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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A church, or orgy house, is a structure where Christians go to be pwnd by the priests fat baptized cock. Children receive special treatment as their faith is still small and unstretched. It is common knowledge that all churches are owned and run by Godzilla 2000 himself, John McCain. If you are a member, then every Sunday you will be forced to brb church (much to the lulz of those around you).
Proceedings in a church begin with a big Jesus loving orgy known by most Christians as Mess. Aptly named for all of the cum and faith it leaves behind in the church. If a christian should get tired of all the buttsecks, they are welcome to the alcohol and snacks provided by his in-your-holiness. Originally Mess was a reason for people to convert, however today Mess is only attended by old men, their sluts, and their loli. For this reason, only families with pedophile fathers or faggots brb church today. Should you see a family walking home from church on Sunday, it is common courtesy to ask them if they are butthurt from mess and if they are in need of assistance.
Prior to the civil war, Churches only existed in the south. However, due to Robert E. Lee getting pwnd, the rednecks decided to invade the north and built orgy houses everywhere in sight. Now the screams of old republicans can be heard all over the country on a Sunday, much to the disgust of the rest of the world. If another player claims to you that churches existed earlier in a place called Urup, they are NPCs and should be ignored.