Food is what you eat when vaginas and cocks are no longer available. Eating food is America's favorite pastime as it gives fat people their blubber. Enemy of 16 year old girls and breatharians alike; food is vital to existence, without it we'd die. Some people eat too much, others not enough, regardless, all food eventually becomes poop.
Once upon a time, food was healthy. People blissfully ate burgers and steak, and followed it up with deep-fried lard for dessert. Then, in 1972, scientists screwed everything up by reporting that unless you want to spend your thirty-fifth birthday clutching your chest and turning blue, you better live on tofu and wheatgrass juice. The American populace responded by giving the scientists the finger and becoming the most obese nation on Earth.
On the internet
- PETA Suggests people subsist on their own secretions. Staffed entirely by furries, they are constantly monitored by the FBI who suspects them of plotting violent assault on hamster ranchers.
- Alcoholics Anonymous Falsely claims that it is impossible to survive on malt whiskey and beer, something the Irish disprove every day.
- Oprah's Hit List of Pro-anorexia sites Sites that angered Oprah by announcing all food is the work of the devil. Sites contain helpful tips on sport vomiting, passing out, and calorie counts for oxygen. Oprah suggests we strike back by eating those with anorexia.
- Atkins Center Caused great rejoicing among all peoples when it announced the healthiest diet was twelve pounds of beef a day but no toast.
- Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine Jealous quack killjoys who say Atkins is a liar and that we should take out big fat life insurance policies on our loved ones if they are on his diet.
Kimberly Champion from Portland, OR is a champion of cakefarts
Candy And Sweets
Fruits and Vegetables
Where To Obtain Food
- Burger King
- KFC – if you're a nigger.
- Kitchen – if you still reside with your mom, you pathetic fuck.
- McDonald's – if you're a ty
- Taco Bell – if you're a basement dweller.
- Subway – if you're an overly effeminent pedophilic faggot named Jared.
- Eating disorder
- Food Pyramid
- Food Not Bombs
- Haribo® Sugarless Gummy Bears
is part of a series on
Food and Drink
[Om Nom Nom]
is part of a series on
[Go Live One]