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Cuntrag. Shitbag. Whore. Cocksucker. These are just a few words that describe the Sonic the Hedgehog-fucking furfag/DeviantARTist known as Crystal-For-Ever. Most widely known for her character Natasha the Cocksucking Cumdumpster, she stands as one of the many infamous DeviantART attention whores along with Snapesnogger, RougeFury, Spaction3, Princessangel83, and Amberdrake.
- 1 Whore of the year
- 2 The Princess and the Penis
- 3 Anatomy? What's that?
- 4 The Begging
- 5 The Begging: Part 2
- 6 The Natasha Truth 07
- 7 Some of the tartlets banned
- 8 Gallery
- 9 Burn and Dodge RAPE
- 10 MySpace
- 11 The Slave
- 12 Moar Gallery
- 13 Lesbian? Or She-Male?
- 14 The Conversation
- 15 From one man to the next, in less than 24 hours!
- 16 See Also
- 17 External Links
Whore of the year
As if it's not bad enough she's got an entire legion of desperate basement-dwelling virgins for a fanbase with their tongues all collectively shoved up her rectum who are constantly empowering this below-average travesty of an artist, she has somehow taken to thinking that because she was once a human walrus who puked up her food for two years until she was skinny again that she's somehow attractive. I'm sure if you get over the sunken eyes, the saggy, stretched-out tits, the makeup that adds an extra ten pounds to her overall weight, the loose, stretched-out skin, the dozens of stretch marks, the bingo wings, the cellulite, the unwashed, frazzled, wig-like bird's nest of hair, the terrible dying job, the rotting-corpse stench...
If you can get past all of that, I'm sure she looks just fine.
The Princess and the Penis
Being a Sonic fan, Crystal specializes in furry artwork, though her themes with each and every picture she draws can only be compared to geniuses like HitmanN. Essentially her entire gallery is full of pictures of her character, her friends' [see also: puppet, zombie, tool] characters, or commissioned characters who all have the same body shape, face, and hair as the aforementioned, with only differences in color and markings to tell them apart, all of whom either dance around completely naked or in leather bondage thongs and straps, either by themselves, all over each other, or slobbering all over the cock of the less frequently drawn male character.
Supposedly this is because of the 'battle outfit' style she uses in the so-called 'story' she will one day write and make millions off of where, supposedly, slutty female "Charlie's Angels" hedgehog chicks will run around fighting crime and demons. In reality, this is going to be a completely uncredited ripoff of the comic Witchblade, only with more tentacles and less black alien 'symbiote' jizz. More on that in a bit.
Potential Loli Fetish
It's debatable how old Crystal's characters actually are. She has stated that they are anywhere from 15 to 18. It's speculated she only raised the age to avoid being reported, as the majority of her drawings constitute nothing short of furry porn.
Oh yeah, she draws guys too. Sometimes.
Occasionally Crystal will venture out of her box and draw something that looks like a male character, but could easily be just another female lacking a bulging, jiggling, and perky set of tits. Most of these were just of her ex-boyfriend's equally whorish hedgehog character who frequently walks around with his shirt open to expose his 'oh so sexy' chest, always either looking pissed off, constipated, crying over 'Natasha' cutting herself, or being lovey-dovey. Few people pay attention to him or even care what his name is, outside of the fact that he completely ripped off the X-men character Gambit by making his character have the same 'black eyes with yellow irises' in some vain effort to look 'cool' and 'original.'
Actually, nowadays, all she draws is her two whore characters (and her ONLY characters) Kryis (or however the fuck it's spelled, who cares, amirite??) and Natasha, usually getting fucked by what resembles a male in some regards in that it has a penis but looks more like it's a bunch of bedsheets and cushions with a cock attached. There is also the occasion where she'll put up a new character reference sheet when she feels original, disregarding the fact that she already has about ten up, her ugly ass Mary Sue never fucking changes, and nobody cares about her coloration because nobody with any portion of their brain intact would want to draw such a horrible abomination anyways.
And yet, as if to prove just how stupid you all are, she keeps getting dozens and dozens of pieces of fanart. Way to fail, faggot.
Anatomy? What's that?
Like most weeaboo artists who think they don't need to follow the basic laws of nature and physics, Crystal hates the concept of anything Anatomy related. Common sexy mistakes in her drawings include gravity defying breasts that are usually attached to the character's neck, anorexic-looking arms and waists yet fat and bulgy tits and asses, tiny heads with over 9000 pounds of hair, eyes with 300 lbs. of mascara, and legs that are anywhere from twice to three times the length of the character's body.
Like all goofy-ass fantards, all of her watchers eat this shit up, slobber on and fap to it, and give it unwarranted praise for it being 'omg hot'. Then again, it's understandable, given that the majority of her audience consists of fellow Sonicophile weeaboo horny 15-18 year olds who either use the site as an easy means to jerk their (nonexistent) meat or pretend to be bisexual by claiming they finger themselves to this no-talent-needed garbage.
For the rare member of DA or Furaffinity who doesn't view Crystal as the Goddess Venus of the site nor thinks of her art as anywhere near being worthy of the popularity she has, critiquing results in the following:
- Hiding the comment
- Being bitched at by a fantard for "being really mean chicken shit crap" (to quote Hardcase24)
- Being bitched at by Crystal for "not getting it"
- Being bitched at by anon for the lulz
- Being blocked
- All of the above
Remember folks... she's mad wicked uber popular on the internet! Don't mess with her! Especially since her asslicker fans will gang up on you because you are 'teh mean peoplez,' as said by one EvyCrystal.
Crystal recently made a journal, begging for free gift art for her birthday. Which is hilarious, because like any popular Sonic Fanfaggot, she gets over 9000 pieces of gift art a week. She is also holding a contest, which is another ploy at getting free gift art. The rules clearly state, in her words, that the "more entries you make, the better shot you have winning^^". A few people called her out on this, and for the fact that she has not finished her prize drawings for the last contest she held. As predicted, she promptly hid the offending comments, and made another journal, baaaaaaaaawing about the mean people that don't firmly press their lips to her asscheeks. She stated that she is leaving for a long time. Maybe if she gets more comments, she will leave the internets foreverz. We can only hope.
Actually, stop hoping, get off your ass and start ripping on this bitch. Affirmative action!
Civil conversation about this respectable woman.
The Begging: Part 2
In a recent journal Crystal asked the people of DA to please help her...by donating 42 US dollars to her, so that she could go out and play her little game Second Life. At this time she was supposed to be working on commissions and art for her contest winners (since 2006). A comment was struck up by one person stating,"Why the fuck are you asking for 42 bucks for a game when you're supposed to be working to finish your commissions? I mean Crystal come on. People are not paying you to sit on your lazy ass to play a game all day long. If you want the money get off your ass and work." The journal was soon deleted after a a few more comments from DA users were made.
The Natasha Truth 07
Recently, a DevianTART page
 (LOL! BALEETED) was created in hopes to show just how much of an innocent little girl she really was. That user was banned shortly after, as her boyfriend made a little rant/whined about how this was harassment and got enough people to force DeviantArt help desk to ban the page. After the user was banned, she claimed "BAM LOOKS LIKE I WON" on a journal. But unknown to her many of the submissions from the page were saved by other people who happened to take a look at the page. These submissions had been brought together by so-called friends of her, who had been tired of all the drama she caused.
Crystal has come off saying things such as "I never Cheated," "I only have one love," "I don't start drama," and other absolutely stupid remarks that have been proven to be completely false time and time again. Perhaps it wouldn't provide so much lulz if the dumb bitch would stop saying this shit when nobody is accusing her of it in the first place, resulting in nearly EVERYONE suddenly realizing she's trying to hide something (see screenshots of such shit in the screenshots section...if you honestly needed to be told where to find it, you are a retard). Fearing that people would be asking questions during the time this Natasha Truth 07 DA page was happening, Crystal blocked almost half of her so-called family. The ones that kissed her ass were left alone, while the others that actually asked valid questions like "Why are you getting defensive if you have nothing to hide?" had their comments hidden and were blocked. A few of her friends had gotten wind of this after all the blocking, and started to protest against her, which also resulted in them being banned from DA for "harassment".
Since the page's death, many questions have come up about her honesty and innocence. At this moment, she claims to have won. PERHAPS she has won the battle, but she has no clue to what the war truly is. With more and more people getting involved taking more and more screenshots of her bullshit, the Natasha Truth 07 has proven at least one thing; more and more people are waking up to her pathetic rants and lies and seeing now all she is doing is covering lie on top of lie with nothing but complete bullshit.
Some of the tartlets banned
- Tarjai was a tartlet who used to be FUCKING obsessed about the slag, and still is according to latest intel, he also tried to bat for both sides, but it was EPIC FAIL, many lulz ensured from this, he was also the dickhead who got many innocent tartlets banhammered, current status is unknown, he may have become An Hero, but who really gives a shit.
- Atomicbadger was also banned for a period of time for posting a few lulzy comments which were deemed as "harassment", and the evidence shown was nothing but lies which didn't prove he actually harassed her. He is now rumored to be a graffiti writer writing all across Britland. Recently, his ban was lifted.
- Winter-Zero He designed websites for random projects, banned for fuck-all.
Burn and Dodge RAPE
Crystal's coloring skill are fairly decent... she knows how to use Photoshop and seems to have a basic concept of layers and making her base colors even as all her unshaded work is decent save for the repeated whore theme she just can't seem to get enough of. But her coloring skills end at the base coloring layer and her fetish of tying down and sodomizing touch-up tools of Burn and Dodge begins and lasts until she's done with the multiple hour long process of abusing these functions.
Shading her drawings means burning the fuck out of them up to the point that it all looks black and blurred, and whatever left of the drawing is pixeled because of her compulsive rape of the tool... then it's time for highlights, which consist of dodging on an area so much and so hard that it's nothing more than a white spot, with the end result of the picture looking stupidly shiny and dark at the same time. Anyone with a kindergarten level of understanding color theory would understand that using such methods is about as impressive as using lens flare on anything.
Whoever has seen her private Myspace account before she made it private may have spotted that, in here, she claims she has only been in love once, and also that her most missed memory is "saying I love you" to her ex-boyfriend James, which is hilarious given the times she cheated on him and after being dumped by him, she constantly touted publicly how much of "a loss it was to him" and how she didn't care anymore. It should be noted that Crystal-For-Ever bears a remarkable resemblance to Courtney Love with a dye job.
Recently, one of the ED Commandos successfully penetrated deep into Lance's asshole. Or rather, his MySpace page. Essentially the same thing; both are filled with shit that nobody but Crystal cares about. The results were the eyesores you see below.
Lesbian? Or She-Male?
Note that in every photo of this cumchugging bitch that you see in this ED article, that "her" throat is always covered, either by hair or a choker/collar? Trying to hide something Crystal?
One of our awesome Immigrant Spies For Hire (ISFH, amirite??) contacted the ED commandos with some disturbing picture proof of what Crystal either enjoys doing: other girls (Crystal, for the last fucking time, we only want HOT lesbians, not lesbians with stretch marks!). Please take caution in that these pictures might cause discomfort in the form of YOUR EYES FUCKING BLEEDING UNTIL YOU DIE. Side effects also may (will) include projectile vomiting, your eyes turning into 100% cancerous balls of death in your eye-sockets, sudden conversion from whatever religion you belong to into atheism (if you are already an atheist, you'll just become an hero), sudden loss of sanity, vomiting out of your asshole, shitting out of your mouth, and otherwise a complete and total distortion of your entire fucking reality.
You've been fucking warned.
These pictures are what also brought down little Princess Pussy Lance's MySpace page down. Apparently he violated some rule on MySpace. Something about how fugly porn is not allowed. His DA page's journal is full of his baaaawing about how the Myspace community "doesn't appreciate art, only smut." (You think I'm fucking kidding? Go to his fucking DA page, link is located further down)
Shit, then what the fuck is this crap?! It sure as hell isn't art! Unless something happened and suddenly Tera Patrick became Vincent Van fuckin' Gogh?
Recently, two ED Commandos went undercover in a dangerous sanity-suicide mission to dig up more lulz-worthy material, since trolling is only half the battle.
The information that was revealed to these fine defenders of the lulz has scarred them both horrifically, but they survived to tell the tale. The information has been summarized as follows. It seems that Crystal absolutely loves it up the pickle-pipe...not only by three dicks at once (guaranteed she can fit more, even if they're all nigras), but also by Freddy Kruger's gloves.
Yes. You read it right. She loves to get fingered by knives. Oh, what, you don't believe this? Then how else do you explain this?
Another disturbing bit of information revealed in the midst of the undercover investigation...this is an excerpt of the exchange(with translations into English from Crystal's native language, stupid-fuckanese). Crystal: "Hey, There, they're making me go to the hospital." ???spy: "Why, what happened?" C: "Lance took a marker and shoved it up my ass." ?: "Uh..." C: "And the cap came off." ?: "..."
The next day, as the investigation continued... ???spy: "Hey, how's your ass?" Crystal (actually replies to a question like this): "Oh it's fine." ?: "When did you get out of the hospital?" C: "Oh I didn't go." ?: "Then what happened to the cap?" C: "Oh, Lance took a big pair of pliers and got it out."
From one man to the next, in less than 24 hours!
As of March of 2009, Crystal has once again shifted from one boyfriend to the next, and in a time span of a little less than 24 hours, no less. She literally left for work as a burger-flipping clown-bitch one day and then by midnight she was in another state sucking a different man's dick. This is straight from her now-ex-boyfriend Lance's FurAffinity journal. Read it and weep...in laughter. Please also note that if this bears an eerie resemblance to her last relationships in that she went and jumped a random guy's dick while in a relationship with someone else, just remember the Natasha Truth '07 chapter of this article.
Proof of what he is saying about her:
—Crystal, Posting from FurAffinity on her page
And a screencap to prove everything we've been saying
And so, in what could be considered the conclusion to the long story of slutting it up and trading up the boyfriend tree- no, not really, remember who we're talking about here, this is never going to end. But, the editor digresses. You see, Crystal's new boy, the one she's known for all of, what, a month? Well, it turns out it's been much longer than that. You see, she's been plotting to go off and fuck this other guy for as long as six months while she had been with her prior heated cock, Lance. She was dating Lance for 9 months. It took three months for her to get bored, unless my math is off. Now, that's somewhat lulzy, but at the same time, old news; this is completely expected of a walking cocaine-coated snatch. The REALLY lulzy bit of this is actually in the form of her being engaged. Yes. After moving in and living with this taffykat or laffykay or crackheadedwhacknut, or Paul, or whatever the fuck his name is, or her name, or HIR name...where was I? Oh. After being with this...THING for all of a month, they are now...engaged. YES, you read that shit right, nigga, she's engaged to a guy who's only lived with for a month. But for a girl who has gone through as many guys as she's had in the course of two years (roughly the equivalent of how many oxygen atoms you inhale in twenty breaths of air), I suppose one month would be rather normal, wouldn't it? Anyway, we have some more screen-caps to show you doubting morons that this entire page is literally written with 100% good ol' fashioned lulzy truthiness. Enjoy.
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