attention to my girlfriend or my job! So I lost m-my job and I l-lost my girlfriend a-and she k-kicked me out! " Dazarobbo bellowed. The other ninjas looked at him with sympathetic glances. Bobcast put a hand on his shoulder and said, "You are not the only one. I wanted to become a surgeon. But ever since I became a ninja, my life went downhill. I wasn't able to finish my classes in collegeman, now I am only a nurse. Plus I got kicked out of my girlfriend's house too!" "R-Really?" said Dazarobbo. "So was I man" said foman, who now had tears in his eyes. "I was goin to be a -blam!- lawyer yo! but then I became a ninja! and DAMN! I had so much fun kickin them stupid white folks from bungie.net and haven them swear me out that i forgot to do my classes an shit. my bitch kicked me out of her house and i was on the street! An my homie, Bobcast took me in!"
Dazarobbo was astounded. He looked at True underdog, who immediatly broke down and cried. "me too man! I have a beautiful son! But I never paid attention to him because I was a ninja on bungie.net! My girlfriend kicked me out and bobcast took me in!". Recon number 54 burped. "I never knew we were all so alike... I love you guys so much!" exclaimed Dazarobbo "we need eachother don't we?" They all nodded, even recon number nodded, sending undulations through his blubber. So they all gathered around and hugged eachother. Then, what one can only hope was the guidance of the alcohol, they began to fondle eachothers asses.
The ninjas began to undress until they were butt naked. Their throbbing banhammers hanging . Dazarobbo and bobcast caught eachother's eyes and began to embrace eachother. While Dazarobbo and Bobcast were making out, True underdog knelt in front of foman. Then foman shoved his big black veiny banhammer into his ass, making True Underdog squeal. Meanwhile, Recon number 54, who couldn't get out of the couch because of his weight, began to jerk his banhammer. Bobcast looked at Dazarobbo's raging banhammer and knelt down. He put it in his mouth and sucked on it. Meanwhile foman and true underdog cried out and they both sprayed banhammer juice at the same time. Recon number was still jerking. Bobcast's sucking was making dazarobbo moan in ecstacy. All of a sudden he cried out and sprayed into Bob's mouth. They were spent.
But then bobcast looked at recon meaningfully. Recon, getting the message, pulled out his glass eye. Then bobcast came over and stuck his banhammer ino recon's eye socket. This got recon to moan and jerk off even more furiously. Bobcast screamed as he came into that eyesocket, dripping banhammer juioce down recon's cheek. Recon came all over bobcast's legs. The night went on and the ninjas are now closest friends. But then one night, foman was was monitoring the forums and saw this story. "WHO THE FUCK RECORDED THIS SHIT AND MADE AN ALTERNATE ACCOUNT ON BNET?!?!?"
Sanghieli Warrior and his friends
SanghieliWarrior was kneeling at the end of the bed, butt naked. Ready to take Ryle's throbbing elite phallus into his tight ass. Ripa was laying down on the bed, his legs hanging over the edge so that SanghieliWarrior's snout was at his crotch, and Ryle was standing behind SanghieliWarrior's ass, ready to dominate.
The elites growled and huffed, ready to take the great journey with eachother. SanghieliWarrior hovered his mandibles above Ripa's erect cock, and plunged his maw onto it, making Ripa groan with delight. Then he felt Ryle poke at his ass, teasing his tailhole with his pre coated pride. Then he felt Ryle thrust....
SanghieliWarrior howled with agonized pleasure as he felt the ridge covered dick slide into his tight ass and press against his prostate. Ryle placed his hands around SanghieliWarrior's waist and thrust until his hilt met SanghieliWarrior's cheeks. Then SanghieliWarrior continued to suck ripa off, his maw was coated in the elite's purple pre-cum.
Ripa shuddered and placed his hands on SanghieliWarrior's head and said "oooo brother, you are amazing." Ryle knodded in agreement as he continued thrusting. "Your passage is tighter than that of a human's!" SanghieliWarrior began to sway back and forth with pleasure as he was fucked in the ass.
an hour passed...and then 2 hours. Pleasure began to build SanghieliWarrior's mid-region....
Ryle growled and picked up the pace, he began to thrust harder and deeper, causing SanghieliWarrior to coo with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior slid his hands under Ripa's buttocks and gave them a squeeze, his finger slid up Ripa's hole and Ripa howled with pleasure. SanghieliWarrior wiggled his finger, making Ripa buck a little. He continued sucking the elite off while being pounded in the ass.
"BY THE GODS!" he thought, "I haven't felt this way since I encountered the demon!" Soon, all 3 of the elites were approaching their threshold. And at the same times, they howled. Ryle blew his load into SanghieliWarrior's depths, Ripa blew his load onto SanghieliWarrior's face, getting it coated with green elite c*m, and SanghieliWarrior blew his load onto the floor. He felt like his body was tearing itself apart!
30 minutes later, the orgasms settled down and they all fell asleep.
The next morning, 3 naked teenagers were found dead in the woods. Autopsy reports showed that they overdosed on LSD.
Average Day in the Life of a Sapphire Member
Today we will follow "Jeff." Jeff has school today. First day back from summer, he is now going to be a freshman in high school.
Jeff awakens to the piercing sound of crashing ocean waves. Slamming the alarm off, he turns over to catch a few more Zs. But his mother wouldn't have that.
"Jeffy, back your bags and get your breakfast, the bus leaves in 10 minutes!"
Jeffy, barely audible, replies, "OKAYYYY MOMMMMMM GGRRRRBBLLLLLLLLlll pp..."
Did you know that when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?
"Damn that voice, damn it to Harlow's dungeon!" Jeff thinks. The voice in his head has now awoken him sufficiently, and he rises from his bed. The rest of his morning preparations go uneventfully, and he climbs aboard the bright yellow school bus on time. As Jeff finishes ascending the steps he takes a leisurely scan down the bus for available seating. He sees a neighbor, a fellow Sapphire member, seated three seats down. Jeff scuffles over and smiles at Pip as he sits down. Naturally, Jeff begins a normal conversation with Pip.
"Hey P, you see Harlow's post in Sapphire? Funny as hell right? He must be pretty cool."
"Ya he's chill, I totally respect him," Pip replies.
Jeff starts again, "What about th-"
"Please stop talking about Sapphire," Pip says forcefully. Taken back and a bit offended, Jeff turns to face straight ahead. Pondering, he begins talking again.
"But we always talk about our epic forum adventures, I thought you liked Sapphire."
Pip is more relaxed and sincere now, his initial annoyance has receded.
"I do, but this is high school. We can't be talking about some internet forum group and about how we adore Harlow with all of our hearts."
Jeff, saddened, doesn't understand his dear friend's sentiment.
Pip continues, "If we want to get any new friends we gotta be-"
Jeff cuts in, "not gotta, we should, Pip. Should."
"Yeah. Anyway, we should discuss more social things, worldly events, stuff like that. No one will want to talk about what we normally talk about."
Now Jeff is quite sad. He feels some pulsing pains in his butt, and his buttox tightens. But Jeff is used to this sensation, so he quickly relaxes his butt muscles.
After a few quiet minutes, the bus arrives at school.Jeff hops out and sees Pip already talking with other unfamiliar kids. Disappointed but still light-hearted for school, he strolls through the front doors. Jeff's first class is History. He grabs a seat between a cute girl with ponytailed black hair (to his left) and an a kid (on his right) whos bulging flaps of lipid protruded so far as to nearly touch Jeff's desk. Jeff had now nearly gone 10 minutes without speaking to anyone. After figuring the fat kid may be feeling jolly and acceptable, Jeff leans over, avoiding the kid's fat, and half-whispers,
"Hey you like history? Know anything about this teacher?"
The fat kid turns his melon and answers with harsh pickle-smelling breath, "All I know is that I wanna suck her tits bro, hahaha."
Jeff was quite startled by such a frank remark. Replying hastily, he replies, "Yeah like Harlow sucked Jay hahaha man that must have been great."
Fatty stared at him. "The -blam!- you babbling about bro?"
"Nevermind," Jeff said as Fatty's babe of a teacher began introducing herself to the class.
Her name is Shiska and indeed she is attractive. Her boobs bounce when she walks to and fro, and her generous buttcheecks wave hello to anyone fortunate enough to get a good look. And you can be sure Fatty does.
Suddenly Fatty begins moaning ever so slightly. Jeff glances over and sees Fatty obviously jerking his wang beneath his flabs of fat and his I LUV METAL t-shirt. With the smell of large wet pickles in the air, the faint sound of "fapfapfapfapfap," and Shiska's swaying breasts, Jeff begins to get horny. The chemicals are swimming throughout his body.
It has been 5 hours. When will you satisfy yourself to this glory?
"Not now I am in class," Jeff thinks.
FOOL. You cannot resist. Imagine what you would do to that. You can live that right now.
"No, I can't," Jeff insists.
YES. PLEASURE YOURSELF LIKE FATTY. SPRAY YOURSELF OVER THAT CUTE GIRL OVER THERE. I SEE HER, YOU SEE HER. WHY WAIT?!
"NO!" Jeff yells in his head. Or so he thought. He sees all students turn and look directly at him. Even the fapfapfap has ceased.
"I'm sorry, I need to use the restroom," Jeff quickly mutters and bolts out of the room.
Still horny as hell, Jeff claims himself a stall in the freshly polished restroom and begins to ponder.
"Well, no one else is here right now..."
Yes. Do it. It will be so satisfying. Imagine the pleasuring.
Jeff is now speaking aloud. "You don't need to remind me!" Jeff states defiantly, whips out a picture of a young body clad scantily and simultaneously whips out his raging dick. Stroking and moaning, Jeff proceeds to pleasure himself in a dirty way which he often fantasized about: in a public restroom!
"-blam!- the world, muahahaha!" Jeff laughs menacingly and joyfully as he explodes onto the green stall door ahead of him.
After cleaning himself and his secretions, Jeff strolls out of the restroom happier than ever, forgetting he has his fap picture in his hand. By sheer chance, his friend Pip is walking into the restroom.
"Dude, you know you are holding a picture of Harlow? Better put that away. People may think you are weird with a picture of a random dude, especially one with the dude wearing basically nothing."
Jeff looks up, embarrassed at first, but the initial feeling passes.
"I don't care what they think," he says, giggling.
"Alright man, see ya later," Pip replies, rushing past.
His eyes following his friend rush into the bathroom, Jeff caught a glance of a picture jutting out of Pip's right pocket.
"Hehe...what if we both?..." Jeff thinks.
You still have some more in there. Do it for Harlow.
Jeff casually makes his way into the restroom behind Pip.
Earliest known entry by MarryMeJane
I am sorry for your loss. Betrayal is unforgivable. I was betrayed by fate. You see, I am not supposed to be here, in this time, in this universe. I have memories of a different life. This one is the most vivid memory:
My most vivid memory:
The human and covenant war had long ended. Humans and the sanghieli were now in a delicate diplomatic relationship. I met the arbiter at one of the negotiation meetings. Although the war was over, we needed to rebuild. the sanghieli, felt it was their duty to help us rebuild since they contributed to Earth's near annihilation.
We caught eachother's eyes for just a second, and we both fell in love. I didn't know how he felt about me until later that night, I was beamed out of my bed and kidnapped by thel. He was flying a seraph equipped with beaming technology. I woke up in surprise, I thought I was dreaming. I saw the arbiter looking at me. He said "don't be afraid human. What is your name?"
"j-jane". "jane...such a nice name for a human female." I don't know what came over me, because just then, I ran right at him and hugged him. Instead of pushing me away and acting surprised, he hugged me back. Then we both began to strip our clothes, without words. Just animal instinct.
We were both naked, I gently caressed the brand on his chest, and he nibbled on my breasts with his mandibles.He said to me "Marry me Jane." and I looked up into his eyes. They were loving. "Yes...I want to be with you forever! Please....dominate this human!"He grinned at me and He then laid me on his bed, and gently spread my legs. I threw my arms around his back and gripped his shoulderblades as he thrust into me. His girth was incredible and his reach was far. I moaned and tensed up, he stopped. He looked down at me and said
"were it so easy"
Then he thrust the rest of the way into me. I cried out loudly, with passion. I told him how much I loved him , and to take me away on a great journey. His mandible shifted in what appeared to be a grin. He pulled out, almost to the tip, and thrust back in. I reached up and kissed the mouth inside his mandibles, they raked gently against my cheeks.
Thel growled and picked up the pace, thrusting inside of me again and again and again. He grabbed a hold of my arms and then pinned them down, growling as he gave it to me. I felt the all too familiar feeling of impending climax, and so did he. I heard of and felt him grunting more and more, and I screamed as my body was ravaged by the most white hot orgasm I ever felt. My toes curled, I thought I was going to pass out as he shot his seed into my depths. Here I was thinking that the war was over. But now I had been totally dominated by a handsome elite. I loved it. I wanted to have his babies.
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