Chelsea Manning

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Just the right amount of woman.

Chelsea Elizabeth Manning (Deadname: Bradley Edward Manning) is a pretty pretty princess who recently obtained her svelte figure on the popular "7 years in prison diet." Chelsea Manthing's claim to fame involves leaking over 9,000 classified documents to WikiLeaks and something about Cablegate. As punishment, he was sterilized and transitioned into a grotesque abomination against his will; a fate for all who oppose the Zog (see the Wachowski Brothers). Last Thursday, Chelsea added even more butts to the pile of butthurt he wreaked over his transition when he appeared in public with numerous figures who claim to not be alt-right but all of Twitter is sure that they are totally neo-Nazis and they deserve a good punching. So Manning is either a heroic whistleblower or a Russian plant designed to spoil the election of some senator in Delaware, depending on which Twitter-conspiracy-theory you believe.

Pissing off the Right

File:Chelsea Manning on 18 May 2017.jpg
Yowza! I need to go search for some lotion!

Republicans and other free thinkers were initially skeptical that sticking on a bad wig in a car and smearing on some lipstick is enough to turn a guy into a girl. I mean, you can't just slap a USAF logo on a DeathGlider, and yet she has managed to become the darling of many tranny-chasing idiots with her poor attempt at trolling America. The right was also pissed that Barack Obama would commute her sentence and speculated that he pardoned her because she knows too much about Pizzagate and is therefore ineligible for the Clinton Body Count program of inconvenient persons disposal.

Pissing off the Left

In January 2018, Chelsea attended a pro-Trump party and forced her self like a cunt, into the sea of Trump supporters, something that other feminists(dip shits) wouldn't do. Which only proves that it takes a man to be a real woman. Within seconds the snowflakes of the Twitter Left exploded with allegations of newfound Neo-Nazism, further exposing the true colors of the social justice crowd, many of whom consider her a traitor now. Not for leaking information, but for thinking for herself.

See also

Featured article January 25 & 26, 2018
Preceded by
Porsche Girl
Chelsea Manning Succeeded by
Grumpy Cat