Chris-chan/Places

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Chris-Chan/Places)
Jump to navigation Jump to search




Chris-chan Subpage Navigation

[Click to CloseClick to Open]

The Internets

Sonichu ComicsVideosWikipastaGalleriesReturnsVidya Drama

Chris IRL

PeoplePlacesED Timeline

Virgin with Rage

The Crazy PacerMale LesbianJUUULLLAAY!!1!Caught Fappin'

E-Mail Hax

Email Hax

Sagas

Megan SagaTroll ArchivesThe Real Chris-chanAsperchuTomgirl



A young, non-overweight, non-perverse
Christian Weston Chandler.
Bless.

Contrary to popular belief, our friend Christian/Christine wasn't always the socially awkward, lewd, perverse, racist, shut-in, freakish liberal McDonald's consuming fatty that he is today. Until recently, he actually had a social life (albeit just as socially awkward and perverse)! Unfortunately, he did leave a trail of terrified non-libtard-indoctrinated children, Janekops and security guards in his wake, but no one gives a fuck about that.

So come join us as ED takes you on a mystical, magical and whimsical journey around Christian's world and the state of Virginia, which often ends with hilarious consequences of bannings and restraining orders!!!

The Chandler Residence

The House (A.K.A. "The Dragon's Lair")

Chris has doxxed himself in many of his videos, usually when trying to prove his mad transgender identity, or to get wise trolls to confront his greasy, slimy face and fight him in real life.

Btw check out the tour video of his house, and the complete raging aftermath a few months later. When he goes on a toddler-like rampage about people mirroring the videos of his house. With the appearance of Bob, who is paranoid and pissed off at Chris for sharing private details about their location, worrying if the Greene County Health Department or other heroes saw the videos, that they would rightfully condemn their personal landfill.

Bob's dementia-induced paranoia about his house's condition was not unfounded, though not because of the health department. Chris ended up burning the house down while trying to make cat poop coffee for his psychosis-stricken mother Barbara in the bathroom. The hoarded clutter that was literally up to the ceiling was spectacular kindling performed by all 3 of that same personal landfill's dementia patients.


The Chandler's House
The rat's den

The lair of the Chandlers, Chris, his parents Bob and Barbara, as well as his cat Scamper and a billion other fucking cats (their dead dog too, somewhere in the back-yard).

It is a white (now yellowed to ivory) two-story house trimmed in pink (faded from a dark red) with three bedrooms on the outskirts of Ruckersville, VA. The house itself reeks of the early 1980s, having tacky fake shutters and vinyl siding. The house probably hasn't been re-sided in years. As a result of its dated look, in addition to the decaying gardens and overgrown yard, it has destroyed the value of local properties.

As of March 2009, all space not used for walking or sleeping appears to be packed full of junk. However, in earlier pictures (those of Chris's 20th birthday, for instance), the house was actually once quite tidy. In his video tour, Chris also keeps referring to the fact that "things got cluttered", suggesting that the house has grown fuller and fuller during the past decade. "Clutter" is, of course, a horribly inadequate understatement. The house is packed with shit; the former living room is unusable, with junk filling the entire space and reaching within two feet of the ceiling. The other rooms are similarly full of junk, but rather than solid blocks of shit, there are small crevice-like rat runs with chairs, TVs, and other outdated furnishings.

Due to an incident in Chris' recent "Holiday Wishes" video, the belief has arisen that his house may be haunted. Some have dismissed the phantom movement by the front door at 0:41 as one of Barbara's millions of cats that infest the grounds, but it is much more likely to be the restless spirit of a former Ian Anderson captive. Ivy, perhaps?


Video Tour of The House

Chris and his dad want the video off the internet NOW

Chris' Room

A blueprint of Chris' bedroom.

Ground Zero, The Dragon's Lair, The Gates to Hell, Rome. Call it what you want, Chris' room is the epicenter of the whole Chris-chan empire. Chris has spent most of his recent life in this room, ever since he got kicked out of Piedmont Virginia Community College, the mall and the Pokemon league, he only leaves it to go to Church (or due to some trolling escapade). Probably definitely smells of piss, shit, sweat, cum and dead inflatable girls. The few times when he really left his room were when the PVCC field agents managed to drag him to Charlottesville's bars.

Chris's bedroom is on the second floor of his house, with two windows on the northwest wall and a smaller window (covered by his shitty Pokémon card designs) on the north-east wall. Based on Chris's video tour of his house, his cluttered room is actually spotless compared to the rest of the house, another reason why Chris may spend so much time holed up in his sanctuary.

Just like ShecameforCWC.jpg is pretty much the picture that sums up Chris's mind, his room — like most bedrooms — also sums up quite nicely a lot of the awful things about Chris:
  • His incredible attachment to material possessions, as evidenced by the incredible amounts of clutter that lie in his room.
  • His also incredible laziness, as evidence by the large amounts of disorganized clutter that lie on the floor, his bed and his couch.
  • In contrast, notice the careful and orderly arrangement of his stolen/hoarded video games, scratched DVDs, chipped trading cards, ripped posters and broken toys: evidence of how they rank on his list of priorities when compared to serious stuff like work or school.
  • Megan's Holy Hoo-Hoo shrine, the definite and unquestionable proof of Chris's obsession with the only person that has ever been friendly to him.
  • The notoriously high presence of PokeFag material, Sanic and other franchises aimed at screeching autistic 8-12 year old kids — or in other words, people of the same mental and emotional age as Chris.
  • Also, the prominent presence of Transformers, held by Chris as a symbol of manliness, are one more proof of Chris's fear of becoming a homo.
  • The fact that most of his possessions are toys or video games — that is, things he can absolutely control, that always do what he wants, basically the wet dream of a manipulator.
  • Finally, the fact that Chris retreats to his room whenever he feels the slightest bit of stress, his refusal to discard his detritus, and the fact that Chris has his own imaginary world called Cwcville, could possibly mean that Chris's toys are like a physical, earthly extension of his own imaginary world, thus infusing him with a sense of safety and comfort.

The Yard

The Chandler's Yard.

On first examination, you'd be forgiven for mistaking Chris's yard for Silent Hill, But the yard of the house consists of some simple crossed wood planters near the curb and some small shrubs and trees out front.

The plants in the planters have long since died, probably due to a foul stench poisoning the air. The backyard contains a shed, and a small platform leading to a back entrance. The shed is full of shit, most notably a car, and was once the place where the Lumberjack would tinker with machines. After that, there are some trees and the pen where Patti once played. Her doghouse still stands, and she is buried nearby. At some point, a tree branch fell on the grave. Being the pansy-ass he is, Chris cannot muster the strength to pick the damn thing up. Some have speculated that this is divine intervention, in order to keep Patti's body safe from Chris and his fur-fag tendencies.

However in earlier pictures (when Chris was less huge and he had yet to start the fuck quest) We can see that the yard used to be quite lush and beautiful, with a variety of flowers planted around the area, the grass clipped, and the trees were healthy.

Many people speculate that over the years Chris' parents have gotten too ugly, fat or too lazy to care for their garden leaving the area quite barren.

Video Tour of His Yard

Areas

Ruckersville, VA

Aerial shot of the redneck shithole that is Ruckersville.

Chris' home is highlighted with the red mark.
File:Hellhole below.jpg
A closer aerial shot, courtesy of an AC-130.

Chris' home is at the center of the crosshair

Rural area outlying Charlottesville, VA and Ground Zero of Christian Weston Chandler (aka the Window to Hell). Left and returned several years later, after having problems with a local Secular Humanist center for junior atheists near Richmond.

Wikipedia Article

Charlottesville, VA

A Map of Charlottesville, as drawn by a retard.

To America, it's the home of Thomas Jefferson's home Monticello and the University of Virginia. For Christian Weston Chandler, it's home to Fashion Square Mall, Game Place, and various other stores the notorious brain-injured cuck is banned from.

The town is so quaint that they drew a map of the place so that it looks like a low budget 80's theme park. According to the map the entrance of the town is guarded by the world's biggest knight.

At first glance, Ruckersville might look like a god-lovin' small town from the outside, until you realize that it's actually the USA's Secular Humanists' top secret HQ town!

Don't understand? Well, since the early 1960's, all US public schools (and even most private schools) became mandated to serve up secular-humanist edukkkaytion to all children, in order to fulfill the liberals' agenda of raising a whole nation of smart, rational warriors to save Murica from Trump. Christian Chandler became the most successfully brainwashed child by the Democratic Party in 2000, and to celebrate their efforts (as well as hide from angry conservative parents in Kentucky), the liberals made their HQ located in Ruckersville where most of them reside underground in caves.

This is an ongoing, major, nationwide experiment that succeeded turning billions of children into happy, healthy, tolerant atheists to create mobile devices and sex toys for their mother, Hillary Clinton

Ride the communist, fascist, liberal roller-coaster Y'all! We have blue-pink-and-white cotton candy and genderqueer penis-shaped fries!

Interactive Hick Map

Oaks, PA

This suburb of Philadelphia, PA is home to cream cheese, the big bell, and the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center, which in Christine Weston Chandler's eyes is home to the Too Many Games convention that she is banned from.

Schools/Leftist Indoctrination Centers

Nathanael Greene Elementary School

Nathanael Greene Elementary School, Standardsville

Christian's first liberal elementary school.

He was rightfully pulled out of the school by slightly-christian Bob, after Chris told his father that he had become homophobic, due to him sitting on the homosexual principal's lap (srsly).

School Website

Providence Middle School

Providence Middle School, Richmond

Christian's middle school. He had himself quite some gal-pals there and virtually fuck all of any interest happened to him. Thus he received his middle degree in Secular Education.


School Website

Manchester High School

Manchester High School, Midlothian

Perhaps the only happy four years of Chris' secular-education life, Manchester High School is where Chris finished his compulsory liberalist education. As with his previous school, nothing eventful happened to him aside from being the water boy for his basketball team. Which is kind of shocking as you would have thought that the bullies at the school would have spent every single day of those four years tormenting Chris into killing himself.

Chris had a crush on Kellie Andes and was more than likely made fun of on a daily basis.


School Website

James Madison University

James Madison University,
Shenandoah Valley

Apparently, he commuted here for special-ed help with his friend Joshua Martinez. There, he learned to speak and do gay childhood things, like say out loud the names of fruits in a basket or the names of farm animals.

The likeliness for Christine requiring intense rehab, including speech therapy and motor skills/thinking required to work in a Chinese IPad factory in rural Beijing (with suicide nets, long working times and low wages), is a whopping over 97%. If he is mandated by the VA gub'ment to become an Apple slave worker, expect epic IRL trolling.


University Website

Banned Locations

The Fashion Square Mall

The Fashion Square Mall

Home of Chris's love quest exploits and where he met Anna McLerran (creator of the "Tale of the crazy pacer" blog). Currently banned for loitering.

Fun Fact: The Mall was also used in the Tom Clancy book, The Teeth of the Tiger as the scene of an Islamic terrorist act. The only relevance this has with Chris is that he also caused terror there himself to many a YOUNG LADY and security guard.

The GAMe PLACe

The GAMe PLACe

The Game Place is a Games Workshop-like Dungeons & Dragons game store situated inside a Staples center that Chris hung out at (until he was banned for acting like a total cock, arguing with children and going behind the store counter), which also briefly hosted the Pokemon TCG League where Chris was a volunteer gym leader. Chris was probably the oldest, at the age of 26, and was accompanied by Megan Schroeder.

Other persons of interest are the store staff: Michael Schneider, "Mimms" and Lucas, the latter presumably being an eleven year old.

  • At some point in The Game Place Pokémon League history, Chris loudly objected to being paired up with "novices". These are ten-year-olds who still managed to beat him frequently.
  • There have been emails sent by the person who manages TGP events, probably finally looking for reasons to ditch CWC's high-maintenance HFA-ass.
  • Chris reportedly brought in consoles and hogged the store's flat screen TV, angering the manager. Of course, Chris couldn't understand why a manager would be annoyed by a squealing man bogarting his TV for hours to play Animal Crossing on "da big screen."
  • Chris has since been banned from the store for acting inappropriately (such as being a racist prick, personally insulting the manager and getting into arguments with children).
There were also some 12-15 year old black kids who frequented The GAMe PLACe. Chris picked on them and acted like they wanted to steal from him.
Also, Chris once argued with a huge black guy named TJ. Obviously, Chris was in the wrong. When they started talking about how Chris would never get laid, Chris yelled, "I'm going to smack your effing face down!" As TJ stood up like he was going to beat Chris's ass, Chris shrunk and whimpered, "I mean your face down monster..."

Piedmont Virginia Community College

Piedmont Virginia Community College

Piedmont, Virginia Community College, AKA PVCC. Chris earned two certificates here.

Mary Lee Walsh was the student dean who gave Chris a difficult time on his love quest, which is what any sensible person would do. Chris in turn made her a character in his comics and inspired the villain group the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, which is also abbrieviated PVCC, once again proving Chrissy's originality.

According to Chris, the college itself is intolerant of those who are love questing, and makes extra effort to cockblock any males on its campus by brutally censoring any signs that show the least bit of romance.

By mid-October 2003, Chris had been using his Attraction Sign for 2 months without success for his love quest. Mary Lee Walsh, under the correct impression that Chris was soliciting sex, seized the sign, yelled at him in a very violent manner, and harshly criticized his methods. Chris made a new sign only to have Walsh foil his plot again in a few weeks. This served only to make Chris rage and spam the college with his ads. As a result, Walsh gave Chris a stern lecture, banned him from PVCC for a year, made him take an anger management course, and forced him to see a shrink.

Target

Target,
Charlottesville

Chris was banned from the very recently opened (at the time) Charlottesville branch of Target, for what he believed was loitering (but turned out to be for soliciting females -obviously).

Chris had intended to use the place to scope out girls, by sitting in the Café near the entrance (justifying himself for being there all day by Jew), The managerial staff caught wind of his intentions after several complaints from distressed women and was asked to vacate the premises. Chris refused and got mouthy, so he was promptly hand-cuffed and arrested, later appearing in court.

PROTIP: A security guard, being a private citizen (unless it's a real cop's part time job, as is the case with some security guards), can only arrest someone on citizen's arrest and only if they witness a person committing a felony. Chris would have had to actually rape a woman or it's just misdemeanor trespassing and the rent-a-cops would need to have called the real police. If Chris wasn't retarded, he could have sued Target and its security guards for illegal detainment, assault, battery, etc. and he could be a millionaire right now.

Chris goes into this event in great detail in his comic strip entitled: "Off-Target" (the one where he uses a vastly oversized drinking straw).

Wal-Mart

Wal-Mart,
Charlottesville

Chris's supermarket of choice until he was banned for (yet again) soliciting girls for sex. He calls the place "Mal-Wart" in his comics - clever.

Unfortunately for our ass-pie friend, they've decided to build a new store right next door to him in Ruckersville sometime mid-2009 or late-2010, and a Lowes is planned to open there some time in December, so look forward to many more overweight autistic loitering and soliciting, Jerkop related lulz and mishaps, and eventual bannings & restraining orders.

The Store is managed by ScotPalazzo according to Chris.

Grace Baptist Church

Grace Baptist Church,
Charlottesville

Grace Baptist Church was Chris's church until he got kicked out on March 17, 2008. Lordsillynipples had emailed Chris in September 2008 asking him why he got kicked out of Grace Baptist Church and Chris responded with the following: "Pastor John Hartless did not like my views I've expressed in my video I did on my 25th Birthday, and he found the ED page."

Christian's parents still go to the GBC, so it is most likely that they agreed with the grounds on which Chris was kicked out. That, or they had personal motives for not wanting to go to the same church as Chris.

When your own parents don't want to be seen in public with you, you know you're a freak!

Other Locations

Wendy's

Wendy's,
Charlottesville
(His Actual workplace)

American fast food chain that Chris worked at in 2001 for a whopping TWO months before getting his fat H.F.A.-ass fired.

The mysterious circumstances of his firing have never been revealed, as Chris has never given a clear or concise answer on the cause of his dismissal from Wendy's. It's been alleged that Chris helped a small child cut open a baked potato (jacket potato) and/or was doing his Donald Duck impressions. In Mumble chats, Chris said that it was because he was trying to get napkins for a small child (it's unclear if this was the sole reason or he was clarifying the "fan's" question of if he was helping a small child cut his baked potato) and on his date from March 10, 2009, when asked if his Donald Duck impersonation had scared the child (it sounds like something out of The Exorcist), he said that the child was "tired" at the time.

Chris was asked about his time at Wendy's several times after the date in March, and during that he brought up more information, particularly regarding his supervisor, who didn't think very highly of him. He mentioned a time involving him getting his uniform dirty and simply continuing to wear it, not taking into account the usual sanitation standards of most fast food restaurants and also not realizing he could get another, clean shirt. Chris made many other, probably small but frequent mistakes and likely failed to actually do his job, which apparently consisted primarily of custodial duties. The supervisor, allegedly, used the child incident to finally fire Chris, who wasn't actually notified in advance of his firing and came to work only to be told by his former co-workers that he wasn't supposed to be there.
If either are true, then they were petty reasons to fire a person, but because the firee in question is a sexist, racist, opinionated, socially retarded, homophobic, smelly freak like Chris, we can find their reasons totally rational.

Wesley Memorial Church

Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church,
Charlottesville

Full title: Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church, Chris's new and current church. Christian started attending the Wesley Methodist Church in 2008 after getting kicked out of his old church, the Grace Baptist Church, most likely for asspierational behaviour. Chris also sees his counsellor here. WFMC is also closely associated with the University of Virginia.

Chris also mentioned donating several hundred dollars to his church, likely this one, as well as one of the clergy there (likely his counselor) suggesting he read the "How to Talk to Girls" book written by a nine-year old.

Ironically for a homophobe, Chris attends a homo-accepting church because it is the only one that won't kick him out.

Having been besieged with nudes of Chris, they now have this disclaimer on their homepage: "We are not responsible for any content or links that may appear on the personal web pages of any member of this congregation.".

Church Website

Country Cookin

Country Cookin

Country Cookin (spelt without a "G" or an apostrophe (oh, those wacky rednecks)) Is Christian's restaurant of choice. It is a Virginia based chain of rustic steak house/buffet and grill restaurants (akin to Golden Corral in the US, and Harvester or Brewer's Fayre in the UK). It's authentic country-style food, served in an authentic pre-fab highway restaurant. Erm.

Chris has mentioned Country Cookin on several occasions and even has taken his troll friend Joshua Martinez out to eat there.


Official Website
Downloadable PDF of the Menu

CWCville

Baby got Back!

CWCville (Pronounced: Quick-ville) is Chris-chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the Sonichu comic, and Chris's long-ongoing pet project. many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and fuck for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.

In the Sonichu comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of Virginia, but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, CWCville is at a fierce rivalry with neighboring city of "Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens." It is under constant attack from the evil forces of Dean Mary Lee Walsh and her army of Jerkops.

See Also

Related Articles