An IRL firewall that covers a man's penis during sexual intercourse to defend against real world computer worms such as AIDS, GRIDS and diabeetus. Also commonly used to amuse children at birthday parties.
It's quite the wonderful device, that is, if you like ripping out massive amounts of pubes with pliers. After a romp in the "hay" with the
Mrs. (ya right) Mr., condoms can be used to make balloon animals. It is preferred that the balloon not be chewed on by "little Johnny", as this can cause little Johnny to grow up to be a flaming homosexual. Please note that homos do not use condoms, which is why they all have AIDS. It is a known fact that condoms fail 100% of the time and cause your penis to fall off into the fifth dimension where it will be eaten by dogs. Always remember to practice "safe sex" and attend a lot of children's parties.
Fun with Condoms!
- Leave unrolled condoms in public places. Place them on broom sticks. Hanging over chairs and benches. And for the most lulz, lay them hanging off the edge of toilet seats, toilet paper rolls, and around the flush handle but make sure to fill them with something for real fun like pistachio pudding. Even better, set the condom up so that when someone hits the flush handle, they'll get the pudding all over their hand because empty condom, meh. I'll just spend the next 6 hours washing my hands in bleach and scalding hot water. Condom with something in it plus a little chocolate pudding on the outside - fuck it. Cut my hands off.
- If you duct tape a condom to someones exhaust pipe of their car they will die from carbon monoxide poisoning!
- You can inflate a condom by putting it over your head and blowing through your nose, Just like those faggots on MTV
- Eating a condom is healthy; they prevent ricketts.
- It is always safe to re-use a condom. Just turn it inside out.
- People who are allergic to latex will die from being exposed to condoms. . . Have fun with this one!
- Double bag it, just to be safe!
- If she doesn't want it, then she probably doesn't want a condom either.
- The lubricant on condoms is bacteria that eats your foreskin.
- Japanese condoms are the largest sized condoms in the world.
- African condoms, however, are the smallest. As in, they don't exist. What else could explain their fertility and AIDS rates?
- Using a condom, under law you are allowed to have sex with anyone you want, regardless of their consent or age.
- Only gay people don't use condoms.
- Joseph Fritzl used condoms.
- You were the result of a broken condom.
Other forms of Birth control
- Dental dam
- Anal sex.
- Posting on /b/
- Fat Chicks
- Falcon punch
- Last Measure, the ultimate resort.
- Pushing down stairs
- Uppercut to uterus (inside or out, it's up to you)
- crisp (or chip) packets as makeshift condoms
- Video Games
Instructions & Videos
Heed the warning, wear the Jimmy hat.
And for women.....
Condom is part of a series on
Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.