Cary Goulston

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The white guy is Cary. The black guy doesn't know why he is wearing this t-shirt; what it means; where they are going; why these white people keep telling him lots of crazy stuff in English; etc.
Impostor of Scilon recruiter Cary Goulston, mimicking the real one perfectly, but crazier and more annoying.
Cary, under surveillance by Anon, just being weird on a visit to Tennessee.
Cary with some tasty "raw meat" (that's actual Scientology terminology for "new recruits").

Cary Goulston would be just another garden variety Scientologist lolcow in Florida, but is such a scumbag that he needs his own article.

Originally from Boston, just like Ron Savelo, Cary Goulston is a hardcore Scilon who has been in the cult since 1979, when he was 20. He serves as a Field Staff Member (FSM), which means that he actually receives a commission - money - for every new person he brings in to begin indoctrination. On Failbook, Cary has created groups to collect money so he can go to countries like Haiti, Ghana and other AIDS-ridden, broke-ass negroid places to recruit new Scilon "ministers" for grunt-work around cult headquarters. (This is actually not such a bad idea.) Cary writes endless Failbook friend-spams and other comments with an over-excited, insane, bombastic, breathless, ZOMG AMAZING WINS writing style.

Fortunately, Anonymous was on Failbook with the goal of getting CARY b&, and of course, Anonymous' dream came true.


In early 2009, Cary was posting his insane sales-pitches practically every 5 minutes on Failbook.

My Haiti Dissemination Team (GLOBAL PIONEERS) is going to Haiti with a Film Crew to film our Haiti expansion to be shown at a future event.
We plan to deliver seminars to 2,000 in 4 cities in one week. This is a huge opportunity to take our success around the world to help clear the planet faster.

  • 6,000 New People Introduced to Dianetics
  • 500 plus Extension Course Starts & 50 completions
  • 50 New Dianetics Co-audit groups started.
  • 500 Children Introduced to Study Tech
  • Radio Shows reaching 3 million people.

We need to go back to Haiti in 7 days. We will be giving a week of seminars on Dianetics and Self Analysis and we are lined up for getting 2,000 people for our seminars and in session. We need your help. We are volunteers and are doing all this with no funding. We have to create our own funding. The cost of our trip to Haiti will be around $5,000. to fly to our team to two cities, hotel, car rental, food for seminar attendees so they are sessionable, etc. This is an incredible incredible opportunity to help export our success in Haiti around the world.
We need donations to make this happen.
Can you please help us by donating to this cycle. Please call me or write.
727 488 7988 [email protected]

  • A Commendation from Management
  • A video of our trip to Haiti
  • A photo album of our trip.
  • Thousands salvaged

Much Love,
Cary Goulston
Global Pioneers
727 488 7988
727 447 8004
[email protected]

One Anon who was deeply trolling multiple Failbook Scilons quickly grew tired of this. She made a new account for "Cary Goulston," using his picture. This was before Scilons on Faecesbook had learned by hard and punishing experience that they could not actually do whatever the fuck they wanted on the internets (i.e. they were still naive and friendly), so she friend-ed dozens of them, joined all their groups and began posting Cary-like spam everywhere. It was like Cary's, but crazier and more offensive.

It was like this.


Sea Orgiast

Separated at birth?

Cary's public persona is that of a happy-go-lucky guy, just achieving win after win after win after win, an all-around nice, easy-going fellow. The truth is a bit more disturbing. Earlier in life, Cary was a big shot in Scientology's "Sea Org" paramilitary organization. According to "Lonesome Squirrel" Steven Fishman, Cary had the highly prestigious position of "Commanding Officer of Scientology Missions International for the Eastern United States," which means that he was being paid $35/week to work 14 hour days, sleep in a barracks, and eat rice & beans. However, he got to boss people around, and sometimes wear a fancy uniform like a real Navy guy.

Fishman gives this anecdote from the early '90s or so:

Bonny's Project Mission Orders issued by Cary Goulston called for us to infiltrate The Light Center in order to "secure the purchase of the property by whatever means necessary", and to "effectively introduce Scientology Technology to the squirrel group via a dissemination program utilizing gradient acceptance level processes of Standard Tech."

Later, Fishman tells this excellent anecdote:

After my adventure with Pixi was over, I had a meeting with the Commanding Officer of Scientology Missions International for the Eastern United States, Lieutenant Cary Goulston. Cary looked more like a ninety-seven pound weakling than a real Lieutenant, but there was no use selling him short because he was quite a stat pusher, opening up new Missions in cities where they didn't even have phone sex yet. His office was a dimly-lit broom closet on the third floor of the Org, overlooking a very picturesque fire escape that was covered up with L. Ron Hubbard Birthday Game graphs. Not having seen me in a while, Cary gave me a big hug which didn't impress me, since I had plenty of affection the night before with the cute, ninth-grade pinball wizard.

"How's my big producer?", he greeted jubilantly. "I hear your stats are way up for the quarter!"

"Ellie must have been bragging again!", I laughed. "Actually I'm back in Affluence now, which is a welcome relief after all the entheta I've been through."

"Well, that's good because I need twenty-five thousand dollars to open up a Mission in Key West. There is a large gay community dying of AIDS down there, and I think the time is ripe to establish a Dianetics Center and groove them in to a little Tech so we can take away some of their fear of death", he proposed.

"They just shouldn't drink coffee", I replied.

Cary stared at me blankly, as if he missed something. Perhaps he never attended an AIDS briefing by Dr. Andrew Bardy and therefore didn't have the data on it.

"Well, would you like to be the new Mission Holder of Key West?", he gleamed in earnest.

"It sounds a bit too apocalyptic to me, hanging around a bunch of withering fruit", I sighed. "Anyway, I have to stick to my Battle Plan, which brings me to why I am here. I've got to establish a network of Fields Financial Planners who can create income by sending in class action lawsuits all over the country."

"That's way out of my zone", he shrugged complacently. "I'm in Department 22, Expansion, and you're in Department 7, Income. You really should talk to Ellie Bolger about that, not me."

"Yeah, but this is Expansion too!", I argued. "All I want you to do is to go to your Org's Central Files and give me the names of any Scientologists who work in the securities industry as either stock brokers or wire operators, and then I'll contact them so they can be fully briefed and hatted!"

"Our computer doesn't sort preclears by their wog occupations", he stated with feigned regret.

"Well, can't you get that done for me?", I begged. "It would only take one day to get me all the data I need. My God, we could have every suppressive corporation on the planet unknowingly paying us to make Clears in no time if we had fifty good people working on it."

"How can I do anything like that?", he asked. "I could never justify pulling a staff member off a dissemination project to get you the kind of list that you are asking for. The Advisory Council would send me to Ethics for violating Planning Policy."

"Okay, how about if you call downstairs and ask your Letter Registrars to bring a few wog wire operators from various securities firms into the Org and then once they passed their first Security Check, I would fly back to New York and debrief them. Wouldn't that work?", I pleaded.

"Steve, I'm literally busting my buns eighteen hours a day to open up new Missions", he groaned. "I really don't have the time to pursue this pipe dream of yours. Anyway, you don't even have an approved Org Board for your Fields Financial Planning Network yet, so you should create that first before trying to turn me into your Product Officer."

"That sounds like bureaucratic Flag Executive Briefing Course gibberish!", I protested. "Why do I need an Org Board before I establish the Org?"

"Do you know the purposes and functions of all your divisions and departments?", he inquired slyly. "No, but --"

"And what about your external public dissemination lines to wog wire operators? How is that going to be done?", Cary nagged. "You can't do a thing with any external public until you get your Org Board approved by the L. Ron Hubbard Personal Public Relations Officer International. I am sorry, there's nothing I can do for you but sell you a Mission Package for Key West. You should really think more about helping those poor fags down there go free." "You have just given me a ton of red tape to go through!", I objected, ignoring his sales pitch. "Who is this Public Relations guy anyway?" "Mike Rinder", Cary answered. "But let me warn you; he hates all new ideas that do not come from Source." "Well, I hate Public Relations Officers who are afraid of their own ass, so we are even!"

Another ex-Scilon, Alanzo, has this to say:

Cary Goulston was the CO SMI EUS, and Andy was only too happy to give me the job of calling the stats into Cary every Wednesday night. Cary was a screamer and a throat-ripper, and a completely unreasonable idiot on the phone. ....

So Cary, the Commanding Officer of Scientology Missions International for the Eastern United States, would SCREAM on the phone to get all his Mission Holders and staff to send mailings EVERY WEEK to their mailing lists. When all the thousands of returns would come back, representing all that wasted money, he would just SCREAM for more. Because Gross Income Senior Datum by L. Ron Hubbard said what it said. ....

Cary would call at least three times per night. He would always have an urgency in his voice. As soon as you answered the phone, he would say, in machine gun fire language, "What are you doing?"

I would say that I was making folders for my drawer. "NO! You should not be doing that on post time! This is prime production time! Where are the First Service Starts??"

"We're at 3 for the week." (This was phenomenal)

"THREE??? Jesus! Connecticut gets that in one DAY! Who's body routing?"

"Well, Tim's passing out promo at the mall."

"Shit. That's bull shit. You need to get 5 people out there! Think Big Alanzo!!! What about some students? The Birthday Game ED says that you should get the public involved and you should brush off any reasonableness you bump into. How many students on course?? Can you get to them on break? Get them out there! All hands out handing out promo!!!"

"We have 5 people on course."

"5??? You gotta get that place booming! When I call back I want there to be 4 First Service Starts. And in order to get that you need to OUTFLOW. OUTFLOW EQUALS INFLOW ALANZO - START!!!"

Then he'd slam the phone down and do that to someone else on the “Cont”.

tl;dr, all you need to know is dude's a douche.

Tantalizing evidence

Former Scilon "Pooks" gives a little more "data" about Cary.

Cary originally started out in Scn at the Boston org in the mid to late 80's. He worked in Div 6 (recruitment of raw meat division) as a Public Books Seller. He and another guy would hit the streets of Boston and sell Dianetics Books and collect names and addresses of those that purchased the books. Cary and the other fellow (who I think was a guy named John DeVries -- but I'm not positive about that) were known as the Book Brothers. They were very successful at selling DN books but of course, not many people knew about Scn or Dn at that time so they purchased the book. Cary was also an active Jew and used to wear his yarmulke while recruiting for Scn, but that stopped after a while.

Cary was then recruited into the Sea Org and in the early 90's he was posted at the CLO EUS as the CO SMI EUS -- the CLO is the Continental Liason Office East US and is a management group that runs all the Scn orgs in the East US.

CO SMI EUS is Commanding Officer Scientology Missions International East US and he was responsible for running all of the Scientology Missions (small orgs) in the East US.

Cary blew the Sea Org sometime in the mid to late 90's and returned to Medford, Mass, where I believe, he was from.

He was declared an SP for blowing, but did the A to E steps (A to E are the steps one must do to get back in good standing with the cult once you've been declared.)

By 2001 he was back in action and he set up a group in Virginia. I guess he just couldn't hack being in the Sea Org.

Can you believe it? Cary bailed out and had a chance to clean up his life, but instead went snivelling back to become a loyal cult member. Of course, he is a faggot, and not the good kind of faggot.


Cary, beating off in public.

Former Scilon Ruth Lorenzen tells an amusing story about Cary's foolish shopping habits (though it is unclear why anyone would BUY an LRH item - silly Scilons!).

Cary Goulston won't buy an LRH item from anyone unless you're "in good standing" with the Church of Scientology.

Scientologists are forbidden to associate with or communicate with those who are "disaffected" or who are "declared". They are brainwashed into thinking that this is for their own good.

I offered for sale some items online. Actually, it was a framed photo of L. Ron Hubbard and two certificate holders. I received a reply from Cary Goulston asking me "Interested to know what the certificates are? Where and when are they from?" Huh? What?!?!? The ad said they were empty frames and the photo showed two empty frames. So I answered "No certs. Just frames."

Cary Goulston then asked me "Are you a Scientologist? Were you on staff?" What a stupid question to ask about a $15 item. Did he think I felt like chit-chatting or something? I answered "Irrelevant."

His reply? "I guess that means yes and if you are declared I can't do biz and if your (sic) not declared, your (sic) disaffected in which case, I shouldn't do biz with you either. So I guess I am sorry, but I cannot go any further biz wise."

Notwithstanding this, Cary later sent Ruth an invitation to see his band, "the Jam Band," perform the following week. Cary is a drummer.

Gallery of trolling Cary on Failbook


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