From Encyclopedia Dramatica
California (Formerly Commiefornia, before Ahnold) is the lamest state on the Left Coast of America and home to many serial rapists and their bastard offspring. A very small percentage of the population is actually legal. Home to Hollywood as the ingrown toe-nail, San Francisco as the penis, Bakersfield as the armpit, and everyone from the central part of the state being ashamed of being there, California had the nation's first action hero governor in Arnold Schwarzenegger (aka The Governator).
Russian vessels looking for otters navigated the West Coast of America and even established a sea mammal torture joint in Catalina Island. Before they were ousted by the more macho Spanish, they took the trouble to plant the now flourishing seed of Communism. This is acknowledged by the Left Red Star on their flag. California was founded in 1849 by Carlos de California, the son of royal parents Juan de Mexico and Pilar de Puta. It was originally founded to serve as New York City's garbage dump but that privilege has since moved to New Jersey. and then Disneyland opened, a couple of earthquakes happen and then Nothing interesting has happened there since.
From 2015 and on-wards, there has been the worst drought in over 500 years. There is no sign of it stopping and water is running out. Expect califags to raid your state and drive up the cost of real estate.
Note: Government also known as "Residentes de la República de California"
On May 15, 2008, California became the second state ever to make same-sex marriage legal. Even though the majority of voters were in favor of banning same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court said "STFU", and made their own law. Gays may now eat each other's faces in holy matrimony.
Currently, due to a high influx of immigration, California is now partly run by Mexico and Zapatistas, which puts even more unnecessary dumbfucks into power. BTW, 55 electoral votes, BITCHES! That's right, Mexicans have presidential elections by the balls!
Why Californians Are Idiots
Thank You Mexico.- It's the largest state in the United States that nobody gives a shit about, having the most revenue of them all. But when you compare the large population to the density to a state like New York, the population isn't anything special. It's home to many infamous serial killers such as the Manson family, the Zodiac Killer, and the Doodler, just to name a few. Child molesters comprise the vast majority of entries in the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Hall of fame.
Nearly the entire state's population is the result of a century-long breeding experiment involving Oklahoma white trash, third world border-jumpers, and hippies. Those who live in California are pussies who just can't take a little cold, and are idiots, as they voluntarily put their lives in danger with earthquakes, mudslides, and other horrible disasters. California is also notable for its yearly wildfires: these fires are usually caused by furfags fleeing into the forests courtesy of Anonymous' valiant efforts to 'Kill it with fire'.
There are also many lakes you can go to and have fun mountain climbing and jet skiing, among other fun ways to kill yourself for ever visiting this horrible state.. As mentioned below, the only thing good about California is that half of the state is warm. The other half wishes it were warm. Cities like San Francisco prove this by installing fake palm trees everywhere.
Californians react to rain like most states react to balls of fire falling from the sky. Once it sprinkles just a tiny bit, you can be sure that Californians will considered it a "huge" storm and evacuate.
In short, California is like a bowl of cereal: once you get rid of all the fruits and nuts, all you have left is a bunch of flakes
Why this state sucks
- Infested with : New age faggots, Jews, Liberals, Mexicans (maids) and Gays.
- "We're better than the rest of the country" attitude, despite this list.
- Enough emos to create a website.
- Enough attention whores to create a website.
- "It's different/better/bigger in California" mindset. This translates to "out of touch with reality".
- Birthplace of Hollister and every other "trendy" clothing line (Although their parent companies are most likely incorporated in the East).
- Birthplace of paying $200 for a pair of jeans.
- Inspiring high school students that its cool to dress like a metrosexual.
- Thinking lead, asbestos, and other toxic things are especially toxic in their state. See electrical appliance's manual.
- Expensive, overpriced real estate.
- It's where Mcgay Hatch founded the NCC
- Greater concentration of people everyone hates, who also happen to be rich.
- Hippies. And lots of them.
- Californians in general.
- Full of gangs, which every white kid from suburbia thinks they be reppin'. Especially in Stockton, NIGGAH.
- Hobos Walking up to you telling a bullshit story about how their family died. Which no one really gives a fuck about.
- Is why wiggers breed.
- Home to and birthplace of many cults, like Children of God and Scientology.
- The capability to file a lawlsuit against friends who try to rescue you after you drive into light poles.
- Being Florida, but with more crowded beaches, emo girls, Jews and sex offenders.
- Because of the three strikes law you can go to jail for life if you steal something small like a cookie on your third offense.
The United States loves California for its entertainment. However it hates California for EVERYTHING else. While California leads the way in revenue, it still takes a back-seat to other states in terms of overall wealth and capital trading.
All in All
For at least 100 years California has been home to pollution, child molesters, pornography, gays and Mexicans. Until recently it was home to the tech industry, which has since moved to India (author: wish and lulz), knowing that sooner or later California will sink into the ocean, where it belongs. In 2006, IT WAS RANKED THE 8TH GAYEST STATE, with 4 of it's cities in the top 10. It was also ranked the DIRTIEST STATE IN THE UNION, as 5 of it's cities dominated the top 10 "Dirtiest Cities" list on Forbes.com. All in all, if the gangs don't kill you, the wildfires will. If the wildfires don't kill you, the earthquakes will. If the earthquakes don't kill you, the mudslides will. If those don't kill you, you'll probably just commit suicide to end your horrid life in this pitiful excuse for a state or the state will slide off into the Pacific making the rest of the country happy. Stay far away.
The New Governor of California
- Adriel Hampton
- America's Third Party
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Barry Bonds
- Carly Fiorina
- Carlos Sousa Jr
- Casey Serin
- Charles Manson
- Creepy Phil
- Emilie Autumn
- George Lucas
- Henry Waxman
- Imperial Stars
- Jerry Brown, his aura smiles and it never frowns
- Lil B
- MC Hammer
- Mckay Hatch
- Meg Whitman
- Miss California 2009
- Monica Lewinsky
- Nancy Pelosi
- Norton I
- OJ Simpson
- Orly Taitz
- Richard Chase
- Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan - the irony of it is lost on Commiefornians
- Roy Ashburn
- Skynet, for the inevitable Death of us all
- Steve Jobs
- Syed Rizwan Farook
- Los Angeles
- Orange County
- San Francisco
- Silicon Valley
- Mountian View
- San Diego