Candy (furry)

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Information icon.png This article is about a furry, not a type of food.

Candy, aka (cute_playful_wolf), is a seriously disturbing Down's Syndrome patient fucktard who taps on keyboards and can move a mouse, despite profound mental retardation. She is exceedingly ugly, but refuses to allow her disgusting excuse for a visage act as a hindrance in her desire to be an amateur internet pornstar. Her ugliness was no impediment to Dani Faulk, who had sexual relations with her during his single attempt to be heterosexual.

This is not happening.

Her notoriety generally stems from the shock that occurs when her long, foam-like flat breasts make their first appearance on webcam. They resemble a pair of clear gallon-size Ziplock bags that have been filled with Shit, piss and rotten furries. One can only imagine that the accompanying stench is comparable to something akin to a steeping brew of Gummi Bears, human waste, Mountain Dew, and balsamic vinegar.

From her poorly-lit bedroom in her aging parents home, and utilizing a cheaply purchased webcam, Candy performs various acts of self-gratification. These acts range from slapping her breasts with a nearby flyswatter to encouraging her toy poodles to dine on canned Dinty Moore Beef Stew that has been stuffed in her foul fuckparts.

All of this takes place in live web shows, much to the delight of of her two regular viewers.


Zoology

As a child, Candy was quite adorable, and resembled one of the Olsen twins. It seems her genes were somehow spliced after allowing herself to be fucked by a Retarded horse with severe facial deformities. Passing on the genes of the horse, she sprouted an extensive cranial ridge. Mapping this ridge has become the subject of more than one Doctoral candidate's dissertation, but cannot be done because not even the strongest gas masks can keep the smell of human and dog waste, vomit, Animal jizz and dead furries.

Attempts to identify Candy using UCLA's usual nomenclature for classifying land mammals just barely makes the mark of primate, just sliding over into 'Plant' due to ugliness and the fact she never moves from her computer.

A Goldmine for Bacteriologists and Advanced Moneran Studies

Have some of these candies.

Further studies have revealed that Candy plays host to vast colonies of parasitic, fungal, and bacterial life forms heretofore unknown on the planet (which proves the plant theory). These newly discovered creatures can be found within the folds of her flesh, apparently, but noone is enough of a sick fuck to check. Not even you

Defense against predators

When faced with an aggressor, she can emit an ear-piercing scream that has been known to shatter the inner ear of would-be predators. Candy is also known for wild changes in temperament in which she lashes out, unprovoked, in what some zoologists refer to as "an orgy of violent primate-like behavior". This is normally aimed at any male with enough decency to reject her. She has been seen on several occasions to hoot and posture while throwing fecal material at the object of her dismay.

Good God Jesus

Fur Fetish

Originally, Candy had tried to pose as "wolf kin", but was quickly rejected from the yiffing community after:

  • Repeatedly shitting in her fur suit
  • Looking like a retard
  • Getting B& from /b/ for ugliness
  • Tieing herself to her computer and refusing to leave until everyone faps to her
  • Hitting the admin who tried to deroot 'her'. (Debatable, as 'she' may belong to the plant genus).
  • Eating out of the toilet
  • Going on Myspace
  • Failing to create a Myspace account
  • Mongling Cockmongler
Candy in her latest cosplay outfit
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