Colonel Klink

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A real caring colonel.

Colonel Klink is the flamboyant, dim-witted runner of a POW concentration camp on the hit TV show Hogan's Heroes. Originally supposed to be mean and moronic, the show's producers thought it would be best to make him dumb and moronic, the perfect combination for any character on any show at any time. Of course, little is known about our dear colonel, but he can be spotted lurking in and around /b/ on the various *chan boards offering sound advice, asking questions, or just acting normal. Be warned, though. Klink is actively hated by Nazifags because he makes them look like idiots. For shame.

   
 
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISMISS'D
 

 
 

—Klinkspeak

History

Klink is very savvy when it comes to memes.

The guy who played Colonel Klink is not a colonel. I was shocked too. He's actually Werner Klemperer, a Jew who ran from the Hitler and his league of jawsome stormtroopers in 1935. Klemperer didn't play a Nazi then, but he did play a violin, which made him that much sexier when it came to wooing the Americunt chicks. After all, unlike his famous parents, Klemp couldn't sing, and couldn't conduct an orchestra, so he settled on the latter. Soon, however, the tides would turn once again, and our fearless hero would find himself playing a Nazi in some postwar film.

Surpise Buttsecks!

As if one slap in the face wasn't enough, Klemperer decided to accept the role of Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes, an unfunny show about POW's and how they are slowly killed by the vicious experiments from the colonel and his henchmen. Actually, it was the opposite, and Klemperer agreed as long as Klink would never win anything. Needless to say, a star was born, and the show debuted in 1965, much to the horror of the Amerifag audience. Actually, everyone except for Germanfags liked the show (although even they were won over by the time the mid-80's rolled around), which featured a savvy POW Colonel Hogan who actually had a secret life full of faggotry and fetish, a fat SS Guard named Sergeant Schultz who was actually a raging alcoholic, a nigra named Kinch who was actually a nigra, a britfag named Newkirk who actually became an hero after succumbing to accepting a game show host role, and a midget named LeBeau who was actually a midget on a soap opera. The uncanny cast ran for six seasons, of which Klink is repeatedly mind fucked over and over again by the non-Nazis and at the same time raped by his German counterparts. Hilarity ensued in each episode, as Klink would basically act as the reoccurring moron who would even take the advice of his hated enemies. Wheeeee.

Klemperer went into opera after the show ended in 1975 and married a nigra. With Hogan now killed by a former Nazi lover, Klemp thought it would be best to lay low. He was pwn't by cancer in the 1990's and his ashes were scattered at sea. Needless to say, the sweet colonel was thoroughly DIIIIISMISS'D.

Klink and /b/

The ill-fated Advice Klink.
Klink is most definitely not gay.

The halls of /b/ can occasionally be filled with the random image of the Colonel. Usually, he's pictured answering a game show question or doing a random act or two, but he has been known to take cameo roles. Below is just a few of those said roles:

  • He lent his monocle to the black person starring in the Gentlemenly Monday threads.
  • He cut the head off advice dog and kept it on life support long enough to remain a meme.
  • He starred in The Simpsons. Well, sort of.
  • He keeps Milhouse from being a meme.
  • He thinks all furries are fucking gay and often is portrayed with a ":/" face next to furporn.
  • He tells niggers to bite the curb.
  • He often appears in normal threads, because Klink is not gay
  • He will lend Batman a hand from time to time (see video, fgt).
  • He rarely stars in his own thread because he feels /b/ is some sort of Gestapo plot.
  • He will tell people to sit down, go away, or simply raise a hand, thus signaling that person is henceforth dismissed.
  • He doesn't see a difference between consented sex and rape.
  • If you look closely, Klink will sometimes appear in various cat threads, because he can.

Clearly, there has been a definite hype for a long, long time.

Klink Quotes

Below are just a few of the beloved colonel's most famous quotes:

  • DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISMISS'D
  • Bite the curb, nigger.
  • Feels good man.
  • Shit on your face you have fucking bad donkey breath, monkey tit.
  • IN SOVIET RUSSIA, war goes to you!
  • Hoooogaa-a-a-an.
  • I do not, nor have I ever wanted to, own a goddamn chicken restaurant.
  • ????
  • PROFIT
  • I am not gay.

Videos

Most Klink animation will be found on YTMND, which is an acronym that basically means "full of fail." Nevertheless, on that site, there are a few good ones. Slim pickings on JewTube though.


Klink speaking to Batman. Hilarity ensues.

Gallery

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links

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