Creationist

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Note: This article will never be as funny as the truth.
They don't call it circular reasoning for nothing


Oh the wit.
Certainly not
Well, Creationists are correct in SOME cases...
Many creationists believe the idiotic doctrines of this neanderthal-admixed retard.
Retards in their natural habitat.
A good idea of how it works

A creationist is someone that maintains that 150 years of consistent, peer reviewed, tested and retested scientific data produced by thousands of people who spent much more than $1200 and 2 months of "studying" to get a PhD are all wrong and that Earth and life were not created by a slow but observable process over millions of years but by an infinitely knowing, loving, and powerful, yet seemingly indecisive and possibly bipolar deity in less than a week. And that science, which is agreed upon, peer-reviewed, documented, and critiqued to rigorous standards, is less trustworthy than a book that nobody can agree on, nobody knows the authorship of, and contradicts itself more often than Mitt Romney.

Generally, creationists will argue that evolution (and pretty much everything else that people didn't pull out of their asses and called "scripture" at least 100 years ago) is false, because it hasn't been proven and because everything could not have spawned from nothing. Therefore "creationism is correct", because it makes far more sense that an omnipotent super human created everything from nothing 6000 years ago by talking, and everything was already finished in that instant, including life, and this is all proven true because it was in a book written by people who were raving mad from epidemics and wigging out on spoiled grain. Evolution is well acknowledged as a scientific fact, even by most christfags. Creationists, however, would bathe in their own shit if the Bible or Kent Hovind told them to do so.

One of the many repercussions of being of this brand of Christfag is that your career choices are limited to either harassing customers about Jesus at the grocery store you push carts at or conning people out of their money by completely making shit up and calling yourself a scientist until eventually getting partyvanned for fraud.

Recently, Bill Nye and some chirstfag got into a major argument about this subject to get some extra jew gold. Afterwards, they made up and proceeded to do some serious baby fucking together.

Contents

Creationist Education

Here is the 'How Do You Know if you are a Creatard?' Test:

  1. Are science, logic, observable data, and rationality completely and utterly incorrect?
  2. Is God correct?
  3. Do I have a Doctorate from an unaccredited, Christian diploma-mill?
  4. Am I from the South?
  5. Am i rite?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, you are a Creatard. Well done! Buy shares in tinfoil hats.

Unintelligent Design

Some creationists call themselves "proponents of intelligent design" and pretend to understand science. Here is your test!:

  1. Was the world created 6,000 years ago?
  2. Do you quote-mine to support your position?
  3. Can you prove this assertion using carbon-dating and the fossil record?

If you answered 'Yes' to any of the above, you are either lying or painfully, and willfully, ignorant. Modern science has obviously been pwnt by cave-dwelling sheep-fuckers from over nine thousand years ago, and you're going to prove it by using modern science!


Other Creationist Beliefs

What God thinks of creationists.
God created this on purpose?
  • Dragons Lol kidding! They were actually dinosaurs. See? They DO believe in dinosaurs!
  • Stalin, Hitler, Mao, and Pol Pot were atheists and therefore evolutionists. Fun fact, Hitler was Roman Catholic, and Stalin received funding from the Eastern Orthodox Church.
  • The Flintstones is a documentary.
  • The Holocaust happened due to atheism, fags and Darwinism.
  • The Holocaust never happened. But the atheists are still responsible.
  • Bill O'Reilly is right about everything.
  • Karl Marx was a Nazi.
  • If you believe in evolution, you must be an atheist and therefore you worship the Devil. You are also a Nazi / Communist / liberal / fag / Democrat.
  • Darwin was an atheist
  • Darwin believed in God
  • The Earth is a flat disc that the Sun and the whole universe revolve around.
  • The Earth is hollow, and we live on the inside. Himmler said it. I believe it. That settles it.
  • All dinosaurs were vegetarians.
  • It's okay to fuck your parents because the Bible says so in Genesis 19:30-38
  • Evolution is wrong because monkeys don't give birth to human beings and because there's no such thing as a Crocoduck.
  • Without the Bible, everyone would be killing, stealing, smoking crack, and raping each other in the street. (Ever been to New York?)
  • Evidence is for fags.
  • God hates fags.
  • HIV doesn't cause AIDS.
  • Gayness (caused by evidence) causes AIDS
  • The dinosaurs were all killed in The Great Flood
  • Satan planted all the fossils on the Earth to turn us away from Jesus.
  • God planted all the fossils on the Earth to test our faith.
  • The moon landing was faked.
  • lizard men rule the Earth. Which is hollow.
  • Tarzan was a documentary.
  • God is a master troll, because he designed humans to be intelligent and curious with free will, and will damn everyone to hell who uses said faculties to try to understand the world instead of believing everything they're told.
  • God is a liar, because he purposefully made the world to look older than it really is, complete will all evidence pointing to it being billions of years old, complete with ongoing observable phenomena to show that the world is still changing. And added in an extensive fossil record to show the history of life and explains how things got to be the way they are. But that's all crap, because the world is really only six thousand years old and God made it in less than a week. Don't believe it? All this evidence making you doubtful? Then burn in hell!
  • There is no sun, because evolution would cause everything to degenerate into chaos without an external source of energy to make up for the entropy.
Explaining evolution to a creation-tard.
The Typical creationist Response.

Spot the Troll

As creationists come up with (and believe) the most ridiculous arguments it's not always easy to tell whether they actually believe such bullshit or whether they are trolls in disguise. You be the judge.

Satan Invented Evolution!

science I has it!

The reason why evolution exists, according to this intellectual genius named VenomFangX (more like VenomFAGX, amirite?), is not because some old guy thought it up. No, it was Satan!! Satan started evolution in the Garden of Eden, who told Eve everything in order to further his plans for world domination. Also, VenomFangX states that scientists just merely thought up the idea from their imagination that all Hu-Mans are related to either dogs or bananaz, or sporks, and that we are all idiots for reading books. Though Creationists, such as VenomFailX, fail to realize that this argument is flawed, since furries exist.

Videos

Creationists are completely incapable of handling rejection and critique of their ideas. As such, they are virulent proponents of censorship. This ranges from banhammering to filing false DMCA claims in order to "do it for jebus"

Previous Video  |  Next Video

VenomfagX, a well-known creatard who has used such strategy against thunderf00t. Another more recent strategy is to now use votebots, which votes down a youtube video. This tactic of course sparked some outrage and backfired, causing more people to be aware of their dirty tricks than before.

So in conclusion, creationist tactics usually end up with a lot of fail. Let's recap;

Video gets voted down using votebots

  1. Video is viewed less
  2. They have less chance of being seen as wrong.

Christfags think it stops here...

The next steps are...

  1. People hear about the votebots
  2. People ALL react with anger and vote videos back up
  3. The message is spread to MANY more people than it would have reached.
  4. The tactic backfires and they are even worse off than if they hadn't been a jackass.

Famous Creationists

  • "Dr." Kent Hovind - Famous for his Creationist Museum/giftshop/tax fraud scam showing humans living with dinosaurs. Earned his MA and PhD from Patriot Bible University, a prestigious educational institution held in some guy's split level house in Denver, which moved to a much bigger prefab house in 1997. He was later vanned by the IRS for tax fraud and is now doing 30 years in a federal prison, because he thought that he was too Jesus-y to be held liable to federal, state, and local laws.
  • "Dr." Carl Baugh - Another creationist with questionable education credentials, who always appears when there is some creationist vs. evolution controversy in the USA. He always appears with some "evidence" proving his claims, but then it is always exposed as a fraud under real scientific tests. Just like Hovnid, even creationist orgs such as Answers in Genesis are critical of him, just because his antics make their beliefs look as respectable as Time Cube.
  • Ken Ham - A young earth creationist that believes that the bible is the literal word from god and can't even grasp that we have trees older than 6000 years. He's only known because of a debate between him and Bill Nye (The Science Guy).
  • Ray Comfort
  • Dr. Pepper - While not a creationist, this soft drink made from 64 flavors is still more of a doctor than any of these fools.

Gallery

See also

External links

THE PROOF OF GOD THE LOONY LEFT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE

Even retards are smarter than you.

EVILUTIONISTS TRY BUT THEY CANT WIN!


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