Chick Flick

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A typical chick flick.

A staple of the film industry for at least 100 years, a chick flick is any feature length movie, TV miniseries or dramatic serial that women compulsively watch, fawn over, cry over, and watch again. Women usually watching them on their period or with friends who are very likely on their own period(s). Chick Flicks are the bane of all cinema and should be killed with fire. Viewing such a film is part of the lengthy process of foreplay, as about an hour after the movie are they only ready to actually give you a blow job. lawl you kno gurls only want to cuddle after even tho they're all asking for it.

A Chick Flick can also be defined as any of the above media that makes men want to jam their eyelids open with salad spoons and pour floor cleaner into their skulls. A desperate man may prove how sensitive he is by sitting through an entire chick flick with his girlfriend. While this will get him that much closer to getting laid, the risk is a great one. If the movie is any longer than 90 minutes, the strain will be too much for his testicles, causing them to melt & dribble down their legs. Of course, if the man falls asleep or explains how god fucking awful said film was, she will throw a fit and claim he could have said he didn't want to see it and they wouldn't have or he just doesn't understand the story's complexities. The truth is, she is only pretending to be mad to squelch any chance of him dragging her to something that doesn't have a predictable, template plot, which will invariably cause her to become confused and feel as stupid as she is; or, God forbid might have subtitles, multiplying her failure to comprehend by 9001.

By Hollywood law, every chick flick must be at least 50% crying 92% recycled material in fear that any more than 8% originality might scare, confuse and infuriate the braindead viewers of such tripe.

Not to be confused with Chick tracts.


Types of Chick Flicks

The Fairy Tale Romance: Characterized by horrendously predictable plots and equally sappy and flat dialogue. Such films usually involve some absurd fantastical situation such as time travel, vampires, psychics, mermaids, magic or quasi-historical settings, esp. Old English and Medieval times that puts the nerdy, ugly, poor, or otherwise undesirable chick in range of the sensitive, handsome, homosexual male co-star such as Orlando Bloom who cleverly convinces the viewing audience that he actually loves her and doesn't really want to rape her at FULL FORCE with his lulzy attempt an English accent There is then sort of feeble attempt at a plot conflict but they somehow manage to overcome it, fall in love, and live happily ever after. Example: Twilight


The Lifetime Original Movie: As with all chick flicks, Lifetime Original Movies have horrid plots and writing; however, now these negative aspects are met with equally terrible acting. The Lifetime Original Movie archetype includes made-for-TV movies made by any television network marketed towards women such as Oxygen, Women's Entertainment TV, etc. All of these films involve some single mother who got the shit kicked out of them or are brutally raped by a darkie. These films are all marketed to oppressed single women. In these films the main character's kid is almost always disabled in some way, whether having diabetes, the sickle cell, AIDS, asthma, or any other disease. This invariably acts as an excuse as to why her social life has vanished just like her egg count, so she learns to balance taking care of her retarded kid and finds some nice guy to de-rust her vagoo.

Example: As Good as it Gets


The High School Girl Power Flick: Again, a subtype riddled with bad writing and acting, with "humor" and subtle hints of penis envy thrown in all while exposing the brutal realities of being a teenager. This of course gives them an excuse as to why they are batshit crazy and another reason to heavily romanticize women because they have it so tough.

Examples: Mean Girls, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Clueless

The DAWWWWWW Principle

The primary purpose of Chick Flicks is for women to assimilate in large numbers to exercise The DAWWWWW Principle. The DAWWWWWW Principle describes the irrational and uncontrollable urge for women to loudly say "DAWWWWWWW" whenever something cute is presented, no matter how inappropriate the situation. The DAWWWWWW principle evolved from women's need to be attention whores as well as insta-friendzone permab& any feeble, 'adorable' nice guys in their proximity. The former function of the DAWWWWWW principle is exercised by women in movie theaters to out-DAWWWWWW their competitors and thus draw the most possible attention to themselves. This behavior of the human female mirrors that of the high-pitched screeching of the hippopotamus, and is the evolutionary leftover of a primitive mating call.


Facts:

Historians now believe Jew seeing a baby mouse caused her to DAWWWWWW uncontrollably and inadvertently cause the Germans to discover her family in hiding and her own PERMA-B& IRL.

The only known cure for women of The DAWWWWWW Principle is that there isnt one

Chick Flicks gross on average half a billion dollars per year

Your mom loves Chick Flicks



See also

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Sex

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