From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Meet the only race that can out-Jew a Jew (without being or having jews). China, known to many of its inhabitants as the center of the world (in Chinese, China is 中国 [zhongguo] which literally means "center country"),or Middle Kingdom is a giant industrial park in Asia. It has so many people that they've instituted a One-child policy. One of Amurka's largest trading partners, China has been known to export defective and dangerous products, an unfortunate result of their religious adherence to their retarded "manufacture uber-cheap, sell uber-cheap, FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE, CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP" universal manufacturing standards that the US still loves to buy.
It is also very important to note that the Engrish manuals that Chinese products come with are, for the most part, examples of the greatest heights of Engrish grammar and prose. They're so great, in fact, most people would feel their head aching on reading the first few lines, while others feel a sudden urge to hurt someone. Also, some argue that the Chinese are inscrutable. Others would say Americunts are shitting their pants when hearing of the country.
One may refer to the people of China by many names, including:
- Pre-viral lifeform
- Chinaman or Chinawoman
- Chiggers (Chink + nigger)
- Rice niggers
- Ching Chong
- Jackie Chan (Fact: Every Chinaman is Jackie Chan or an impersonator of him.)
- The Jews of Asia
- The country that buttraped the US economy without lube (in sweety dreams of Eurofags)
- Asian Mexicans
Many have pondered the reason for China's incredible population size, only to be baffled by the obvious ugliness of the women, but chinese men are much ulgier. The United Kingdom's greatest philosopher, Prince Philip, declared Chinese women to be the "ugliest in the world". Out of all types of azn, chinks are by far the ugliest. Only 1 person out of every 1,000 people born of the abominable Chinese race is worth looking at.
The Chinese population has more than doubled, from 563 million in 1950 to over 1.3 billion in 2005. This makes the Communist Party's Republic of China severely overpopulated. As such, the Chinese Communist Party has mastered the art of sacrificing Chinese people with campaigns like the Great Leap Forward (1959–1961),which killed 30-40 million people, and the Cultural Revolution (1966–1976) with 7–8 million casualties.
The Han Chinese are proud of their ancient heritage of being ruled over by foreigners during non-Chinese dynasties like the British Empire who pwned their way into Hong Kong with LULZ.
Despite the big cultural and linguistic diversity in China, they try to maintain the homogeneous population myth, and lay claim to lands that historically never belonged to China proper (e.g. Taiwan).
Much like niggers with their basketball, spics with their menial labor and whites with their faggotry, chiggers (aka Rice Niggers) have their own special array of talents. At a young age, many boys are forced to engage in a life of studying the Confucian rites and being able to apply all that bullshit to the math and physics they're forced to cram for on a study night.
China actually had a interesting culture 100 years ago. But like everything else, Japanese culture invaded and now Chinese also have to display the peace sign in every photograph they take. Nowadays, Chinese people copy from American, European and Japanese culture. China no longer displays original content.
The Chinese countryside is dotted with sweatshops full of child laborers. It is said that the sound of their shoemaking can be heard from Mars. However, the years of labor they endure is all worth it, as on payday they are each given a small sum of sand and a handful of dog hairs.
Exactly 100% of Chinamen spend most of their lives as slaves in math plantations.
- To be honest and frank, have you ever met a worthy Chinaman? Hmm? No? Didn't think so...
I gotta go slash up some toddlers now, haven't got time for noodles nor rice
I'm on my way to slash some kiddies now, diapers covered in blood are so nice!
Hacking at those little babies, makes me feel so strong
Ain't enough bitches to make us chinks hubbies, so killing kiddies makes my dick get long!
Slashing the babies, slashing the babies, won't you come slashing some babies with me?!
Can you pass my an empty water bottle, 'cause I really need to pee...
Lead in children's toy, me really, really likey
Just because we are Chinese, don't make us the Asian Kikey!
What was that noise, was it me pooping in hole?
Or was it just me, spitting in your soup bowl?
Our country is filled with copped trees, polluted rivers, and irradiated rocks
We are known in Asian as a giant cat box
- Inspecting cunts through voyeurism.
- Pretending not to speak English
- Chopping off peoples penises to get eunuchs.
- Eating anything that moves and shitting epidemics. See SARS and AIDS.
- Shouting in loud, annoying voices with a horrible sounding language.
- Preparing for sweatshop work at age 3.
- Wishing their dicks were bigger.
- Manufacturing inscrutably low-quality, knock-off products that break upon use.
- Manufacturing malfunctioning weapons to other countries who are at war with each other only to make money. See Russia and USA.
- Doing math.
- Butchering the English language by trying to adopt Ebonics.
- Farming virtual gold to sell to basement dwellers.
- Surpassing the U.S. as being the most environmentally-destructive, air and water-polluting nation on the planet.
- Hating Niggers better than americunts (especially the Curry nigger)
- Taking a shit in holes
- Standing on toilet bowls to shit
- Being nippy
- Skinning animals alive
- Videotape themselves crushing cats to death for fap material.
- Use shitty carcinogenic gutter oil to cook noodles and sell them on the streets.
2008 Beijing Orimpics
Main article: LOLympic Games
Beijing was fortunate enough to
win purchase the bid for the 2008 Orimpic Games, and they have delivered on a promise to give the world an amazing competition.
The August 8th Opening Ceremony of the Orimpics started off with a bang. The nation that invented fireworks gave the world the most impressive display of photoshopped fireworks ever seen. The fun did not stop there; after ¥1 Billion Renminbi and years of hard work, Chinese computer engineers managed to create a program able to shoop an attractive child over an ugly child with talent.
As the Orimpics got underway, Team China dominated the in the child labor competition, winning the gold with two of the youngest loli to have ever competed. It wasn’t long before everyone was asking how China managed to train some of the best underage athletes in the world. The Chinese reveled their forced labor training camps where loli are selected at the tender age of 3 for rigorous training in making high quality Nikes and lead-covered sports equipment for other teams. (Team Wal-Mart was disappointed in the Chinese decision to reveal secret training exercises.)
While performing well in the child labor competition, the U.S.of fucking A. try-hard "Redeem "Shitfaced" Team" has hurt China's chances of earning the gold in the Orimpic Basketball Tournament. However, hopes still ride on Yao Ming to bring home a metal. The Chinese state-sponsored coaching staff hopes by training Ming into the ground and destroying his career as a basketball player, they will be victorious in earning the gold for Team China. In a statement to the press Ming said, "If I don' bring home the gorrd they wirr kirr my famiry and reprace me wit any one of severar mirrions erigibre Chinese basketba' praya." You can bet that Ming's famiry will be cheering for him during the games.
China did however excel in spitting, bottle peeing, and shitting in holes. Unfortunately, none of these activities are recognized Olympic events. Regardless, the Chinese moved forward, with each day in the events producing more spit, urine and feces than one could ever have possibly imagined. These events climaxed with the closing ceremonies, where Chinese performers ended the games with a series of enormous bowl movements, the drowning of several Chinese "dissidents" in a spit / urine pool, and a secondary invasion of Taiwan.
The Chinese government broadcast the events on live TV, then quickly denied the incident ever occurred, right after calling Google to ask for another "favor".
Things They Don't Want You to Know
- Fact: China's National Motto? China: The Land Of Spit And Tobacco.
- Fact: Chinese city workers can't dig up roads to repair pipe systems as the natural instinct for a Chinese person when they see an open hole in the ground is to shit in it. It is estimated that the Chinese population could fill the Grand Canyon is less than three minutes.
- Fact: Anything a Chinese person can pee in WILL be peed in. Example: empty water bottles, plastic sandwich baggies, purses, the pocket of a stranger, rectums, vaginas, open sewers (AKA: China)
- Fact: Chinese pussy is hairy and sideways.
- Fact: China almost got nuked in the Sino-Soviet border conflict.
- Fact: Chinese women have small breasts. Any Chinese women you see with normal or large breasts has implants.
- Fact: The ED website is not censored in China.
- Fact: Chinese families name their newborn babies by gathering their whole family together and smash glass plates on the floor.
- Fact: The Chinese take pleasure in gobbing on pavements, in restaurants and on each other for that matter. This frequent transfer of bodily fluids is considered more effective in getting woman pregnant. Even children, amirite?
Children in China are treated like crap. They are either eaten as a staple food, chained to posts like animals and/or brutally molested as a sport. Those "lucky" enough to survive till the age of 3 are given the privilege of being socially sold into mandatory slavery for the greater glory of the country in a sweatshop.
|Chinklets||About missing Pics|
PROTIP: Google "Chen Chuanliu".
Chinese babies don't wear diapers, as they're far too expensive for 3rd world bordering chinky chip slave laborers only making 10 cents an hour to churn out Apple and My Little Pony crap. As such parents rely on "split pants", letting the child just shit and piss all over the floor and themselves. As a result, most chinklets are treated like animals and caged or tied up outdoors. The "split pants" also offer a unique "double feature" in that it allows for "easy access" to China-men who recreationally molest young children, which is in fact a national sport in China.
|Split Pants||About missing Pics|
- Lin Zhong Min
- Guan Yin
- Pai Mei
- Bruce Lee (and clones Bruce Li, Bruce Lei, Blues Ree etc)
- Christopher Lee
- Mao Ze Dong
- O-ren Ishii
- Yao Ming
- Ho-Ming Mee Sao
- Wang Wei (The pilot who took down an American plane and made them apologize)
- Ming The Merciless
- Fu Manchu
- Yin-Yang Twins
- Lao Tse
- Goa Tse
- Edison Chen (the hero with many jpegs to back him up)
- David Carradine
- Ms. Wang (Infamous traitor of China that was exposed by the Internet and the New York Times)
- O-chin Chin
- Helen Yoo
- Jackie Chan
- Chris Rock
- Donnie Yen
- Ching Chong
- Peter Chao (The guy who rubbed his own crap on a building)
- Kim Jung Il
- That white guy from Kung Pow
- Bill Clinton
- Chuck Norris
- Jean Claude Van Damme
- Kevin Rudd
- Long Le
- Steven Segal
- William Hung
- William Fu
- Jason Statham
- Jet Li
- Yung Shin Boys
- Michael Phelps
- Lo Wang (Fictional character from Shadow Warrior, made by the same guys that made Duke Nukem 3D.)
- Dalai Lama
- Christopher Walken
- Tommy Chong
- Hu Flung Dung
- Adolf Hitler
- George Bush
- Agent Smith
- Geert Wilders
- Wu Tang Clan
- Mr. Lau
One of the few remaining Communist regimes in the world, China's leader is always a member of the Communist Party of China. China is now "Socialist". While the Democratic Party of China, founded in 1998, tried to make a go of it, their leaders were promptly detained and sent to "correction facilities".
President Hu Jintao, when he's not busy stomping on kittens, has overseen the rise of China from a third world nation to an economic superpower (but still third world nation). lulwut? Open mouth insert truck of cocks you dumb piece of shit, after the Hillarious Chinacost that oldskool commies unleashed during the Cultural Revolution it was for Deng Xiao Ping to divert the chinacide to what outcummed as an economic development, hence, China finally stopped sucking cock and became economic superpower. There is more to that, If you weren't smoking pot during Elmo Street, you'd know that during WWII China got raeped hard by the Japan niggaz. Back then Commies were nothing but your average Fallout 3 wastelander hobos, living on sucking Russia's delicious cock, Republic of China with Chiang Kai-shek as the Leader owned the street cred in the back days. So, when Japz went partying hard at Shanghai and especially at Nanking, Commies and Kuominttangs didn't give a flying fuck and continued to saw out each other. Eventually they "united" and fought back. Little did they know, that after the war, casaulties were counted and bricks of uranium were said to be shat, for it turned out, that the Japz lost hardly 1.3 million samurais, 700 000 of which were ass fucked as POW's by glorious IVAN's army in Korea, and China managed to get their dicks cut by 30 000 000 (thirty million) people. 1.3 million to 30 millions, kinda tells a lot 'bout chinese army, amirite. So, after the war ended, Chinks had a small civil war beween Commies and Kuomintang ended with Chiang Kai-shek GTFO to Taiwan with all the gold and hookers, thus on 1st October of 1949 People's Republic of China was born. USSR, UK, even Germany were quickly recovering form WWII, but China was still in mid 16-th century, having no industry, no telecom and no 4chan, but as they were commies they pledged for some hadr soviet cock in their tight azn pussies and so a glorious path to Prosperity began. To cut a long story short, Chinks got a fuckton of OIL in factories, telecom, 2ch, 4ch, Chris Hansen, education and even nukes from USSR, 'till Stalin decided to GTFO forever, with Khurshev being Steve Ballmer, Mao got pissed with USSR, they even attacked USSR's border posts in 1969 scoring some frags. And there was but one country, that rejoiced at such an outcome - the US of A. Back in China with no Soviet cock, commie leaders initiated Chinacide, so when Deng Xiao Ping finally got some street cred, he had a fucking great Idea - If we can't have some delicious Soviet Penis, we could ask for PHAT AMERICUNT DONGS in our asses, as it happened with Persident Nixon's Shocking visit to PRC in 1973. Which brings us to the beggings - Deng Xiao Ping is responsible for China's economic growth and the fact, that China WILL ALWAYS CRAVE FOR PHAT COCKS.
China's government is also known for its sterling Human Right's record, treating more diverse members of its society such as Falun Gong adherents and Tibetan Buddhists with the utmost dignity and respect.
While China was famous in the past for losing hard to the Japanese, Russians, Mexicans, Martians, homosexuals, and 3rd grade girls, the latter half of the 20th Century saw a dramatic turnabout in China's ability to wage war.
Recent advances include:
- The selling of Nuclear Arms secrets to China by Bill Clinton (thanks a lot, asshole).
- The selling of uranium to China by drunk convicts.
- The purchasing of diesel-electric submarines that can sneak up on unsuspecting Americunt ships.
Disadvantages of the China Zerg Rush:
It costs the Chinese government approximately $1 to give their soldiers a cheap uniform and a basic two day training course. That is not difficult. However, it is quite expensive to produce weapons, even if they are cheap, unreliable pieces of shit. Thus, the government forced everyone to learn Kung Fu in hopes that they might have rare chance of winning if they ever get close enough to engage in hand to hand combat. In a group of five Chinamen, there will be one or two with rifles the rest might be armed with Dao swords and Three-section staffs,lol! The others will just throw fireballs at you and hope you die like a low budget kung fu film. China often parades its military equipment since they've made some progress since the "great leap forward" but most of their weapons are outdated. Its a ploy to convince its neighbors that attacking china is fool hardy but the truth is that China only has its massive infantry division as an asset. When the world and china's neighbors realize that china is in reality actually a very weak country with only the power to only oppress its citizens china will get pimp slapped like a overdosed hooker as it has been in the past.
Advantages: No country has unlimited ammunition. If a country is unprepared and doesn't have reserves whilst a group of troops is firing at the never ending horde, a Chinaman will fly around the back and Kung Fu their ass up.
Fuck with one, fuck with them all, and you're bound to get Kung Fu-cked Up.
Why bother messing with them? HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I EAT DOG.
China has nukes, but like every other country with nukes it knows that if it is dumb enough to use 'em, the USA will pwn their entire country to glass and then shit on the radioactive remains from a great height.
The people of China are willing to work hard for little money, from a young age until they drop dead. Without their hard work, most people in places like Australia, Canada and United States would be naked, living in trees, and eating berries.
Chinese spies spent years studying the American economy from secret bases in Chinatowns. They copied the capitalistic economy, while keeping the dictatorial political system.
The Chinese mastered the art of sleazy economic competition. They deliberately pegged their Yuan currency to the Dollar so Chinese products always stay cheaper than American, and other developed countries. It ensures massive Chinese product exports so America and co. are swamped with cheap crap and cannot compete in this unfair trade scheme. Much of America's industry and jobs has been outsourced to eager Chinese sweatshops.
The United States turned into an unsustainable consumer country of primarily Chinese products. This dirty trick created an enormous trade deficit and national debt for America. The American leaders are oblivious to the perils, and spend like drunken sailors, addicted to everything Made in China. Especially the mail in waifus from china. Bitch will make my sandwich and suck my small asian wee wee.
1.00 USD = 7 Chinese Yuan (also known as "one month's wages").
Opinion of Chinafag: A little known fact is that China Likes Big American Cock. They way it tastes like shit reminds me of how my mom tasted after the Tiananmen Square Massacre. When my friends say to me eat her dead body and ask, "wing wang. What the fuck are you doing?" I replied, "My food stamps ran out. The government was displeased by my -A in math, so I needed to eat my mom to survive."
The three step economic policy used by China:
- Accidentally the paint.
Some notable Chinese exports include:
- McDonald's Happy Meal toys
- My Little Pony toys.
- Lead paint
- Diseased chicken
- Bird Flu
- American Flags
- African Genocide
- Pirated copies of anything and everything
Chinese foodurban myth, Chinese food is actually made in Wisconsin
- Chinatowns that take up all the local jobs
- Malware such as Nimda
- Everything else
—BBC 6 PM News, 12 May 2008 on the Great Sichuan Earthquake.
The People's Republic of China is not an inheritor of previous dynasties which were created by foreign barbarians. The PRC has false imperialistic claims to territories that never belonged to China proper (Tibet, Taiwan, Manchuria). Despite that, the Chinese Communist Party led by Mao still managed to conquer the two countries of Tibet. Adding to the humiliation is the fact that China was a mainly aggrarian country when said countries were conquered.
Starting in 1959, the Chinese started dying from famine on a massive scale. One of the consequence is that there are few to no pets in China. Despite what some retards say, cats and dogs are just food there. One more reason why the Chinese found a way to make just about anything digestible. It is estimated that over 30 million people died. The famine was ended in 1961 by Mao Zedong importing grain from the capitalist countries and making a law that every Chinese can have a handful of rice per day, thus, thwarting evolution.
The centuries of foreign rule over China means many inventions and achievements were made possible thanks to their foreign overlords. Were it not for their generous intervention, they'd still be living in igloos and hunting jellyfish. Actually, they discovered and invented a lot of cool things like paper, the printing press, silk, compasses, and most importantly gunpowder BUT the Arabs were smart enough to burrow these inventions from the Chinese. They then assraped China at the Battle of Talas in 751. Then the Arabs converted the entire Central Asia to Islam and screwed China's plans at raping the shit out of the place. Then during the Crusades, the Europeans lived the raping shit out of the ME and stole the inventions from the Arabs. Thus the "barbarian" Europeans eventually harnessed and improve on those originally Chinese inventions to pwn the living shit out ofthe whole world during the age of Imperialism. And even to this day, the Chinese are still butthurt over the imperialistic rape and pwnage they created an
entire museum dedicated to imperialism/buttrape. ROR 404
The Great Wall of China
At least 100 hundred years ago, the Great Wall was built to stave off invading drug lords. It never actually worked, because the drug lords simply bribed the gatekeepers. They killed them too when they came through.
On the other hand, ordering that a great wall be built has turned out to be a very effective form of population control, as it is estimated that millions of people died constructing the wall over the span of thousands of years and several dynasties.
On a side note, anyone who believes the myth that a 20-foot wide dirt colored wall can be seen from space is fucking retarded. See: FACT
Either China made Marco Polo famous, or Marco Polo made China famous. At any rate, now we know what to say when wandering around a dark room. China is known for contributing spaghetti (YA RLY!), deadly diseases, and useless products to the western civilization.
In the latter half of the 20th Century, China has had good relations with its neighboring country, Japan. In fact, whenever you meet a Chinese person, repeatedly refer to them as Japanese. This will ensure your ability to make many Chinese e-pals.
Inexplicably, the Chinese also get extremely offended when they are mistaken for Taiwanese, which, technicly, they are. To demonstrate your knowledge and understanding of their culture, always be sure to tell them you are aware that Mexico is NOT part of China and is in fact an entirely different country.
Great Firewall of China
Last Thursday, China embarked on a monumental project to protect its citizens from the evils of the internets. Called the Golden Shield project, every communication is routed through a government firewall, where it is blocked if it attempts to connect to a site banned in China. Naturally, it works just as well as the last Great Wall.
There have been countless atrocities throughout history many ignored which we can learn from but whenever you're talking a chink you'll be sure to have this mentioned. Hilariously enough many of histories atrocities were committed notoriously by the Chinese themselves including cruel Chinese emperors, Chinese imperial expansionism, Lingchi:death by a 1000 cuts, violent cultural revolutions, Chinese gulags, artificial famines, mass genocide by Mao Zedong, invading and plundering Africa and Latin America, etc.. The list could go on forever...Instead of learning from Unit 731 as a humbling experience for china to never be belligerent again. China became worse and more aggressive, now china had a reason to adopt a victim mentality(while others who have been persecuted move on)furthering their agenda for imperialism and world domination covertly. Whenever you mention any of China's bad points they will immediately BAAAWWW!!! and bring UNIT 731 up.epic underground complex full of sekret stuffs, and if you don't know what it is you should probably Google it, because its full of epic win and CP, but to sum it up...
Unit 731 (pronounced CHING-CHONG NIP NONG NONG) was a covert biological and chemical warfare research and development unit of the Imperial Japanese Army that undertook lethal human experimentation during World War II. It was responsible for some of the most hilarious war crimes carried out by Japanese personnel, including the killing of thousands of logs.
There is some question to whether UNIT 731 was an actual event or not many times throughout history we hear a one sided story mainly told by the victors of wars and China during WW2 was part of the allied powers. Many in Japan call into question UNIT 731 as an actual event because China is known for its dubious claims especially about history. Interestingly enough many Koreans joined the Japanese when they invaded china. The Chinese are known for propaganda especially the Chinese cinema which is very famous in continent of asia and in the United States because Chinks have infested Hollywood.
While the Chinese government is surprisingly non-religious, those who are religious must adhere to one of the state-sanctioned religions, such as Buddhism, Taoism, Confucianism, or Christianity and even they are imprisoned sometimes. Members of non-sanctioned religions such as Falun Gong are V& and sent to correction facilities, where their vital organs are harvested and sold on the black market. Although things are looking to change as religion is now flourishing in china.
The average Chinese is over 9000% racist. This is mainly directed at Blacks, especially the Negro equivalent of the Mexican, the Curry nigger.. However, in all circumstances this racist rage can boil over and be directed towards anyone, especially other Chinese. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, from being admonished for tipping to throwing yourself in front of cabs otherwise the don't stop for Whitey.
The average Chinese street is piled with the dead bodies of pedestrians who couldn't look both ways before crossing the street because in China that's how you yield right of way. 'THEY SAW ME. THEY SHOULD HAVE STOPPED.' srsly. Luckily dem Commies cracked down on IRL carmageddeon and now you can only hit ONE jaywalker scott free.
Average Chinese children spend up to 200% of their time in sweatshops. They have most likely created your shoes, braces, computers, houses, electronics and food. The average sweatshop laborer receives a maximum of ten grains of rice per day. The Chinese think that having a daughter is very unfortunate, which is obviously wrong. When Obama went to China to discuss the issues the people were facing, all they could think about was the fact that he had two daughters in a row.
—Lzm048 asks Obama a hard one
Many Americans think of eggrolls, General Tsao's (or Tso's, Gau's, Zor's, Chau's) chicken, and chop suey as Chinese food. However, all of this is untrue. "Chicken" is actually made from the stray cats in the alleys of Chinatowns while chop suey is in fact a traditional Armenian dish popularized by the band System of a Down.
To easily sum up most oriental foods, if its incredibly disgusting, rare, or endangered, they will consume it in mass quantities.
One must travel to China to find true, authentic Chinese food. Feast on such mouth-watering delicacies as:
- Everything's uterus
- Cat and Dog
- Donkey Curry
- Stinky Tofu (Odor of belly button and foot-ass)
- Beef tripe
- Fried eel
- Really expensive Pizza Hut
- Really sketchy McDonalds
- Starbucks and Kentucky Fried Chicken on every corner
- Tiger penis
- Internal Organs of Persecuted Falun Gong followers.
- Swallow bird's nest
- Shark fin
- Chicken gizzards
- The best fake meat for vegetarians (Only at temples)
- Marinated squid and jellyfish tentacles
- Roast pigeon
- Dog soup
Artificially made eggsBroke ass link
- Cardboard buns
The Chinese, enamored to the magical delicacy of American invented Slurpees, have allowed Western convenience stores to infiltrate the shit hole province of Guangzhou and it's Specially Economical Zone of Shenzhen. Last Thursday, thousands of 7-11s sprouted up in all sizes from kiosk to full size store.
Strange Chinese Dishes
Some Chinese eat Baby Soup which contains a deceased human fetus and costs about $4000. Chinese eat Baby Soup to increase overall health, stamina and the power of sexual performance.
Chinese medicine is based around the notion of Chi, which is complete bullshit on the order of the four humours of ancient Greek medicine. Simply wrong. Although they have some rudimentary knowledge of anatomy, it's garbled by the fact that the sole concern of Chinese medicine is the smallness of Chinese penises. For instance, Chinese medicine is certain that the kidneys have something to do with sex. This is what is going on when the Chinese doctor or apothecary suggests something to "strengthen the kidney". They are not talking about urinary function.
With the exception of acupuncture and hanging weights off your cock, Chinese medicine consists of eating, drinking, or probably snorting anything even vaguely penis-shaped or somehow related to penises in the hopes of getting a boner. Tigers are being driven extinct by the market for tiger-penis soup. Rhinoceroses are being driven extinct by the market for powdered rhino horn. Priceless dinosaur fossils are ground to powder and sold as "dragon bone". And it's all because the Chinese can't get it up, and when they do it's disappointing.
DERRICK UH SHEE
Chinks eat fucking everything as a delicacy. Especially human dong. The ancient Chinese proverb "Ching chong ding dong" from the Hai Chang roughly translates to "Dirty Chinaman chew this penis." Other scholars translate "chong" as "chomp" or "chow down." In fact, the term "chow down" comes from the traditional Chinese garbage soup Chao Daon. Every animal penis and every animal part is used as "medicine" in China. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE. The Chinese alone keep every poacher in business worldwide. Shark fin. Rhino horn. Tiger balls. Zebra penis. Kangaroo pouch. Platypus nostrils. Orangutan fingernails. Panda liver. Porcupine lymph nodes. Elephant thyroid. Musk ox pancreas. Lion ovaries. Cheetah tear ducts. Slug semen. Electric eel stomach. Jellyfish testicles. THE CHINESE WANT TO EAT IT. NO EXCEPTIONS. The most popular menus in China are the Endangered Species Act and the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. Melamine is another delicacy in China and they always use it in place of wheat, rice, corn, soy, milk, and baby formula. Make kidney strong like bull!
The world's largest penis museum was required by a UN treaty to be set in Reykjavík, Iceland simply to prevent the Chinese from consuming the museum's entire collection. Every museum worker at the Icelandic Phallological Museum quakes in fear when they see Chinese tourists approaching. Most museums have signs like "Do not touch" or "No leaning on the glass", but due to the Chinese, the Iceland penis museum has had to put up multiple "Do not eat" signs written in multiple variants of Chinese: Mandarin, Wu, Yue, Min, Jin, Huayu, Shanghainese, Huizhou, Gan, Xiang, Amoy, Teochew, Zhuyin fuhao, Pinyin, Xiao'erjing, Dungan, Zhongwen, Chingchong, Pingpong, Fengwang, Hoju, Heihachi, Gon, Lo Wang, etc. As a result, the Icelandic Phallological Museum has become one of the world's foremost experts on the Chinese language simply as a means of survival and continuity of operations. Plaques with pictograms meaning "do not eat penis" have also been permanently affixed in the museum. Some very rare penises are kept in a fortified basement vault with armed guards. The Iceland penis museum has considered banning all Chinese visitors, but since gooks are their major source of ticket revenue it's a catch-22. The Icelandic military's sole mission is to protect their national penis museum from Chinese tourists.
There have been multiple extinction events in the history of life on Earth, but none has been as devastating as The Chinese. China is currently Zerg rushing all land and sea animals and bioconverting them into slanteyes. For the Chinese, seeing any eyeball on another living thing that isn't constantly squinting is deeply offensive and drives their murderousness. Quite often, the Chinese instinct to violently kill everything with eyes is expressed as elementary school knife massacres, subway gas attacks, VTEC, and supreme gentlemen. Chink on chink crime can be explained by overpopulation, hunger, and self-hatred due to the medical condition Guangdong Min Dong, Latin for "Grown Man Have Baby Penis."
If you're ever walking on a beach and see some monstrous horror washed up, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you're hitchhiking along an interstate and see two dead animals violently fused together by tires, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you visit an abortion clinic and open a biohazard bin, it is always true to say "That's a delicacy in China." If you've ever seen a picture on the Internet of eyeball soup, it came from China. Placenta lasagna? Made in China. Fetus stew? Made in China. Penis dumplings? Made in China. Spaghetti and testicles? Made in China. THIS IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE. This no game Daniel-san, this for real.
Morality in China is no different from other godless ex-commie countries (like Russia). They run over their children first with a truck to soften the meat before consuming them.
Confucius says: If child is dying in agony, keep walking.
The Chinese are notoriously great at martial arts, ping pong, gymnastics, figure skating, diving, synchronized diving, synchronized marching, rikshaw pulling, Qui-Gon Jinn, stuntmen and putting people before firing squads. However, their prowess in Western sports is limited to the freakishly tall Yao Ming. The Chinese especially seem to excel at sports when the event is held in china with Chinese judges where they seem to become world champions with a history of winning consecutively. A more obvious reason behind this is the presence of a large number of Chinese labs experimenting in mixing chemical meths with steroids.
The entire Chinese language consists of two syllables: cheech and chong. Linguistic scholars[citation not needed] believe this to be the origin of the term "Ching Chong Chinaman." Even to a cunning linguist who sees differences with types of words, even with the approximately five different tone inflections, there still is an irritatingly huge number of homophones. Fortunately, lulz can be harvested; the symbol for slave looks like the symbol of a woman near the symbol of a right hand, and the literal translation for their name of Africa, fei zhou, is "wrong continent". Not necessarily ugly, but the Chinese language generally sounds like cats trying to imitate a drum set.
The most useful Chinese words are 不要 ( buyao / búyào ) Roughly pronounced boo-yow with a falling inflection it means "DO NOT WANT" (srsly) and is used by yelling it at the Chinese trying to electrocute you in the subway/ take your picture/ sell you crap/ selling sex from weird massage parlors/ begging for money/ asking if you're a wrestler/ being racist at you. More useful words are 出口 (Chūkǒu) pronounced chew-kow and means "Exit." This can be used to your advantage as most exits anywhere in China or china-adjacent are brightly marked with Coat Rack/T.V. for speedy escape from thundering hordes of Chinese bent on taking everything nice from you while rejecting such foreign concepts such as "lining up" or "personal space".
The Chinese language does not have tenses in it, which is why all the food is raw. It's impossible to asked for "cooked" meat - meat that was being cooked in the recent past but is now no longer being cooked. It's also impossible to ask for "boiled water" - water which has been boiled but is now no longer hot. In Chinese, the water either is or is not boiling. This is why bottled water - "water in a bottle" - is the only way to get safe drinking water and is responsible for a great deal of waste.
On the other hand, people who natively speak languages like this routinely make better long-term decisions than those who speak languages with tenses. It seems there us an up-side to not being able to put worries off until tomorrow.
List of Chinese Pastimes
- Pretending to give two shits about the environment
- Attempting to piss off Americans (but failing at it)
- Playing "which button makes the nuke explode?" (for nobles only)
- Opening Chinese restaurants
- Kung fu
- Exporting Chinese whores to spread disease in other countries and regions like North America, Western Europe, Russia, Israel and Japan
- Speaking Engrish
- Playing 'Where's Waldo?: China', which is far more difficult than other versions because all chinese people look the same
- Making McDonald's Happy Meal toys
- Working at the local Wal-Mart
- Manufacturing SARS (and possibly other deadly diseases for export to the rest of the world)
- Stealing American and European jobs through outsourced slave labor.
- Chinese fire drills
- Sticking it to the White Man
- Playing ping pong
- Farming Gold
- Spitting on sidewalks
- Picking their flat noses.
- Scaring America with communism and failing at it!
- Scaring America with capitalism with massive success
- Engineering man-made viruses such as SARS and the Avian Flu in hopes of thinning out their population by 75%.
- Executing people for simply having any kind of religious faith which is considered a "threat to national security"
- Executing political prisoners and then charging the deceased's families for the cost of the bullets
- Running people over with tanks
- Having the filthiest and most polluted environment in the world
- Having filthy living standards
- Bragging about their massive arsenal but most of their weapons are faulty and used for propaganda purposes
- Framing Tibetan monks for "bomb plots" and then promptly executing them
- Holding the record for THE most murderous regime in all of human history, having murdered over 250,000,000 people
- Murdering people who claim to have cured cancer
- Kidnapping and murdering people to harvest their organs
- Having no safety and sanitation laws
- Being a true hero of the Three Kingdoms!
- Telling stories around the labor-campfire
According to a report at least 100,000,000 Chinese died in accidents in 2007, this is a dramatic 10% drop from the previous year. Some officials cite less hazards in the workplace such as two inspections per year rather than just one, a gun to encourage factory workers to do it right, and signs that replace 'do
not touch this' with images of smiley communist pandas describing what can happen with images of a mangled worker.
The Chinese word for America is 美國, pronounced meiguo, a transliteration which means literally "beautiful country". This would seem to be overtly flattering; however, the first character 美 (mei), though it does mean beautiful, is a vertical combination of the characters 大 (da) and 羊 (yang), meaning, respectively, "large" and "sheep".
The contrast between the conspicuous "beautiful" and the subtler "big sheep" contains a hidden truth and tells you everything you need to know about China's public versus private opinions of America and Americans. Rightly so.
How to Troll the Chinese
- Point out the many, many times the Great Wall failed them.
- Tell them the Manchu ran their country better than they ever did
- Predict that India will surpass them
- Claim that western and Japanese corporations will sue their economy into oblivion.
- Support Tibetan freedom
- Support Uighur separatism
- Support Taiwan
- Buy Taiwanese goods.
- Tell them that Taiwan is, in fact, a country.
- Tell them Mao killed more people by accident than Hitler could on purpose.
- Tell them North Korea will betray them sooner or later.
- Claim that another Century of Humiliation is coming.
- Make fun of their attempts at hegemony.
- Make fun of their military
- Say they'll never get control of the South China Sea
- Tell them Japan will recover and outdo them.
- Tell them Confucius was full of shit.
- Ask them why Sun Tzu couldn't be bothered to write more.
|Gallery||About missing Pics|
- Death Van
- Human flesh search engine
- North Korea
- Olympic Flame
- Wang Jew
- Chinese Habbo Hotel closed permanently thanks to AIDS.
- Chinese sell couches labeled as nigger-brown. At last, a quality product.
- Fired ! from Google - what did you expect, you honorable imperialist cunt ?
China is related to a series on AZNS.
is part of a series on
Taking Down ED
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