Cigarskunk (real name Sean A. Foltz, age 41 as of 2013) is not your typical conservative furry, content to yiff away in anonymity while secretly dry-humping a copy of Mein Kampf in his mother's bedroom closet while sniffing her panties, cutting himself, and to put the icing on the cake, dressed in a skunk suit - he is unafraid to actively participate on conservative blogs under his furhandle, and to email the owner of a veteran's website in order to further an attempt at Swift-Boating Barack Hussein Osama in time for the general election.
After being approvingly quoted on the ironically-named "Sweetness & Light" wingnut blog, an enterprising commenter on Sadly, No! recognized his furhandle and brought his insanity to the light of the political blogosphere, who promptly lolled.
Like fellow confurrrrvatives Jay Naylor and RHJunior, Cigarskunk loves to spout off fallacy about how doctors kill more people than guns, how atheists kill more people than religious nuts (See, if you add up all the people killed by that liberal Hitler with all the people killed by that liberal Stalin and all the aborted fetuses in the world = PROFIT) and how blathering about cigars makes him some sort of cowboy. Cigarskunk totally knows what he’s talking about, because he has a totally fast-paced and rewarding job at a government welfare office, where he gets to complain about all the lazy niggers and spics. Being a furry, Cigarskunk’s rants are lapped up by the usual sycophants but he’s also got a special following among batshit insane Christian furs.
Internet tough guy loves skunks, hates niggers
Cigarskunk wrote his own WikiFur entry, where he took credit for single-handedly popularizing skunks in the furry community, as if convincing a gaggle of mouth-breathing social retards to spank it to a new kind of stinkrat is some sort of accomplishment. He did this by begging artists to draw skunk porn until they caved. Ironically, skunk-fucking is nothing new in the furry fandom, being recognized since the 1980s. He got pwned on fchan after saying that niggers are genetically inferior due to inbreeding. Channers retaliated by pointing out that Cigarskunk’s fetishistic love for Tiny Toons character Fifi La Fume indicated a love of kiddie diddling. Cigarskunk erupted into major fagsplosion, cried the tears of ultimate sadness, then proclaimed himself the winner and left the board forever. FOREVAR! (That was of course due to the lack of skunk buttsecks that day)
Cigarskunk loves cock
Because of his neo-con beliefs, Cigarskunk is unable to come to terms with his repressed, dick craving homosexuality, instead restricting himself to gooey fantasies about having a long, hard, brown cigar shaft in his mouth. Haha, we kid: Cigarskunk is, of course, completely secure in his heterosexuality as evidenced by the fact that he can’t type more than a sentence without pointing out how tough he is, how totally straight he is, how much he loves vagina, and how he gets massive amounts of poontang 24/7. You can tell that Cigarskunk is totally NOT trying to compensate for anything because he commissions reams and reams of personalized pornography showing his skunk character fucking anything that has a pussy and then demanding that they bake him a pie. Like every real man, Cigarskunk knows that the measure of man’s heterosexuality is his hatred for women, so every picture is chock full of deliciously jovial misogyny.
Unlike Dave Hopkins' strategy of "covering up sexual insecurities by marrying a creature so hideous even he looks good in comparison", Cigarskunk brings paid escorts to furrycons to convince fellow furfags that he’s a total pimp. Since his highest aspiration in life is showing up the bottom-of-the-barrel nerds that wear collars and neko cat-ears, it should come as no surprise that Cigarskunk’s real love-life is restricted to fumbled attempted e-rapes on furry forums. Scroll down here for this particularly spectacular abortion, where his horrific efforts to seduce shemale Lilifox via oh-so-sexy action asterisks amount to epic fail.
Here is a list of FurAffinity journals showing that Cigarskunk is a brilliant intellectual who's opinion is always supported by solid arguments from serious studies and trustworthy stats so he can mesmerize his fellow brainless furfags (geez, all thoze numbrz are blinkin win), cuz he did mathz at the speshul shkool yeah :
- Walking cause more pollution then driving (Notice the poor grammar.)
- More guns equals less murders (Oh yeah it's SO obvious!)
- Doctors kill more people than guns (We are hoping that he gets lung cancer so he'll have to meet a doctor to save his worthless existence.)
- Obama's birth certificate His point made short : Yaeh dudz, Obama's BC is just sum falsified bullshit, cuz we all know he was born in Africa liek every nigga, and becuz his true BC would be dirty and yellowish due to the fact that it must have been traveling Amazonia in Obama's poophole for at least 40 years, so that minty fresh paper has necessarily been forged a few days ago so we may have a Muslim terrorist for president. Fukken brown peoples takken our wimmens. Naturally this lacks the countless links and copypasta of the original.
- Community Service is Slavery oh lordy da black man has won us whiteys is goin into the salt mines
Also, if you post a long (admittedly, tl;dr) argument showing him how his "God" is a figment of his imagination, or a much more twisted person than he would like to believe, he will retort with a two-word response and then block you so you can't spout more of your lies. The main reason for such short responses (according to our scientist) is because he often has a massive cock up his ass that reaches up into his spine paralyzing his hands.
CS cannot be bothered with facts that he doesn't invent. Also note his belief that Hitler, a far-right Catholic, was a "godless lefty", and his confusing a trillion with a billion.
How to cigarskunk
Yes, now you too can shamelessly imitate everyone's favourite internet confurvative. Here's whatcha gotta do:
- Look. Radically alter your appearance so you not only look like a sex offender, but sound and smell like one too (I suggest using a hammer).
- Smoke. No, not ganja, despite what his name suggests. Smoke so much that the nicotine clogs up your brain and you start to actually believe furry + Nazism + idiocy = win.
- Advertise. Go around with a picture of a skunk doing an underage skunk on your back.
- Internet. Act like you can actually get girls and do not smell. Post about your hatred of the brown persons, the homo-queer-uals, and the LIEberals at every point possible, pausing only to wank off and adjust the dildo up your ass.
- Bawwwww. As you realize that, having followed these instructions, you will die alone with a cigar butt smoldering up your arsehole.
The real thing
The reason behind Cigarskunk's huge gallery of commissioned art is that
- Just like every other furfag, he can't draw shit.
- He is actually so ugly no one wants him, not even fags, but since Cigarskunk's straight, he won't let another fag fuck/suck him.
- He spends all his free time on FA writing over 9000 words a day about how stupid democrats are or why smoking cigars makes him so very Americanly manly.
- And again because he often has a massive cock up his ass (you're such a great ass-digger Herbie!) that reaches up into his spine paralyzing his hands.
Ciggie returns 2012 in human form
It appears our favorite furry has resurfaced after the flames finally died down...or so he thought. According to his Facebook page, CS works at "none of your business" (which means he may have finally been fired from his job for purposely losing the paperwork of his colored welfare applicants) and is now married to a Kit Wickliff. A strange name that sounds more like Kitten and Yiff if ya ask me! And what do ya know, she's a member of a few of the more prominent FB furry groups too.
Turns out, Skunk's marriage is only a "Facebook marriage" since Kit lives on the other side of the US in Seattle. This was the ending result after Herb "Facebook divorced" him for leaving too many cigar burns on his mother's favorite carpet during intimate games of Twister.
Good ol' Ciggie has also popped up on Advanced Background Checks' directory. Our hero's current and former address in PA are listed, as well as his phone number. Why not give him a call? I'm sure he misses hearing from all of his fans and political opponents.
- IRL Facebook (human, nonfur form)
- Furaffinity account (set to private/registered users only)
- A horrendously complete page-by-page scan of the first issue of his self-published Skunk Aficionado fanzine - Side note: The entire XXX skunk porn series lasted a whopping 3 issues before being discontinued due to lack of funding
(deleted) LiveJournal Sean A. Foltz - WikiFur, the furry encyclopedia (self-written)(deleted at her request) Cigarskunk - DRAMAWIKI(deleted) Yahoo! groups Autofellatio (lol deleted... see here for proof this is real)(lol proof is deleted too) Crush...Yiff...Destroy! View topic - Ladies and Gentlemen, OneChan.(dead link) Crush...Yiff...Destroy! View topic - More Cards(dead link) Crush...Yiff...Destroy! View topic - Ladies and Gentlemen, OneChan.(dead link) Community Forums - Expatica (Powered by Invision Power Board) Forum drama(dead link)
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