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Camrose Cat Killers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|Hey!|| This information is an Encyclopedia Dramatica exclusive.|
This article is only for the discriminating lulz connoisseur.
|Donny, these men are cowards.|
Sam Sheppard, Sabian Jordan Ryan, Macaully (Mac) Ryan, and Jesse Gillis, known collectively as the Camrose Cat Killers are four pussies who microwaved a cat named Princess after robbing their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, Canadia on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because the Internet loves cats, but also because of the strange Canadian law that prohibits publishing their names, since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.
—Scrawled on the wall
They got away with it
After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL troll's remorse, and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and noone went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.
—Crown lawyer John Laluk, on the motivation for the plea change
Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the former regime was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two is still a mystery. Except not, here is on Twitter.
Internets tube junctions, like Facebook and Nexopia, immediately rose up and formed the hate forums. Even Bill Cosby hated them and refused to send pudding pops. The Canadian version of The Man showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names. When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook. Because the names were nowhere to be found, internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names .
Guise, it's illegal to publish their names
- Sam Sheppard
- Sabian Jordan Ryan
- Mac Ryan
- Jesse Gillis
All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of 2016.
- Oh look, Facebook accounts
- Mac Ryan aka "Macaully Von Bathory"
- Sabian Jordan Ryan's Facebook Account Alternate account
- lol Sabian's MySpace page
- Sabian's shit band on Facebook.
—(Sabian Jordan Ryan), expressing that remorse that got him off the hook
—(Sabian Jordan Ryan), mistaking fame for infamy
lol deleted - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter
| Camrose Cat Killers|
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals