Captain Bill Robertson

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Ahoy mateys, it's Captain Bill Robertson!

William Robertson (born Aaron Pfefferberg) or Captain Bill to those who loved him was a lifetime member of the Sea Organization of Scientology and until he left in 1982, one of the most influential people in the Cult of Scientology. During his career, Captain Bill would pioneer many many fascinating religious programs for the Cult of Scientology such as whether or not Aliens were coming to take over Teegeeack (Earth) through the use of Marcabian Invader Fleets. Due to his complete and utter fascination with "standard technology" Captain Bill was hastily removed from Scientology forcing him to start his own splinter groups to worship aliens.

William Robertson was born on the 2nd of December 1936 in Georgia, into a family of ultra - orthodox Hasidic Jews.

In later years, Bill Robertson would tell only his most LOYAL of followers that he was not just a normal Earthling but he was indeed a space alien named Astar Paramejgian. After word of his identity slipped, Robertson's claims became more and more insane - once he went so far as to mention he was one of three beings charged with ruling the universe. Captain Bill "LOLDONGS" Robertson has been divorced from several wives, who would later recount that Robertson was a hard drinking sex maniac who believed he was a lesbian and had a penchant for fucking himself with a corncob in front of mirrors while they watched aghast.

Alien Beliefs

Sector 9

In 1982, Robertson declared that the "Free Zone" would be established and his policy letter came out mostly as an infringement of the Monroe Doctrine written by James Monroe to the rest of the world at least 100 years earlier. However, being the diligent space alien creationist he was, this did not deter him from writing it or his followers from believing it.

  • 1. The planet known as Teegeeack - local dialect "Earth" or Terra - Sun 12, Sector 9, is hereby declared a Free Zone.
  • 2. No political interference in its affairs from any other part of the Sector or Galaxy will be tolerated.
  • 3. No economic interference in its affairs will be tolerated from any non-planetary agency or power.
  • 4. All of its inhabitants are hereby declared Free Zone Citizens and free of external political or economic interference.

Ron's Orgs

In 1982, Captain Bill decided that Scientology was simply not hardcore enough for him and was straying too far from the pathetic, insane alien beliefs of its founder L. Ron Hubbard. So Bill set out to find an organization which he could use to his benefit to believe in bat-shit insane alien theories and be religious at the same time. Having found that the Moonies already existed and that some French turd had already started another UFO cult of his own, Captain Bill established The Free Zone, Ron's Organizations and Galactic Patrol.

The Free Zone

According to Captain Bill, Earth was part of Sector-9 and was established so by the alien rulers of the universe as a "Free Zone" where interference would be prohibited in the development of the intellectual and spiritual development of mankind (and sometimes womankind). The group which Robertson founded was based on this theory and has continued to this day. Although today the modern Freezoners are less UFO fearing and more reverent of simply the human soul, many today still believe that Dianetics can cure death, illness and is the way to reveal catastrophes which didn't happen (but might have ...) through auditing.

IRL Problems

Suppressive Declaration(s)

Shortly after leaving Scientology Captain Bill would be declared by the Church of Scientology International as a suppressive person for attempting to pull members of the Church away from Marmoset brand "standard technology" to his squirrel brand of technology. This has been seen by many former and current members of Scientology as the only positive suppressive person declare ever issued. The Church would later follow-through by declaring all of his friends too. In 1982 Captain Bill's splinter-group itself would be declared as well for being "some off-beat mockery of the Sea Organization based on a distorted view of the whole-track". In short, this meant that Bill was teaching something other than standard Hubbard Technology.


Captain Bill Robertson finally succumbed to the throat cancer which had plagued him for several years on December 15 1991 and nothing of value was lost.

Additional Resources of Failure

Gallery of EPIC FAIL

External Links

See Also

Xenu homeboy.pngCaptain Bill Robertson is part of a series on ScientologyXenu homeboy.png



DianeticsDisconnectionChild abuseSaint HillScientology's History of the UniverseSec CheckFreewindsSea OrgGlossaryReligious Freedom WatchVolunteer MinistersOSASpace Opera


L. Ron HubbardDavid MiscarriageTom CruiseScientology AgentsTommy DavisRogues GallerySuri CruiseTerryeoHeaven's GateThe RegimeEvil Jacket GuyJoe FeshbachVaLLarrrTom NewtonJohn CarmichaelFreezoneCaptain Bill RobertsonDanny MastersonWill SmithOschaperKendrick MoxonTim ArmerJorge SerranoRon SaveloJohn TravoltaJett Travolta


AnonymousWise Beard ManJason BegheGas Mask GirlMagooNew Zealand Fail GuyMessage from ScientologyShawn LonsdaleRorschachMoralfagsLeaderfagsRaidfag WenchJames PackerEpic Nose GuyStu WyattTommy GormanThe Unknown AutobotPsychiatristsMarcab ConfederacyDavid Wu-KapauwEpic Sword GuyAgent Pubeit


PROJECT CHANOLOGYWhy We Protest ForumsA Scientologist's Guide to 4chanThe GeteratorPaul "Fetch" CarnesReligionIsFree.orgYou Found the Card/i/alt.religion.scientologyComplete binge of LEAKED SCILON DOX888chan