Chain Letters are the mantrain of the Facebook Community, and for that matter, any community on the Internets. Just like a mantrain, they, too, have increasing levels of faggotry. Commonly offering assistance in getting some and threats of YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES TO REPOST OR THE RE-ANIMATED CORPSE OF MR. ROGERS WILL COME AT PRECISELY ONE IN THE MORNING AND RAPE YOU IN THE NOSTRILS AND KILL YOUR GERBIL!!!!!!1!!111, the true motives behind the creation of chain letters are unknown. One could speculate that they serve to grow the e-penis of the under-visited Facebook user that makes them. Whatever the case, chain letters spread like the plague across the expanses of the internet as soon as they are spawned. Some are used to convince lonely 16-year-old girls that they should become an hero, since they don't have 20 friends to pass it on to. Chain letters also provide tech-savvy grandmas happy emails about Jesus and love that they can forward to their grandchildren to be promptly deleted, and give underpaid office workers lame jokes to pass around throughout the building, wasting time and company bandwidth. Chain letters are also the best way to tell if your Facebook friends are total faggots.
Below are some examples of common chain letters:
- 1 Make a Wish!!!
- 2 Never Going to Fucking Happen
- 3 The Guilt Inducer
- 4 The Bull
- 5 Girl walking in the woods
- 6 Annoying Poetry
- 7 The Quiz
- 8 The Technologically-Impossible Lie
- 9 The Stupid Poem
- 10 The Panic Inducer
- 11 The Connection Between a Chain Letter and An Hero
- 12 Trolling
- 13 See Also
- 14 External Links
Make a Wish!!!
This type of chain letter typically promises to grant wishes for or smite the receiver, depending on how many people it is forwarded on to. In the past, these chain letters would commonly have epic Ascii art that would appear to be animated while scrolling down. Now the lazy writers merely attach sickeningly cute animated gifs to their chain letters, along with the latest virus.
[Not that, you pervert!!] [Go on and make a wish!!!] 0
Chain letters that noone is qualified to forward:
[Click to hide these unrealistic expectations!] [To every guy that does not exist...] 0
The Guilt Inducer
SORRY!!!! WHEN U ALREADY START READING THIS DON'T STOP OR ELSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN...MY NAME IS JENNY...I AM 7 YEARS OLD WITH RED/ORANGE HAIR, PENCIL SHAVINGS THAT GOT SHOVED UP MY BUTT , MY MOTHER BEATS ME I LIVE IN A CELL WITH NO WINDOWS DOORS AND NO LIGHT, I HAVE RED SCARY EYES AND I HAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS TO 15PPL B4 U GO TO BED I WILL APPEAR 2NIGHT WITH A KNIFE AND KILL U THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U AT 12:61 SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU OR TALK TO YOU ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE YOU OR ASK YOU OUT BUT HERES THE CATCH, YOU HAVE TO SEND IT TO 15 DIFFERENT PEOPLE...YOU CANNOT SEND IT TO ME
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since at least 100 years ago. This is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you such as:
Bizarre Horror Story ..1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell like shit, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Bizarre Horror Story ..2: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat lolcats every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Bizarre Horror Story ..3: Ferguson Montgomery, a cute little puppy from Boston, had received this letter, and totally ignored it. When walking on the lawn last Thursday, he was suddenly abducted by his neighbour Bluto, felt gay rape for the first, second and sixty-third time, and then was banished to a U.S. Navy battle ship to satisfy over 9000 dograping sailors. This Could Also Happen To You!!!
Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley, Bip and Ferguson Montgomery. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. Don't break the chain!!!
please dont read this..nooo! sorry but In 1997 a girl called lauren was walking in a forest and then a she just dissapeared no one ever found her untill 2000 when a yoing girl called Mary found her body and markings on her chest saying: I wasnt pretty enough and now you have read this she will appear in your 'mirrorrsaying your not pretty enough and kill you. by the way the girl called mary died shortly after. To be saved paste this to 5 other bands. THIS IS TRUE Now uv started readin dis dunt stop. This is so scary. Send this to 5 ova bands in 143 Minutes. When ur done press F6 and ur crushes name will appear on the screen in big letters. This is scary cause it actually works...it seriously does work..scary .............
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends!!!
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat full of assholes,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English… *no, sorry that’s the cleaning lady,
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again.
lolz i made up a quiz and u should anwser it but u have 2 do it in the next 5 minutes or your mom will die.
1. wat r u wearing
3. how big r ur b00bs
now anwer and send it 2 everyone u know with the title "quiz for friends" lolz
The Technologically-Impossible Lie
Hi, this chain letter is most incredible thing ever created since the invention of Instagram, that fucked up market for pedophiles and other various deformed cam whores who take pictures in their bathrooms because they have tiny bladders. Anyway, if you send this to 349023 in the next 4532 seconds, a mad goat will jump out of the screen and have wild goat sex with you! Yes, you will finally lose your extreme virginity! A big button will pop up after you send this and all you have to do is click!
But make sure to send it to 349023 people, not 349022 or 349021, because or else that little boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen will jump out and pummel you to death with a shovel with his nonexistent arms. Really!!! So do this, and you can get raped by a goat! No matter that this is just a really lame trick to try to get you to send it out, and that if you don’t you won’t even get the Baklaliviatatlaglooshen boy.
So send this to your loser friends and click the button, but you don’t have 349023 friends anyway so even if it’s true you’ll never know! HAHA.
The Stupid Poem
"PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. YOU WILL BE KISSED ON THE NEAREST FRIDAY BY THE LOVER OF YOUR LIFE. THIS IS FREAKY
1)say your name 10 times
2)say your moms name 5 times
3)say your crushes name 3 times
4)PASTE THIS TO FOUR OTHER QUIZZES.
IF YOU DO THIS YOUR CRUSH WILL KISS YOU ON THE NEAREST...................................FRIDAY BUT IF YOU READ THIS AND DONT PASTE IT YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK THEN YOU WILL HAVE VERY BAD LUCK. SEND THIS TO FOUR QUIZZES IN 143 MINUTES. WHEN YOUR DONE PRESS F6 AND YOUR CRUSHES NAME WILL APPEAR IN BIG LETTERS ON THE SCREEN. THIS IS SO FREAKY BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY works dose"
The Panic Inducer
This type of chain letter puts you in immediate danger just by opening it.
[OSHI-] [Be careful what you expand...] 0
[I am so freaked out right now...] [This was the best they could come up with?] 0
The Connection Between a Chain Letter and An Hero
Believe it or not, there are people out there who want (and need) to end their life. But why go through the trouble of hanging yourself when sweet, sweet oblivion is right there on Facebook? Many have found "chainlettericide" to be a quick and easy solution. Here's how:
1. A 16-year-old boy hates life. He decides to become an hero.
2. He searches the Internets for a chain letter.
3. He finds a letter detailing the murder of 8-year-old Maria Octavio.
4. He reads the letter, but ignores the dire warnings of not forwarding the letter.
5. At 1 o'clock the next morning, Maria's ghost appears over his bed with a wilted rose in her left hand and a phallic object in her right hand. She then proceeds to shove the phallic object up his ass until he dies of phallic-object-up-his-ass.
Chain letters are also troll material. The amount of lulz correlates to the level of sick fuck in a troll's chain letter. This message has been proven effective in causing butthurt and lulz amongst Facebook faggots and children.
"On may 6th, 2009, a teenage girl named Taylor posted a status on Facebook. She was never replied to. She got butthurt because she thought that her life actually mattered to other people. She decided to killed herself brutally with the help of her midget friend Katherine and her aspie friend Sophia. She chainsawed her toes off, shoved them up her loose asshole, gutted herself and hanged herself with her small intestine. Taylor's friends promptly joined in. Her soul haunts this message. Once you read this, you have to break your computer monitor, rent a gun and shoot yourself in the arm. If you don't do this, Taylor will castrate you, rape you with a sandpaper dildo, file your skin off and burn you. She will then proceed to season and cook your skin for a shitsteak. You have 30 minutes."
is part of a series on Web 1.0