Code Geass

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The ending scene.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion is a yaoi mecha animu noted for its clever and original plot. It became the the cancer of /a/ for the whole summer of 2008.

The show was created when Pizza Hut, thinking they could get a bigger piece of the Japanese global market, began writing and producing what would eventually become a new anime that would include innovative and brand-new elements never seen before in the genre: giant robots, large-scale military invasions, heaps upon heaps of still-attractive bishie corpses and more tits than a Playboy shoot. These were all included in an effort to attract a wider audience. The show was largely subsidized by Japan, so the show also features a staggering amount of the bullshit post-war propaganda that Japan has so desperately tried to feed the world.

The result, against all odds, was not an altogether bad show, but then again one can only speak purely in terms of comparison.

The Show

The anime takes place in an alternative-history world where Japan has gotten pwned by the Holy Empire of Britannia thanks to the latter's giant rollerskate-wearing robots, which are clearly more effective than tanks and other conventional weapons—an absurdity, as we see later on that rocket-launchers can fuck them up.

The coat of arms of the Holy Britannian Empire consist of a Serpent and a JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!

Despite having killer-cool mecha (and lots of female military officers with e-size tits), Britannia is still just a bunch of British Francophone Nazis, who want to take over the world and do what Hitler would have done had he not put bullets in his head.

And because the Japanese love them some historical revisionism almost as much as increasingly bizarre sex practices, they have taken great pains to ensure that no one notices that Britannia is doing everything the Japanese did to the Chinese during World War II.

First Season

Lelouch Lamperouge is the repulsively unlikable main character—a pretentious bitch who lives his life in the lap of luxury, surrounded by beautiful women whom he has absolutely no attraction to. This self-indulgent lifestyle apparently is not enough for the spoiled aristocratic cunt, so for the sake of the plot (and nothing else) he one day wakes up with a terrible case of butthurt over the way the Japanese people are being treated.

He enthusiastically joins up with the local Japanese revolutionaries, but because he didn't have an invitation he had to convince them that he was worthy. Reluctant to admit his sexual preferences, Lulu (his nickname—as if you didn't think he was gay already) was suddenly accosted by a green-haired bitch everybody thought to be dead—in doing so, he promptly receives unique paranormal superpowers called "Geass" (moar liek "Gayass", amirite?).

Things get needlessly complicated when it turns he's the son of the Emperor of Britannia himself, but because Lelouch is so noble and true to his word, he sallies forth to perform heroic acts for great justice against his father's evil political state. He does so with the pretentious insistence that he, a strategic genius, can never be defeated, despite getting his ass handed to him about every other episode.

Yeah, Euphie! Go on with ya bad self!

His fiancé is Suzaku Kururugi, a green-eyed, brown-haired Azn (because clearly Azns always have green eyes and brown hair) who has decided to join the Britannians because he firmly believes in his childhood ideals. Although the two are engaged to be married, they only fight when they're inside their Mechs because they don't know they're actually not enemies... kinda like another anime you may have seen.

Lelouch declares himself the defender of justice, calling himself "Zero," a name and number which the Japanese seem to have a weird fetish for. After creating the Black Knights as a kind of pathetic vigilante group, he starts to fight back against his own nation.

During the course of the show (and again, for no particular reason), Lulu finds his awesomely hot sister Euphemia, who professes a pressing need for white and fluffy storyline development. Lulu objects, but after being offered to get into her sister's panties (no, srsly, there's that one episode where he says his sis was his first love) he readily reconsiders.

The two of them gather a whole lot of people in a closed stadium surrounded by armed military men—always an auspicious start for creating a "white and fluffy world." While there, Euphemia asks Lulu to go to a dark backroom, where he accidentally her, causing the bitch to spontaneously go where Harry Truman pussed out and give some Japs the smackdown they so richly deserve. She grabs herself a gun and starts to party down like a pro.

Lulu, in order to hide the fact that he made such a colossal error, kills her, causing yet another needless character death (there are several in this anime and it's not even done by Gainax). Watch the JewTube clip to catch all the filthy action:

He then proceeds to go on an epic rampage against the Britannians and doesn't afraid of anything. He raises a huge fucking army, and almost takes over Japan, before his army of inept morons goes down in spectacular failure and start to lose the second Lelouch leaves to go save his useless, whiny, blind, cripple loli sis. Lelouch's army apparently forgot there's a reason why Britannia controls 2/3rds of the world.

When he arrives to the place he thought he'd find his worthless cunt of a sister, a challenger appears to start the decisive battle...and the WHOLE MOTHER FUCKING SEASON ENDS RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Second Season (R2)

The story should have ended there, but no... just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, it always does.

You see, one day, some executives from Sunrise (the morons that made this confused mess of an animu) decided to communally smoke some expensive weed to get inspiration for new ideas. This proved to be a terrible mistake, as they all agreed in their collectively impaired judgment to make a second season for Code Geass.

This happens quite a lot: a good anime will go horrifyingly down the shitter when an addition is made to the original story. And because the Japanese never learn from their mistakes, a second season had to be made for Code Geass as well so that it, too, could be epically ruined.

Lelouch finally puts those powers of his to good use.

It was already clear for the viewers that this continuation would be a bigass trainwreck from the get-go when a new lead character, Rolo, was introduced. It didn't take a genius to figure that this whiny faggot would prove to be the improbable animu version of Scrappy-Doo—a younger, stupider, uglier, infinitely more annoying version of the main character.

Things could only get worse from there: the continuity of the entire fucking show was totally ignored, so that the first seven episodes were made by following the same damn scenario as the first season, leaving the viewers to wonder whether this new incarnation of Code Geass will be a similar disappointment as Higurashi, a.k.a Nipah~, where the timeline is reset practically every episode.

And so, after re-experiencing the whole plot, the viewer is treated to what amounts to a gigantic animated clusterfuck: Lelouch finds himself owning the entire world having made a pretty fair trade-in of China against Japan. He is now surrounded by an entirely new cast (of course), including a Chinese princess and her pedo knight, a fake brother that Lelouch intends to use and dump later, as well hundreds of other nations leaders that he infected with Geass so that they would join him. So he finds himself being the new leader of half of the world, and goes on to kick his father's ass who owns the other half.

The plot jumps to Rolo taking Lelouch to the Wonderland of Joy, and dying from the divine punishment of using the Za Warudo move that was way too cool for a faggot like him. Lelouch suddenly (once again, for no particular reason) finds his sense of purpose in life...and then levels up his Geass to level 50 to battle against a floating Jupiter-like thing on the ceiling that came from a hidden dimension in his basement. By this point, no one who watched the show knew what the fuck was going on.

Lelouch finally makes good on his engagement to Suzaku and happily marries him... but then finds himself in a world turned upside down face, so now in control of the bad guy's side half of the world, fighting against the good guys.

Ironically despite making absolutely NO FUCKING SENSE, this is the best the show ever gets, Lelouch stops being a whiney bitch and just acts like a total dick.

This is eventually ruined by the ending of course.

Happy Ending!!!!!!!!!!111111!!!!111111!!!!1111111111!!!

TOW makes sure you always find what you're looking for.

Hey, It Happens All the Time

Apparently the people that made Code Geass thought it a bright idea to make every episode end the same way in order to make the show popular. Despite what many with common sense would readily figure out, all the loyal fans still took the bait.

At the end of each episode, one or more of these totally unpredicted happenings occur:

Opening Themes

Like many animu, Code Geass features way too many opening sequences and songs to go with them. Here's a rundown:

  • Flow - COLOURS

huge, booming, epic anthem that impresses nobody because it clearly tries way too fucking hard JIBUN WOOOOOOOOO~

  • Jinn - "Kaidoku Funou"

A Japanese girl shrieking into a microphone in a failed effort to "sing", ending up sounding more like the audio to some weird porno with a Japanese girl shrieking into a microphone while scraping her vagina with sandpaper over a guitar track being played by some hobo they found on a street corner.

  • Access - "Hitomi no Tsubasa"

Mind-melting, ultra-hyper explosion of glittery, super-saccharine J-Techno from the people that brought you the soundtrack to Gravitation. Listening to it will make the world seem sparkly and wonderful.

  • Orange Range - "02"

The same guys who did the first Bleach opening bring you a semi-crappy J-rock/rap that leaves you dissatisfied. I continue to fight!!!

  • Flow - "World End"

The dudes from OP 1 are back with an even MOAR overly-epic theme song. This one is on every weeaboo fangirl's MP3 player.

When These Powers Combine: The fan-made OP below combines the best parts of the OPs to make a truly EPIC video. (Sry for being srs.)

Those Damn Robots

If you'd like to know more about the sexy mecha featured in Code Geass, take a look here. Yes, it's text. Shut up and click.

Characters

  • Lelouch: Main character of the series. Watched V For Vendetta one too many times and decided to go for it because, well, he has superpowers, after all. Nicknamed "Lulu". No, really. Also has a strange tendency to mercilessly kill people around him for no apparent reason, perhaps because of their knowledge of his true sexuality and the fact that his name sounds very much like "the douche." He was recently caught homosexually making out with his "theoretical enemy" Suzaku Kururugi. (Milly Ashford recently informed the media about this information.) He is also known as Zero, a super hero/villain/twig/kitteh that wins his battles by weird hand gestures.
Even Suzaku can be awesome sometimes.
How Lelouch imagines it, using the same irritating chess metaphor every episode.
Kallen's biggest fantasy.
Euphie.gif
  • Princess Euphemia: She's a homicidal freak continuously pretending to be in love with Suzaku when she actually wishes to be a porn star at playboy. Eventually she has kills many because she didn't get the lead for playboy. Shortly afterwards, Euphemia (aka Euphie) gets killed by her brother because she flirted with Suzaku. ((yay for her death!))
  • Marianne: Lelouch's mother and one of Emperor Charles' concubines. She's dead still alive dead, and is was a whore for her entire life.
  • Jeremiah Gottwald: A member of the Brittanian army gone batshit crazy cyborg. Goes fucking insane at the end of season one, then goes to Lelouch's side in the name of LOYALTY!!!. Also pilots a gigantic fucking orange. Also known to cancel Lelouch's gayass power.
  • Li Xingke: The Chinese guy that appears in the second season. He's a combination of both Lelouch and Suzaku, except he's less gay and less retarded, which seems to contradict the entire show. He's also an active pedo.
  • Gino: A fugly homicidal rapist who is sexually attracted to Lelouch until one day Suzaku buries him alive. He serves no point to the story other than to try to seduce Kallen, but his moves fail on her, because he is clearly a dirty Mexican Jew.
  • Anya: Emotionless Rei Clone that starts appearing in the Second Season, completely boring with no personality, yet so many people like her. In reality she is Lelouch's Mom, which further begs the Question "How?". Bandai wanted her to be the New Rei and get lots of merchandise made of her, but they failed because they are Bandai.

There's also like a hundred other characters in this show that nobody cares about or remembers.

FAQ For Fags

Oh sure, yeah, I'd be crying too if I had all that ridiculous power.

Because Code Geass just might be the most confused thing you've yet seen on your television next to the six-hundred million or so filler episodes of Naruto, here's a quick rundown of the questions that will inevitably arise:

Just What the Hell Is This "Geass" Crap, Anyway?

Geass, also pronounced as "gay-ass", is a sexually transmitted disease that modifies your DNA and gives you amazing powers. This skill can be leveled up, and by reaching the level 99 you can gain access to God Mode.

Lelouch's "Geass" ability is to make anyone do whatever he wants, no matter how absurd or immoral. Regrettably, what he really should have used it for never appears in the series, but then again, that's what Yaoi fanfiction is for, amirite?

Pro Tip: "Geass" is a variation of an ancient Celtic word that means "contract" or "curse".

Wait, Haven't I Seen This Shit Before?

Why yes, yes you have.

After watching a few episodes, you'll get a strange feeling of déjà vu. You see, this plot was originally played out on Death Note.

The main difference between Code Geass and Death Note is that the latter is about creepy emo kids, while the former is about significantly-less-creepy-and-emo terrorist and Fascist kids—although both contain the seemingly mandatory overload of delicious Japanese homolust.

Both contain and equal amount of tiresomely ambiguous homosexual situations, as if Shounen Jump needed any more faggotry.

You Mean They Made A Manga Too?

Well, duh.

Someone had the bright idea to add some mango to this ghastly train-wreck of an animu—in fact, to add several mangos that all have various degrees of failure to account for.

The best known of these gems of literature is Nightmare of Nunnally, where Lelouch's helpless, worthless, whiny, stupid, and just plain annoying sister Nunnally suddenly gets amazing superpowers. She can summon a stylish mecha that looks totally nothing like something from Neon Genesis Evangelion, has the ability to see into the future and, most importantly, she can create a doppelgänger to finally satisfy her natural needs—as she's a cripple and can't reach it otherwise.

However, the actual manga has remained hidden for a very long time, and only recently has a link to it been discovered. Click here to discover the true meaning of TL;DR.

Code Geass Videos (Shameless fan-service included.)

Rating

Sweet delicious yaoi, yes sir.
  • Characters: 2/10 Suck
  • Story: 3/10 Partially because of R2 but mainly because it sucks
  • Action: 9/10. It's about taking over teh world and giant robots, after all.
  • Lulz: 4/10. The parts where it tries to be funny, fails. There are exceptions: the moment when a chink named Mao tries to chainsaw C.C. and stuff her into a bag, and when the Britfags decide to burn down the Jap ghetto and shoot all the motherfuckers for teh lulz.
  • Faggotry: 20/10. Out of all animu you'd ever watch, this one doesn't even need to be shooped to look gay, screenshots alone are enough. The way main characters look and dress (and jump) are shockingly homosexual, especially the combined efforts of Lelouch and Suzaku. Gayness is outright implied in more than a few parts: when Rolo approaches Lulu saying, "I will be always with you" and, and practically every other conversation between Lelouch and Suzaku. Just look for "OH GEASS NO" on YouTube.
  • Furry Fandom: 4/10. They dress up in animal costumes for some reason in one episode, and the pink-haired cumwhore dresses as a giant green beaver in another.
  • Product Placement: 30/10. Just for the Hell of it, try taking a shot every time you see a Pizza Hut logo. Be warned: you may die of alcohol poisoning.

Image Gallery Vi Brittania

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See also

External links

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