The Celts are a people gifted in football skills, but lacking in independent countries and understandable accents. They have pale skin and are sensitive to the Sun. If the French are known for surrender, then the Celts are known for having their land occupied by foreigners. Celtic lands were conquered by the Romans, the Saxons, the Vikings, the Normans, the French, and the English. Most of the Celtic nations are a apart of UK, while Ireland remains a Third World nation. The Celts were mistreated and stereotyped in Britain and the United States.
Little of the original Celtic culture remain: Their languages aren't mainstream anymore, bishops and the Pope replaced the Druids, and kilts are laughed at.
The Gauls were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of France and Northern Italy. They were defeated and conquered by Julius Caesar. The Romans then stripped the Gauls of their pride and masculinity and gave birth to the modern French people.
The Britons were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of Southern Britain. Unlike the Gauls and the Celtiberians, these group of Celts didn't fall to the Romans so easily. Julius Caesar failed to conquer Britain twice. The Romans didn't conquer Britain until a century later, and even then, the Romans found Britain difficult to control. Queen Boudica nearly drove the Romans off of the island, and many Roman usurpers used Britain as a base of support. Eventually, the Romans decided to leave, since they discovered that the Empire was dying of AIDS.
Unfortunately, the end of Roman occupation didn't result in lasting independence for the Briton. The Saxons invaded and forced the Britons to move to Wales, Cornwall, and Brittany. William the Conqueror and the Normans later arrived in order to finish the job.
Caledonians and the Picts
The Caledonians and the Picts were the ancient Celtic inhabitants of Scotland. They were able to halt the Roman invasion, and the Romans were forced to build Hadrian's Wall in order to protect themselves. The Roman defeat also prevented civilization from reaching Scotland until the English arrive centuries later.
The Irish are the inhabitants of Ireland and Northern Ireland. They're known mostly for their drunkenness and hard partying. Their chief exports are alcohol, immigrants, St. Patrick's Day parades, and potatoes.
The Scottish are the inhabitants of Scotland. The most renown Scottish person in the world is Sean Connery, who portrays a government agent fighting for the country that dominates Scotland. The Scottish are also known for kilts, bagpipes, and funny hats.
The Welsh are the inhabitants of Wales. Although Welsh is the supposed language of the country, most of them speak English (or at least something that resembles English). This is mostly due to the fact that Welsh sounds like someone choking on a handkerchief.
Pierce Brosnan is Wales' most famous person and is known for portraying James Bond in the best film of that series (Goldeneye). He's Irish you retard!
The Bretons are the inhabitants of Brittany. Brittany happens to be the only Celtic nation not to be conquered by Great Britain. Instead, Brittany was conquered by France, which is embarrassing considering the French fondness of surrender. Breton is also the name of a sophisticated, yet physically weak race of people in The Elder Scrolls series of games.
The Manx are the inhabitants of the Isle of Man. The Isle of Man is an itty bitty island in between Ireland and Britain. As such, there isn't really anyone outside of the British Isles who really know or care about the Isle of Man. The Isle is best known for the Manx cat, which is considered one of the many wonders of the world.
The Cornish are the inhabitants of Cornwall. Unlike Scotland and Northern Ireland, Cornwall isn't a country; it's a county of England. Despite this, the county wishes to be a country.
Celts of the Internet
is part of a series on Race
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