Chris-Chan/Wikipasta

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search



Chris-chan Subpage Navigation

[Click to CloseClick to Open]

The Internets

Sonichu ComicsVideosWikipastaGalleriesReturnsVidya Drama

Chris IRL

PeoplePlacesED Timeline

Virgin with Rage

The Crazy PacerMale LesbianJUUULLLAAY!!1!Caught Fappin'

E-Mail Hax

Email Hax

Sagas

Megan SagaTroll ArchivesThe Real Chris-chanAsperchuTomgirl


WIKIPEDIA BOUNCING BALL ONLY.gif This article is copypasta.

You can help by adding original research.

Copy-Pasta.jpg

Chris' AutoWikipedia

Here is Chris-chan's self-submitted Wikipedia entry in all its fucked up glory.:

Use scrollbar to see the full text

Christian Weston Chandler

The One, The Only, In (mostly) his own Honest-to-God Words
Christopher Weston Chandler was born February 24, 1982, approximately 5:30 AM, at the Martha Jefferson Hospital in Charlottesville, Virginia from mother, Barbara Anne Weston Chandler and father, Robert Franklin Chandler Jr. He was diagnosed with High-Functional Autism in his early childhood. As he grew up, he was mainstreamed within the normal classrooms of local schools and society, to possibly break out of his Autistic Shell.

In his later years, he would aspire to earn good grades to make Honor Roll in Providence Middle and Manchester High Schools in Chesterfield County, Graduate with the Class of 2000 with a Diploma, and later get onto the Dean's List and earn an Associate's Degree and Certificate for Computer Aided Drafting and Design (CADD) at Piedmont Virginia Community College.

In his Adult Life, he has suffered the social stresses of being a healthy adult male virgin for years, and searching for a Boyfriend-Free Woman to make into a Sweetheart from being Friends First. It took him years, but his prayers had finally been answered in the form of a lucky woman within these United States.

Also, he is the Internet Famous creator of the Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu and Rosechu.

His Early Years - Birth to 1992

My family and I resided in a quaint 2-Story House in Ruckersville, Virginia for most of my lifetime.

I was quite a cute little baby; I was blonde, but I turned brown brunette. I said my very first word at 6 Weeks of age with "Monkey" (possibly trying to say "Mommy"). While being babysat by a woman in my neighborhood, whose last name was Roach, she was angry for some reason, so she locked me in a room, all by my lonesome, and it was then at 1 1/2 Years of age, I stopped talking. During the Silent Years, my mother and father had to cope with my screams, cries and whatnot to fully understand me, which they did, and I am proud of them for that. I also attended Speech Therapy sessions with classmate, Joshua Martinez, who was there due to his heavy Spanish Tongue that not too many people understood back then, at James Madison University. I started talking again at Age 7, and I well more than made up for lost time in chatter.

My next-door neighbor had a daughter my age, Sarah Nicole Hammer, and she and I were the best of friends. We would play hide and seek, swing on her swing set, hang around, talk, play by ourselves or with the other neighborhood children. She brought me a lot out of my autistic social shell for the time back then.

My father raised me on music and technology, as well as Sesame Street, Care Bears and Transformers Generation 1. But he was one of the first in line to invest and buy a Commodore 64 Computer System. He even programmed a simple game of ring-stacking on it. But he let me have it for my early Video Game Play with games including Pitfall, Q*Bert, Pole Position, and a fun Donald Duck game.

My second Game System was the Nintendo Game Boy that I got for Christmas, 1989, with Tetris and Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtles - Fall of the Foot Clan. I played Tetris a LOT.

Also in 1989, there was a Bear Band who played at Regency Square Shopping Mall in Chesterfield County for years. The man behind the Conductor, Leonard Bearstein, was English, because when I told him him through the Bear my name was Christopher, he misunderstood and started calling me Christian. That night, on the back

My first Hero I looked up to was the American Rabbit, from his one movie, "The Adventures of the American Rabbit"; they REALLY SHOULD HAVE MADE A TV SERIES of him. Then in June, 1991, the SEGA Genesis rolled out, and Sonic the Hedgehog sided with the American Rabbit, but stood taller, as my Hero.

I attended Greene County Primary School from Kindergarten to 3rd Grade, then I attended Nathaniel Greene Elementary for my 4th Grade. I was home-schooled for 5th Grade.

Some conflict between my mother, father and the school system occurred after physical abuse from 5 faculty members late in my 4th Grade; my parents took the case against the Greene County School Board for a year or two. The board threatened to lock me away in an institution, and my family did not want that, so in September, 1992, my family and I moved to Chesterfield County, while keeping our Ruckersville Home, for better Schooling.

The Teenage Years

After moving into an apartment house in the Cloverleaf Complex, my father enrolled me into Providence Middle School for my 6th to 8th Grades; my half-sister, Carol Suzanne Chandler, was schooled there as well. It was a pleasant learning experiences over those 3 years. I was taught by the respective teachers there, but the most highly noted teacher I had, who watched over and guided me in that school was Mrs. Virginia Sanford; she was Teacher of the Year one year. I achieved Honor Roll in the majority of my time there.

Then I continued to Manchester High School for my 9th to 12th Grades. My father and I had moved out of the Cloverleaf, then rented a house in Surrywood for a year, then moved into a Townhouse in the Newberry area before I attended M.H.S.

I continued on my Honor Roll Grade Streak ALL THE WAY THROUGH M.H.S. I took various classes between Providence Middle and Manchester High. Mostly I took English Literature and Grammer, Mathematics, Science and Biology, Coping Skills, History, and HEAVY on the Art Classes. I was highly recognized for my artistic skills, by having them proudly displayed among other class-creations in the School for a while.

I have made a LOT of Friends as well over the years, MOSTLY FEMALE, because I was diagnosed for getting along better with girls than boys. And in my humble opinion, I could not agree more. Although I did have a few male friends in my lifetime, who were all good, honest individuals; in general, I despise a majority of the male population, because they can be such mean and cruel individuals.

In my Freshman Year, I was selected to be Manager/Water Boy for the Varsity Basketball Team. With my partner, who was Junior, Josheph Herring. He and I were good buddies. He confided in me his dating experiences with his ex-girlfriend then (I can't remember her name, but I'm sure she would remember). Poor fellow; that night she dumped him, he cried all by his lonesome in the cold all that night. I empathized with him, and I was able to help him cheer up. I lost touch with him after he graduated Class of 1998, yet I wonder what's he been up to and how he has been.

I was recognized for my work on the Varsity Team and was awarded a certificate and an embroidery "M" at the end of my Freshman Year.

But I was happy with my big circle of gal-pals; we hung out a LOT, ate lunch, shared classes and all. But even though I did take the required sexual education classes, I never had a First Date in my lifetime during the Middle or High School years. And as I have later learned in my Adult Years, I should have been more attentive in DATING; I could have had my pick among my sweet gal-pals, but I chickened out. I did have a few crushes in my lifetime, even a High School Sweetheart for 3/4 of my High-School Life, Kellie Andes. I REALLY missed out on that when I could have had the chance to take it. But I was mostly Naive (My Least Favorite Word in the English Language) on the subject.

I had a very nice 18th Birthday Party, and I had invited my gal-pals to attend.
Dating Education
As I have proposed the idea in my adult life within my Sonichu Comic Books, and a bit before then, High Schools SHOULD have Dating Education Classes along with the Sexual Education Classes. In my humble opinion, Sex ED is fine for AFTER 3 or so DATES, but HOW DO WE EVEN GET TO THE FIRST DATE?!!! If I had the Dating Education back then, I wouldn't have to had suffered being a frustrated virgin for soo many years.

Sonichu's Birth
During my Seinor Year, I took a Computer Graphics Class with a Miss Chalifoux (she got married that year, but I never learned her married name). Anyway, in March, 2000, she had assigned the class to create a CD Cover and Insert; the limit was NOT to use copyrighted characters, so Sonic and Pikachu were out of the question. And on March 17, 2000, I got the idea. I had been into Pokemon since Red and Blue came out, and I had created homemade Pokemon Trading Cards of my own Pokemon Creations (Only For Fun). Anyway, in my mind, I merged Sonic and Pikachu together to create Sonichu in his earliest form. I soon after drew him up on paper, and then drew him on computer for the CD-Cover of my later-to-create custom CD, "Christian's Favorite Hits".

From that day, I created his origins, stories, Rosechu and Black Sonichu (later to be renamed, Blake) and more, as well as the City of Cwcville, Virginia. Also, I had made him a mascot for my earlier website, "CWC's PokeSite 2". Still the background image in that early first-computer-drawn form on there.

The Seinor Prom
To be one with my crowd, I bought a pair of tickets, but I went there with my mother. But then I realized I was still an outcast, because I stood out more like a lonesome wallflower. But that night, my trusted "Peppermint Patty"-Type Gal-Pal, Tiffany Gowen, asked me to dance with her. I hesitated at first, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. We danced for what felt like hours. It was the most pleasant experience of that night, and I thank her for dancing with me then. I hope to return the favor at our Reunion.

Graduation
Graduation for me was a sad one then. I ONLY got recognized for my Grades with a Star Pin, yet they had MORE FANCIER AWARDS for more important qualities. I should have been Highly Recognized for my ARTISTIC TALENTS I showed in my Many Art Classes for the Award Ceremonies before Graduation Day. I felt crestfallen greatly from not getting recognized for any of my Talents. I EXCELLED IN MATH TOO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I had gotten over the Award Ceremony on the Graduation Day, but to add Lemon Juice to an open wound, it was a Dark and Rainy Day that Day, and they handed out MORE TALENTED AWARDS right before handing out any diplomas. When I went up there to get mine, I was feeling depressed, upset, crestfallen and ticked off. When the award was handed to me, I took it without looking anyone in the eye, and I did not shake anyone's hands. I just walked back to my seat in the Graduating Crowd. Then soon after, I just walked the wrong way up the center aisle, found an isolated table and cried myself out. My mother found me later and comforted me; my father was ashamed of the way I acted, and he would later still be angry at recalling the moment. Tiffany also found me and gave me a caring moment of condolences back there. I gave her a plush Psyduck as a graduating gift beforehand.

Days after Graduation, we settled and moved back to our Ruckersville Home. But I left out two other reasons why I felt crestfallen at Graduation. I Never got the chance to ask Kellie out on a date, and more importantly, that I was leaving ALL my close Gal Friends behind.

College Time

My family and I moved back to our Ruckersville Home, and I was soon enrolled into Piedmont Virginia Community College. I was uncertain which to major in. At first, I randomly selected a major in Marketing, or something like that. I passed the coursed, but my family and I later learned that there were NOT many jobs around Charlottesville that degree would work me for, so upon my father's suggestion, I switched over to Computer Aided Drafting and Design (CADD). I continued to pass the courses to earn my Degree and Certificate.

Start of my Sweetheart Search
While my 18th Birthday was great, I did not have a good 21st. I was attending an English Course, when soon before, we started reading "Wednesday's Child", which was about an Autistic Girl, so I told the MALE professor that I was High Functionally Autistic as well. Due to his not understanding Autism himself, and fears from that, he kicked me out of his class on February 24, 2003; my 21st Birthday. After leaving the classroom, I found a folding plastic table with a chair by it, and I sat down, head in arms, and cried myself out the remainder of the time before the next class I had to take that day. I retook the course, with a female professor and passed it.

It was also just after that day that I realized that I NEEDED A FEMALE SWEETHEART. So that was the start, and the only sensible idea I could come up with that was inexpensive, was make a paper sign stating back that year, "I am a 21-Year Old Male, seeking an 18-21-Year Old Single Female Companion."

Enter the Wicked Witch of the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens
A couple of months had passed since I officially started my Sweetheart Search in August, 2003. Not one woman would give me the time of day or even a passing glance as I sat with the sign next to me. I felt lonely on those days.

Then in Mid-October, the Quote/Unquote "Dean of Student Services", Mary Lee Walsh, approached me and pulled my sign away from me and told me, "You're NOT ALLOWED TO FIND TRUE LOVE HERE." MY HEART WAS SHATTERED that very moment. But I did not give up; I made another sign, then a few weeks later, she did it again. I became more determined. I created and printed ads and laid them around PVCC; created my MySpace and Facebook pages and whatnot. Then that B-Dog ripped up my notes and all, dragged me to her quarters and talked down to me very RUDELY AND HOARSELY. I reacted with my own attack that she had been asking for the whole time. I was kicked out of PVCC for a year, and I had to take an anger management course and see a psychiatrist for a while. I was allowed back in.

I continued with my courses, passed with good grades; made the Dean's List and Graduated with my Degree and Certificate. This was a HAPPIER GRADUATION FOR ME, because I was Finally LOSING MY TIES WITH THAT HELL-HOLE THAT SHOWED NO LOVE FOR ME, OR MY NOBLE SEARCH FOR TRUE LOVE.

After the first encounter with Mary, I put her into my comics from the start as MY personal MAIN Adversary, with her hoard of Impostor Police People, also known as Jerkops, and the Notorious Count Graduon trapped in the glass orb on the scepter she wields.

The Continuing, Enduring Search
As drawn in my Sub-Episodes, I had my encounters outside of PVCC with the Jerkops who beat me up, dragged me around and all in my Search. It happened at the Fashion Square Shopping Mall, at my Local Wal-Mart and Target. I was even taken to court after the Target incident, but because of my volunteer work with the Pokemon Trading Card Game League at the Game & Hobby Place, I was put under watch for 3 months, then found Innocent and cleared of all charges.

During all this, I learned from my mother that the sign made me look retarded, and eventually, I did away with the sign.

I drew more comics, making them more about me than Sonichu and Rosechu (BIG MISTAKE), but I was feeling lonely, sad and all.

Becoming Internet Famous without having to leave Home

Continuing to draw and upload onto the Sonichu Site I had continue to update now and then, I did not realize that I had a growing fanbase for Sonichu, Rosechu and myself. I had received Fan-E-Mails during my after-college life in 2006.

I felt pleasantly surprised.

Later, in March 17, 2007, Sonichu's 7th Birtday, I realized that I was able to afford a 60GB Playstation 3, so I went out and invested in one. And I would later not only play games on it, but back up my comic pages and other images, play my tunes, watch some saved flicks, browse the internet over my shortly-later acquired Cable-Modem with Wi-Fi Router, and communicate through the Playstation Network.


    • This Sub-Section's contains mentioning of a webpage of ADULT CONTENT; DO NOT VISIT IT if you're squeamish or Under 18 Years of Age.**

The E.D. Webpage
Around November 1, 2007, just after I purchased a Nintendo Wii from my buddy, Joshua Martinez, I found in a Google Search of "Sonichu" the beginning paragraph and digital photograph that was the start of the "Chris_chan" page, which can be found in History as "22:46, 3 November 2007 Mr. E (Talk | Contribs) (4,664 bytes) (?The Horrible Discovery)", that was just the seed of twisting around my words and whatnot for their Cheap Laughs at MY Expense.

A Picture was taken THE FRIDAY NIGHT just before discovering the page by an individual who was at the Pokemon TCG League I was attending; the picture was blurry. The TWO FIENDS who dared to contribute to this SLANDEROUS MESS who were there was Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh and Naruto card game palyer, Daniel Mimms and his buddy/accomplice Lucas.

After discovery, I fought, God and Lord Knows how many times, long and hard to have that page taken down and removed from the internet forever. But sadly, my one plan of TMI-Input-To-Overload-Their-Minds-And-STOP backfired on me, as I had inadvertently added to that heck-fire.

Most of the time after, I ignored that page, but to add more of their "LULZ" or as I call it, "Laughs Under Lucrativeness", those Malicious Individuals started BULLYING and TROLLING ME. Even to go so far as to Falsely Earn my trust by posing as women on Instant Messages. I was tricked for months, but I gave it the LAST STRAW at Early March, 2009, when one Troll revealed himself to me in the Audio Online Chatroom, known as Mumble, to be the THOUGHT-OF-AS-FOR-MONTHS FEMALE I had chatted with online.

I have learned a lot from August, 2008 to Early March, 2009 between the "Women" I talked to and was tricked into trusting, I am capable of telling the difference from the truth from THEIR LIES.

Currently...

I reside with my family at our Ruckersville Home, drawing my comics, playing video games, gettin' my money from the Government every month, doing well and socializing locally. I have found my Sweetheart, who resides in another state, but she and I have been talking for over Two Months over telephone; her name is Ivy. She has proven herself to me by doing a Major Task, among many, that I required a Female Sweetheart for; she Fixed my Biological Clock. I was going to bed at 6 AM at the latest and waking mid-afternoon; now I'm falling asleep at 9 PM to Midnight, and waking at 6 to 9 AM. Also, soon after fixing my clock, God and Jesus came down and told me themselves that Ivy was TRULY the Woman I've been holding out for.

She and I will be meeting soon, after she finishes her semester at the college she's attending. I have also talked to her father; I respect him as he is a True Policeman, and that he is the father of my Sweetheart.
Church
I have been going to Wesley Memorial United Methodist Church for over a year now. I was baptized there Mothers' Day of 2008. I have opened my heart for God and Jesus, and they guide me now when I need guidance.

More Information About Myself

I would appreciate it if I was FULLY UNDERSTOOD as the Noble Gentleman that I am.

My mother and father are good people, I've had good role models who showed me how to act as a gentleman, Red Skelton to name one. I also see myself as a leader-figure, like Optimus Prime. I have made mistakes in my lifetime, even bad ones that could be considered "Shots to my own Foot", but I'm only human like the rest of the human population.

Also, my favorite movie of all time is "Mary Poppins", and Britney Spears is my favorite Music Star.
And SO I MAKE IT CLEAR!
I Wish to be Understood, Treated and Respected as an Individual "Straight" Human Male in this vast crazy world of various people and all that; because non straight males deserve no respect.

Show Me Some Respect. Please. I am Human like you.

Chris' Annotated CWCwiki entry

On the Cwcipedia, Chris annotated his ED article.

It is interesting to note that the retard does not know how to CTRL-C as he RETYPED THIS SHIT. From Christian Weston Chandler,

    • Finally, the Truth, False and the Exaggerated are Personally Sorted out from that which has plagued me since November, 2007. I will be retyping the paragraphs of the page verbatim, but with the following additions,
    • Bold Statements are TRUE without question.
    • Striked Statements are FALSE without question.
    • Statements that are Neither Bold or Striked will be personally explained in (Parenthesis with Italtics), or otherwise are personal commentary in few other portions.
    • Portions of the Titles of the segments will be striked appropriately for content and exaggerations.
    • And all curse and dirty words will be appropriately censored.
    • Reader Supervision/Discretion is Advised.
    • Also, I purposely have not, and will not, include all images and their comments in this page for content purposes of portryals of nudity, wrongful-types of parody, retardness and stupidity, and such.
    • Should any new text come up on that ED page that are not in this page after full completion appear, or if you have any questions about it, please send those notes and questions to the Mailbag, and I will address them appropriately then.
    • So, without further ado, here is Encyclopedia Dramatica's "Chris_chan" page, Personally Edited.

--ChrisChanSonichu 23:44, 17 December 2009 (CET)

Behold, the Mistake of God: Christian Weston Chandler. (The Only Mistake of God were THE PEOPLE who contributed to the Original E.D. Page)

Born February 24, 1982, Christian is a naive, perverse, overweight (I am working on losing the belly) racist, pedophilic, homophobic unpatrioticcommunist b******, self-proclaimed high-functioning autistic virgin man-child, and creator of his own skillfully-drawn series of comics starring Sonichu - his supremely insightful crossover of Pikachu and Sonic. As well as "suffering" from atuisim (which I still am for real), Chris also suffers from a sever case of unwarranted self-importance, the only cure for which would be to remove his head from his consequently gaping a**. At the time of this writing, Chris has found neither the time nor the conviction to do so. (What the Hell is WRONG with these people?)

Other names for Chris-Chan include: CWC (Christian Weston Chandler), クリスちゃん, Ricardo Weston Chandler, Ian Brandon Anderson, Ian Brandon Something, The Impostor, Sammy, Antonio, Solid Chris or any other lulzy names trolls can make up for him, which will make him throw a tantrum.

But it gets far worse, my friends... (For that ED Page, that is, LOL. Although, F.Y.I., "LULZ" is short for "Laughs Under Lucricities")


Chris in Person (From THEIR Point of View)

It is of utmost importance that, before one ever enters a fixed one-mile radius around Christian Weston Chandler's Ruckersville, VA habitat, one is well-acquainted with the facts regarding this man's (HERE COMES SOME REAL TORTURED VIEWS OF OPINIONS) bleak existence, and the mortal and immediate danger that one's proximity to him represents, bot to one's mental and physical well-being. In order to maintain his jaw-droppingly destrucive lifestyle, as we will explore, Chris has had to sacrifice any of the normal human customs practiced in modern society, and seems to have synthesized an entirely new list of traits which he believes better-equips him to indulge in his trademark fantastical escapism via invented comic book characters, blow-up sex dolls, and egomania. (Such of my personal views do help make life more easier in my point of view, and the few considerably "Sacrificed Normal Human Customs", I.M.H.O, would be constant eye-contact with most people, self-confidence (Which is being UPGRADED with "Stock Market Rising" Vitamins of A and D) in meeting people unassisted by others and internet, and being stuck on Routines of which new ones can be included with good, constant practice on my part.) To wit:

    • He rarely shuts up about Sonichu, the self-endorsed, self-authored and mind-nubing allegory of Chris's life, as viewed through his own massive, 1985-throwback rose-tinted glasses. (Sonichu's life is different from my own, so I do not consider his life to be equivalent to mine, Also, Sonichu is NOT Autistic. And I DO talk about a lot of OTHER topics that come to mind; I do have a real life and I stay in tune to current topics now and then.)
    • His skin and hair is covered in a semi-permeable and self-renewing film of grease; not incomparable to an arctic permafrost of dead skin cells and sweat, proving definitively that he never showers. (I Shower Daily and Thoroughly.)
    • He wears recycled shirts from the Salvation Army (And Goodwill, but I also wear clothing that were purchased from fine stores such as Sears, JCPenny, American Eagle, Pacific Sunwear, etc) and believes it's a cause for gloating. He really believes in recycling. (The ususal Paper, Metal and Plastic products that appropriately go to Recycling Sites in and around Charlottesville, VA) That is, he really really really believes in recycling. He recycles everything. (Obvious Exaggerations from their P.O.V.)
    • His scent is a combination of AXE (and good clean practices of daily showers with soap, shampoo and water, and sometimes the natural body oders) and A** (oversprayed, of course).
    • He leaves the toilet seat up. (I put the seat back down for consideration of the women.)
    • HE CAN FEEL THE COSMOS! (I did say that for Ivy, and I will stand by the quote.)
    • In the event that you are able to speak to Chris, you should be prepared to encouter (Pleasant, clean and intelligent conversations with no pressure for anything other than being friendly) wave after wafe of weak, juvenile aspersions cast in the hopes of making you forget just how abysmal Chris's life really is, along with creepy, probing questions about your personal life in regards to relationships with women. This is because Chris is still vainly searching for a girlfriend, years after first causing a s***storm (minor mishap) by walking into a local mall while in Community College, and advertising his desire for women via hand-held signage.

Lastly: (Thank God these S.O.B.s are almost finished with this list)

    • Once he starts stalking a woman, he'll tenaciously track her down, even if she's really an IRL troll, a 4chan troll or just doesn't exist.
    • He ALWAYS mentions he's a virgin when he meets women. (I'm dead serious.) (Nowadays for a LONG TIME, after being advised by my mom and dad, I keep that statement private.)


IRL Stalker (Or so they Wrongfully Claim)

(For the record, I am not, and I never was, a stalker)

On MySpace, Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" <srike>and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" - in Chris's b******ized hogh school Spanish interpretation, inserts "novio" which essentially means "boyfriend", before latin root, "phobia", committing a facepalm-worty portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of boyfriends. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father, (And Santa Clause, Jesus, God, the President of the United States, all the World Leaders, and ALL male acquaintances and friends, past and present.) because they "took all the pretty girls leaving him with no one to choose from." (The fear is Out-Of-Date, because I got over that months ago. I am cool with that theory, and the only males I hate are those that are Trolls and those who truly hate me back.)

He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: (actually Four Places; a Wal-Mart and a Target in addition to the following two) the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, (Of which I was Not Soliciting for anything Other Than Honest Friendship that would become a True Honest Sweetheart Relationship over reasonable time) had the sign destroyed (She destroyed this one sign Herself) and banned from the school for a year. Since then, he became obsessed with her (But I have got over the obsession recently.) and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter (Which contains her accomplice of evil) to contain her evil anti-love powers, (The character, Slaweel Ryam, has her powers within her own person) and occasionally a broomstick.

Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. (I had forgiven Miss Mary Lee Walsh for her past misdeeds, as y'all will remember, I had drawn the apology drawing, made the commentary notes on being nice to her here on the Cwcipedia, even the references to her book among other notable achievements. Yet she has not accepted my apology, and even UNOFFICIALLY left an enveloped note in my front door, which was NEVER OPENED or ACCEPTED, of Trespassing on "her property" of Piedmont Virgina Community College. My family and I later learned of the contents of the envelope over phone call conversations. So, as far as it is concerned, NO Trespassing Notice was EVER accepted. I mean, that is some "Thank You" for coming over personally to Apologize and Make Peace with my Gesture of Goodwill being the FRAMED Hand-Drawn Apology. That woman's Real-Life Mean-Spirited Attitude has made her out to be a Mean B****. *sigh* But I still forgive her for all that anyway.) He made a hilarious video asking for (having) fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman's) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL B**** MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1 in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous pron of her. (Yes, I did, within a set of Five adult-oriented sexual drawing I originally drew AS PROTEST AGAINST THE ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA PAGE. The act would later be portrayed similarly as Rosechu's Protest against "4-Cent Garbage".)

Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by "Security Guards" of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was handcuffed and kicked out by These Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl".

Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest, because he wants a daughter whom he will dubly call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). he made Renditions of her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pugic hair, mind you), (I used Thread that one can find in stores everywhere by the fabrics and crafts) and made a separate file in the game, Animal Crossing, and played as her.

The person we know the most about is Megan Schroeder (note the Jewish name, a sign that gold is involved),<;strike> who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as a "kind of q****", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia.

One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed here (Anna McLerran, after the writing of the blog entry, became a True Friend of mine, and she cares about my feelings as such. Anna, thank you for continuing to be my friend.)

Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" over 9,000 times. You could be next. Trolled IRL.

Trolling of Chris-Chan has crossed the OnLine border into InRealLife. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain.

    • The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when Anon took several photos of him. Nothing notable arose from this, other than mild lulz.
    • An old classmate of Chris, Joshua Martinez, did some epid trolling. We don't actually know very much about Joshua, just a few key facts. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), (Speech Therapy to be specific) recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Noe that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him, he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will f*** with him. the chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. (And yes, I still do not care much for Joshua because of his D***, Dirty Lies and Deception. And as I had stated in a past Video on My YouTube, "He is a Dirty Liar; I Do Not Care if the Trolls Troll Him," and I still stand by that statement.)
    • A girl IRL, (That would be Hannah, as portrayed in "Sonichu", No.2 and No.4, Sup-Episode 2, for what happened that one day.) possibly unrelated to ED or 4chan, tried to troll Chris-Chan for the lulz.
    • Through trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca Weiss. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a black man in a pickle costume and managed to score horrific nudes. (D*** that Dirty Son of a B****; I hope he lands in the fiery pits of hell after his death for his deception and extortion.) On October 7, 2008, Blanca managed to get the medallions and destroy them. (I dumped her sorry ass after that misdeed; I had trusted her.)


Chris Chan: Master of Race Relations (Or so the Trolls Claim in the Striked Statements. I am Not a Racist.)

As a basement dweller from Bumf***, Virginia, it's a huge surprise that CWC is VERY racist. On his blog, Chris denies his racism by stating he only dislikes Barack Obama for being an Arab terrorist, and: "It's the WHITE house; we don't endorse people painting it different colors around here." (I used to agree with my father on Obama in a negative sense, BUT then I watched BOTH A&E Documentarys on McCain and Obama. I saw a bit of myself in Obama, and my views on him changed completely; he used to be a social outcast for a bit at a couple of times, and having to deal with such trials like I did, I respect Obama. I Voted for Obama on Election Day of 2008. ) Chris also believes that 99% of the Earth is ruled by dictators. In several of his videos, he asked to meet non-boyfriended, non-black girls. (But I am very cool in acquainting and befriending women and men of all colors and countries; I did not mean to sound racist from what I was looking for in my Sweetheart.)

Upon discovering this article around the 10th of November, 2007, Chris suffered a sever case of b***hurt and decared war on every site mocking his f****try. As with everything in his life, Chris failed.

At first, Chris tried tampering with this article while logged in as Reldnahc, which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn't submitted anywhere else. (I had thought the Information Overload would somehow Take Down the page; I admit that I was mistaken.) Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan "shattered his heart", and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash, a s***ty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh.

To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters. (Again, This was the SAME PROTEST that I had stated earlier on this page.)

Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account, Chris-chan, (versus Chris_chan) and tried blanking the page several times.

CWC blames Encyclopedia Dramatica for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Just another lying attempt to make ED feel guilty about something.

In this video BALEETED, Chris congratulated all his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article.

Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED failed because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal August 14, 2008.


Cwcville

Cwcville (pronounced: quick-ville) is Chris Chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, it's full name could be the Our Glorious Leader's True and Honset Lovers' City of Cwcville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.

Cwcville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the Sonichu comic and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and f*** for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what nbecomes of them, but knowing Chris, it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.

In the Sonichu comic book world, the town is alledgly located in the state of Virginia, but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. (But the city and the mall Can Be Built and Dedicated.) Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic Mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.

Inside the comic, Cwcville is at a fierece rivaly with neighboring Evil School city of "Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens", PVCCitizens. Cwcville is under constant attack from the evil forces of Slaweel Ryam Dean Mary Lee Walsh and her army of Jerkops.


Cwcville Elections (What a load of bulls***)

(NOBODY ELSE WAS EVER MADE MAYOR OF CWCVILLE, and the ONE time I stated otherwise, I was LYING OUT MY A** WHEN I WAS BEING BLACKMAILED at the time.)

Around the same time these lulzy and exploitable events occurred, another unfunny gag started when some bright, intelligent (Who Do They think they're Kidding?) member of YouTube decided to make a video declaring Billy Mays the new mayor of Cwcville. The only problem with the joke was that Billy Mays is now about as funny as Chuck Norris or a Mudkip macro on 4chan. Thus, "Billy Mays for Mayor of Cwcville" became a meme with a s***load of videos trailing in its wake. If that weren't enough, the whole mock election expanded to other memes like Gordon the Pringles Giraffe and will soon spread to P***bear for President and Chris Hansen for Vice President. (GET IT? IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS CONFLICTING AND THEREFORE HUMOROUS, SOMEBODY F***ING DO THIS). (Like the f*** any of this make any sense at all; I HAVE NO CLUE AND I STILL DO NOT GET IT AT ALL.) Under the assumption that he'd be getting his PSN back, (here we go) Christian stated that Billy Mays was in fact, mayor of Cwcville. (I WAS LYING OUT MY F***ING A** WHEN I SAID THAT STATEMENT.) As always, Christian's reaction will only make things even worse, so be prepared for even more Billy Mays posters being plastered onto YouTube accounts.

June 28, 2009, just days after Michael Jackon died at age 50 of a heart attac, Billy Mays also died at age 50 of a heart attack. Despite being his 80s, Jimmy Hill is still alive so he has been hailed mayor of Cwcville (Like the f*** he would EVER) despite a rumoured attempted military coup by Chris.

After seeing a hilarious episode of Family Guy, where Chris Chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralf****try, he decided to share his hatred of the g*** with the Holy Bible. To do this, he quoted 18:22 of the book of Leviticus, which is the biblical equivalent of goatse, which reinforces how two men should never engage in b***sex lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be r**ed by the Devil and his minions for eternity (and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals).


Chris-Chan the Moralf**

Unbeknownst to Chris, prolific hater of all things not Christian, 89 percent of the users trolling Chris Chan are Muslims. In another blow to Chris's moral credibility, he also decided to pick up a book on how to to talk to women... written by a 9-year-old boy. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, party vans descending on Ruckersville are imminent. (Hey, I do not think the lad would take the trolls' commentary on his book lightly, and I don't care for it either. GENERAL CONVERSATION and Conversation Starters, as he was encouraging in his book, Are Neutral for People of ALL AGES.)


Sex Life (From what they have theorized)

His Sex Life (If you can call it that) includes, among other arousing phenomena, f***ing a female anime blow-up doll and screaming "JULAAAY!" at the top of his lungs. (ONE TIME I screamed that for the ex-gal-pal of mine who I LATER learned was a 13-year-old boy trolling me. That little S.O.B. later died at the hands of the "Starscream" Troll, Clyde Cash.)

Chris wrote to Nintendo Power in April of 2005 to discuss the DS game Sprung: A horrible dating simulator, and was overjoyed to discover that they published his email. According to him, it was like a "free personal", and he expects that it being published will somehow increase his chance of finding a woman.


Chris Chan on sticking things up b***hole.

In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that He Is Not Gay. I AM STRAIGHT. Despite these statements, Chris's sexuality remains questionable, as he owns a dildo and anal beads and rambles on sticking things in his a** while he masturbates. (Those two items were Free Gifts from Adam&Eve.com from purchasing woman-on-man videos and female blow-up dolls. I meant for WOMEN to put those things up their Vaginas; NEVER for men to put in their a**. UGH!!! I have never ever put anything up my a** while I masturbated.) In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high-functioning or otherwise. Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming f*****, trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves.

Chris appears to be stuck in a strange, child-like mentality where he fills guilty when discussing sex. Because of thies, he is forced to use different words, like "duck" "pickle" for dick, "hankey-panky" for sex, "boyfriend-free" for women who are single, among other things. He started buying sex toys and porno videos back in 2003, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically Megan and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex, (I stopped talking about it with her) Chris goes into full detail on how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography.

In recent audio recordings, we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality. Namely, he thinks that gender stereotypes, dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the audio recordings has him describing his ideal "first time", which in intricate, overly dramatic and mildly retarded.

(To correct most of this, A) I hate the gays' lifestyle; NOT THE PEOPLE. I am okay with being acquainted or friends with them, but no more than that. B) Yes, I do not care to date autistic or seriously mentally-challenged women, but because I feel if I went out with such a woman, I may be seeing a mirror reflecting on what I may have become if I was Low-Functioning. C) I have learned from MORE than just pornography; I have passed Sexual Education in High School, I have watched a lot of Romantic movies and shows, my friends have shared with me their input on relationships, I took Relationship Management courses, and currently the listed mentality is not only outdated, but I know those things are Optional. And letting the other know it may hurt ON THE FIRST TIME shows that I, the man, care and respect her, the woman, in a way.

I have learned a LOT more about sex and relationships than ANY God-D***ed Troll will EVER know, because while they ONLY think they know or even understand, they Really Do Not Understand At All; THEY ARE DUMBA**ES!)


Other

Chris Chan is also a fan of the loli, as evident by his Rule 34 of Dot Warner, Misty from Pokemon and Meg Griffin.

I go for Adult Women; I am not a pedofile.


--ChrisChanSonichu 03:18, 18 December 2009 (CET)

OP of ED article interview

The image that started it all.

We have with us Jason Kendrick Howell of Tennessee, the originator of the Chris-chan Encyclopedia Dramatica article. This Thanksgiving 2009, ED has twenty questions for the creator of one of the best known articles in ED's five year history. On November 3, 2007, JKH made the first edit as Howellgames. Chris-chan has since grown to have over 5,000 revisions, two wikis just for him, and is a favorite to win Pollfest as the ED audience's favorite article in our five year history.

Chris if you would like an interview, hop on irc://irc.encyclopediadramatica.ch/wiki and ask for Sheneequa.

ED: Please state your name and location for the camera. How far are you from Ruckersville?

JKH: I live in Clarksville, TN, which is about 600 miles away from Ruckersville (about nine hours or so.)

ED: How did you get involved with CWC [Christian Weston Chandler, or Chris-chan]?

JKH: Back in November of 2007, Chris-chan became a major attraction on 4chan due to his website and comic. Back then, we knew very little about his personal life outside of the stuff that is on his now deleted MySpace page and his old website. Over time, people started to dig up even more stuff on him, such as the blog of a mall worker who saw him pacing back and fourth watching stuff on his GBA. This had gone on for several days, so I decided to make an ED page on him in order to document most of the findings. I was involved in the earlier creation of the page, but I let other people work on it after a week or so.

A few months afterwords, I think like June or so, I found a comment on my talk page for ED from Chris asking me why I created the page on him and "dragged his name through the mud". I send him a rather sarcastic email back, and he made a YouTube video about it. It was one of the first times that anyone had gotten to him that badly from a troll point of view. I exchanged a few more emails with him, and he eventually stopped talking for a little bit and made one of his comics about me and my then girlfriend at the time, Kathleen. I did a stupid thing back then and gave him my phone number in the hopes that I might be able to screw with him over the phone, but he used that as a way to track me down and find my MySpace page, which lead to the comic. He sent me a email shortly afterwords saying that he put me into a comic, and that was the last I heard of him for awhile.

Afterwords, I sort of quit keeping up with Chris when ED helped him win that guitar hero contest, but I got dragged back when Clyde Cash pretended to be me when he "hacked" his website. That was when I got a angry phone call from him that lead to the "I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD!" quote.

ED: How did you find ED?

JKH: I had been going to ED in the past to look up some stuff on people out of boredom, mainly deviantART fuckers and such that have a lot of drama, all very good reading for a very bored person. I had previously gone to Uncyclopedia for awhile, but after that got old I found out about ED, I think from 4chan.

ED: Who started all this CWC stuff in the first place? On what site?

JKH: It sort of exploded at the same time on both SomethingAwful and 4chan, but I think he was first posted on /co/ on 4chan, and it eventually spread to /b/ and mainly /v/. I honestly could not tell you who started it, although I remember hearing about someone who discovered his website a few years earlier, but it did not catch on at the time.

ED: Did you ever contact or see Chris-chan?

JKH: The first time I ever contacted Chris-chan was when we first discovered about him, but he pretty much ignored me at the time. He later contacted me on ED when he found out that I was the one who made the page (He sent it back in April, I think, and I did not get it until June or so). I sent him the email he read in the YouTube video, and he sent me back a email with a "FUCK YOU" in it. Afterwords, he went all stalker on my ass and started to dig up info on me. I honestly thought he was planning on coming down and killing me at the time, since we did not know what he was like back then. He finally contacted me back in Fall of '08 or so when he got his website hacked, and left a nasty voicemail since he thought it was me at the time. The very last sort of contact I had with him recently was when I sent him a package with the first disc of MGS3:SE in it, but he was so paranoid of the mail that he sent it back.

ED: How did you get to learn about him originally?

JKH: Mainly through 4chan. I found out about him on a topic on the board, since that is all people talked about when we first discovered him and started to dig up stuff on him. We learned quite a bit about his past from the MySpace page he had at the time that talked about his failed Parappa the Rappa contest and Mary Lee Walsh.

ED: How do you feel about the whole CWC genre and the explosion of pages that grew out of your original seed?

JKH: It's sort of amazing, although I think it would have grown either way, with me or without me making the ED page. He has his own website, YouTube channel, forum dedicated to keeping a eye on him, two whole wikis dedicated to him (one for the trolls, and one for himself), fan webcomic, flash adaptions of his comics, and many people on YouTube ranting and raving about the guy. He is pretty much in the same area Ed Wood is in: So bad, he is good, although the only difference is Ed Wood had fans. Chris has none.

ED: How do you feel about the people that still actively troll him? Are you actively engaged in this world? Do you think it may have gone too far?

JKH: The problem with the people that actively troll him is they put so much effort into it with disappointing results. For example: Liquid set up the whole "Casey being his girlfriend" thing, only for it to be ruined by him getting the Sonichu copyright and acting like it was a big win for him. I keep tabs on him mainly, the latest thing I did was a series of YouTube videos on Vivian's YouTube page that talked about the past Sonichu stuff. As for going too far, I think there was a couple of things I did not agree on, one of which was bringing rocky (an aid at Chris's church) into the whole thing and blaming her, or trolling people that had nothing to do with anything.

I'm still quite pissed about the copyright thing, though. Just as bad as the guitar hero contest.

ED: Did you ever start or majorly contribute to any other articles on ED?

JKH: Eh, not really. I like reading ED, but not editing it. Then again, I hate editing any wiki unless I see a need for it.

ED: Do you have a Sonichu medallion of your own?

Jealousy

JKH: I wish....

ED: It's Thanksgiving today. Are you thankful for Christian Chandler?

JKH: You know, I wonder...is he eating Thanksgiving dinner in his messy house, or will he be a lazy fatass and go out to dinner? My money is on going out. As for asking if I am thankful for him, I do think he has made many lulz and given insight on what you should NOT be. He is like the biggest anti-person I have ever seen.

ED: Boxers or briefs?

JKH: Briefs

ED: Any thoughts on the current CWC article?

JKH: It has definitely grown quite a bit in the last two years or so. I still notice a few sentences I did back then, but it is very different. I do think it is a little behind cwcwiki on a few things, though, but that is to be expected. Compared to some of the other articles on ED, it has the most content on a single person, though, which is fucking amazing.

ED: You said you quit following Chris-chan when ED helped him win a Guitar Hero contest. Was this because you weren't a fan of us helping him or were you just burned out on all the CWC content?

JKH: A little of both. The logic ED had was that helping him win would possibly allow him to make it in the Guitar Hero game based on what the contest said, but make it a "win" for ED. Problem was, it basically gave him a $400 GameStop gift card (or was it $600? I forgot.).

ED: Why did you send him a Metal Gear Solid disc?

JKH: Mainly out of boredom. At the time, we were talking about how many games he plays a day, and how he might try a game, but never finish it past the first level. I thought that he might actually try MGS and talk about it if I sent it to him, since he has talked a little bit about stuff people have sent him in the past. I put tracking on it and put a game shop's address on it so it would not look like it was from me. It basically sat at the local post office in Ruckersville once it got there until it got sent back to the game shop in Kentucky. I even included a little letter and such...Ah well.

ED: Encyclopedia Dramatica is turning five on December 10th, and to celebrate we've been holding a pollfest to determine the audience's favorite article in our five year history. CWC is a heavy favorite. If he wins would you like a shirt to express our gratitude?

JKH: Fuck year! If I ever got anything like that, I would frame it. One of those life mementos.

ED: What was your favorite thing to come of this?

JKH: If I had to say, it would have to be the large amount of content people have created. The audiobooks, the commentary tracks, the flash cartoons (with many of them looking very decent), and just all the drawings people have made. Like I said earlier, its baffling that he has this much mockery behind him, which is pretty fucking awesome that the internet can ban together to make fun of a autistic idiot that is a leech on society in general.